TVRGO To Launch New Paid Subscription Service


The TV Ratings Guide is getting into the subscription service game by bringing you TVRGOS, which stands for 'TV Ratings Guide Originals Service'. For just $8.99/month, you can have full access to all of your favorite TVRGO shows, including The Bullpen, Marietta, and Network.

Don't want to pay? Fear not, as every show will have five episodes available for free! These five will be picked amongst all episodes in the series; for example, you may be able to enjoy not just the pilot script of Marietta for free, but also episodes 4, 6, 7, and 10!

The service will also include exclusives, like never-before-seen promos for Whoa Folks, I Had Another Dream, or the working episode titles of future episodes of shows.

We know you will enjoy this new service, so we're already giving it a premiere date: April 31, 2019!


Saturday TV Ratings 3/30/19: Million Dollar Mile Encore Ties Ransom, SNL Vintage Rises

Final numbers to come.
Time
Show
18-49 Ratings
Viewers (mil)
Channel
8 PMDateline NBC (R)0.5/33.07NBC

American Idol (R)0.3/22.15ABC

Ransom0.3/12.10CBS

MasterChef Junior (R)0.3/21.01Fox
9 PMDateline NBC (R)0.6/33.53NBC

Million Dollar Mile (R)0.3/21.34CBS

9-1-1 (R)0.2/11.13Fox
10 PMSNL Vintage0.5/32.55NBC

48 Hours0.3/22.61CBS

20/20 (R)0.3/22.32ABC

Speechless S3E20 Review



"ON THE R-O-- ROAD A-G-- AGAIN"

At the end of "S-P-- Special B-- Boy T-I-- Time" (s3e17) a few weeks ago, Kenneth promised to help JJ find a new aide with whom he can start to navigate life after high school. As this week's ep begins, Kenneth (with Dylan's help) announces to the DiMeo men that he's found an ideal candidate in Seattle named Tim -- who's willing to relocate, but also very much in-demand -- and Jimmy suggests a road-trip to meet the guy ("one last JJ adventure before college"). When Maya suddenly appears and interrupts, she's quickly appeased by Jimmy's suggestion that she can use this opportunity to make a few more new mother-son memories with their eldest child; as this is the first she's heard of Kenneth and JJ's next-aide plan, I would think she'd be a bit upset that they didn't seek her input on the matter, though I suppose since JJ lets her know this is something he both wants and needs, it makes sense that she would go along with it.

As the DiMeo family and Kenneth hit the road*, Ray announces he's joined the Eagle Scouts to beef up his high school resume; he's even wearing the uniform and bringing along his Scout Journal. In a welcome callback, Maya hauls out a book of her own: her "JJ's Care Book" (the previous appearances of which bookended her s.1 arc of learning to trust Kenneth with her "baby boy" -- she first showed it to him in s1e2 "N-E-- New A-I-- Aide," and he ended up quoting her own advice back to her in s1e23 "C-A-- Camp"); however, after an ill-advised shortcut leaves the DiMeos' wheelchair van with two flat tires, Maya trips and loses her book, which goes flying into a nearby river. The group then splits up: Maya (with an injured ankle) starts re-creating the book from memory with Kenneth's help, and Ray also stays behind to test his Scout skills in "the jungle," while Jimmy must take the punctured tires to the nearest town (since nobody can get any cell-phone reception), and Dylan (who wants to spend a quarter she's just found) and JJ decide to join their dad.

While sitting in the van with Maya, Kenneth reveals that he not only has his own "JJ's Care Book," he's been making corrections, updates, and so on. Later, as Ray mediates their argument, she admits she feels like Kenneth is second-guessing her abilities, and he admits he feels like she doesn't appreciate the strides her son has taken since he met him; this causes her to flip out, hurl Kenneth's "book of secrets and lies" into the river, and lock him out of the van. She initially doesn't believe his claim that he's being pursued by a bear, but soon she finds him hiding in a nearby cabin, and the bear finds them as they continue their fight; Kenneth is upset that she keeps undermining him as he thought they were friends, she says it was always just a "friendship of convenience based around JJ," and he confesses he only made himself a copy of her manual because he wanted to be more like her, "ready for anything." Ray comes to the rescue by diverting the bear's attention away from them -- and ultimately sacrificing his Scout book (which still smells of the jerky he placed in it earlier), its "record of my achievements" on paper no match for a real act of heroism he can now write about for his college-application essays. Funny stuff, but I was especially impressed by how Maya and Kenneth's conflict over who's more in-tune with JJ's needs at this point ended up being about their own relationship, rather than actually making any decisions for the young man.

