Our House Season 3 Episode 20 - Our Colors Still Don’t Run

Our House Season 3, Episode 20
Our Colors Still Don't Run

Betty: Well, guys. I’m off to the HOA meeting.

Karl: Why are you gonna hang around all those stuck-up rude people who make you feel bad about yourself?

Betty: They’re going to start planning the neighborhood Memorial Day party. I want a big role this time. If I can get in their good graces, I’ll start to be included.

Ralph: Why would you want to be included in that group of country club Republicans?

Betty: You don’t know if they’re Republicans. Not that it matters either way.

Cindy: That’s a good attitude, mom! We can all get along no matter what we believe.

Teri: Sure, Cindy believes that I’m a baby-eating pedophile, but that isn’t a deal breaker for her! Unity!

Cindy: Teri, be quiet.

Teri: That was warranted.

Betty: It’s not that I want to be around these people and make them my new best friends, but I don’t want them to think we’re a bunch of losers that don’t care about the neighborhood. If they start to dislike us, they can make our lives more difficult.

Karl: We’ve been here almost three years. I’m pretty sure their impression of us is baked in at this point, and I don’t think it’s a positive one.

Betty: Then I’m going to try to change that.

Mitchell: Remember when Cindy drove her car into the HOA President? That was fun.

Cindy: That was horrific.

Mitchell: It was funny.

Cindy: No, it wasn’t!

Ralph: I must say… it was pretty funny.

Cindy: You are all horrible!

Betty: Luckily, there’s a new HOA President now. She might also hate us but she might not! We’ll have to see. See you guys later!

Ralph: Wait, hold up one second. You’re already planning a Memorial Day party?

Betty: Yes. It’s only a month away and we need time to plan. Now, see ya later!

At the HOA meeting…

Betty: Hi everyone, hope I’m not late! I brought cupcakes for y’all!

Amelia: Betty! So nice to see you! This is my boyfriend’s 

HOA President Anita DeFleur: You’re not on time, but you’re not that late. I hope those cupcakes are gluten free and made from organic ingredients, though. Olivia won’t eat anything with gluten or GMOs.

Olivia: That’s not true, I just don’t like to.

HOA Vice President Marcel Chardeau: I saw you eat a whole package of Peeps on Easter.

Olivia: No one can confirm that.

Marcel: I can.

Olivia: Shut it, Marcel.

Marcel: Careful. Better be nice to the Vice President.

Olivia: Of the neighborhood HOA. You’re not Dede Ducovney.

Marcel: You’re right. I have more influence on your life than the Vice President of the United states.

Anita: Can we all please quiet down? This meeting’s already behind schedule.

Marcel: Sorry, Anita.

Anita: Okay, this is my first HOA meeting. I feel honored to have been chosen as the permanent replacement for Ron Stein after a year of Victoria Andrews as interim president. Anita told me that she was in office for a month before she realized that this was not for her, so let’s see how this goes! My first act in office is to organize the annual neighborhood Memorial Day picnic. This is a day that most others would say doesn’t matter all that much. It’s not a day where we normally get together and exchange gifts, we don’t have Memorial Day songs, we don’t have Memorial Day films.

Marcel: You’re forgetting Top Gun.

Anita: Top Gun?

Marcel: Never mind.

Anita: My point is, many don’t see this day as a big deal, but it is. It officially kicks off this neighborhood’s event season. I know you’re all very excited for the weekly luncheons and block parties and all of that. These events have brought me great personal joy in my two years living here.

Betty (whispering to Amelia): Why does Anita talk like Margaret Thatcher?

Amelia: She lived in England for five years as a child.

Betty: As a child? And she still talks like that?

Anita: Why yes, I do still speak like Margaret Thatcher.

Betty: I didn’t mean it an any disparaging way. I’m sorry that I offended you.

Anita: Water under the bridge. Speaking of water… in the event that it rains on Memorial Day, the party will go on right here in the pavilion. It’s large enough to accommodate everybody and has been used before. Now, I don’t want to bore you all to tears since I know you want to get back home and spend your Sunday afternoons with your families. So, who would like to take the charge in the planning of the party? I’d take it on myself, but it’s customary for a resident of the neighborhood who isn’t HOA President to assume this role, while I oversee it all and take on an advisory role.

Betty: I’d like to do it!

Olivia: I guess I could.

Betty: I would love to! I’ve been dying to do this since I moved here. I love parties and I used to throw them all the time for my family. I stopped doing it for the most part once we moved here since my family sees each other every day anyway and parties aren’t a huge deal anymore, but I still love planning parties.

Anita: The board and I will consider both of you and return with our decision momentarily.

Anita, Marcel, Victoria and Amelia exit the room.

