CARTER is talking to RAY and BEN in the Charleston Capitols’ dugout.
CARTERIsn’t this great? We’re all vaccinated, crowds are coming back, and I think maybe there’s a chance I’ll pitch well today!
RAY
Very. Today just feels like a special day.
LEWIS approaches.
LEWIS
Couldn’t help but overhear. Carter, you know you’re gonna have to do more baseball signings soon now that crowds are coming back, right?
CARTER
I oddly miss them a bit. It’s just been so long since we were all able to interact without being paranoid.
BEN
I’ll say. Just this morning I saw someone walking by and felt it was safe to say Happy Birthday!
CARTER
Was it their birthday?
BEN
There’s a 1 in 365 chance it was!
LEWIS
Or 366. Could’ve been a leap year.
CARTER
Today’s not February 29, that would make no sense.
LEWIS
Oh. Yeah, you’re right.
RAY
By the way Carter, when did you get your vaccine?
CARTER
Oh about...let’s see...12 hours ago.
RAY
Oh well that’s just perfect.
CARTER
You sound sarcastic.
RAY
There’s a pretty solid chance you’re about to get a fever.
CARTER
I don’t get fevers.
BEN
Take your temperature.
CARTER
I don’t have a thermometer but I’m sure I’m fine.
BEN
Lucky for you, I have a thermometer with me at all times. Take it.
CARTER takes his temperature.
CARTER
Normal. Come on Ray, let’s warm up.
CARTER throws a practice pitch to RAY outside the dugout.
CARTER
Ow!!!
RAY
What’s the matter?
CARTER
Just a bit of sharp pain.
RAY
Don’t even tell me you had your throwing arm vaccinated.
CARTER
I wasn’t thinking!
RAY
Alright, you’re not playing today.
LEWIS
Carter, you have to pitch. None of the other pitchers are here.
RAY
Um...why?
LEWIS
Long line at the vaccine center.
CARTER
I’m lucky I got there when I did.
LEWIS
In a sense. But you’re our only pitcher and you have a sore arm.
CARTER stops talking, looking concerned.
RAY
Uh oh.
CARTER
You know what, I don’t feel so great.
BEN hands CARTER his thermometer.
CARTER
What—how is that—
BEN
Over 100?
CARTER
Uh huh.
BEN
Happened fast, didn’t it?
CARTER
Uh huh.
LEWIS
So what, it’s just a fever and a sore arm, what could go wrong?
CARTER
I need to rest.
CARTER walks to the clubhouse.
LEWIS
And now I don’t have a pitcher.
RAY
Guess that leaves me with no purpose.
LEWIS
Nope. I have an idea.
LEWIS runs out of the dugout and meets the HOME PLATE UMPIRE.
LEWIS
So this is going to sound crazy, but our pitchers are all out with sore arms and fevers.
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
So you’re trying to forfeit the game?
LEWIS
Not quite. Is there a specific rule that managers can’t pitch?
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
I suppose not. Kind of goes without saying though.
LEWIS
Well then, put me in.
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
You’re pitching? You?
LEWIS
No other options.
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Hey, you’ve still gotta be better than what the other team’s got.
LEWIS
Very funny. The Primitives have the best pitchers in the league.
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Yeah. But they’re also all out with fevers and broken arms.
LEWIS
Sore arms.
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Whatever. Point is, they’re putting in the guy that flips burgers in their bullpen.
LEWIS
Holy crap!
HOME PLATE UMPIRE
Exactly. Good luck!
LEWIS walks back to the dugout.
LEWIS
Guess who’s pitching?! Me!
RAY
You didn’t let us guess, but do you really expect me to be able to catch your inevitably wild pitches?
LEWIS
Nope. This is gonna be a battle of the offenses. Primitives have their snack guy in.
RAY
Okay then. Let the least bad team win!
TO BE CONTINUED