Marietta Season 3 Episode 12 - Patty & Kathy

Marietta Season 3 Episode 12
Patty & Kathy

Kathleen: I’m so bored. Is there really nothing on TV and no movies for us to see?

Patty Lynn: There would be something for us to watch if you wouldn’t say “no” to every thing I propose.

Kathleen: Name some shows that don’t sound terrible and I won’t say “no.”

Patty Lynn: I have named shows and movies of all genres and you have turned them all down. You’re just trying to be annoying.

Kathleen: Maybe I’m not in the mood for TV or movies.

Martin: Can I at least watch my show in peace?

Patty Lynn: You’ve seen Cheers a million times, Martin.

Martin: I don’t care, I just want something to drown out you two bickering.

Patty Lynn: Bickering? This isn’t bickering.

Martin: Whatever it is, I don't need to hear it. I love you girls but I wish you didn’t argue nearly as much as you do.

Kathleen: I have an idea.

Patty Lynn: I’m scared, but let’s hear it.

Kathleen: Remember our road trip last year?

Martin: I wasn’t on it, so no.

Kathleen: I was talking to Patty Lynn.

Martin: Oh, okay. I’m just going to get a snack if I’m not involved in this conversation.

Patty Lynn: I obviously remember our trip. I thought I was going to die during it about five times.

Kathleen: What if we go on another trip like that?

Patty Lynn: Absolutely not.

Kathleen: It could be fun! I always wanted to see the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. We could go there.

Patty Lynn: You want to drive to Cleveland?

Kathleen: We drove to the Grand Canyon one year ago!

Patty Lynn: I know, but it’s pretty there. Cleveland is… Cleveland.

Kathleen: Now, come on. There’s no need to disrespect Cleveland.

Patty Lynn: I’m not, I’m just saying that it’s not exactly Grand Canyon-level.

Kathleen: Hence it being seven hours less to drive there. That’s two whole days less on the road!

Patty Lynn: This would still require me driving through Tennessee. No one wants to do that!

Kathleen: No need to be judgmental. It could be fun. What else do we really have going on?

Patty Lynn: This is going to surprise you, but I’ll go. I might have a miserable time, that’s actually be to expected. I don’t have anything better to do, though. Marietta and Milton are both busy at work, it’s not like I can see them.

Martin: I’m chop liver, I guess.

Patty Lynn: Well…

Martin: I’m only kidding. You two have your fun.

Patty Lynn: You’re always so supportive of my nonsense. I appreciate it.

Martin: We’ve been married for fifty years, I’ve gotten used to it.

Patty Lynn: We’ve been married for sixty years.

Martin: Oh my god. Really?

Patty Lynn: Really.

The next day, at city hall…

Amy: Marietta, you have guests!

Marietta: Mom! What are you doing here?

Kathleen: I love you, too.

Marietta: Hi Aunt Kathleen!

Kathleen: Hello, Marietta.

Patty Lynn: We just wanted to stop in and say goodbye.

Marietta: Are you… dying?

Patty Lynn: Why do you always think that about me?

Tammy: She thinks it about me, too. I think it’s because we’re… of a certain age.

Patty Lynn: You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Marietta. You know that.

Marietta: So, why are you saying goodbye?

Patty Lynn: Your aunt and I are going on a trip!

Marietta: Oh no.

Patty Lynn: Oh yes! It wasn’t my idea, but I’m bored as sin so I agreed.

Kathleen: We’re going to Ohio.

Marietta: That’s not going to cure the boredom.

Kathleen: I’ve been told by many people that the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is lovely.

Marietta: It won’t be “lovely” until they let Pat Benatar and Cher in.

Patty Lynn: I don’t know when we’re going to be back, but I think we’ll miss family dinner this Saturday. You’re going to have to talk it over with your father about whether you want to have dinner together or not. Milton’s too busy in DC to fly home for the weekend.

Marietta: Okay, sounds good. I guess you guys need to get on the road! Have fun, stay safe, and see you later!

Patty Lynn: Give me one last hug before I go. I’m gonna miss you.

Marietta: I’ll miss you, too.

Patty Lynn: Call if you need anything. Make sure to pick up if I call you.

Marietta: I will…

Tammy: Have fun, you two!

Two hours later…

Patty Lynn: Where are we now? We almost at the midway point?

Kathleen: No. It’s ten o’clock in the morning.

Patty Lynn: I said “where are we,” not “when are we.”

Kathleen: Check your phone. We’re somewhere in Mississippi.

Patty Lynn: Suri, what city am I in?

Kathleen: Suri?

Siri: You’re in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

Patty Lynn: Thank you, sweetie!