Meanwhile, Jimmy takes the tires to a gas station and, having promised Maya that he wouldn't let their eldest and youngest have any fun she would miss out on, reluctantly takes JJ and Dylan to the diner across the street to wait for the mechanic. As Dylan lingers at the prize machines trying to pick a toy (she eventually buys a rubber ball... which she loses the first time she bounces it), her dad and brother have a lovely heart-to-heart, with JJ admitting he's "nervous about a lot" and asking how he'll be able to meet people on his own, and Jimmy reassuring him that he initially had a hard time at college but "ended up OK." The mechanic soon arrives, and when he offers to either patch up the old tires or get new ones from the next town over, Jimmy chooses the latter to buy himself more bonding time with JJ; but even after the new tires are ready to be picked up, the guys still aren't done yet (a farmer is letting them take his tractor for a ride). When Dylan demands to know why her father is so reluctant to go back to the van, Jimmy admits he "saw an opportunity" to spend some time with her brother, and he breaks down as he tells JJ how he's been "so focused on making sure that Mom got time with you, because she needs it, but... she's not the only one who's gonna miss you." JJ is moved to offer some reassurance of his own ("There's time for Mom bonding and Dad bonding -- I'll make time"); and the trio have a group hug, nicely offset by the weirdness of Dylan capturing one of her dad's tears in the capsule that had held her bouncy ball.

(* DiMeo road-trip rule: "Getting carsick isn't a choice, but letting the vomit leave your mouth is!")

Musical Moments: In the cold-open, I loved how Jimya just throw together one of their "Born to be Wild" parodies after Dylan points out that, unlike previous occasions when they announced family trips (see #1 on this list), this time the idea didn't come from them so they had no time to prepare ("NOT OUR BEST WO-O-ORK!"); I also loved how the Cat Stevens "Father and Son" cue during Jimmy and JJ's diner bonding session turns out to be from the jukebox (it briefly stops when they play something else, but they decide to go back to it because it "fit the tone better").

Fun Fact: In the closing-tag, Micah Fowler's (JJ) real-life sister, Kelsey Fowler, plays the barista at the coffee shop in Seattle where the DiMeos and Kenneth -- armed with a binder of water-damaged pages saved from both JJ-care manuals -- claim they have an appointment to meet Tim (who sees them and runs away immediately after getting his coffee).

Next Week: JJ meets Izzy's parents, Maya envies Melanie, and Kenneth needs Jimmy's support in "THE S-T-A-- STAIRCASE."

Grade: 10/10. I found everything about this incredibly sweet yet never saccharine; as so much of s.3 has dealt with figuring out how Maya and Kenneth (who consider themselves friends for real by this episode's end) might cope without JJ around, I'm especially glad Jimmy finally got to open up about his own feelings regarding Jimmy Junior's impending departure from the nest.

Bonus: A message from Micah and Kelsey for National CP Awareness Day (which was earlier this week -- Monday, March 25).

Friday TV Ratings 3/29/19: The Cool Kids Dips Behind Last Man Standing Repeat, March Madness Hits 2019 High

Final numbers to come.
Time
Show
18-49 Ratings
Viewers (mil)
Channel
8 PMNCAA Tournament: LSU v. MI St.1.6/86.56CBS

The Blacklist0.6/34.33NBC

Last Man Standing (R)0.5/33.23Fox

Fresh Off the Boat0.5/32.67ABC

Dynasty0.2/10.59The CW
8:30 PMThe Cool Kids0.6/43.27Fox

Speechless0.4/22.11ABC
9 PM20/200.7/34.22ABC

The Blacklist0.5/34.03NBC

Proven Innocent0.4/22.00Fox

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend0.1/10.42The CW
9:30 PMNCAA Tournament: VA Tech v. Duke2.5/128.51CBS
10 PMDateline NBC0.4/33.30NBC

Finally Together Season 1 Episode 5: The First Exchanges



BRIAN
Welcome everybody to the Cross house.

DAVID
Not the only Cross house now, Dad.

BRIAN
That's right, I'm happy David and his family could all come. Josh, thanks for bringing your friend, and Catherine is also here!

JOSH
You got the whole family together. Where's Mom by the way?

