Raymond Island Season 4 Episode 5 - Immaculate Election (Midseason Finale)

Raymond Island Season 4, Episode 5
Immaculate Election

Anthony: Gretchen, honey… time to get up.

Lucinda: Wake up!

Toby: Mom, up!

Christina: This reminds me of a Kate Bush song.

Gretchen: What are you all doing in here?

Anthony: It’s election day, and you’ve overslept.

Gretchen: Oh no! I have so much to do. So many places to campaign! What time is it?

Lucinda: Six forty.

Gretchen: This is the reaction I get to oversleeping by ten minutes?

Lucinda: You’re the governor, you have to keep a tight schedule. Especially today!

Christina: The polls -

Gretchen: I don’t even want to know. Que sera sera.

Lucinda: Governor Doris Day, everyone.

Christina: You’re not at all curious about how you’re doing?

Gretchen: I already know how I’m doing, I’m up but it’s going to be closer than it should be. Now, can you stop hounding me until I have a little time to wake up?

Anthony: Just make sure you’re ready to go on time. We don’t need bad press because you were late or stood people up at a planned appearance.

Gretchen: Anthony, I will be ready to go when it’s time. I would like you to all leave my bedside right now, though. I feel like a hospital patient.

Lucinda: Well, sorry for being concerned.

Gretchen: Oversleeping by ten minutes is cause for concern now?

Lucinda: Next time we’ll let you sleep the day away. In fact, go on back to bed, we’ll cover for you at all your events until you roll out of bed at noon.

Gretchen: You are so overdramatic.

Christina: Exactly. We can’t all cover for you - Toby has to get to school.

Toby: Thanks a lot. I think mom forgot all about school.

Gretchen: You all drive me nuts.

Lucinda: And how do you think we feel about you?

Three hours later…

Carol: Wow, Gretchen, you really have some pep in your step today.

Gretchen: It’s a good day, Carol. I’m about to get re-elected. Call me Laurie Strode, because I’m going to be the Final Girl.

Carol: Final girl?

Gretchen: Yeah, no matter how much they try to terrorize me and tear me down, I’m still standing at the end.

Susana: Doesn't that trope require you to be the only girl left standing at the end? Samantha and Jeanne are widely expected to get re-elected right along with you.

Gretchen: You don’t have to attack me like that.

Christine: Don’t mind her, ladies. She’s very overly-sensitive today. I think someone’s anxious about the election results.

Gretchen: I have no reason to be nervous, it’s not going to be close.

Carol: That’s right, you’re up six points on average right now.

Gretchen: Six points? That’s narrower than it was last time.

Carol: Oh, yeah. It is.

Gretchen: My campaign’s being run by someone who doesn't seem to know what the polls look like, or that I’m slipping heading into the home stretch.

Carol: I know the polls! It’s just been a very busy couple of weeks, I forgot what your polls looked like a week ago. Forgive me.

Gretchen: It’s not worth dwelling on now, too many things to get done today. Speaking of which, what exactly is it that we’re doing here? What is there to do at the beach?

Carol: Okay, try not to get mad.

Gretchen: So this is going to be bad, I assume.

Carol: We’re appearing at an event to get out the vote for the Democratic ticket in Narragansett, which includes -

Jeanne: Fancy seeing you here, Raymond.

Gretchen: Why would you bring me here? Why would we end the campaign like this? Did I make you mad or something?

Jeanne: Is it that bad to have to see me?

Gretchen: I barely seem to get any time away from you at work, I would really rather not have to deal with you now.

Jeanne: You could really put our majority in jeopardy with such behavior. What if the news caught you talking to me like that.

Gretchen: We have ninety percent of the membership in both chambers, I’m not particularly concerned about losing our majority.

Jeanne: You never know!

Gretchen: I don’t think it’s any surprise that we’re not friends, either. Remember when you tried to get my job, like, two months ago?

Jeanne: You’re not over that yet? You really hold grudges for that long?

Hank: Is the governor giving you a hard time again, Jeanne?

Jeanne: Of course. What else would she do if not complain abut me? Certainly not her job.

Gretchen: You already tried that attack in the primary. No one believed you then, either.

Jeanne: Is smiling and nodding really so hard for you?

Gretchen: You were the now who insulted me!

Hank: I don’t know about that.

Gretchen: Oh my god! Carol, back me up here.

Carol: You were both giving each other hell.

Gretchen: Thank you, Carol, you always have my back.

Carol: Happy to helo!

Gretchen: I have to ask, and I know I’ll be accused of being an instigator, but what are you doing here, Hank? Don’t you have to go terrorize the people of Cranston to lock down votes?

Hank: I’m running unopposed. The Republicans are far too scared of my electoral prowess.

Gretchen: Scared, or they just forgot to run someone because their leadership consists of one eighty-six year-old, a monkey, and an apple with googly eyes on it?

Lucinda: Hey, I’m no professional campaign advisor, but I’m pretty sure it’s the candidate that’s supposed to be out her shaking hands and kissing babies, not the candidate’s mother.