Betty: So, is everyone excited for Memorial Day?

Shelby: Anita likes for us to avoid talking amongst ourselves during the meeting, even when it’s at a recess. It makes it easier for her to retake control when she comes back.

Betty: That doesn’t seem very fun.

Annie: It’s an HOA meeting. It’s not supposed to be fun.

Betty: I guess you aren’t wrong.

The group returns.

Betty: Wow, that was fast!

Anita: We’ve made our decision. We want to make sure that the person taking on this important task is both dedicated and experienced. We thought hard about this and deliberated vigorously, but we finally decided that we’re giving Olivia the job.

Olivia: Okay, thanks.

Anita: We’ve also gone ahead and assigned some additional roles. Jill will be in charge of dessert. Shelby will be in charge of appetizers. Howard will be in charge of decorations. Darla will be in charge of drinks. Carissa will oversee the most important department - our main course. Annie will deal with sides.

Betty: Anita…

Anita ignores Betty.

Betty: Mrs. Thatcher!

Anita: Yes, Betty?

Betty: What can I do? I’m the only one you didn’t assign anything to.

Anita: Not true! Victoria didn’t get anything to do either!

Victoria: That’s because you already asked me to have my husband provide coolers and insisted that was enough.

Anita: Quiet down.

Betty: Don’t you like me, Anita?

Anita: What? That’s ridiculous. I’m giving you a very important job.

Betty: Which is…?

Anita: You will be in charge of the plates and utensils! Napkins, too! That’s a huge role!

Betty: It is?

Anita: Obviously! What would we do without plates and utensils? What you’re doing is crucial.

Betty: If you say so.

Anita: Everyone here will be reporting to Olivia, you’ll talk with her about  your department and you and her will pick out what to get for the party and then you’ll get it. Except you, Betty. You can pick out all of your stuff on your own. We trust you that much!

Betty: Thank you, it’s an honor.

One hour later, at home…

Betty: You guys will never believe what happened today!

Teri: Something interesting? I sure wouldn’t believe that.

Betty: I was asked to select the plates, napkins and utensils for the Memorial Day party! Isn’t that exciting?

Jerry: No, really. What’s this news we won’t believe?

Betty: That was it!

Jerry: You’re excited about that?

Betty: Everyone else at the meeting was assigned a different thing to bring to the party and I was the only one who won’t have to consult with the one in charge when I pick everything out. I get independence and they don’t. It’s because they trust me.

Ralph: It’s because they think there’s no way you can possibly screw up picking out a pack of plates, a sleeve of napkins and a set of plastic utensils.

Jerry: They don’t know Betty, then.

Betty: You’re all just jealous that you’re not included in this party but I am!

Teri: Mom, think back to when you’d hold parties. If there was someone you didn’t trust to make food, what would you ask them to bring?

Betty: Well, I don’t know. Just their smiling face.

Teri: Plates, napkins, utensils, things you don’t eat!

Velma: Hey, she always asked me to bring the plates and utensils!

Teri: Exactly! Velma can’t even cut summer sausage, that’s why you had her bring paper products. No way she could mess that up.

Velma: That’s not true. Right, Betty?

Betty: I think there’s someone at the door!

Mitchell: There isn’t.

Betty: Yes, there is. It’s probably someone from Amaz-

There’s a knock at the door.

Betty: See!

Betty opens the door to see Amelia standing there.

Betty: Zeke, your girlfriend’s here!

Amelia: No, he’s not why I’m here. I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the HOA meeting.

Betty: Come on in, it’s raining out there. You’re getting drenched.

Amelia: I know you’re excited about bringing plates to the party, but you need to know this. Anita isn’t your friend. She’s not really anyone’s friend but she certainly isn’t yours.
Betty: She’s nice enough. She didn’t get mad when I compared her to Margaret Thatcher. That’s a nice lady.

Amelia: She’s the only reason you didn’t get the party planning job. I pushed for you and the rest of the board knew Olivia didn’t want it, but Anita said you’re an “old fool” and said she knows you wouldn’t plan a party up to the HOA’s standards. Whatever that means.

Betty: She actually said that about me?

Amelia: Yeah, she did. I debated whether I should tell you but I figured you should know that she’s no friend of yours.

Karl: I’m going down there to knock her off her high horse. No one’s going to talk like that about my wife.

Teri: Dad… so many people do. Anita isn’t the only one.

Karl: Who else talks about your mother like that?

Cindy: Teri, Ralph, Mitchell, Jerry,

Jerry: You’re really gonna sell me out like that?

Cindy: Donnie the mailman, Priscilla at the grocery store, Emily at the grocery store, Helen at the grocery st-

Karl: Okay, okay. That’s enough. Why do you all pick on her?

