Coach Garry Season 1 Episode 5: Umpire Strikes


GARRY
Everybody huddle up!

JAXON
There’s not enough room.

GARRY
Then, stand in the dugout somewhere.

HUDSON
We already are.

GARRY
I just want to let you remember: it doesn’t matter if you have fun, just as long as you win. Got it?

BRAYDEN
Isn’t it the other way around?

GARRY
That’s what the losers say.

BRAYDEN
Got it. But aren’t we the losers sometimes?

GARRY
What I’m saying is win the game.

GARRY sits down and hears a fart noise. SANTIAGO looks at GARRY and laughs.

GARRY
That wasn’t me.

SANTIAGO
I know! I made a fart noise as you sat down!

GARRY
Oh.

SANTIAGO
You didn’t find that funny?

GARRY
I’m not 11 years old like you.

SANTIAGO
Fine. I’ll do it to someone else, they’ll find it funny.

SANTIAGO continues to make fart noises when he sees someone sit down. Some kids look at him, but nobody laughs.

SANTIAGO
I don’t get it. That’s funny!

WESLEY
Not really.

SANTIAGO
I found it funny.

GAVIN
What, are you 8 years old?

SANTIAGO
I guess fart noises aren’t a big hit here. Whatever.

SANTIAGO begins to stare at COLTON.

COLTON
What are you doing?

SANTIAGO
Staring at you.

COLTON
Oh.

SANTIAGO
Okay, I know I’m funny, why is no one laughing?!

GARRY
COME ON!!!!

SANTIAGO
Thank you Coach Garry for finally seeing my funniness.

GARRY
Not that, we just lost the game! That was a terrible call!

COOPER walks back to the dugout with his eyes to the ground after striking out looking. GARRY runs out to the umpire. 

GARRY
What were you thinking?!

UMPIRE
I have something to do in a few minutes so I had to end the game. Sorry. Tough luck.

GARRY
That’s a poor excuse, you made my kids angry!

UMPIRE
No, I think I made YOU angry. They seem fine.

GARRY
This is not the way to call a ball game.

UMPIRE
Relax man, it’s only Mini League.

GARRY
What do you mean it’s only Mini League, this is a big deal! This is serious!

UMPIRE
I think you’re the only one taking things seriously.

GARRY
I’m gonna complain to the Head Umpire.

UMPIRE
There’s no such person.

GARRY
Well...you’re a bad umpire! There! Take that insult!

GARRY walks back to the dugout and sees COOPER upset. Everyone else has started to leave.

COOPER
That was a ball.

GARRY
I know.

COOPER
Why would they call me out? So embarrassing. 

GARRY
Some umpires just aren’t good.

COOPER
Are you mad at me, Coach Garry?

GARRY
I’m mad at the umpire. Don’t worry about it, have your parents buy you an ice cream and get ready for next game.

COOPER
Got it.

COOPER gets up and leaves. GARRY cleans up the dugout a little bit and then leaves. 

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