Jeanne: She’s a bit busy harassing me, Mrs. Raymond, sorry about that.

Lucinda: And who are you?

Jeanne: Jeanne Rivero, I ran against your daughter. We’ve met.

Lucinda: I know, I’m just wondering who you think you are, talking to mer unprompted.

Hank: The crab apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I see.

Jeanne: It’s Election Day, why are we fighting? It’s supposed to be a magical day!

Susana: It can still be that if we get to work on talking to voters. The stage is right there.

Gretchen: I just want to say that I think it’s an amazing idea to have a last-minute campaign rally at the beach, where most of the people are tourists who can’t vote. Whose idea was this?

Jeanne: Mine. I thou-

Gretchen: That makes sense.

Two hours later…

Samantha: Do you guys think any of this really moves the needle? Would anyone really come to a campaign rally at eleven AM on Election Day if they were an undecided voter? Aren’t most people at work now, anyway?

Susana: Don’t be so negative!

Lucinda: No, be negative. We’re wasting our time.

Anthony: Sometimes I think you want her to lose.

Lucinda: I think I’m the only one who’s voted for her already, so you’re wrong.

Anthony: When in the hell did you do that?

Lucinda: When she was screwing around this morning.

Gretchen: You mean when I was in the shower?

Lucinda: Yeah, sure. You were in there long enough to have written your memoir. Also long enough for me to go to the polling place and vote.

Samantha: Did you vote for me, too? I need the help.

Lucinda: I considered it.

Christina: She did. She’s nothing if not a partisan.

Lucinda: And don’t you ever forget it.

Gretchen: So that’s why you’re always criticizing me and telling me how bad I am at my job, because you’re such a party loyalist.

Lucinda: Exactly! If you can’t take the heat from your own party, then you’re doomed.

Gretchen: Have you considered that you’re my mother?

Lucinda: Don’t remind me.

Toby: Why is grandma so mean today?

Christina: Today?

Anthony: No one has the answer to that one, buddy.

Samantha: I hate to interrupt this tender family moment, but maybe we should get out to the rally.

Carol: Yes, the brunch crowd is fired up and ready to talk about medicaid!

Susana: This looks a bit more like a medicare crowd to me.

Gretchen: I’m standing on the rooftops shouting out, baby I’m ready to go.

Carol: Is that a song or something?

Lucinda: No more spoken word poetry. You’re not William Shatner.

On the stage…

Samantha: Hello, Pawtucket! It’s great to be home, and it’s even greater to be joined by a very special guest. Everyone, give it up for Rhode Island’s finest, our favorite daughter, America’s almost-Vice President, Governor Gretchen Raymond!

Gretchen: Hello, everyone! Who is fired up for Election Day?

The room is silent.

Gretchen: All of you, huh? Good to hear! Well, look, I know it’s still early, and we thank all of you that did show up today.

Heckler: You’re a communist!

Gretchen: I’m a what?

Heckler: A communist?

Gretchen: Honey, to paraphrase Desi Arnaz, the only thing red about me’s my hair, and even that’s not real!

Heckler: You raised taxes!

Gretchen: I did, you’re right. On the rich. Do you happen to be rich? I don’t mind making enemies out of the ultra-rich and out-of-touch.

Samantha: Gretchen, I think you can just ignore this pompous blowhard.

Gretchen: It’s sort of hard to when he’s somehow louder than we are, even without a mic.

Heckler: You’re a sham, Pratt! You went right along with the tyranny!

Samantha: Listen, Pat. You look like a Pat, anyway. I think it’s time to look “tyranny” up in the dictionary.

Heckler: You’re a communist!

Gretchen: Okay, now you’re just reusing insults. That makes you look desperate, my guy.

Samantha: He’s right, though. I’m a communist. He got me. Stalin’s my guy.

Heckler: Stop the tax! Vote for Thorne!

Gretchen: Aww, that’s cute. How long did that little catchphrase take to come up with?

Samantha: Solid eight or nine seconds, I’d guess.

Heckler: Samantha Pratt didn’t have the courage to do what’s right!

Samantha: Don’t have the courage to do what’s right, huh? Security! Can we get him outta here? Knock him around a little, he needs it.

Gretchen: So what were we talking about?

Samantha: I think expanding medicaid?

Gretchen: Oh, yes, exactly. We’re definitely getting that done for you all. Even the heckler!

Five hours later…

Gretchen: Can we finally go and vote now? I’m so tired.

Lucinda: I don’t know how, you slept forever.

Gretchen: I slept an extra ten minutes!

Susana: Well, you can catch some Zs now, because we’re not going anywhere for a while.

Christina: You did it, mom. You annoyed Susana so much, she finally snapped.

Susana: She didn’t annoy me. I find their childish arguing entertaining.

Lucinda: Childish?

Anthony: You heard her right.

