Marietta Season 3 Episode 11 - To Have or Have Not

Marietta Season 3 Episode 11
To Have or Have Not

Milton walks into Kate’s office. Kate is sitting behind her desk while Ellie lounges on the sofa.

Milton: Hey Kate, what did you need to see me for?

Kate: I’m so glad you got my message before you left to go home to New Orleans.

Milton: I have two hours until I need to be at the airport, I wasn’t in any rush to get out of here and get back to Santa’s workshop.

Ellie: Your mom still has Christmas decorations up?

Milton: It isn’t March yet, so yes.

Kate: Okay, Milton. So, I’m sitting in my office yesterday and it hits me, and I realize, “wow, it’s January 7th and I haven’t chosen a head of the Senate campaign committee yet.” I totally forgot to hold a caucus election for that job.

Ellie: I didn’t forget, but I didn’t mention it because I was afraid she’d ask me to do it.

Kate: Ellie, why would I ask you? You already have a position in Senate leadership!

Ellie: I don’t know, I thought you might ask me.

Kate: Anyway, Milton, you were the first person I thought of. You managed to win a special election to the US Senate in Louisiana as a Democrat with an unpopular Democratic President in office. The only explanation is that you are a wizard, and we need your magic to help us win. We’re Democrats, we are so bad at winning elections.

Milton: We did manage to lose a Senate race in Maine this year. You need some help.

Kate: So you’ll do it?

Milton: Eh.

Kate: What does does “eh” mean?

Ellie: Yeah, Milton. What does it mean?

Milton: It means I have to think about it a bit. Being chair of the Democratic Senate Campaign Committee isn’t exactly a job that anyone likes or enjoys.

Ellie: Marietta had it for one term back from 2009 until 2011.

Milton: Yes, and she hated it so much that she complained about it every time I saw her.

Ellie: She loved it that much?

Kate: Just let me know by Monday if you want to take it, Milton. It’s a big commitment, but it helps you advance in the ranks here if you take it. Everyone that takes the job ends up going on to some position of leadership or some committee chairmanship. Just consider it for a few days and let me know if it’s a job you want to take.

Milton: I certainly will do that. I can see the upsides and the downsides to it. I’ll have to talk to my family about it.

Ellie: Don’t ask Marietta, though. She’ll immediately tell you not to do it. Ask your dad. Or your aunt. Probably not your mom, though. All she has to hear is that it’ll keep you even busier and she’ll demand that you don’t take the job or else she’ll jump into the Gulf of Mexico.

Kate: Don’t listen to Ellie. Talk it over with your entire family.

Ellie: You are a thief of joy.

Kate: Looks like someone’s been binging The Office.

Ellie: No, I saw it online in a me-me.

Kate: A what?

Ellie: A me-me.

Kate: It’s pronounced “meme.”

Ellie: Sure it is.

Milton: I’m gonna go. I need to pack up my briefcase so I can get to the airport.

Kate: Oh, sorry Milton. You can go, you don’t need to listen to us bicker.

Milton: Have a nice weekend, you two.

Ellie: Take the job, Milton!

Kate: Only if you want it!

The next day, at Patty Lynn and Martin’s…

Milton: Is it snowing outside?

Martin: They said on the news it could happen.

Patty Lynn: It’s a Christmas miracle!

Marietta: Mom, Christmas is over. It’s not a Christmas miracle.

Patty Lynn: It’s in the vicinity of Christmas. Christmas miracle.

Marietta: Sure.

Milton: The snow does look pretty. Been at least a day since I last saw it.

Patty Lynn: You get to see it all the time up in DC. It’s not a regular thing here in New Orleans.

Milton: I don’t see it all the time. This is only my second winter in DC.

Tammy: You know, I’m old enough to remember a time where you Landfields got lost in Pennsylvania because of snow. You miss that?

Kathleen: Wait, what happened?

Marietta: Can we move on to any other conversation?

Milton: I would be fine with that.

Kathleen: I still want to know.

Marietta: Any other conversation!

Kathleen: Okay, where is Amy?

Tammy: She texted me and told me she’d be a bit late. Don slipped on the snow.

Mitch: How do you?

Tammy: They’re southerners, Mitch. They aren’t used to this. They don’t know what it’s like to have to shovel or wear closed-toe shoes.

Marietta: What does that even mean?

Tammy: It means you’re pampered and used to the heat. You think sixty degrees is cold and I think that’s a lovely temperature.

Milton: Could I have the floor, please? I have something to ask.

Amy: We’re heeeere!

Tammy: Don how are you feeling?

Don: I could use some ice but other than that, I’m okay. Just hurt my wrist a bit.

Martin: You fell on your wrist? I’ve done that before, it’s not fun. I’ll go get you some ice to help the pain.

Marietta: I’m glad everyone’s here now. It will help us avoid having people ask “Where’s Amy?” every five minutes.

