Our House Season 3 Episode 7 - Our Report Card

Our House Season 3, Episode 7
Our Report Card

Steven rushes into the house and dashes into his room.

Tammi: Steven… come here. Are you forgetting something?

Steven: Oh. Hi, mom!

Tammi: Not quite that.

Steven: Hi, grandma?

Tammi: Your grandmother isn’t even here.

Betty: Yes I am!

Steven: I don’t know what you mean, then.

Tammi: Your grandmother already called me today to tell that report cards were being sent home today for all kids in the district.

Betty: I did not say that or anything close to it.

Tammi: I obviously mean my mother, your daughter, Cindy. You know, Steven’s actual grandmother. Not his great-grandmother.

Betty: Oh, come on. She’s a pretty great grandmother.

Tammi: I don’t have the time to argue this, grandma. Steven, where is your report card?

Steven: Mrs. Masciotti must have forgotten to give them to us.

Tammi: I know that she did not.

Teri: I must say, I admire the little dude’s hustle. He went from calling you “mommy” when we first moved in to pulling my favorite childhood trick, hiding report cards. Of course, it’s going to be less successful for him because his mother actually cares.

Betty: I cared!

Teri: Ha!

Betty: I did!

Teri: I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. A major part of that was because you truly could not have cared less if I showed up to any classes other than English and Home Ec.

Betty: They are the important ones!

Tammi: Steven, can you please just hand me the report card so I can see it?

Steven: Fine.

Teri: You tried, kid.

Steven: Here it is, mom.

Tammi: This doesn’t look bad. A in English, B+ in math, B+ in science, A- in social studies, A in home economics, A+ in art, oh… no…

Betty: What is it?

Tammi: Want to tell everyone, Steven? Or should I?

Steven: You can.

Tammi: Steven failed gym.

Teri: He did what?

Tammi: He failed gym.

Teri: But he’s a young boy! I’ve been told that they love gym. They sure did when I was in school.

Tammi: What happened?

Teri: Oh, all the boys in my gym class loved basketball and dodgeball. I always tried to get out of it and “accidentally” hurt myself so i’d have to go to the nurse.

Tammi: I’m not talking about what happened when you were in school! I’m asking why my son flunked gym!

Steven: I don’t like it!

Tammi: I don’t like a lot of things, I still do them. I don’t like working. It happens.

Velma: Mitchell doesn’t like working either, but he just doesn’t work. Don’t be like Mitchell.

Mitchell: What does that mean?

Velma: It’s means you’re lazy!

Tammi: See, Steven. This is what happens when you decide not to do your responsibilities. How did you end up with an “F?”

Steven: I didn’t participate in any of the sports. I stood there but I didn’t do anything. I also took too long on the mile run and also -

Tammi: You don’t need to elaborate any further.

Steven You’re ashamed, I know.

Cindy walks into the house.

Cindy: What’s up?

Tammi: Mom, you missed the whole conversation.

Cindy: Can someone recap?

Danielle: Steven flunked gym. That was the whole conversation.

Cindy: Steven, you did what?

Tammi: I think he really tried.

Teri: Well… he tried harder than me.

Karl: That says nothing.

Teri: Oh boy, now dad’s joining in.

Karl: I’m only being honest.

Tammi: Steven, I’m not grounding you for this. I’m not even mad at you.

Steven: You aren’t?

Tammi: No. I sucked at gym, too.

Betty: You need to work and do better next time, though. We can go to the country club and maybe play some tennis, golf, you know, physical stuff.

Steven: Mom?

Tammi: Yes? All ears.

Steven: Can I go with grandma Betty?

Tammi: I wasn’t aware she joined a country club, but sure.

Betty: It’s a new thing. My good friend across the street got me in.

Ralph: Your good friend? What’s her name?

Betty: Glenda!

Ralph: It’s Gloria.

Betty: I think I got her number.

Teri: Hold up. You joined a country club and didn’t even tell us. You told me when you dropped a hearing aid in the toilet last week.

Betty: The country club doesn’t cost six thousand dollars.

Karl: It’s too soon to joke about that, honey.

The next day, at the Glencrest Country Club…

Betty: So, Steven, where do you want to go?

Steven: I really don’t like sports. Can we go golfing?

Betty: You not liking sports is going to be a problem, I’ll be honest. That’s the main reason we’re here.

Steven: I know, but I think it’ll be nice to start slow.

Betty: You remind me so much of your aunt.

Steven: Thank you!

Betty: Not necessarily a compliment at this moment, but you’re welcome. Let’s go grab a golf cart and go.

Betty and Steven drive to the golf course.

Betty: Okay, Steven. I’m no expert on golf, but all you really need to know is -

Steven: I know how to play, grandma Betty. I play golf video games with dad sometimes.

Betty: Wow, your father taught you something related to athletics. I, for one, am shocked.

Steven: So, you wanna go first?

Betty: You go. You’re the reason we’re here, after all.

Steven: All right. Stand back, I don't want to hit you with the club.

Betty: We’re in some deep crap if you’re hitting me with a gold club. It’s not twirling, you shouldn’t be spinning it around.

Steven: Don’t worry. I won’t hurt anyone.

Steven swings the golf club and loses hold of it.

Steven: I did say I only knew gold from video games.

Betty: Did that hit anyone?

Man: Yeah, me

Betty: Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, Mr. Valspar. Steven, this is Jim Valspar, the Vice President of Glencrest.

Steven: I apologize, Mr. Valspar.

Betty: Mr. Valspar, do you need me to take you somewhere to get checked out?

Jim: No, I’m okay. It just hit my leg.

