Season 3 Episode 11 Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit at a study table.
EDISON
What the hell is wrong with you?
MEGAN
What the hell is wrong with YOU?
EDISON
The best Zombees movie isn’t the third one, it’s the fifth.
MEGAN
The third one had Beyonce.
EDISON
That’s the only reason you like it. You think she’s hot.
MEGAN
Duh, why do you think the fifth one is the best?
EDISON
"Into the Buzz Verse" completely changed thefranchise. It opened up opportunities for spin-offs. I hear they’re doing a spinoff that takes place in a universe where everything is the same. Except the bees are giant-sized.
MEGAN
The multiverse stuff is crap. It’s just a lazy way tomake more money.
ANDREW
Guys.
What?
EDISON & MEGAN ANDREW
When I asked how your break went, I didn’t quite mean this.
MEGAN
Oh, well my break was fine. Went on a few Bumble dates.
ANDREW
Edison?
EDISON
Uhhhhh well, let’s see. I helped my family at their flea market stand and… well, that’s actually all I did. Well, except for crying every night.
MEGAN
Because of what happened with Brittaney?
EDISON
Yes...and also because Baby Yoda is no longer with the Mandolorian, but mostly the Brittaney stuff.
ANDREW
Have you talked to Britt at all?
EDISON
Not since the party.
ANDREW
Are you going to talk to her?
EDISON
No. I don’t know. Maybe?
MEGAN
Let’s change the subject. So Andrew, how was YOUR break?
ANDREW
I stayed in the apartment. Cleaned up around theplace.
EDISON
You didn’t go home?
ANDREW
No. And don’t ask why, because you know why.
MEGAN
What about Sarah? Did you two hang out?
ANDREW
Ummm yeah a few times. Here and there.
MEGAN
Is she still upset about the fact that you haven’ttold your parents about her?
Yeah.
ANDREW
EDISON
Dude, just tell them. What’s the worst that could happen?
ANDREW
They’ll want to meet her and like I said before, I am not going to expose her to them. I just need to figure out how to make things right with her.
EDISON
Okay, here’s what you do.
Andrew leans in to listen. Edison prepares to speak. He stops. Something has caught his attention.
EDISON (CONT'D)
Uhhhh I gotta go find a book.
Edison rushes off. Brittaney and Mario appear at the table.
BRITTANEY
Hey everyone. How was your break?
ANDREW & MEGAN
Good.
BRITTANEY
That's good. Mario and I visited my parents.
MARIO
Yes, they took us to Olive Garden. You Americans have funny ideas about Italian food.
MEGAN
Wait till you try Taco Bell.
MARIO
I don’t think that’s Italian-
BRITTANEY
Well, we got to go. See yeah.
Brittaney and Mario leave.
MEGAN
She’s gone.
Edison appears from behind a bookshelf and rejoins the table.
ANDREW
Did you find your book?
EDISON
Andrew, you know that was a lie.
MEGAN
Are you gonna hide every time Brittaney and Mario are around us?
EDISON
For now.
ANDREW
Just hang in there man. I’m sure Britt and Mario will break up. Who knows, Mario might want to go back to Italy.
EDISON
Yeah, maybe he will.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
Andrew is sound asleep. The door slams open and he awakes with a start.
ANDREW
What the-?
Standing in his bedroom doorway is Edison.
ANDREW (CONT'D)
Edison, what the hell? It’s 4 in the morning.
EDISON
We need to talk.
Edison leaves Andrew’s room. Later.
Edison sits on the couch with Megan in the living room. Andrew exits his bedroom. Edison stands up.
ANDREW
(To Megan)
Did he wake you up too?
MEGAN
Yeah, right in the middle of a sex dream featuring Brie Larson.
ANDREW
Edison what’s going on?
EDISON
Take a seat, Andrew
Andrew sits down next to Megan. Edison stands in front of them.
Well?
ANDREW
EDISON
I have a plan to get Brittaney back.
ANDREW
Oh, Edison-
EDISON
I know what you’re thinking. That I should just move on but believe me, I tried. But I just can’t. So I have a plan.
MEGAN
And what is this PLAN of yours?
EDISON
We get Mario deported.
Andrew and Megan process this ludicrous idea.
ANDREW
Deported?
Yeah.
EDISON ANDREW
Edison, I’m not helping you get Mario deported.
EDISON
Why not?
ANDREW
Uh, let’s see, because it’s a terrible idea.
MEGAN
At least it’s not murder.
