Bar Exam Season 3 Episode 9: Umpire Act

 

LORENZO is sitting in his seat, visibly disgruntled. 


REAGAN

Lorenzo, you okay?


ADAM

Reagan, do you really want to know the answer to that?


LORENZO
I’m fine. I’m just mad. 


REAGAN
Why?


LORENZO
You know how umpires eject players from baseball games? 


REAGAN

Yeah.


LORENZO
It was fun to get tossed for a while, but now I’m thinking: what’s the point?


REAGAN

Alright, well this isn’t a baseball game. I would advise you to not write another bill and just vote Yea on whatever one of us comes up with. 


LORENZO
No. Something has to be done about this. 


CHASE
You can’t actually expect to find umpires at a baseball field right now. 


LORENZO
What? No. I’m gonna pass legislation about it. 


ADAM

Huh?


LORENZO
You heard me. Nobody can throw a player out of a game again. Problem solved. 


MADISON
Let me guess, LorenzoBaseballCare?


LORENZO
Good idea! But no. It’ll be simple. Now if you don’t mind, it’s time for all of us to work on this bill. 


SAM
Are you kidding me? I’m not working on that!


LORENZO
Fine. Be left out. 


LINCOLN
I can’t say I’m too into the idea either. 


LORENZO

Ten eyes is still better than one. 


ADAM
I don’t think any of us want to do this, Lorenzo. But good luck!


LORENZO quickly writes the Umpire Act on the computer given to him recently through the New Computers Act. The legislature is called back in session. 


LORENZO
Madam Speaker, I would like to present the Umpire Act now. 


SPEAKER
Let’s vote on the vote to vote. All in favor of voting to vote? 


After a long pause, the motion passes, 52-48. 


LORENZO
YES! THE UMPIRE ACT PASSES!


SPEAKER

Not yet. All in favor of voting?


After a long pause, the motion passes, 51-49. 


LORENZO
YES!!!!!


SPEAKER
Sir, please be patient. The vote on the bill hasn’t happened yet. All in favor of recess?


Many groans are heard. 


SPEAKER
Alright, let’s get to the vote. 


The bill fails, 4-96. 


LORENZO
WHAT?! THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL!!!!


SPEAKER

Sorry. Legislation fails. 


LORENZO gets out of his seat and confronts the SPEAKER.


SPEAKER
I have the ability to remove you from this room until the next session. 


LORENZO
I dare you.


The SPEAKER makes a motion to remove LORENZO from the room.


CHASE
Did...did Lorenzo just get ejected?


ADAM

Seems it. Such great irony. 


SPEAKER
Session adjourned. You may not go about doing whatever it is you do. 


Everyone quickly leaves. LORENZO is waiting outside of the building. 


SAM
Lorenzo, that was humiliating. 


LORENZO
Are you kidding me? That was awesome! Never knew it could feel so good to be ejected from a state Senate. 


LINCOLN
Representative, Lorenzo. You’re a representative. 


LORENZO

Whatever. Too bad the Umpire Act didn’t pass though, I thought that’d be a good one. 


MADISON
Too niche, I guess. 


LORENZO

Well, I’ll get them next week! Good talk everyone. 

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