Marietta is at Eliza and Elena’s house.
Marietta: I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!
Henrietta: They just saw you two weeks ago. I remember because I wasn’t allowed to go.
Eliza: I didn’t say you couldn’t go, I said I wish you wouldn’t.
Henrietta: That makes me feel better.
Elena: Can we not argue when we have a guest over?
Marietta: Oh, I’m barely even a guest, don't worry about it.
Eliza: I don’t want to argue at all. We’re not going to.
Henrietta: I was only joking to begin with.
Eliza: I’m sure you were.
Marietta: I’m afraid yo ask the question I was going to ask.
Eliza: Don’t be afraid! You can say anything in this house, you’re family!
Henrietta: You sound like Vin Diesel.
Eliza: Thank you.
Elena: You know your mother loves those Fast and the Furious movies, you’ve just inflated her ego an immeasurable amount.
Henrietta: I can live with it. I got to make a funny joke where I compared her to a man, and I didn’t even get in trouble.
Elena: Well, you are what, twenty years old now? We’ve moved past grounding you for making jokes.
Eliza: Or have we?
Marietta: Ah, I love coming here. For one, you give me time away from my mother. And also, you make me feel more sane.
Eliza: We shouldn’t.
Elena: That was mean.
Marietta: No, it needed to be said.
Henrietta: Marietta, do you want something to drink?
Marietta: I’ll have some water, thanks.
Elena: Could you grab me a root beer?
Henrietta: I think I asked Marietta.
Elena: How are you a mother?
Henrietta: The Sadie Hawkins Dance.
Marietta: Eliza, I keep meaning to ask and I keep forgetting. How are you liking being in the state House of Representatives?
Eliza: It’s… different than I expected. It’s been great so far, but I definitely expected to be working more than this. I think I got sworn in and haven’t had to go back to Baton Rouge to work since.
Marietta: Great, ain’t it?
Elena: She’s supposed to go in in March to actually convene with the other members for the first time. Exciting stuff!
Marietta: One of the great advantages of working in the Louisiana legislature is that it’s so easy to schedule a vacation around it. I mean, you can barely even call it “work.”
Eliza: I’ve been meeting with Democratic leaders from the House. They seem quite delighted by me, I don’t think they’ve ever met a bisexual person before.
Marietta: They’re elderly people from Louisiana, you cant’ really expect much else.
Eliza: They’re so positive, though. It’s sweet.
Henrietta: Your water, Marietta. And your root beer, Elena.
Elena: Aww, she’s not so bad!
Henrietta: Thank you, that means so much to me.
Marietta: I'm glad you’re enjoying the job, Eliza. It was such a great job for me to start out with in politics. People don’t really think you can make much of a difference in the legislature, but you can. Just don’t ever give up!
Marietta’s phone rings.
Marietta: I wonder what Danny wants.
Eliza: Answer it and find out!
Marietta: Thing is, I don’t really want to speak with him. I’m quite content with this conversation.
Elena: We’ll be here when you get back! Answer!
Marietta: Man, you guys are persuasive.
Marietta picks up the phone and walks out onto the porch.
Marietta: What’s going on, Danny? It’s not like you ever just call for no reason anymore.
Danny: I wonder why that is.
Marietta: I’m not getting into this. I did the responsible thing and I was honest with you.
Danny: I’m not calling you to argue, I don’t want to do that.
Marietta: So, what’s up? Is something going on with Kyle?
Danny: No, with us.
Marietta: Us? What “us?”
Danny: Armstrong High School Class of 198-
Marietta: Don’t finish that thought! It makes us seem old!
Danny: We are old.
Marietta: What does our graduating class have to do with anything?
Danny: The 40th high school reunion is coming up soon. Nadine made sure to call me and let me know.
Marietta: Ooh, Nadine. She always had such a crush on you.
Danny: Are you kidding me? She was in love with Paul.
Marietta: McCartney? We aren’t that old, Dan.
Danny: Paul Ditcher!
Marietta: Oh. Him?
Danny: I know…
Marietta: I don’t think I’m going to the reunion. Everyone in this town hates me anyway. Plus, it’s not even the 40th anniversary.
Danny: Yeah, they had to push it back a few years because of the hurricane and then Vera Allmann got uterine cancer and they didn’t want to plan it without her. She’s good now!
Marietta: Ah, that’s good to hear. She was always so nice.
Danny: She’s a member of the alt-right now.