ANDREW
Don’t tell me you’re going to help him.
MEGAN
Relax, I think it’s a bad idea. And also illegal.
EDISON
C’mon you two, please.
Andrew stands up.
ANDREW
Edison, I know you are going through some things right now, but committing a felony is not the way to get through it.
Edison looks at Megan.
MEGAN
Sorry dude, I got to agree with him.
EDISON
What the hell are friends for if they won’t help you get rid of the guy who is with your soulmate?
Andrew and Megan look at each other and then back at Edison.
ANDREW
Goodnight Edison.
Andrew and Megan return to bed. Edison pulls out his phone, dials a number, and puts the phone to his ear.
EDISON
Hello yes? I’d like to report an illegal immigrant. Name? Mario Esposito.
EXT. CAMPUS - DAY
Mario is walking across campus. An inconspicuous van slowly drives behind him. It stops and two men in windbreakers bearing ICE get out and approach him. They grab Mario and drag him into the van. The van drives off.
INT. GARAGE - DAY
Mario sits in a chair with a bag over his head. It is ripped off and standing in front of him is Edison. Next to Edison, are the two ICE agents.
MARIO
Edison? What’s going on?
EDISON
What’s going on, is that you are being deported.
MARIO
But I’m here legally. I have a student visa.
EDISON
You’re not officially being deported. Believe me, I tried that but ICE wouldn't take me seriously so I had to think of something else.
MARIO
Wait, if those two people aren't ICE agents then-
EDISON
They’re drama students. In exchange for their help, I’m allowing them to use me on their resume.
MARIO
Edison, what’s this about?
EDISON
You know what this is about.
MARIO
Brittaney?
EDISON
Yes. You stole her from me. She and I were supposed to get back with each other when she got back but you just had to ruin that.
MARIO
It’s not like I planned all this Edison. I was just Britt’s guide at the school. SHE came onto me. Okay?
EDISON
You still could’ve said no.
MARIO
Oh, c’mon Edison. A girl like Brittaney, any guy wouldn’t be able to resist her.
EDISON
Seriously dude?
MARIO
Just stating the truth.
EDISON
Okay, I’ve heard enough. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna tell Britt that you got deported and had to return to Italy and that you can’t be with her anymore. You know what, tell her that you’re in love with someone else.
MARIO
Yeah, I’m not doing any of that.
EDISON
Oh really?
MARIO
Edison, I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way but she’s moved on.
EDISON
Sure she has.
MARIO
Look Edison, Brittaney told me about what you said at the party. How you wanted to get back with her.
EDISON
MARIO
Yeah. After the party. She started crying.
Crying?
EDISON
MARIO
I calmed her down, but Edison, you need to let her go. It’s time to move on. Not just for you but for her.
Edison contemplates what Mario has said.
EDISON
I love her.
MARIO
I know.
EDISON
You treat her good, you hear?
MARIO
Of course.
Good.
EDISON
Edison leans in close to Mario.
EDISON (CONT'D)
Cause if you hurt her in any way either emotionally or physically, you’re going to hope they deport you back to Italy.
Mario nervously gulps and nods.
EDISON (CONT'D)
Okay then, you’re free to go.
Edison clicks a remote and the garage door opens. Mario leaves.
DRAMA STUDENT
Do we still get lunch?
EDISON
For the last time, you’re not getting lunch.
The Next Day
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit at a study table. Brittaney and Mario approach them.
ANDREW
Shouldn't you go find a book?
EDISON
Nah, I’m good.
Andrew and Megan look at Edison confused.
BRITTANEY
Hey, Mario and I were wondering if you three would like to come over to Sarah and I’s place for game night. We were thinking of trivial pursuit.
EDISON
Sounds great, we’ll be there.
BRITTANEY
Great, see you then.
Brittaney and Mario walk away. Andrew and Megan continue staring at Edison.
What?
EDISON
ANDREW
What did you do?
EDISON
Nothing.
ANDREW
Yes, you did. You did something. You are acting way too cool. Did you report Mario?
EDISON
No.
MEGAN
So why are you acting so cool?
EDISON
He and I had a chat. We both now understand that as long as Britt is happy, then we’re both happy. Now, if you two will excuse me, I need to buy Trivial Pursuit and memorize all the cards so I can make Mario look like a dumbass.
Edison gets up and walks away.
ANDREW
Should we be worried about him?
MEGAN
We should always be worried about Edison.
ANDREW
I’ve got a bad feeling that this whole thing with Brittaney is gonna blow up.
END.