Carol: Everyone, please be on your best behavior. We’re going to have to sit here and deal with one another for some time, based on this traffic.

Gretchen: Traffic? How much traffic?

Susana: A few hours’ worth?

Lucinda: This is why we shouldn’t let kids drive.

Susana: I’m not a kid, Lucinda.

Christina: Also, how exactly would our predicament be any different if we let someone old drive?

Lucinda: I’d swerve in and out and around all of these cars and get us out of here. And who are you calling old?

Anthony: This is why you don’t have a license anymore.

Lucinda: That license was stolen from me!

Anthony: Because you failed your driving test, yes.
Carol: I wonder if we’re going to make it to the victory party.

Gretchen: I’m a bit more worried about making it to the polling place. How embarrassing would it be if I didn’t even vote in my own election.

Lucinda: That’s why I voted already!

Gretchen: You looked into your crystal ball and saw this one coming?

Lucinda: No, but it’s always good to get your votes in early to avoid anything coming up and stopping you from voting.

Gretchen: You do have a good point. Maybe if Carol hadn’t forced me to go do a campaign rally for Jeanne…

Carol: You are not putting this on me! You’re grown!

Lucinda: Physically, yes. Mentally? Eh…

Gretchen: I should call Mary.

Lucinda: Why? To annoy her, too?

Gretchen: So she knows we’ll be late for the victory party.

Toby: Aunt Mary’s going to be there?

Gretchen: And your uncle Eddie. It’s supposed to be a big celebration, as long as we get there.

Gretchen picks up her cell phone and calls Mary.

Mary: Gretchen! When are you getting here? This party’s already in full swing?

Gretchen: Already? It’s five o’clock.

Mary: Eddie said it’s not worth having a party if it doesn’t last long enough to get wild.

Eddie: It’s true! We have to have some fun while we wait for you, why not dance?

Gretchen: You know it’s a political campaign party and not a college rager, right Ed? 

Eddie: Any party can be fun as long as you have enough booze.

Gretchen: And he’s your favorite, mom?

Mary: I thought I was the favorite!

Eddie: All I knew is that it’s not Gretchen.

Mary: So, anyway, when are you getting here?

Gretchen: That’s the thing, we’re not sure yet.

Christina: It’s a nightmare! We’re stuck in the same car as mom AND grandma!

Eddie: Do you not all live together?

Christina: Yes, but they can walk away from each other then. Not now!

Mary: What is going on? Did you accidentally take a wrong turn and end up in Delaware? That happened to me once.

Gretchen: We’re sitting in traffic, it could be a while before we get there. We still have to go and vote yet, too.

Lucinda: Not me, I care enough not to risk it.

Anthony: So we’ve heard.

Gretchen: We’re going to try to get there as soon as we can, okay?

Mary: All right. Hope it’s not too long, don’t want you to miss such a fun party.

Christina: Yeah, mom can’t miss a party. Not like she ever gets invited to them.

Anthony: Why is everyone in this family so snarky?

Susana: I don’t know, but I think you guys need a reality show. Gretchen Raymond’s Rhode Island.

Gretchen: We’ll see you guys soon, bye.

Three hours later…

Gretchen: I can not believe that we’re just arriving at my victory party as the polls are closing.

Carol: Aren’t you just glad you were able to vote?

Gretchen: Yes, thrilled. I barely made it to the polling place in time to get my vote in, like I’m someone who just decided to vote at the absolute last second. 

Lucinda: If y-

Gretchen: I don’t want to hear one peep outta you.

The group walks into the event center that the victory party is being held in.

Mary: The guest of honor has arrived, everyone! Give it up for my sister, Governor Raymond!

Gretchen: Thank you everyone, thank y-

Eddie: Shh! They’re announcing something right now on the news.

Gretchen: Guess I’m less important than the news, even at my own party.

Eddie: Again, shh!

Gretchen: Sorry, sorry.

Newscaster: Polls have also closed in Rhode Island. That’s where governor Gretchen Raymond, Democratic incumbent and former vice presidential nominee Gretchen Raymond is seeking a second term. This is a race where Republicans have been feeling confident as of late due to some scandals by the governor -

Gretchen: Hey!

Newscaster: The polls have tightened, but we they haven’t really reflected reality in this case. We can project right now that Gretchen Raymond will win a second term as governor, defeating Cranston Mayor Henry Thorne by what appears to be a high single digits margin.

Eddie: Okay, you can talk now if you want.

Gretchen: This is not how I’d usually give a victory speech, but this wasn’t a usual election year. It wasn’t a usual Election Day, either. I wasn’t sure if I’d even get here for this party, I was struck in traffic for so long. I made it here, though, just like I made it through this election. It wasn’t always easy, it wasn’t always clear I would make it, but I did. I’m so grateful for all of you, and I will never stop fighting for this state, or for all of you. Thank you all, and goodnight!

What did you think of the midseason finale of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the season premiere of Marietta next week! Raymond Island will return for a holiday special this December and for the rest of its season next year!

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