FRAN (yelling)
WHAT?

BRIAN
Our family is here!


FRAN
OK I'll be right there!

(FRAN loudly plays a song from the 1950s as her "entrance song".)

FRAN
Like my entrance song? 


CATHERINE
Sure...happy birthday Mom. Aren't I normal? I am definitely coming across as normal. No crazy antics going on in my house. Just a regular mom doing regular mom things.

FRAN
Oh, like what?


CATHERINE
Um...you know, things moms do. You're one, you should know.

MARY
What exactly do mom's do in your book?

CATHERINE
It's less of a book and more...you know as long as we've established I am normal and not crazy, I'm done talking.


(CATHERINE whispers to WILLIAM)
Did I do it right?

WILLIAM (to CATHERINE)
I guess?

BRITNEY 2 (to WILLIAM)
She did awful.


WILLIAM (to CATHERINE)
You did awful.

JOSH
Did you just tell my sister she did awful? At what?


WILLIAM
I was just telling her what Britney 2 said to tell her!

BRITNEY 2
Uncle Josh, I was saying that Mom is awfully good! You clearly misheard.

DREW (to DAVID)
Your family is weird.


MARY
How dare you call your father's family weird! And to his face too! Your father owes a lot to this family!


DAVID
Do I though?


JULIAN
Can you all just stop arguing? You're arguing about nothing!


ANDREW
How dare you say that about my...uh, friend's family! And to their faces to! You owe a lot to this family. (To JOSH) So is that what I say today?


JOSH
You say nothing.


DAVID
Who brings along a friend and tells them not to say anything? And mind your own business Andrew!


ANDREW
Sorry.

DAVID
Is he allowed to say that, Josh? Or were you going to say that for him? Why is he even here if you don't want him here?


BRIAN
ENOUGH!!!!


(The room goes silent.)

BRIAN
Your Mom and I have been planning this party--


FRAN
Mostly me. I planned my own party.


BRIAN
Oh so I can't get any of the credit?


FRAN
I'm not saying that--


BRIAN
Everything about this party is because of me.


JULIAN
Can you argue another time?


FRAN
NO WE'RE GONNA ARGUE NOW!


CATHERINE
Mom! Between us normal moms, I think we should all put this aside. Let's take five minutes and all separate ourselves, and come back as a family. We don't hate one another. Or at least, let's for the sake of our time here pretend we don't.


BRIAN
There's my smartest daughter talking.


BRITNEY
She's also your only daughter.


BRIAN
Doesn't make it any less true. Alright, see you all in five minutes.


(Everyone leaves the room. Focus on Britney and Britney 2)

BRITNEY (to BRITNEY 2)
So Chris is pretty hot right?

BRITNEY 2
Ew! What's the matter with you?

BRITNEY
Just saying.

BRITNEY 2
Make it nothing more than that.

BRITNEY
Or I could make my parents proud.

(BRITNEY walks up to CHRIS.)

BRITNEY
Hey Chris...so, you part of this family? I got dragged along as a friend.

CHRIS
A friend? Of who?

BRITNEY
Let's just call her Britney 2.

CHRIS
OK...so we're not cousins?


BRITNEY
Nope, definitely not.


CHRIS
OK...nice to meet you.

BRITNEY
Kiss me or it's not true.

CHRIS
And you're definitely a friend? Not my cousin?


BRITNEY
Yeah, uh, correct.


CHRIS
So I can call you hot?


BRITNEY
You better. 

BRITNEY kisses CHRIS.

BRITNEY
I'll see you around.

BRITNEY 2 walks up to CHRIS.

BRITNEY 2
That was your cousin!!!

CHRIS
She said she wasn't...


BRITNEY 2
You idiot, you actually thought that?

CHRIS
Can't believe she tricked me...wait, you're tricking me right now, aren't you?

JULIAN
She definitely isn't. 


BRITNEY 2
Going forward...no falling in love with anyone here. My sister's kind of messed up.

(Cut to BRIAN and DAVID)

BRIAN
So Fran's birthday is going terrible so far.


DAVID
My Mom is Fran now to me? 


BRIAN
Whatever. Your Mom's birthday is going terrible so far. 


DAVID
It really is.


BRIAN
Oh. I thought you were going to try to convince me differently? 


DAVID
I think not.


(Cut to Andrew and Catherine)

CATHERINE
So, uh...you're Josh's friend huh?


