Bar Exam Season 5 Episode 1: Repeal LorenzoChair

 

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The Indiana state legislature is back in session. LORENZO and CHASE are sitting next to each other in the House of Representatives, alongside ADAM, REAGAN, MADISON, LINCOLN, SAM, and all other representatives. 


LORENZO
This is a disaster. 


CHASE

I get it, the food sucked today, but it can’t be cotton candy every day. 


LORENZO
IT CAN BE COTTON CANDY EVERY DAY. 


REAGAN

Speaking of which, I just stopped by SugarCity’s Kitchen, and let me tell you, they really stepped up the cotton candy offerings. Somehow. 


SAM

Are you guys gonna get back to the issue at hand here?


CHASE
Keep pointing it out Sam. Your usband screwed up. 


SAM
You didn’t screw up. You just...made a bill that backfired. 


LORENZO
The Affordable Chair Act has had a tough debut, and it’s a disaster. 


CHASE
Oh, so NOW it’s The Affordable Chair Act. 


LORENZO
Correct. 


CHASE
Well I’m gonna call it LorenzoChair. 


ADAM

Guys! No need to argue. That doesn’t fix anything. 


MADISON

What even is wrong with LorenzoChair? Other than the terrible chairs, of course, that everyone was forced to buy. 


CHASE

Some people actually want to expand upon it. Others want to completely repeal it. 


LINCOLN
And replace it with what?


CHASE
I don’t know, something better, I assume. 


SAM
It’s really laughable how a stupid bill in a state legislature about chairs in restaurants is playing out the exact same way as the country’s health care system. 


LORENZO
Luckily, I’ve come prepared with quite a few plans. 


SAM
Can we see them?


LORENZO
You see, they’re not exactly written down yet, but they are in my head!


SAM

Oh great. 


LORENZO
So the first one is LorenzoChair For All. 


LINCOLN
You just called LorenzoChair a disaster. 


LORENZO
Oh. True. My next idea: LorenzoChair For All Who Want It. 


Everyone stares in silence. 


LORENZO
Okay then. Third idea: We take LorenzoChair and build upon it. 


MADISON

So...LorenzoChair For All?


LORENZO
It’s not LorenzoChair For All! It’s different!


ADAM
Doesn’t sound it. 


LORENZO

Fourth idea: something better. 


LINCOLN
Huh. 


LORENZO

That’s the idea!


CHASE
Fine. Let’s write a bill about...something better. 


LORENZO
The BetterChair Act. 


CHASE
If you say so. 


LORENZO

So instead of LorenzoChair, let’s have it so that Lorenzo doesn’t provide any chairs. 


CHASE
Alright. 


LORENZO

And let’s let restaurants decide if they want to provide any chairs at all. And how much they want to charge to sit on a chair!


CHASE
Worth a try. I don’t see how there’s any good angle with any of your ideas though. 


LORENZO
What’s your idea?


CHASE
I don’t have one. 


LORENZO

Then let’s make the BetterChair Act. 


CHASE and LORENZO write a bill based on their conversation. It is presented to the floor for debate. 


REPRESENTATIVE #1

Do you know how many restaurants rely on chairs? Almost all of them! 


REPRESENTATIVE #2

We need more chairs! I don’t even want any room to walk in those restaurants, just chairs!


REPRESENTATIVE #3

Can BetterChair cover bar stools too? 


CHASE [to LORENZO]

Looks like a divided chamber. Think it’ll pass?


LORENZO [to CHASE]

No way. 


They vote on the bill. It fails, 33-67. 


SPEAKER

Moving onto the next bill. Repeal LorenzoChair Act. Since we just had the LorenzoChair debate, we will go straight to a vote on this bill. 


REAGAN [to SAM]

Does it even work that way?


SAM [to REAGAN]

I don’t think so. But if it gets us out of here faster, I won’t argue it. 


SPEAKER
We are going to do the votes one by one. 


LORENZO
WHAT?!?!?


SPEAKER
Please refrain from vague one-word complaints until the end of the vote. 


The representatives take their time with the vote. After three hours, the bill fails, 49-51. 


SPEAKER
Well that was a dramatic finish. LorenzoChair stays as law. Session dismissed. 


Everyone gets up and leaves except for CHASE and LORENZO.


LORENZO

So our signature legislation is a disaster and also can’t get repealed. 


CHASE

Why did you dramatically vote No then at the very end?


LORENZO
I choked under pressure. 


CHASE

What’s our plan now? 


LORENZO
My plan is to call it The Affordable Chair Act and hope nobody remembers I co-wrote the bill. Yours?


CHASE
I’m sure there’s a way we can trick people into thinking they actually like this. But first, I need some sleep. 


CHASE and LORENZO leave. 

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