Season 3 Episode 23
Written By
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew stands in front of a mirror in his bedroom tying a tie. Sarah is sitting on his bed wearing a dress.
ANDREW
You know, I can still cancel. They wouldn't mind. You and I could go see a movie. Or stay in?
SARAH
We are not canceling on your parents. Like it or not, I’m meeting them tonight.
ANDREW
Okay. But I gotta warn you…
SARAH
You’ve warned me enough.
Sarah gets off the bed and walks over to Andrew and takes over tying his tie.
SARAH
Everything is going to be fine.
ANDREW
I don’t know. I’ve got one of those feelings in my gut. Like something bad’s going to happen. Like when Edison tried hitting on our personal finance teacher so he could get a better grade.
SARAH
I think this is going to go better.
ANDREW
Yeah. Yeah, your right.
Sarah finishes tying Andrew’s tie.
SARAH
There. Handsome as ever.
Andrew and Sarah smile at each other.
They exit Andrew’s room and enter the living room where Edison and Megan sit on the couch.
EDISON
Well well well, look who’s all dressed up. What’s the occasion? Wait, you two aren’t getting married, right?
ANDREW
No. We are having dinner with my parents.
MEGAN
Oof. Good luck.
ANDREW
Thanks.
Sarah rolls her eyes.
EDISON
At least your night will be better. Megan and I have our stupid night class. Who in their right mind has a class at night. That’s when you should be having fun.
MEGAN
It was the only time that was available.
ANDREW
Okay, we’re off. See you two later.
Edison and Megan wave goodbye to Andrew and Sarah as they exit the apartment.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Andrew and Sarah enter a fine dining restaurant. Sitting at a table, are Andrew’s parents CHRIS and HOLLY. They wave at Andrew and Sarah.
ANDREW
Here we go.
Andrew and Sarah approach the table. Chris and Holly stand up and greet them.
HOLLY
You must be Sarah.
Sarah and Holly hug.
HOLLY
It’s so nice to FINALLY meet you.
CHRIS
Nice to meet you, Sarah.
Sarah and Chris shake hands.
ANDREW
Shall we?
Sarah, Andrew, and his parents take a seat.
INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT
Edison and Megan sit in the back of the class.
EDISON
I’m so bored.
MEGAN
Maybe if you took notes you wouldn’t be.
EDISON
But you’re already taking notes for me.
MEGAN
Play on your phone.
EDISON
I can’t. The professor always knows when someone is on their phone.
MEGAN
Then I don’t know what to tell you.
EDISON
Do you have any food?
MEGAN
No.
EDISON
Damn. You know, I bet Andrew’s having more fun than we are.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Andrew, Sarah, and his parents eat their meals.
HOLLY
You know, when Andrew told us that you two were dating, I was shocked. I never thought he’d find another girl after Hannah. She was such a nice girl. I was so mad when he broke up with her.
ANDREW
Mom.
HOLLY
But now he has you and from what we’ve heard, you’re every parent’s dream.
CHRIS
You picked a good one kid.
ANDREW
Thank you.
HOLLY
You two remind me of Chris and me when we first met. Madly in love. Just wait until after the honeymoon.
SARAH
Well, things are going great for us. You know, I actually don’t know that much about you two. What do you do for a living?
CHRIS
We’re both divorce lawyers. So we know a thing or two about relationships. What works, what doesn’t.
Andrew snorts. Sarah kicks him under the table.
SARAH
So I’ve always wondered, what was Andrew like as a child?
CHRIS
Oh he was always shy. Never had enough self confidence. But clearly he got some since he was able to get someone like you.
Sarah and Chris chuckel.
HOLLY
So Sarah, do you want children?
ANDREW
Mother!
HOLLY
It’s a common question.
SARAH
I mean, we haven’t really talked about it. I want to get to a good steady point in my career before we start to think about that.
HOLLY
That’s good. We tried to do that but you know, life happened. An 8lb 5 ounce life.
CHRIS
Yeah, she was in the middle of a big case when she had to go on maternity leave. I had to take over. Made partner at the firm.
HOLLY
Yes. I did all the work and he got the credit.
CHRIS
It’s not my fault. SOMEONE had to take care of Andrew.
HOLLY
You could’ve volunteered.
ANDREW
Mom plea-
CHRIS
Oh, here we go again.
HOLLY
What?
CHRIS
You just can’t let that go, can you? That I got a promotion at the firm because you were on maternity leave.
HOLLY
You got the promotion because you won a case that you took over from me while I had to change diapers and wipe shit.
Andrew bangs his fist on the table.
ANDREW
Stop it!
The restaurant goes quiet.
INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT
Megan pulls out a bag of sour patch gummy worms.
EDISON
I thought you said you didn’t have any food.
MEGAN
Not for you.
EDISON
C’mon, give me some.
MEGAN
No, Paige got these for me.
EDISON
Just one.
MEGAN
No.
Megan begins eating the sour worms. Edison shoves his hand into the bag. Megan grabs his arm. The two wrestle with the bag.
EDISON
Give me some!
MEGAN
No!
The bag rips and the sour worms fly everywhere. The class and the professor look at Edison and Megan.
EDISON
Well, I think for once, I’ve actually learned something in this class. That SOME PEOPLE don’t like to share.
MEGAN
Get your own candy.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The restaurant stares at Andrew, Sarah, and his parents.
HOLLY
Andrew, what’s gotten into you?
ANDREW
What’s gotten into me? You two are what’s gotten into me. Constantly fighting and bickering over the smallest of things while I have to watch and listen. Listen to you two yelling about how my existence ruined your lives.
CHRIS
Oh, c’mon Andrew, we don't think that. So what if your mother and I get into an argument every now and then. That’s just part of being a couple.
ANDREW
You fight all the time! All the damn time! I hate it with every fiber of my being! Why can’t you two just spare everyone else of your misery and just get a fucking divorce already!
HOLLY
Andrew, you are embarrassing us.
ANDREW
I’M embarrassing YOU! I was just hoping for a quiet dinner in which you met my girlfriend! But you two decided to make it about yourself as always!
Andrew stands up.
ANDREW
Sarah, we’re leaving.
Sarah gets up and Andrew storms out of the restaurant with Sarah following him.
END.