ANDREW
That  I am.


CATHERINE
Which one of you is going to pop the question?


ANDREW
Wait how did--

CATHERINE (laughing)
I'm kidding, Josh isn't gay!

ANDREW (polite laughter)
Yeah...

(Everyone re-enters the room. DREW is standing alone in a corner, overwhelmed and miserable.)

FRAN
Can I have a good birthday?


CATHERINE
Happy birthday mom!


FRAN
Happy birthday to you too Catherine.


CATHERINE
Finally somebody brings it up.

Thursday Cable Ratings 3/28/19: Broad City Rises for Series Finale, Tacoma FD Opens Big for TruTV Standards

Below are the Top 25 programs on cable on Thursday, 3/28/19. Items of note include the series finale of Broad City on Comedy Central, the series premiere of Tacoma FD on TruTV, and the season finale of The Other Two on Comedy Central.
(Note: Click the names of the shows written in purple or blue to be taken to their pages in the TV Ratings Guide Cable Database.)
Show
Network
18-49 Viewers
Viewers (mil.)
NCAA: Purdue v. TNTBS1.424.88
NCAA: OR v. VATBS1.193.56
NCAA CoverageTBS1.133.30
NCAA CoverageTBS0.591.48
Tucker Carlson TonightFox News0.363.79
MLB: Boston v. SeattleESPN0.351.19
HannityFox News0.334.06
Impractical JokersTruTV0.30.58
Swamp PeopleHistory0.31.57
Ex on the Beach ReunionMTV0.290.57
Killing TimeInvest. Disc.0.281.14
Beat Bobby FlayFood0.280.85
Grown Ups 2FX0.280.65
RuPaul's Drag RaceVH10.270.54
Truck Night In AmericaHistory0.270.98
The Ingraham AngleFox News0.263.04
Caribbean LifeHGTV0.261.07
The First 48A&E0.260.74
The StoryFox News0.242.60
House Hunters InternationalHGTV0.231.27
MLB: Baltimore v. New YorkESPN0.230.70
Dead of NightInvest. Disc.0.230.99
Little Women AtlantaLifetime0.230.68
Million Dollar Listing LABravo0.220.86
Project RunwayBravo0.220.95




Highlights Below the Chart:


Tacoma FDComedy Central0.220.44
Broad CityComedy Central0.170.30
Better ThingsFX0.130.37
The Other TwoComedy Central0.090.20

Law & Order: SVU Renewed by NBC


NBC has renewed drama Law & Order: SVU for a 21st season. This will make it the longest-running drama in television history, surpassing Gunsmoke’s long-held record (the original Law & Order would go on to tie it).

Currently, the show is averaging a 0.88 in A18-49 Live + Same Day in its Thursday at 10pm time slot, down 31% in that metric from when it anchored Wednesdays last season. The show consistently grows out of its lead-in.

What do you think of this news? Let us know in the comments below!

Thursday TV Ratings 3/28/19: Abby’s Struggles in Premiere, Legacies Steady for Finale

Final numbers to come.
Time
Show
18-49 Ratings
Viewers (mil)
Channel
8 PMNCAA Tournament: Gonzaga v. FL St.1.6/86.72CBS

Grey's Anatomy1.5/77.30ABC

Superstore0.8/43.44NBC

Gotham (R)0.3/21.29Fox

Supernatural (R)0.2/10.93The CW
8:30 PMAP Bio0.5/32.36NBC
9 PMStation 191.0/55.47ABC

Will & Grace0.7/33.28NBC

Legacies (F)0.3/10.94The CW

The Orville (R)0.3/11.31Fox
9:30 PMNCAA Tournament: TX Tech v. MI1.5/75.78CBS

Abby's (Series Premiere)0.5/32.62NBC
10 PMFor the People0.6/33.02ABC

Law & Order: SVU (R)0.5/32.97NBC

Off Topic -- Week 28 (2018-19 Season)

It's time for an all-new week of Off-Topic, folks! In celebration of Will & Grace's finale this week, we have a special Karen Walker gif for this week's thread.
Let's discuss away!