Marietta: Oh… well, still good. No one deserves that.
Danny: I’m just pulling your leg.
Marietta: Are you going?
Danny: Yeah, I miss our friends. Remember the band?
Marietta: The band! Of course I remember Marietta and the Tectonics!
Danny: We were the talk of the town in the late 1970s and early 1980s.
Marietta: Us and the terrible Saturday Night Live Mardi Gras special kept New Orleans on the map.
Danny: Nadine asked me if we wanted to get the band back together for reunion. Cherry Bomb, Rhiannon, come on Marietta. You know you want to.
Marietta: I don’t think I can sing like that anymore
Danny: Like what?
Marietta: Like a young cocaine addict.
Danny: You never sounded like Stevie Nicks, that’s what made us so good. You had your own sound!
Marietta: And that sound is gone. Just ask Sarah. I love singing along to her music in the car but I always “ruin” it for her.
Danny: I think you’re underestimating how much fun this could be!
Marietta: I’ll tell you what. When’s the reunion?
Danny: Two weeks.
Marietta: That’s a little late to tell people, ain’t it?
Danny: Nadine’s very busy, I think she just forgot to tell us.
Marietta: I’ll think about it tonight and then call you tomorrow. Maybe my voice will magically be restored to its former glory.
Danny: Talk to you tomorrow, then. Better be good news!
Marietta: Talk tomorrow. Love ya. Not that way, though! As a friend!
Danny: You don’t have to rub it in. But I love you, too. As a friend.
Later that night, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Sarah: You’re late!
Marietta: And you’re not doing your homework, but I chose not to comment on that.
Kathleen: She already finished it.
Marietta: Dammit!
Sarah: Ha!
Patty Lynn: She’s not wrong. You are even later than usual. Where were you?
Marietta: Welcome home, mother.
Patty Lynn: Thank you. Where were you?
Marietta: I was at Eliza and Elena’s. They invited me to visit them and I stopped in to see them. Is that allowed?
Patty Lynn: Yeah, but you could ask me next time.
Marietta: Would be a bit rude for me to invite you to someone else’s house, no?
Patty Lynn: They love me, they’d be fine with it.
Martin: We can go see them tomorrow if you want.
Kathleen: Yeah, not like we have anything going on.
Marietta: I’m glad you guys figure that out, that really would’ve bothered me.
Patty Lynn: Don’t you get sarcastic with us, little missy.
Marietta: Not trying to get sarcastic. I just want to ask you guys for advice.
Patty Lynn: Fire away! I’m always ready, willing and able!
Marietta: See, it scares me when you're so enthusiastic.
Martin: Scares me, too.
Patty Lynn: Martin!
Martin: It was a thought!
Kathleen: I saw her slap a man at Mount Rushmore for parking in two parking spots. I can’t even imagine how she’ll pay you back for that. And the man was driving an RV! He had to take up two spots!
Patty Lynn: That’s what he wants you to think.
Sarah: Aunt Marietta, what do you want our advice on?
Marietta: Their advice. Not yours, I know you’d say something to make me cry.
Sarah: When would I ever do that?
Kathleen: So often.
Marietta: My high school reunion is coming up in a few weeks, Danny just told me about it. He also ask me about reuniting our high school band to perform at the reunion. I don’t even know if I want to go, let alone get the band back together.
Sarah: Band? What'd did you play the oboe or something?
Marietta: Very funny.
Kathleen: I forgot you were ever in a band.
Martin: You were busy in Congress at that time.
Kathleen: Oh, thank god.
Patty Lynn: She was quite good. I didn’t like the lesbian with the red hair that she played in the band with, though. Not because she was a lesbian, she was just so rude.
Marietta: The only one in the band with red hair was Oscar. Who is a man.
Patty Lynn: Oh, no wonder she was such an ugly woman.
Marietta: I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but you guys aren’t helping me. I need help!
Sarah: We know.
Martin: What was the question again? They don’t shut up, I don’t even have time to think.
Marietta: Should I go to my high school reunion and should reunite with my teenage band?
Martin: Oh, that’s right. I think you should go, and I think you should do the band thing, too. When else do you get a chance to cut loose like this?
Sarah: Cut loose? Oh, grandpa…
Martin: Is that not cool to say anymore?
Sarah: No, not at all.
Patty Lynn: I agree with your father. You don’t want to miss out on this opportunity. You don’t have fun very often.