Kathleen: I’m sorry I was concerned.

Amy: I appreciate it, Kathleen.

Kathleen: See, Marietta. Amy appreciates it.

Milton: Can I please ask you all a question?

Eliza: Big news, guys! I filed with the FEC today and officially stated my candidacy for state senate.

Milton: Oh, come on!

Elena: Thankfully I realized at the last moment that it was our state senator that was retiring and not our state representative, so she just avoided accidentally filing for the wrong office.

Marietta: Off to a great start I see.

Patty Lynn: Can someone let Milton talk? He looks upset.

Amy: He looks constipated to me.

Milton: I just want to ask you all for work advice.

Patty Lynn: Oh, vote yes!

Milton: What?

Patty Lynn: Whatever bill you’re asking for advice on, vote yes on it. We’re liberal, we’re supposed to be open to anything.

Milton: All right, uh, no. I’m not just voting yes on every bill that’s brought up.

Patty Lynn: I was trying to help, sorry.

Milton: I’m not asking for voting advice, either. I was given a job opportunity. Mom, don’t tell me to take it without hearing what it is.

Patty Lynn: I wouldn’t dream of it.

Martin: Let’s hear it, son.

Marietta: Wow, you never hear dad call Milton “son.” That’s unusual. Dad, are you dying?

Martin: What? No! Not that I’m aware of.

Kathleen: We’re all dying at some point.

Patty Lynn: Thank you, Kathleen, for the cheery message of hope.

Kathleen: I’m here all week!

Patty Lynn: if only it was just a week…

Milton: Kate and Ellie -

Tammy: Let’s be real. It’s not Ellie, it’s Kate. Kate has my old job and Ellie has Kate’s old job and let me tell you, I made the decisions.

Milton: Can I talk?

Tammy: Yes, sorry.

Milton: Kate and Ellie asked me to chair the DSCC.

Marietta: Oh, good god, no.

Amy: What is the DSCC?

Marietta: Hell on earth.

Amy: That doesn’t explain much.

Milton: It’s the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee. The chair has to find candidates to run for every open Senate race and distribute funds to the candidates and incumbents that are running for re-election.

Marietta: It’s a thankless job.

Tammy: I gave you a chair slot on the Budget Committee after you took the DSCC job, didn’t I?

Marietta: I didn’t say it was all bad, just that it absolutely blew.

Milton: I’m assuming Marietta thinks I should turn it down.

Marietta: When did I say that?

Martin: I think he’s assuming that based on how you called it “hell on earth.”

Marietta: Obviously I think he shouldn’t take it, but don’t assume anything about me, ever. I’m very unpredictable.

Milton: I wouldn’t say that.

Marietta: I get no respect around here. I’m the mayor, you know.

Tammy: Milton’s a US Senator.

Marietta: You’re fired. Go back to New York.

Tammy: Hear that, Mitch? Time to go home.

Milton: Can I get some actual advice, guys? I don’t know whether to take it or not. On the one hand, it’ll help me gain a more prominent role in the caucus. On the other hand, it’s going to take up so much of my time and I won’t see you guys or Sarah as much as I want to.

Patty Lynn: Family over your job, Milton. That’s how I raised you.

Milton: See, that is mildly helpful.

Marietta: Why is that more helpful than my advice? I had the job you’re asking about!

Milton: Yours helped, too. It’s just so much more fun to see you melt down.

Martin: Can I say something here?

Milton: Of course, dad. You’re one of the wisest people that I know.

Kathleen: I thought I was the wisest person you knew!

Patty Lynn: Why would you think that?

Kathleen: You don’t need to be rude, Patty Lynn.

Milton: Dad, what’s your advice?

Martin: I think you should take the DSCC job. It’ll take up more of your time than you’d like, but that’s okay. It’s a stepping stone to greater influence in the Senate, and that means you’ll be able to pass your agenda more easily, and you’ll get more money to help out the people here in Louisiana. It’s beneficial to you and everyone. Even your mother.

Patty Lynn: I don’t see how that’s true.

Martin: Don’t you want Milton to be happy and as successful as possible?

Patty Lynn: Yes.

Martin: Wouldn’t this help with that?

Patty Lynn: I don’t necessarily agree.

Martin: About?

Patty Lynn: He didn’t say it would make him happy.

Milton: She’s right. I don’t know if it would. That’s why I’m so conflicted.

Marietta: It made me consider resigning, moving to Russia, and changing my name so no one could find me.

Tammy: It wasn’t that bad! I even helped you!

Marietta: I had to balance the campaign budget for every Senate race in a year in which our Senate majority was at stake, because we took a beating in 2008, had an unfavorable map and had a popular Republican president in office. It was a miracle that we ended up gaining four seats. I never really got credit for what I did.

Tammy: No one ever took away what you did for us. I gave you a chair slot on the committee of your choice.

Milton: How much longer are we going to have to listen to this?