Our House Season 1 Episode 10 - Our Fleetwood Mac, Part 2

 Our House Season 1, Episode 10
Our Fleetwood Mac, Part 2

Danielle, Teri and Betty sit in traffic for an hour exit before Danielle spots a new route to take.
Danielle: Betty, I have good news and bad news.
Betty: What is it?
Danielle: The good news is that I can finally get us out of here and get you to a bathroom.
Betty: Yay!
Danielle: The bad news is that it’s on a ferry. Taking the ferry is the quickest way out of this traffic. I’ve taken the ferry before, it’s quick and easy.
Betty: What? 
Teri: It’s okay mom, it’s a trip from Delaware to Cape May, New Jersey. It’s not a ride on the Titanic!
Betty: I still can’t go on a ferry! I’m terrified of going over the open water.
Teri: Mom, it’s either that or we don’t go at all. This traffic is never going to clear in time.
Betty: Well then, I guess we aren’t going. It’s been a fun ride!
Teri: That’s not an option.
Betty: Why did you say it then?
Teri: I thought it would make you realize how ridiculous you were being!
Betty: It didn’t.
Danielle: If only we took the way we were supposed to, we never would have needed to take a ferry.
Teri: I said I was sorry!
Danielle: And I accepted your apology. I just needed to make sure Betty doesn’t blame me for her inevitable panic attack.
Ten minutes later, Danielle parks the car outside the Lewes Ferry Terminal.
Danielle: We’re at the ferry terminal, let’s just hope that there’s a ferry leaving in time.
Betty: I still have to go to the bathroom, can someone help me find it?
Teri: There’s a sign right there, mom. But I don’t want you going alone. Let’s go.
Betty: No, I’m fine. You don’t need to baby me, I can use these crutches all on my own.
Teri: Alright, you go ahead. Me and Danielle are going inside to get tickets.
Five minutes later…
Danielle: Hello there Janice, we’d like three tickets to the ferry, and also a ticket to take our car onboard with us.
Janice (ferry terminal terminal employee): That’ll be $44. The last admittance for cars on the 4:15 ferry is in five minutes. Please hurry and make your way to the loading dock.
Danielle: Alright, will do. Teri, go get your mom.
Teri rushes off to the bathroom to get Betty.
Teri: Mom! Where are you?
Betty: I dropped one of my crutches coming out of the stall. I haven’t been able to wash my hands.
Teri: Who cares, I have hand sanitizer. Let’s go.
Betty: Why the rush?
Teri: Because we have five minutes to get on the ferry.
Betty: Oh. We better hurry then. It would be a real shame to miss it.
Teri: Okay… You sound like you’re up to no good.
Betty: I’m not, I swear.
Teri: Mom!
Betty: Alright, fine. I was going to drop one of my crutches and fake a fall so I could delay us long enough to miss the ferry.
Teri: Don’t do that.
Betty: I won’t. Promise.
Thirty minutes later…
Teri: Mom, you need to open your eyes. The boat left twenty minutes ago.
Betty: I can’t. It’s too scary.
Teri: Mom, we’re safe. It’s just a boat.
Betty: Boats are scary, Teri! Did you ever watch Jaws? Or Shark Week?
Teri: Mom, we’re in New Jersey! No shark would ever come here!
Betty: Yes they would! You just never know.
Teri: We used to go whale watching every year in Maine. How were you fine then?
Betty: I was young and foolish then! I didn’t know the dangers of it!
Teri: You were 40!
Betty: And now I’m 70! I’ve grown up so much! Hey, I haven’t heard Danielle in awhile.
Teri: She’s not here right now.
Betty: Oh my god, why would she get out of the car?
Teri: She needed to use the bathroom.
Betty: In the ocean?
Teri: They have bathrooms on the boat, mom.
Betty: Oh. Maybe I should go.
Teri: You won’t even open your eyes.
Betty: You can help me get there.
Teri: Not if you won’t open your eyes. That’s far too dangerous.
Betty: Alright, I’ll open my eyes.
Teri: Progress! Finally!
Just then, Danielle arrives at the car.
Teri: Danielle! It’s been awhile!
Danielle: I have been to hell and back.
Teri: What?
Danielle: I have lived in Brooklyn. I have lived in Philadelphia. I have lived in Utica, New York. My family went on vacation to Wildwood every year when I was a child. I have never seen horrors as terrifying as that bathroom.
Teri: That bad?
Danielle: I need therapy.
Betty: Guess I’m not going. I opened my eyes for nothing!
Danielle: You weren’t planning on opening your eyes for this entire boat ride?
