LINCOLN
So, Chase, what’s your idea this week?
ADAM
We can’t just assume he has an idea.
MADISON
Actually, he said earlier that he has some ideas.
CHASE
I know I’m the popular one now, but—
REAGAN
I wouldn’t say that.
CHASE
Alright, you’re not on my next bill.
REAGAN
What are you gonna write this time? Free stools at a bar?
LORENZO
Oh, good idea—
REAGAN
It was a sarcastic joke, Lorenzo.
LORENZO
That’s too bad, because I didn’t come here with any ideas and I don’t feel like thinking of any right now either. I was hoping Chase had an idea for me.
SAM
Forget about Chase having another idea, I have one.
ADAM
I don’t know, we’re the new guys and the other people seem to have taken a liking to Chase.
CHASE
They don’t even know who I am. They probably only passed my bill to boost morale.
SAM
Boost morale? That’s just not how it works at all!
LINCOLN
What about that idea of yours, Sam?
SAM
Oh! Right. Lorenzo, you’re gonna like this one.
LORENZO
Reagan already said it’s not free stools for a bar.
SAM
It requires all restaurants within 150 miles of a large body of water to serve seafood.
LORENZO
Eh.
SAM
What do you mean, eh?! People love seafood!
LORENZO
I don’t. Plus, doesn’t it go bad?
SAM
I thought you’d like it! But if not, we can find a way to work around it. How far is Lorenzo’s Kitchen from a large body of water?
LORENZO
I have no clue.
MADISON
I just looked it up. 11.3 miles.
LINCOLN
Perfect. So we’ll make the bill for every restaurant within 11.2 miles. You’re welcome, Lorenzo.
LORENZO
Thank you so much! That was a close one.
LORENZO gets up and leaves.
ADAM
Anyone think he realizes he has to vote on the bill?
SAM
He might figure it out eventually.
MADISON
He probably won’t. Also, doesn’t 11.2 miles sound kind of arbitrary? I suggest 10 miles.
CHASE
Or 10.2!
LINCOLN
Where’d you get that from?
ADAM
Don’t question it, he got a bill passed last time so he can get this one passed too. Right Chase?
CHASE
Don’t ask me.
REAGAN
Does seafood sound too specific for this? What if we broaden it to food?
SAM
All restaurants within 10.2 miles of a large body of water have to serve food.
REAGAN
Yeah.
LINCOLN
I think that’s self-explanatory.
REAGAN
You never know, sometimes they might say they’re a restaurant but really all they serve is milk.
CHASE
Huh?
REAGAN
Forget it.
ADAM
Completely on the opposite of what Reagan said, shouldn’t the bill be more specific? Like, make it a certain type of seafood.
LINCOLN
Fried squid? I like eating that.
SAM
Lincoln, do us all a favor and say calamari next time.
CHASE
Who’s considered the writer of this bill? I don’t want to give any more input if I’m not listed.
SAM
I guess you’re considered a writer. Let’s write our names in...alright, Chase, Lincoln, Adam, Madison, Sam...uh...sorry Reagan. You didn’t really add anything.
REAGAN
That’s okay. One day I’ll have my name on a bill, I hope.
SAM
So right now, it’s the Chase Lincoln Adam Madison Sam Act.
ADAM
Sounds terrible. How about we make it an acronym?
SAM
The C L A M S Act.
LINCOLN
No, that doesn’t have a ring to it. Let’s just name it after a type of seafood and make that the seafood we’re talking about in the bill.
CHASE
Not fried squid?
MADISON
Clams?
SAM
Sure. The Clams Act.
ADAM
Let’s capitalize it so it looks official. That’s a thing, I think.
SAM changes the name of the bill from The Clams Act to The CLAMS Act. When the chamber reconvenes, including LORENZO, they vote on the bill. It fails, 48-52.
LORENZO
Sorry guys. I guess there’s one thing we all learned today. If you want your bill to pass, you need to have King Lorenzo on it.
ADAM
Please don’t call yourself that again.