LORENZO, ROBERT, ACE, VICTOR, BRYAN, MANNY, and HARRY are all in the Indianapolis Primitives bullpen. It is the first game of the playoffs.
MANNY
Pep talk time!
ROBERT
Why?
VICTOR
Yeah, none of us are on the active roster and we don’t even have a bench to sit on.
BRYAN
Honestly I’m kind of surprised we’re even allowed to be here. At this point it’s just like giving random people free tickets to the game.
MANNY
That’s exactly what I wanted to give a pep talk about. I know things might be boring today, and I know we have nowhere to sit, and I know there’s absolutely no potential of any of you going into the game while they might be sending guys over here to warm up in our bullpen, but.
ACE
But what?
MANNY
I really should’ve thought of the point I was gonna make before I started talking.
HARRY
I’ll give it to you guys the honest way: this stinks. You all have no purpose to this team. Like, absolutely no purpose at all. Your purpose to this team is so low that—
MANNY
Okay Harry I think they understand what you’re saying.
LORENZO
Actually I don’t, can you elaborate?
HARRY
Yes—
MANNY
Don’t elaborate.
ACE
So we’re really just gonna sit on the ground until our team wins the Championship Series, aren’t we?
MANNY
You don’t know that, maybe they go out early this year.
ACE
They win every year.
ROBERT
There was that one year where a super tired Felix blew the game because Manny left him in too long.
VICTOR
Manny, with all due respect, that’s a bone-headed move.
MANNY
Why do you think they demoted me to bullpen coach?
BRYAN
You know what? I say we do something about this.
MANNY
What do you mean?
BRYAN
This is unjust. We are rightfully the members of the Indianapolis Primitives bullpen and nobody can take that away from us.
HARRY
Well they could fire you, trade you, get security to physically remove you from the stadium…
BRYAN
I say we give them a piece of our minds.
A pitcher starts jogging toward the bullpen with a catcher. Neither of them acknowledge the bullpen members as they warm up.
BRYAN
Hey you!
Nobody answers.
BRYAN
HEY! I WON’T BE IGNORED!
Still nobody answers.
BRYAN
Do you guys think they can’t hear me?
VICTOR
No, they can hear you.
BRYAN walks up to the pitcher.
BRYAN
Hey, what do you think you’re doing in our bullpen?
PITCHER
Uh…warming up?
BRYAN
Well stop it, this is OUR bullpen.
PITCHER
I’m just following Coach’s orders.
The pitcher walks away from the warm up rubber and over to the bullpen members.
PITCHER
Everything okay over here?
LORENZO
Everything is perfect!
MANNY
My guys aren’t happy that other people are warming up in their bullpen.
PITCHER
Yeah, okay, but I really should be warming up right now…
MANNY
Oh it’s not your fault, just figured you should know, that’s all.
PITCHER
Sorry?
The catcher pokes the pitcher from behind, signaling it’s time for him to go into the game.
PITCHER [to the catcher]
I am absolutely not ready for this.
The pitcher walks up to the mound and gives up hit after hit. The Indianapolis Primitives go on to lose the game.
MANNY
Holy crap I think we just eliminated the Primitives from the playoffs.
LORENZO
Oh no, I’m not going down in history as Benchless Lorenzo agreeing to rig a playoff game.
ROBERT
It’s a best of 3 series. The team’s still in it. Just an unusually early loss.
VICTOR
Is it just me or is that pitcher being interviewed on the field?
MANNY
He is.
Everyone listens to the interview.
REPORTER
You struggled a bit more than usual out there today, why do you think this is?
PITCHER
Well simply put, I’m used to warming up before all the idiots in that bullpen show up. They distracted me, I wasn’t ready to go in the game because of them.
ROBERT
Everyone run. Get out of here FAST.
Everyone leaves as the crowd boos the bullpen.