Betty: Nope. I was too afraid. But now that I’ve opened my eyes, it looks nice!
Teri: Lord, give me the strength.
Betty: What’s wrong, Teri?
Teri: Nothing’s wrong, mom.
Danielle: Hey, since we’re all stuck in this car with nothing to do, how about we just sing a bit of Fleetwood Mac? We are going to see them, after all.
Teri: Ooh, let’s sing Don’t Stop.
Betty: I’ll follow you girls, I don’t know any of the lyrics.
Teri (off-key): If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
Danielle (even more off-key): If it takes just awhile,
Teri: Open your eyes
Danielle: and look at the day,
Betty: On second thought, maybe a shark attack wouldn't be so bad.
One hour later…
Danielle: Looks like we’re here!
Teri: We most certainly are here! You can smell it in the air! That’s New Jersey!
Danielle: We’re only fifteen minutes away from WIldwood. Oh, the memories. Mama would sit on the beach reading. Daddy would try to make us go in the ocean with him, but nobody would go in because it’s New Jersey and everything about it is repulsive. Six thousand other families were within a 100 feet radius.
Teri: Were your vacations really that bad?
Danielle: Bad? Those are some of the best times of my life!
Teri: Well, we’re here for four days. Maybe we can recreate some of that magic this time!
Danielle: You really think so?
Teri: Sure. It’s cold as hell outside, but we’re in New Jersey so that’s not gonna make matters any worse. If anything, maybe we’ll forget we’re in this cesspool and we’ll think we’re somewhere nicer, like Alaska. Or Antarctica.
Betty: I’m going to pass on that, I could never walk on the beach like this.
Teri: Ah, well. Guess you can stay in Atlantic City.
Betty: Can I at least have money for gambling?
Teri: I’ll give you twenty dollars.
Betty: I can make that work!
Danielle: It’s only 6 o’clock, and we’re an hour away. I think we might actually make it!
Teri: Let’s stop to eat, we’ve got time!
Danielle: That’s a good idea, I’ll stop at the first fast food place I see.
Betty: I want McDonald’s!
Teri: You just got McDonald’s four hours ago. We should go somewhere else.
Betty: But I want another Shamrock Shake!
Danielle: Whatever the next restaurant is, we’re stopping there. I don’t care which chain it is.
Betty: Fine.
Ten minutes later…
Danielle: Looks like we’re going to Wendy’s. Is everyone fine with that?
Betty: I like their frosties, that will work.
Teri: Mom, do you only care about frozen drinks?
Betty: Yes.
Danielle: At least she’s honest, Teri.
Everyone runs into Wendy’s, and Betty rushes straight to the bathroom.
Danielle: So, how are you enjoying the ride?
Teri: If she needs to use the bathroom one more time, I think I’ll lose my mind.
Danielle: It’s okay, we’ve only added a half hour to our trip. It’s alright.
Teri: I just hope she doesn’t keep forcing us to stop. We really don’t have that much time.
Betty: What are you girls talking about?
Teri: We need to eat really quickly.
Betty: Alright!
Forty-five minutes later…
Danielle: Okay, we really need to hurry now. We’re looking a 7:30 arrival in AC at the moment. We don’t have any wiggle room.
Betty: Alright, if I have to pee, I’ll just have to hold it.
Danielle: Good job, Betty! That’s the spirit!
Betty: Ooh, look! A sign for Sea Isle City! I want to go to there!
Teri: We’re in New Jersey for four days. We can come here another day.
Betty: Sounds like a plan! Oh look, Velma’s calling again!
Teri: Do not -
Betty: Hey Velma!
Velma: What’s going on? Are you there?
Betty: No, we’re on the road still. We just passed Sea Isle City!
Velma: Ooh, I’ve been there before!
Betty: I want to go there while we’re here!
Velma: It’s nice. For New Jersey, at least.
Danielle: Hey Betty, can I have your phone?
Betty: Here Danielle.
Danielle: Bye Velma!
Danielle hangs up the phone.
Betty: Why did you do that?
Danielle: It’s so hard to focus on the road with you and Velma yapping in the background.
Betty: Sorry.
Danielle: It’s fine.
Teri: Why do they call it the Garden State Expressway? No plants would ever grow here.
Danielle: They want to trick people into thinking this state isn’t what would happen if an armpit and a landfill had a baby.
Betty: It’s not that bad here! It’s actually kind of nice.
Danielle: Are you really defending New Jersey? Is that the hill you want to die on?