Marietta: Okay, that's just hurtful.
Patty Lynn: I don’t mean it in a nasty way! It’s just that you’re always working so hard, this could be fun for you.
Marietta: I don’t really think I work that hard. In fact, Amy and Tammy are always getting on my case about it.
Sarah: Just go to the freakin’ reunion! You know you want to, if only to be able to come home and tell us how you aged so much better than the rest of them.
Marietta: You are right about that. I guess I’ll go.
Kathleen: Can you promise me something, Marietta?
Marietta: Promise what?
Kathleen: You won’t ever make me listen to your band.
Martin: That was uncalled for.
Kathleen: I’m just being honest.
Sarah: Let her preserve her ears, grandpa.
Marietta: I won’t make you listen. That honor will only be bestowed upon the attendees of the reunion.
Martin: I want to hear it! You have a beautiful voice.
Marietta: You’re just flattering me now.
Martin: I mean it! I loved going to your shows.
Sarah: Maybe you should chaperone the reunion!
Patty Lynn: That’s it, go to your room.
Marietta: I guess I need to call Danny and tell him the news. Or maybe I should rest my voice.
Kathleen: It’s a high school reunion, not an audition for the Voice.
Patty Lynn: You go to your room, too.
Kathleen: You can’t make me.
Later that night…
Danny: Marietta! I wasn’t expecting a call from you so soon!
Marietta: I wasn’t expecting to call so soon, but sometimes plans change.
Danny: Does this mean good news? Or are you just trying to let me down easy?
Marietta: I’ll do it. The reunion and the band.
Danny: That’s great! We were thinking of practicing on Friday at my place.
Marietta: That’s RuPaul’s Drag Race night.
Danny: Ae you joking or no?
Marietta: I’m not, but I can swing it. I’ll see you guys on Friday, I guess. It’ll be nice to see old friends again.
Friday night, at Danny’s…
Marietta: I can’t believe this place, Danny!
Danny: Have you really never been here before?
Marietta: I haven't exactly had a reason to be here since you moved in.
Danny: Well, you’re here now. And after everyone else has already gotten here, just like old times.
Marietta: All of them? Sheesh.
Danny: Just Nadine, Martha, Oscar and Paul. So, yeah, all of them.
Marietta: Well, saved the best for last.
Nadine: Marietta! You got old!
Marietta: Nadine! You got a boob job! A bad one…
Nadine: Ah, it’s good to see ya, you bitch!
Martha: I’m here, too!
Marietta: What is it now? Martha Renee… Rae?
Nadine: I prefer to call her Norma Rae.
Marietta: Well, I do love a good union.
Oscar: Speaking of unions, how are you two doing? You still happy?
Martha: Oh, he doesn’t know…
Paul: He’s always been ignorant.
Oscar: What did I say?
Nadine: Give him a break, he did move to Chicago.
Oscar: Someone tell me what’s going on!
Marietta: Oscar, Danny and I are divorced.
Oscar: You are? But you were perf-
Danny: I think we should get to rehearsing!
Nadine: We haven’t eaten yet! Not that I need to eat, but the rest of you do!
Martha: Are you implying that, unlike us mere mortals, you don’t need to eat to survive.
Nadine: I mean, look at me. Does this look like a body that eats pizza?
Marietta: Danny, you got pizza for our big reunion? Could’ve at least splurged for some Olive Garden.
Danny: You always told me I was a cheapskate.
Oscar: Okay, I see it now.
Danny: See what?
Oscar: How you two are divorced.
Martha: Danny, do you have the instruments? I sort of forgot to ask.
Paul: Do we really need instruments? We can just play air guitar and tap on tissue boxes.
Danny: I’ve got it all right here in the living room.
Paul: Oh, that’s good. I was trying to be positive, but that would’ve been such a dumb idea.
Nadine: Yeah, you’re chock full of those.
Martha: So, are these our old instruments?
Danny: Yes, I kept them all with me in the hopes we’d reunite one day and go on a world tour.
Martha: Really? That’s incredible!
Danny: No! Who do you think I am, Stevie Nicks? I rented it all!
Nadine: This is like the old keyboard I used to use. This is gonna be great!
Martha: Everyone knows you can’t have a rock band without keyboards.
Nadine: Christine McVie was the heart and soul of Fleetwood Mac, and don’t you forget it!
Paul: It’s not like Martha does anything essential.