Kathleen: It’s a phone. It can’t feel. It can’t think. It isn’t your friend.

Patty Lynn: I like to believe it has feelings.

Kathleen: That would be terrifying.

Patty Lynn: What would be terrifying about it?

Kathleen: Robots with feelings. That’s just going to help them take over the world.

Patty Lynn: Oh, you’re not one of those people, are you?

Kathleen: One of what people?

Patty Lynn: Afraid of technology for no good reason.

Kathleen: I have a good reason. Technology is already taking away jobs. If they get minds of their own, we’re all screwed.

Patty Lynn: Speaking of being screwed, we’re going to be if you don’t get your eyes back on the road.

Kathleen: That would be a good idea, you’re right about that. We don’t need any car accidents on this trip.

Patty Lynn: Or ever, really.

Kathleen: Especially not in Mississippi. I mean, nothing against the people here but I certainly don’t need to be stranded here. I don’t think a single person lives in this state.

Patty Lynn: Surely someone does.

Kathleen: You ever beet someone from Mississippi?

Patty Lynn: Britney Spears is from Mississippi!

Kathleen: I’m not even going to ask why you know that.

Five hours later…

Kathleen: You know, I feel like we’re not where we should be.

Patty Lynn: What does that mean?

Kathleen: I’m seeing signs for Chattanooga. We’re staying in Nashville. They’re not exactly in the same vicinity.

Patty Lynn: That is bad. That is really bad.

Kathleen: You think I don’t know that?

Patty Lynn: Sometimes I don’t know what you know. Your mind scares me.

Kathleen: Mine scares you? Yours scares me!

Patty Lynn: I’ve never gotten us lost while driving!

Kathleen: That’s because you never drive!

Patty Lynn: I… that’s true.

Kathleen: We’re in Georgia now!

Patty Lynn: Is this supposed to be?

Kathleen: It isn’t ideal, but it will get us to Chattanooga.

Patty Lynn: You lived in Arkansas, shouldn’t you be better at navigating the South?

Kathleen: First of all, you don’t go through Arkansas to get to Cleveland. Second, you’re also from the south. Third, why would I be familiar with the route from New Orleans to Cleveland?

Patty Lynn: Okay, fine. What I said was dumb.

Kathleen: If only you'd say that more often…

Thirty minutes later…

Kathleen: We’re in Chattanooga.

Patty Lynn: Where’s the choo choo?

Kathleen: I don’t know. What I do know is that we’ve been driving for about eight hours and it’s four o’clock. We need to eat.

Patty Lynn: We just ate!

Kathleen: We ate cold egg and cheese sandwiches from the cooler at nine o’clock.

Patty Lynn: I guess time flies when you’re having fun.

Kathleen: Which is why this trip has felt like an eternity!

Patty Lynn: This trip was your idea!

Kathleen: Please don’t remind me.

Patty Lynn: So, where do you want to eat?

Kathleen: Anywhere that has food. I just need to refuel before we get on the road.

Patty Lynn: Do you want me to drive?

Kathleen: I would like to live, so no.

Patty Lynn: I can drive!

Kathleen: Yes, you sure can!

Patty Lynn: Oh, look! Somewhere to eat!

Kathleen: Where?

Patty Lynn: At that hotel right there. There’s a little restaurant.

Kathleen: Usually I wouldn’t, but sure. I’m sure they have food to eat and that’s all I care about. I won’t discriminate right now.

One hour later…

Kathleen: Where is our food? There’s barely anyone here and I ordered a panini.

Patty Lynn: Call the waitress.

Kathleen: She scares me.

Patty Lynn: Oh, come on. She’s like eighty-two years old. Ever you’re younger than her.

Kathleen: I am younger than you.

Patty Lynn: Keep telling yourself that.

Kathleen: Waitress! Linda! Can you come here?

Linda: I’ll be there in a minute!

Kathleen: Spine-tingling.

Linda: What do you need, sweeties?

Kathleen: Um, I don’t know how to say this…

Linda: You need to leave. We understand.

Kathleen: No! We’re not going anywhere.

Linda: Oh… okay.

Kathleen: We’re wondering where our food is.

Patty Lynn: She is. She’s wondering.

Linda: We’re a bit backed up, it’ll be a half-hour. We’re trying our best, though. Glenn is working his talk off and has been since seven AM.

Kathleen: It doesn’t look very busy here -

Linda: No, we are busy. This is the busiest we’ve seen in quite a while.

Kathleen: Okay. Then we will wait.

Linda: We’ll give you a nice little discount for the hassle.

Kathleen: Thank you.