Betty: It can fun when they know me! It’s just mean when they don’t.

Amelia: I guess I should get going. Olivia’s having us all at her house to talk about the party.

Betty: She didn’t invite me?

Amelia: I thought for sure she did!

Betty: No! Everyone in this HOA is horrible! How’d you even get on the HOA board with these mean people?

Amelia: My uncle insisted. He was the HOA President and forced them to put me on the board when he left. Anyway, time for me to get to that meeting. Have a nice day, everyone!

Amelia leaves.

Betty: That’s it.

Teri: Are we gonna go punch those stuffy HOA witches? Let me get my camera, I want proof.

Betty: No! Violence is never the answer.

Jerry: Sometimes it is.

Teri: Jerry gets it!

Betty: I’m going to plan my own Memorial Day party right here in our backyard. I’ll invite the entire neighborhood and all our friends. Whoever comes, comes. At least this family will have a nice party and I’ll prove it to myself that I can plan a nice party.

Danielle: I think it’s a great idea.

Teri: Danielle, you weren’t invited to live with us so you could agree with cuckoo over there.

Danielle: No, I was invited because you needed the money. Also because you love me.

Jerry: I think if Betty wants to plan a nice party to celebrate our fallen troops, I’m all for it.

Ralph: Does anyone actually celebrate Memorial Day for the real reason it’s a holiday? Everyone just uses it to get a free day off and eat hot dogs on the grill with your family. I forgot what the “memorial” was even for.

Betty: I will celebrate the troops and America and give everyone a nice Memorial Day. Tell all your friends, this will be the place to be on Memorial Day.

Two weeks later, there is a knock on the door. Teri answers.

Teri: And who are you?

Anita: I’m Anita DeFleur, I’m here to speak to Betty.

Teri: I don’t think Betty wants to talk to you.

Betty (upstairs): Betty doesn’t know who’s there but Betty wants to talk to them!

Anita: Ah, Betty! We need to talk.

Betty: You…

Anita: Does Betty not want to talk now?

Betty: What are you here about, you two-faced monster?

Anita: I’ve heard about your party.

Betty: Yes. What about it?

Anita: You’re having a Memorial Day party on the same day as the neighborhood party.

Betty: Yes, I’m having a Memorial Day party on Memorial Day. I know it’s shocking.

Anita: You already knew about our party when you planned yours. You’re only having one out of spite.

Betty: I’m having a Memorial Day party for my family. What’s wrong with that?

Anita: You invited the entire neighborhood. I don’t know if you know this or not because your brain doesn’t seem fully-functioning, but that’s kind of the target audience for my neighborhood block party.

Betty: Listen, Dame Judi Dench, you don’t own Memorial Day. It isn’t about you. So just mind your own business, have your party, and be quiet. By the way, here’s your plates, here’s your napkins, and here’s your utensils.

Anita: You’re going to regret making an enemy out of the HOA, Betty Bellwood.

Betty: Is that all you came here to say?

Anita: Were you expecting anything else?

Betty: You have a nice day, Queen Elizabeth. Buh-bye.

Betty slams the door.

Karl: Wow, what was that about? Did the Lunch Palace bring us the wrong order again?

Betty: No, Anita DeFleur stopped by to give me hell about the Memorial Day party.

Karl: Anita? She’s out there right now?

Betty: She’s probably gone by now.

Karl: I want to give her a piece of my mind.

Betty: Go see if she’s out there. I won’t object to someone giving her a good talkin’ to.

Karl walks outside.

Cindy: Oh, no. Don’t send dad out there to argue with Anita. He’s old.

Velma: He’ll be fine. That snooty little thing deserves to be confronted.

Cindy: Okay, but when dad gets knocked to the ground by an prissy British woman, remember that I told you so.

Karl walks back into the house.

Karl: She was already gone by the time I got out.

Cindy: Thank god.

Teri: I can’t lie, I kinda wanted to see dad hit a girl.

Betty: I need to get back to planning. The party is only two weeks away and I have so much to do!

Two weeks later…

Teri: You know, mom… this party actually turned out pretty well.

Ralph: It better have. She’s had me up for three days straight making food for it!

Velma: Surely you have-

Ralph: Look into my eyes.

Velma: You’ve been tellin’ lies?

Ralph: No, Paula Abdul! I haven’t even napped in 72 hours because mom just remembered three days ago that she needed food for the party. She’s under the impression that dozens of people will turn up and if they don’t, there might be a murder here today.

Betty: People will show up. It’s two o’clock, that’s the time I gave people to show up. Still plenty of time for people to get here.

Mitchell: Is it possible that this Anita lady is threatening them and won’t let them come here?

Teri: That will absolutely be mom’s excuse if no one shows up.

