College Season 3 Episode 11: The Italian Job

 Season 3 Episode 11 Written by

William Fry & Michael Ledesma


INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit at a study table.

EDISON

What the hell is wrong with you?

MEGAN

What the hell is wrong with YOU?

EDISON

The best Zombees movie isn’t the third one, it’s the fifth.

 

MEGAN

The third one had Beyonce.

EDISON

That’s the only reason you like it. You think she’s hot.

 

MEGAN

Duh, why do you think the fifth one is the best?

 

EDISON

"Into the Buzz Verse" completely changed thefranchise. It opened up opportunities for spin-offs. hear they’re doing spinoff that takes place in universe where everything is the same. Except the bees are giant-sized.

 

MEGAN

The multiverse stuff is crap. It’s just lazy way tomake more money.

 

ANDREW


Guys.

 

What?


EDISON & MEGAN ANDREW


When asked how your break went, didn’t quite mean this.

MEGAN

Oh, well my break was fine. Went on few Bumble dates.

 

ANDREW

Edison?


EDISON

Uhhhhh well, let’s see. helped my family at their flea market stand and… well, that’s actually all did. Well, except for crying every night.

 

MEGAN

Because of what happened with Brittaney?

 

EDISON

Yes...and also because Baby Yoda is no longer with the Mandolorian, but mostly the Brittaney stuff.

 

ANDREW

Have you talked to Britt at all?

EDISON

Not since the party.

ANDREW

Are you going to talk to her?

EDISON

No. I don’t know. Maybe?

MEGAN

Let’s change the subject. So Andrew, how was YOUR break?

 

ANDREW

stayed in the apartment. Cleaned up around theplace.

 

EDISON

You didn’t go home?

ANDREW

No. And don’t ask why, because you know why.

 

MEGAN

What about Sarah? Did you two hang out?

 

ANDREW

Ummm yeah few times. Here and there.


MEGAN

Is she still upset about the fact that you haven’ttold your parents about her?

 


 

Yeah.


ANDREW

 

EDISON


Dude, just tell them. What’s the worst that could happen?

ANDREW

They’ll want to meet her and like said before, am not going to expose her to them. just need to figure out how to make things right with her.

 

EDISON

Okay, here’s what you do.

 

Andrew leans in to listen. Edison prepares to speak. He stops. Something has caught his attention.

 

EDISON (CONT'D)

Uhhhh I gotta go find a book.

Edison rushes off. Brittaney and Mario appear at the table.

BRITTANEY

Hey everyone. How was your break?

ANDREW & MEGAN

Good.

BRITTANEY

That's good. Mario and visited my parents.

 

MARIO

Yes, they took us to Olive Garden. You Americans have funny ideas about Italian food.

 

MEGAN

Wait till you try Taco Bell.

MARIO

I don’t think that’s Italian-

BRITTANEY

Well, we got to go. See yeah.


Brittaney and Mario leave.

MEGAN

She’s gone.

Edison appears from behind bookshelf and rejoins the table.

ANDREW

Did you find your book?

EDISON

Andrew, you know that was a lie.

MEGAN

Are you gonna hide every time Brittaney and Mario are around us?

 

EDISON

For now.

ANDREW

Just hang in there man. I’m sure Britt and Mario will break up. Who knows, Mario might want to go back to Italy.

 

EDISON

Yeah, maybe he will.

 

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

 

Andrew is sound asleep. The door slams open and he awakes with start.

 

ANDREW

What the-?

 

Standing in his bedroom doorway is Edison.

ANDREW (CONT'D)

Edison, what the hell? It’s in the morning.

 

EDISON

We need to talk.

Edison leaves Andrew’s room. Later.

Edison sits on the couch with Megan in the living room. Andrew exits his bedroom. Edison stands up.


ANDREW

(To Megan)

Did he wake you up too?

MEGAN

Yeah, right in the middle of sex dream featuring Brie Larson.

 

ANDREW

Edison what’s going on?

EDISON

Take a seat, Andrew

 

Andrew sits down next to Megan. Edison stands in front of them.

 


 

Well?


ANDREW

 

EDISON


have plan to get Brittaney back.

 

ANDREW

Oh, Edison-

EDISON

know what you’re thinking. That should just move on but believe me, tried. But just can’t. So have plan.

 

MEGAN

And what is this PLAN of yours?

EDISON

We get Mario deported.

Andrew and Megan process this ludicrous idea.

ANDREW


Deported?

 

Yeah.


EDISON ANDREW


Edison, I’m not helping you get Mario deported.

EDISON

Why not?


ANDREW

Uh, let’s see, because it’s terrible idea.

 

MEGAN

At least it’s not murder.