Betty: Are you sure?

Jim: Yes. It’s fine.

Betty: Am I…?

Jim: I think it would be best if you left.

Betty: I figured.

Steven: What’s happening, grandma Betty?

Betty: It’s time to go home.

Steven: Already?

Betty: Yes, already.

Meanwhile, at the house…

Tammi: We need to do something about that grade. You know that, right?

Cindy: Of course I do. He can’t outright fail a class, that looks terrible.

Tammi: Have any ideas?

Cindy: The middle school’s gym teacher absolutely terrifies me, so this is a last-case scenario, but maybe we could go talk to her.

Tammi: You’re the high school’s principal. Why does the middle school gym teacher scare you?

Cindy: You ever see her? She looks like she could snap me in half.

Tammi: You’re pretty tiny compared to most humans, though. 

Cindy: Thank you, I try.

Tammi: So, what are we going to do about this teacher?

Frank: Woah, woah. Back it up. What are you two plotting?

Teri: Shut up, Frank.

Frank: You weren’t even in the room. You have no idea what I even was responding to.

Teri: Doesn’t matter. It’s always a beautiful moment to tell you to be silent.

Frank: So much for “unity” and “kindness” I guess.

Teri: Why be united when you can crack jokes at your expense instead?

Tammi: Can you two be quiet?

Teri: See, even your wife thinks you should be quiet.

Frank: You must have missed the part where she also told you to shut it.

Tammi: Mom, what are we going to do about the grade?

Cindy: We can go to the school and talk to her on Monday, after school. The middle school is tight next to the high school so I can get there immediately. You’ll just have to take off of work an hour early. Meet me there.

Tammi: Sounds good. I will feel much better with this off Steven’s record. Even a D would be acceptable at this point.

Teri: I think that was the motto of Frank’s parents. He’s not the sharpest too.

Frank: You just don’t stop, do you?

Teri: I have take it to another level it up in mom’s absence. She’d usually be here to riff off of.

Tammi: I just want to be clear. I’m not saying I want Steven to get a D. I just don’t want him to get an F.

Cindy: I think that was understood. By the smart ones here, at least.

Teri: You little…

Jerry: Cindy, can we…?

Cindy: My god, Jerry. Our family is around.

Jerry: I want to talk. What the heck did you think I was asking about?

Cindy: I’m not saying it in front of our daughter.

Tammi: I need to go vomit.

Cindy and Jerry walk into the dining room.

Cindy: What’s this about?

Jerry: Do you really think this is a good idea?

Cindy: Improving our grandson’s grade? Yes.

Jerry: Isn’t this some sort of an abuse of power?

Cindy: I don’t see how it could be.

Jerry: You’re a principal in the same school district he attends. You plan to go speak to a teacher to get her to change his grade for no reason. Ask y-

Cindy: It’s not an abuse of power. I’m not threatening her.

Jerry: Would you advocate for a teacher to change the grade of any other student?

Cindy: No.

Jerry: See! That’s my point. You wouldn’t treat any other student like this. It’s unequal treatment of the students in the district.

Cindy: You sound like a liberal now.

Jerry: Then so be it.

Cindy: Do you realize what you just said?

Jerry: Yes, and I don’t take it back. Integrity at your job is very important.

Cindy: That does sound like you.

Jerry: If you push for Steven’s grade to be changed and don’t do that for everyone, you’re sending a message that your grandson is somehow better than all of the other students and tarnishing your integrity.

Cindy: I’m a principal, Jerry. I’m not on the Supreme Court.

Jerry: It’s not about what job you have. It’s about who you are as a person. Let Tammi go down and talk to the teacher for herself. You’re a well-meaning grandmother, but you’re a principal that’s sticking her nose in the wrong place.

Cindy: I’ll think about it, okay? No promises.

Jerry: That’s all I ask.

Betty and Steven walk into the house.

Karl: You’re home early!

Betty: I don’t want to talk about it.

Karl: We don’t have to talk about it. I think I know what happened.

Ralph: Hey Teri! Mom’s not in a country club anymore.

Teri: That is soul-crushing.

Velma: Don't joke about it! This is very upsetting for me! She was goign to take me to synchronized swimming with her next week!

Mitchell: It's okay, honey. We can join the country club ourselves.

Velma: Maybe if you ever get back to work, which will heppen when pigs fly.

Mitchell: Ouch!

Betty: Don’t make fun of me!

Steven: It was my fault, not grandma Betty’s.

Tammi: Thank you for taking responsibility! I’m proud of you!

Betty: If only it was just him that got banned from the country club.

Cindy: Speaking of responsibility, can I talk to you, Tammi?

Tammi: Of course. What about?

Cindy: Let’s go somewhere private.

Tammi and Cindy walk into the dining room.

Cindy: Tammi, I can’t go with you to talk to Steven’s teacher.

Tammi: What? Why?

Cindy: Your father told me, uh, reminded me, that it was inappropriate to do that since I’m a principal in the school district and it’s not something I’d do for any other student. It’s favoritism and it’s not okay.

Tammi: He’s your grandson. It’s okay to like him more.

Cindy: I thought that as well at first, but it’s not okay to show preference to any particular student in a school environment. You’ll do fine on your own.

Tammi: I guess that’s that then. I’ll go fix things my own on Monday.

Cindy: Okay, sounds good. Thanks for understanding.

Two days later…

Cindy: How did it go?

Tammi: She changed the grade. No thanks to you.

Cindy: You’re welcome!

What did you think of the new episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to read a new episode next week!

Who was your favorite character in Our House Season 3 Episode 7, "Our Report Card?"

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