Patty Lynn: Hopefully not any longer, because it’s time for dinner!

Marietta: I’ll be quiet. I’ll let Milton consider his options in silence as he eats your chicken pot pie.

Kathleen: Our chicken pot pie.

Patty Lynn: Don’t get pushy.

Monday, in the Senate offices…

Kate: Milton! Make your decision yet?

Milton: Wow, have you been sitting here waiting for me? I thought you’d be busy.

Ellie: Yes. She’s been asking me when I thought you were coming in for the past half-hour.

Kate: It’s true, I’ve been waiting very intently for you.

Ellie: Not patiently, though.

Kate: So what’ll it be?

Milton: An english muffin and two hash browns.

Kate: I can call my assistant if you want that. I run this town.

Milton: No, just a joke. I already ate breakfast.

Kate: Okay, good. My assistant doesn’t come in until nine and isn’t in any way scared of me.

Ellie: Being voted “nicest person on Capitol Hill” fourteen years straight will do that to a person.

Kate: Get it right, Ellie. It’s sixteen now.

Ellie: Oh, sorry. I can’t keep track of how beloved you are.

Kate: So, back to why you’re here, Milton. Do I have a DSCC chair?

Milton: Okay, so here’s where I’m at.

Ellie: This is going to be a while, isn’t it?

Milton: Probably.

Ellie: Kate, where’s your bourbon?

Kate: My what?

Ellie: Your emergency bourbon that you drink when you’re stressed out.

Kate: Again I repeat: my what?

Ellie: Like you’re so perfect that you never get drunk in your office after a long day in the Senate. We all do it.

Kate: I don’t!

Milton: Neither do I. I get drunk at home, never in the office.

Kate: Louisiana must be so ashamed.

Milton: Why does everyone seem to think we’re alcoholics? Just because we love a good time doesn’t mean we all need to go to AA.

Kate: Ignore her, Milton. What’s your decision about the DSCC?

Milton: My family was absolutely no help whatsoever. Truly, none at all. They gave me conflicting information, bickered, and mostly just focused on what they wanted.

Ellie: I’m not surprised. I have met them, you know.

Milton: Mom says no, dad says yes, Marietta rambles on about Marietta, Kathleen added absolutely nothing. I think Eliza actually helped me most of all, despite her relative silence.

Kate: What did Eliza say?

Milton: She’s pursuing her dreams and running for state senate and told us her plans on Saturday. Since no one else gave me anything to ease in my decision-making, It got me to thinking: if my cousin could decide to run for office just after giving birth to twins because she thinks she can serve her community, I can take two years to chair the campaign committee. It’ll be tough, but I can make it work.

Kate: Does this mean you’re taking the job.

Milton: I think so, but I need you to promise me something.

Kate: What would that be?

Ellie: Milton, we’re desperate. Ask her for anything. Ask her for a pet elephant. Ask her for a meet-and-greet with the cast of The Queen’s Gambit. Ask her to get you an Oscar. No matter how impossible it sounds, she’ll say yes.

Kate: That is not helpful.

Milton: Everyone keeps telling me how hard this will be.

Ellie: It’s borderline impossible. Everyone’s gonna tell you that they could do it better than you and, if we don’t pick up seats, you’ll be blamed. It’s not fun at all.

Kate: Ellie!

Milton: I know all of that already, don’t worry. What I need from you is a promise that, if I need help, I’ll get it. If I need help with recruitment, with budgeting, with hiring staff to make ads, I’ll get it. I’m still new here, you two aren’t.

Ellie: Don’t call us old. I’m not old!

Kate: Screw me, I guess?

Milton: I certainly didn’t call you old.

Kate: We will be here to help you with anything you need. You can always count on us for that. We’ve been friends for so many years, we won’t leave you hanging out to dry. Call me the second you need advice, I’m here. I don’t care if I’m in North Carolina with my family. Call me, you’ve got my full attention. No job is more important than yours.

Ellie: You’ve got my eyes and ears when the Senate is in session. Please do not bug me about work things when I’m home. I will be laying on the beach.

Milton: You’re so funny, Ellie.

Ellie: I am not joking.

Kate: Every day I come in to work and wonder why you're my #2.

Ellie: Don’t kid yourself. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

Kate: You’re right.

Milton: So, when do I start.

Kate: Well, it’s January 11. So, eight days ago.

Milton: I guess I’d better get to work.

Ellie: Start with finding a good candidate in Maine. I am so tired of dealing with that bi-

Kate: Let’s let Milton prioritize the races for himself.

Milton: Don’t worry, Ellie. I’ll try and take care of Sarah Conway for you.

Kate: Just to be clear, Milton. Your job is not to kill your fellow senators. I need to make sure you’re not “taking care” of her that way.

Ellie: Yes, that’s my job.

What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

Who was your favorite character in Marietta Season 3 Episode 11, "To Have or Have Not?"
Patty Lynn

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