Betty: It won’t some to that, so let’s not talk about it!

Frank: I think I see someone coming now.

Teri: That’s just Danielle bringing the ice in. You complete idiot.

Tammi: We didn’t have ice?

Frank: Aren’t you going to defend me?

Tammi: I don’t have the energy today?

Steven: Are you okay, mom?

Tammi: I helped your grandma with decorating and because of that, I only got four hours of sleep. No, I’m not okay.

Betty: Don’t think about that, Tammi! Dance to the music! It’s all Memorial Day music!

Tammi: What does Rio by Duran Duran have to do with Memorial Day?

Betty: I think I have the wrong playlist on. Steven tried to teach me what to do with Spotify but I still have trouble with it. This is my Memorial Day mix!

Tammi: Much better!

Ralph: Born in the USA? Isn’t that just a song about how much things sucked when Ronnie Reagan was President?

Jerry: No, it was a celebration of America! I don’t want to hear any disparaging of The Gipper on this special day!

Betty: Oh, look! Amelia’s here!

Amelia: This place looks awesome! I thought I heard Bruce Springsteen when I was walking up but I wasn’t expecting the whole yard to also scream “USA!” at me. This is much better than Anita’s party.

Betty: It is?

Amelia: Oh my god, is it ever. Hers looks like it was developed by a focus group and set in the middle of a Hallmark movie. It’s nice and all but it’s bland.

Betty: It is?

Ralph: At least try to hide how delighted you are about that party sucking. Our entire neighborhood is suffering through it.

Amelia: I’m gonna text Shelby and tell her how much better this party is. Maybe she can slip away.

Betty: That would be great! See, y’all. I said we’d get guests and here we are, getting guests!

Karl: I sure hope they come because I really want to stick it to Anita DeFleur. Bitch.

Teri: Wow, I’ve never seen dad despise someone so much.

Karl: I don’t despise her. I pity her for not seeing how special your mother is. Okay, I despise her a little bit.

Ten minutes later…

Teri: Oh my god, where’s mom?

Betty: Right here, honey. I just went in the house to get a few things. What wr- AH!

Shelby: I couldn’t get away without being noticed. so a few people followed me.

Betty: A few? This is almost the entire neighborhood.

Shelby: I hope you don’t mind.

Betty: It’s wonderful! Olivia, what are you doing here? Isn’t the other party at your house?

Olivia: Yes, but that one sucks and Amelia sent pictures of this one and it looked delightful. SO I left.

Betty: Who’s left at that party?

Olivia: Just my husband and my children and Anita and a few of the old ladies who didn’t realize we were all leaving because they were too busy trading jello recipes.

Betty: So I won?

Olivia: Won what?

Betty: Oh, nothing. Before you guys all come in and get comfy, we have a beautiful art piece painted by one of my granddaughter’s friends and we’re asking everyone to write the name of a soldier who you’ve known that we’ve lost, either in combat or once they returned from war. We’re gonna make it a nice tribute to our local heroes.

Gloria: That’s such a beautiful idea. At the other party, you could barely tell it even was Memorial Day. This really embraced the spirit of the day.

Anita: Why are you people bashing my party? You’re all traitors, that’s why!

Karl: Who brought their trash? Garbage day isn’t for another four days.

Teri: Good burn, dad.

Karl: Thank you!

Betty: What are you doing here?

Anita: You ruined my party. My one big day and you ruined it!

Betty: I was willing to help you make your party special and you mocked me and made an ass out of me! I’m not a fool, I’m not gonna let you kick me around. I had my own party because I needed to show this neighborhood that I’m no fool and I’m not someone you can push around.

Anita: Well, you succeeding in ruining things.

Betty: For who? Everyone’s having fun.

Anita: For me! I’m gonna get pushed out now!

Betty: All because one party upstaged yours? Get over yourself.

Anita: You have messed with the wrong person. Now, I’m going to leave while I still have some dignity and then I’m going to think of ways to make your life in this neighborhood a living hell.

Betty: At least stay and enjoy the party before you do that!

Anita: No, I will not.. First, though, I’m grabbing a few of those lemon squares because they look delicious.

Ralph: Thanks! Made ‘em myself!

Anita: After that, I’m leaving and celebrating the day with my family.

Betty: Your family left you to come here to my party!

Anita: I’ll celebrate it alone then!

Betty: Come on, we have fireworks.

Anita: you know what? If you insist on rubbing it in my face all day about how you bested me, fine. I’ll play along. But i won’t like it.

Anita storms off.

Betty: I think she’s gonna like it. That’ll show her.

What did you think of the new episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the special release on Monday and the season finale next Thursday!

Who was your favorite character in Our House Season 3 Episode 20 "Our Colors Still Don't Run?"

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