Coach Garry Season 1 Episode 4: Switch-Up


GARRY
Gather around everyone, I have something to say: we’re probably not gonna win this game.

GAVIN

Aren’t you supposed to encourage us?


GARRY
I’m telling things as I see them. Don’t get me wrong, we’re a decent team, but the team we’re playing has a perfect record. I do have one piece of advice: try to keep it close. Within 10 runs. 


WESLEY

I probably can’t help you there.


GAVIN and WESLEY walk away from GARRY.


GAVIN
Want to switch in the batting lineup?


WESLEY

I don’t know, I’ve always wanted to not bat last, but that would also be cheating and I don’t want to get in trouble!


GAVIN

He won’t notice. Come on, let’s give it a try.


WESLEY

Coach Garry cares a lot about this team, I’m sure he’ll notice.


GAVIN
He cares a lot about the team. Not me as an individual. He still forgets about me, and sometimes my name. 


WESLEY

Fine. But if we get caught, it’s your fault. When are you batting?


GAVIN
First.


WESLEY
Oh, so you mean right now?


GAVIN
Yep. You should probably get a helmet on. 


WESLEY scrambles to get his bat and a helmet. He walks out of the dugout. 


GARRY
Hold up!


WESLEY
I’m so sorry! Gavin—


GARRY

Your helmet is a little crooked. 


WESLEY

Oh.


WESLEY adjusts his helmet so it fits better and walks up to the plate. GARRY wonders why he scheduled WESLEY to bat first. 


JAXON
Coach Garry, why is Wesley batting first?


GARRY
Beats me. I must have been drun—eh, tired when I was making the lineup. 


BRAYDEN

Coach Garry drinks beer!


GARRY

I do not! Now forget about that. 


BRAYDEN
Wine?


GARRY

It was champagne. 


HUDSON
Oh, I see. Thought it was water?


GARRY
Uh, yeah, sure. 


COLTON

How could you possibly think it was water, can’t you tell the difference?


GARRY
Are we all obsessing over what I almost said now?! You guys have good hearing. 


WESLEY

I actually go to an ear doctor because my hearing is slightly below average.


GARRY
Aren’t you supposed to be batting, somehow?


WESLEY

I already struck out. 


GARRY
I should’ve known. 


WESLEY
Coach Garry?


GARRY
What? And also you don’t have to address me by name when we’re already talking.


WESLEY

You mean, don’t address you by Coach Garry when we’re—


GARRY

What’s on your mind, Wesley?


WESLEY
Do you really expect us to give up 10 runs?


GARRY
I’m trying to keep the standards low. I don’t want to discourage the team by giving you a false sense this game can be won. 


The HOME PLATE UMPIRE walks to the Automobiles’ dugout. 


HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Yeah, you’re right that it can’t be won. You’ve been disqualified. 


GARRY

Very funny, don’t you have balls and strikes to call?


HOME PLATE UMPIRE
You cheated.


COOPER
Let me take it from here, Coach Garry. We did not cheat. 


HOME PLATE UMPIRE
According to my records, you gave me and the other team a batting lineup different from the one you’re using. That’s against the league’s rules. 


SANTIAGO

Excuse him Sir. He was drunk while he was making the lineup. 


GARRY
Yeah, you see, I had a few too many glasses of champagnes—


HUDSON
That you thought were waters. 


GARRY
Yeah, okay, I know having Wesley bat first is unconventional but that really explains it all. 


HOME PLATE UMPIRE

You have a Gavin....uh....I can’t pronounce that last name but he was supposed to bat first. 


GARRY yells for GAVIN and WESLEY.


GAVIN
What is it?


GARRY
This umpire is implying you and Wesley switched spots behind my back.


WESLEY

I told you we’d get in trouble!


GARRY
Really guys? Why would you do that?


GAVIN

We didn’t think you would notice! Wesley doesn’t like batting last and it feels like you don’t even know who I am sometimes, so we figured why not?


WESLEY

Don’t ground me, Coach Garry. Please!


GARRY
Ground you? I’m pretty sure I don’t have that authority. But you two got us disqualified from the game. 


LANDON

Disqualified?!?!?! What the f*ck do you mean, disqualified?!?!?


GARRY
Landon, settle down, it’s okay. We weren’t going to win either way.


LANDON

I’m gonna give this ump a piece of my mind. 


LANDON looks the HOME PLATE UMPIRE in the eye.


LANDON

I can’t believe you’re trying to disqualify us, you f*cking f*cker. 


GARRY
Landon! That’s enough!


LANDON

Hey ump, go f*ck yourself!


GARRY
Landon!


HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Kid, I have to write you up for foul language. It’d normally be an ejection from the game but, seeing you already lost, come at me. 


LANDON

That’s okay, I’m done. 


LANDON walks away, as does the rest of the team. GARRY angrily takes the batting lineup, rips it up, and throws it in the trash. 


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