ANDREW

Don’t tell me you’re going to help him.

 

MEGAN

Relax, think it’s bad idea. And also illegal.

 

EDISON

C’mon you two, please.

Andrew stands up.

 

ANDREW

Edison, know you are going through some things right now, but committing felony is not the way to get through it.

 

Edison looks at Megan.

MEGAN

Sorry dude, got to agree with him.

 

EDISON

What the hell are friends for if they won’t help you get rid of the guy who is with your soulmate?

 

Andrew and Megan look at each other and then back at Edison.

ANDREW

Goodnight Edison.

 

Andrew and Megan return to bed. Edison pulls out his phone, dials number, and puts the phone to his ear.

 

EDISON

Hello yes? I’d like to report an illegal immigrant. Name? Mario Esposito.


EXT. CAMPUS - DAY

 

Mario is walking across campus. An inconspicuous van slowly drives behind him. It stops and two men in windbreakers bearing ICE get out and approach him. They grab Mario and drag him into the van. The van drives off.

 

INT. GARAGE - DAY

 

Mario sits in chair with bag over his head. It is ripped off and standing in front of him is Edison. Next to Edison, are the two ICE agents.

 

MARIO

Edison? What’s going on?

EDISON

What’s going on, is that you are being deported.

 

MARIO

But I’m here legally. have student visa.

 

EDISON

You’re not officially being deported. Believe me, tried that but ICE wouldn't take me seriously so had to think of something else.

 

MARIO

Wait, if those two people aren't ICE agents then-

 

EDISON

They’re drama students. In exchange for their help, I’m allowing them to use me on their resume.

 

MARIO

Edison, what’s this about?

EDISON

You know what this is about.

MARIO

Brittaney?


EDISON

Yes. You stole her from me. She and were supposed to get back with each other when she got back but you just had to ruin that.

 

MARIO

It’s not like planned all this Edison. was just Britt’s guide at the school. SHE came onto me. Okay?

 

EDISON

You still could’ve said no.

MARIO

Oh, c’mon Edison. girl like Brittaney, any guy wouldn’t be able to resist her.

 

EDISON

Seriously dude?

MARIO

Just stating the truth.

EDISON

Okay, I’ve heard enough. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna tell Britt that you got deported and had to return to Italy and that you can’t be with her anymore. You know what, tell her that you’re in love with someone else.

 

MARIO

Yeah, I’m not doing any of that.

EDISON

Oh really?

MARIO

Edison, I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way but she’s moved on.

 

EDISON

Sure she has.

MARIO

Look Edison, Brittaney told me about what you said at the party. How you wanted to get back with her.


EDISON

 

MARIO


Yeah. After the party. She started crying.

 


 

Crying?


EDISON

 

MARIO


calmed her down, but Edison, you need to let her go. It’s time to move on. Not just for you but for her.

Edison contemplates what Mario has said.

EDISON

I love her.

MARIO

I know.

EDISON

You treat her good, you hear?

MARIO


Of course.

 

Good.


 

EDISON


 

Edison leans in close to Mario.

EDISON (CONT'D)

Cause if you hurt her in any way either emotionally or physically, you’re going to hope they deport you back to Italy.

 

Mario nervously gulps and nods.

EDISON (CONT'D)

Okay then, you’re free to go.

 

Edison clicks remote and the garage door opens. Mario leaves.

 

DRAMA STUDENT

Do we still get lunch?


EDISON

For the last time, you’re not getting lunch.

 

The Next Day

 

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

 

Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit at study table. Brittaney and Mario approach them.

 

ANDREW

Shouldn't you go find a book?

EDISON

Nah, I’m good.

Andrew and Megan look at Edison confused.

BRITTANEY

Hey, Mario and were wondering if you three would like to come over to Sarah and I’s place for game night. We were thinking of trivial pursuit.

 

EDISON

Sounds great, we’ll be there.

BRITTANEY

Great, see you then.

 

Brittaney and Mario walk away. Andrew and Megan continue staring at Edison.

 


 

What?


EDISON

 

ANDREW


What did you do?

EDISON

Nothing.

ANDREW

Yes, you did. You did something. You are acting way too cool. Did you report Mario?

EDISON

No.


MEGAN

So why are you acting so cool?

EDISON

He and had chat. We both now understand that as long as Britt is happy, then we’re both happy. Now, if you two will excuse me, need to buy Trivial Pursuit and memorize all the cards so can make Mario look like dumbass.

 

Edison gets up and walks away.

ANDREW

Should we be worried about him?

MEGAN

We should always be worried about Edison.

 

ANDREW

I’ve got bad feeling that this whole thing with Brittaney is gonna blow up.

 


 

 

 

END.

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