Martha: I’m the drummer! It’s not like we need three dudes on guitar!
Marietta: I always thought it was cool that we had a female drummer. So progressive.
Martha: I was inspired by Karen Carpenter. Unfortunately, I was never allowed to sing, so I had to settle for the thing Karen was second best-known for.
Nadine: I don’t recall Karen Carpenter being a notorious whiner.
Martha: We could have been Martha and the Tectonics if Danny didn’t insist on bringing Marietta along for the ride!
Marietta: But I was the main attraction. I sold the tickets! I’m the Stevie Nicks!
Nadine: Aww, we really are Fleetwood Mac. Right down to the sad, divorced couple.
Oscar: This is going so well.
Danny: I guess we’re not eating, since you all walked out of the dining room. Shall we select a song?
Nadine: I always loved doing Cherry Bomb. It really suited Marietta’s voice.
Martha: Yeah, I guess it was pretty easy to sing.
Marietta: I don’t know if I even know the lyrics to Cherry Bomb anymore. I do know all the words to Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo, though!
Paul: Who?
Nadine: I thought Oscar was supposed to be the dumb one.
Marietta: I also know Levitating by Dua Lipa. My niece’s favorite song!
Martha: Do you know any rock songs anymore or just teenage girl pop?
Nadine: Dua Lipa’s actually no-
Martha: I don’t care.
Marietta: What do you suggest we sing, Martha?
Martha: The Rolling Stones.
Marietta: Okay, Start Me Up.
Oscar: Let me plug in the guitar!
Marietta: I meant I know the song “Start Me Up” by The Rolling Stones.
Oscar: Oh, I don’t know that one.
Nadine: I need a drink.
One weeks later, at the reunion…
Nadine: Marietta! You clean up nice! And is that…
Tammy: The First Lady? I sure am!
Nadine: I was going to ask Marietta if you were her girlfriend, but yeah, you are Tammy Yarborough.
Marietta: She’s my best friend and she was kind enough to accompany me here so I didn’t go alone.
Tammy: Someone’s gotta keep her from drinking all the spiked punch!
Danny: Hey! I didn’t see you slip in!
Marietta: I’m nervous, Danny. It’s been so long since I’ve performed in public and that rehearsal was, uh…
Danny: Yeah, it wasn’t great. But It wasn’t your fault. You sounded awesome!
Marietta: Do people still say “awesome?”
Danny: I do.
Marietta: So, what’s the setlist, again?
Danny: Starting with Cherry Bomb -
Marietta: Great song, glad I remember it now.
Danny: Then we’re doing Call Me -
Marietta: The Blondie song?
Danny: That’s the one. Then we’re doing Go Your Own WAy -
Marietta: Ironic, ain’t it?
Danny: Yeah.
Marietta: Because I told you that same thing last year.
Danny: I got the reference, Marietta.
Marietta: Any other songs?
Danny: Then Southern Nights and, because we insisted, we’re wrapping with Good 4 U.
Marietta: What can I say, I like the kid.
Danny: Teenage you would make fun of you liking a song that was actually popular with the teens.
Marietta: Yeah, well teenage me was a bitch.
Martha: Hey guys! We’re on next!
Marietta: We are? Already?
Martha: Yeah, as soon as Hank and Patty finish their performance. They’re fifteen minutes into Paradise by the Dashboard Light, so they should be done in, eh, a half hour?
Marietta: No, really. How long do we have?
Martha: Probably about ten minutes?
Marietta: I need a drink.
Paul: Don’t get too drunk. You’re the only one of us that knows the lyrics to any of these songs. If you pass out, we’re all done.
Marietta: This is going to be a disaster.
Martha: It is, but it’ll probably be a fun one.
Oscar: Oh my god, Marietta, you never told me you knew Rosalynn Carter!
Tammy: Okay, I can take being called a lot of things. Rosalynn Carter is not one of them! I’m gonna fight a bitch!
Nadine: Marietta, is she always like this?
Marietta: Ever since I met her.
Ten minutes later, on the stage…
Danny: Marietta, we’re on.
Marietta: I can see that, Danny.
Danny: Knock ‘em dead.
Marietta: I’d like to be knocked dead myself.
Danny: I mean it! Have fun, let loose, and you’ll do great. I believe in you.
Marietta: Glad someone does!
Tammy: Ladies and gentlemen, returning to Armstrong High after an extended hiatus, please welcome, Marietta and the Tectonics!
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!
