REAGAN
I have a question: how did the bill Chase wrote with Lorenzo even get passed? We didn’t caucus it at all.
MADISON
They got rid of all that stuff, remember?
REAGAN
No.
MADISON
Regardless, I should probably get going on something that will actually start my political career.
CHASE
I’m also gonna work on something.
SAM
No you’re not.
CHASE
What do you mean? You’re getting on my nerves.
SAM
Oh, you think I think any differently of you?
CHASE
We are married!
LORENZO
Stop bickering. And you’re married?
SAM
We haven’t brought it up in the longest time. Didn’t think it was a big deal.
CHASE
It’s a big deal!
SAM
Everything’s a big deal to you!
ADAM
That’s enough, you two. Nobody wants to hear this.
LINCOLN
I agree with Adam, it’s getting kind of annoying.
SAM
Write a bill about it then.
CHASE
That makes no sense, Sam. How would they even write a bill about it?!
ADAM
I have an idea now.
SAM
What is it?
ADAM
Uh...you’ll see. Lincoln, you in on this?
LINCOLN
Sure.
ADAM
Follow me to some place that doesn’t include Sam and Chase.
ADAM and LINCOLN walk to the other side of the chamber.
LINCOLN
So what’s the idea?
ADAM
We tax Sam and Chase.
LINCOLN [laughing]
That’s the most ridiculous excuse of a bill I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard the other ideas our group has had.
ADAM
Don’t worry, there’s no way it’ll pass. It’ll just serve as a wake-up call to them.
LINCOLN
You know what? That’s actually good thinking. Let’s work on it.
ADAM
Alright, so what we’re gonna do is introduce the marriage tax.
LINCOLN
There are already different tax brackets for single and married people. Not to mention, married filing jointly and married filing...the other one.
ADAM
This is extra. We tax everyone who has been married within the last year just for being married.
LINCOLN
Three percent.
ADAM
Alright, three percent tax on people married within the past year.
LINCOLN
Just one thing: what if this passes?
ADAM
It won’t.
LINCOLN
Also, shouldn’t we be focused on getting stuff to pass? That is our job, after all.
ADAM
We could. Or we could have fun with this while we’re here. Re-election isn’t guaranteed no matter how good we do.
LINCOLN
I guess you’re right. So let’s type this, make it an actual bill.
ADAM
You want to do the honors?
LINCOLN
Eh. I guess.
ADAM and LINCOLN walk over to their typical seats so LINCOLN can write the bill.
SAM
What are you doing?
LINCOLN
You’ll see.
CHASE
Can I help?
LINCOLN
Absolutely not.
LINCOLN writes the bill as fast as he can, which includes a three percent tax on couples married within the past year, and a two percent additional tax on lawyers who marry each other. LINCOLN and ADAM bring attention of the bill to the rest of the representatives. It fails, 49-51.
SAM
What was that?!
LINCOLN
It was meant to teach you a lesson.
ADAM
Your bickering can have consequences, you know.
CHASE
You almost taxed tons of people.
ADAM
We didn’t think it would come so close to being passed!
LORENZO
Next time, stick to writing bills will do good stuff if they’re passed.
LINCOLN
Fine.
REAGAN
I think we all learned a lesson today.
ADAM
What’s that?
REAGAN
So far, I’m the most useless person here.
SAM
Yep.