Betty: Oh my god, are you going to kill me for saying it’s not that bad here?
Danielle: What? No! That’s just an expression.
Betty: I’m sorry Danielle, I’ve had a lot of sugar today. I’m not thinking straight.
Teri: When are you?
Betty: That’s mean!
Danielle: Oh my god! What is that smell? Does this state just smell worse and worse the longer you’re in it?
Teri: Yes. That’s kind of its thing.
Twenty minutes later…
Danielle: Welcome to Atlantic City, everyone!
Teri: Does that sign say “DO AC?” That sound wrong.
Danielle: Everything about this city is wrong. It’s why I love it!
Betty: How long until we’re at the concert?
Danielle: Five minutes.
Betty: I’m gonna call Karl then.
Teri: Please don’t bother dad. It’s bad enough he has to see Frank on his weekend away from us, we shouldn’t try and make it any worse.
Betty: Alright, fine.
Five minutes later…
Danielle: Where is the parking garage? Why is the GPS telling us that we’re there? We clearly are not there!
Teri: Calm down Danielle, there’s a sign right here. Keep driving straight and we’re there.
Danielle: Oh, alright.
Danielle pulls into the parking garage, and the entire family hops out of the car.
Danielle: 7:35. We have 25 minutes until the show starts, we’re gonna make it. Probably!
Betty: Can you guys help me up there? I don’t think I can ride the escalator by myself.
Teri: We’ll help you. Don’t worry.
They make their way over to the escalator to enter the concert hall.
Betty: Oh my god, this is so scary!
Danielle: Betty, it’s barely even moving.
Betty: Wait, it goes faster than this?
Danielle: I’ve seen many faster than this. You’re going to be fine.
Teri: Look mom, we’re already halfway up!
Betty: That’s good.
Danielle: ….Aaaand we’re already off. Was that so bad?
Betty: No, not really.
Danielle: Okay, the show is starting in fifteen minutes and we still have to find our seats. Plus, I’m sure Betty has to go to the bathroom again.
Betty: I do. I really do!
Danielle: Take her to the bathroom, Teri. I’m gonna quickly see if I can get a t-shirt.
Teri and Betty quickly go to the bathroom. While waiting in line, a woman cuts in front of Betty.
Teri: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Woman: I’m getting in line.
Teri: The line is back there!
Woman: I have special tickets -
Teri: I don’t CARE what special tickets you have. You are not about to cut in front of a woman in crutches!
Woman: Fine… I’ll go to the back.
Teri: Good!
Betty: Wow Teri, you really lost it on that lady.
Teri: She deserved it. She doesn’t get to cut just because she thinks she’s better than us.
Betty: Thank you.
Meanwhile, Danielle waits in line for ten minutes to get a t-shirt.
Danielle: I’d like the cream-colored Rumours shirt in a medium. 
Attendant: We’re all out of that shirt in that size.
Danielle: Okay, then the one with a penguin on it.
Attendant: We’re out of that too.
Danielle: Okay, the one that says You Make Loving Fun.
Attendant: We have that! It’ll be $40.
Danielle: For a shirt? My god!
Danielle gets her t-shirt and walks over to the bathroom, where Teri is waiting.
Danielle: What was all that yelling about?
Teri: Some idiot tried to cut in front of mom. I did not appreciate that.
Betty walks out of the bathroom.
Danielle: Hold that story Teri. It’s 7:59 and we have to haul!
They make it to their seats just in time for the concert to start, and people stand up in front of them to dance during the first song.
Danielle: Are you f***ing kidding me? These motherf***ing a****** are going to ruin our concert! After all that we’ve been through! I’m gonna f***ing kill someone.
Betty: Here, tap them with my crutch and tell them to sit down.
Danielle: That is assault, and I’m not going to do it.
Betty: Then I’ll do it!
Danielle: No! Sit down!
Betty: Fine.
Danielle: Now if you excuse me, The Chain is my favorite song and I’m going to at least try and enjoy listening to it. Even if I can’t see a damn thing and my blood pressure is through the roof.
Five songs later…
Teri: Listen gypsies, tramps and view thieves! Sit the hell down! We’re five songs into the show and nobody behind you could see any of them. If I don’t get to see Rhiannon, I will murder all of you.
Woman: I paid a lot of money for this seat, I’ll do whatever I won't to!
Teri: You paid to sit in the seat, sit in it!
Danielle: Ah Betty, aren’t you glad you came?