Patty Lynn: The sunset looks so pretty, let’s go look at it.

Kathleen: I have nothing better to do. Let’s go out and look.

Patty Lynn and Kathleen walk outside.

Kathleen: Wow, that’s actually…

Patty Lynn: Beautiful.

Kathleen: It is.

Patty Lynn: It really makes you wish you could stop and look at the beauty in the world more often.

Kathleen: It looks like one of those watercolor paintings.

Patty Lynn: Like the one we have in the bathroom?

Kathleen: Well, uh, yeah, actually.

Patty Lynn: Sunsets are so powerful. If they make you not hate me, they can do anything.

Kathleen: You do know I don’t actually hate you, right? Sometimes I swear you forget.

Patty Lynn: You don’t?

Kathleen: Of course I don’t! You think I’d drive to Ohio with someone I hate? I love messing with you but that’s because I love you! We’ve known each other since we were teenagers! Our paths may have taken us way from each other sometimes, but I always loved ya. You made my brother a better man. I’d even say you made me a better woman, but I’ve always been pretty perfect.

Patty Lynn sobs.

Kathleen: Why are you crying?

Patty Lynn: That was so moving.

Kathleen: I know.

The next morning…

Kathleen: Oh my god…

Patty Lynn: Was your bad also horrible?

Kathleen: Like sleeping on nails. The springs poking my back, good lord.

Patty Lynn: I think what makes it even worse is that we’re still in Tennessee. Yikes.

Kathleen: We had no choice but to stay in Chattanooga, dinner took four hours somehow and it got too late to start heading to Knoxville.

Patty Lynn: They did give you a discount, right?

Kathleen: Yes!

Patty Lynn: Well, that’s something.

Kathleen: Five percent off.

Patty Lynn: Oh… boy.

Kathleen: She did say it would be a “little” discount, to be fair.

Patty Lynn: Are you showering?

Kathleen: Don’t judge me, but no. We have a ten-hour drive, we need to get going as soon as possible. We faced a lot of setbacks last 

Patty Lynn: I’m not gonna judge you, because I feel the same way. We need to go.

Kathleen: Okay, let’s go pick up some danishes from the lobby and get out of here.

Patty Lynn: Are we not eating breakfast at a restaurant?

Kathleen: Eating at a restaurant did go great last time, you’re right.

Eleven hours later…

Patty Lynn: Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?

Kathleen: We’re fifteen minutes away.

Patty Lynn: We are?

Kathleen: Yes. I know this day has been so fun and we haven’t listened to nearly enough ABBA and we had such a lovely meal, but it’s almost come to a close.

Patty Lynn: I liked our dinner!

Kathleen: McDonald’s is my idea of gourmet food.

Patty Lynn: I got a McRib, I’m happy.

Kathleen: Good, I’m glad. Now, can you do me a favor?

Patty Lynn: What would that be?

Kathleen: Check the GPS so I know what street I’m turning down.

Patty Lynn: All right, let me see!

One hour later…

Kathleen: Well, it took long enough but here we are! The Ritz-Carlton.

Patty Lynn: I’m sorry I messed up the directions.

Kathleen: It’s okay. It’s my fault, too. Let’s just be glad we made it.

Patty Lynn gets a phone call.

Patty Lynn: Ooh, it’s Martin!

Kathleen: Answer!

Patty Lynn answers the phone.

Patty Lynn: Hey, Martin! How are you?

Martin: I’m good, how are you two?

Kathleen: We’re great, Martin! We were on the road for eleven hours today but it’s all good!

Patty Lynn: Kathleen’s gone a bit loopy, it’s to be expected. She’s running on a McDonald’s mocha drink and a few chicken nuggets.

Kathleen: I’m not loopy, I’m just very excited to be here!

Martin: Are you two going to the Hall of Fame tomorrow?

Kathleen: We sure are!

Patty Lynn: Kathleen needs to get to sleep early tonight and get rest if she wants to go tomorrow. I’ll let yo go so we can check out.

Martin: Talk to you tomorrow. Have fun, girls!

The next morning…

Kathleen: I feel like I’m in heaven.

Patty Lynn: This bed more comfortable than the last?

Kathleen: I’d say so.

Patty Lynn: Ready to rock and roll?

Kathleen: I need to shower first, I’m disgusting. Then we can rock.

Patty Lynn: Okay. I’ll pick out a nice outfit because I already showered.

Kathleen: It’s the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, not Versailles. You don’t need to dress up.

Patty Lynn: We drove Eight days straight to get here, let me dress up if I want to!

What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

Who was your favorite character in Marietta Season 3 Episode 12 "Patty & Kathy?"
Patty Lynn

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