Bar Exam Season 3 Episode 10: Dumb Tax Act

 

CHASE, REAGAN, SAM, MADISON, LINCOLN, ADAM, and LORENZO are all sitting in a group inside the state Capitol. LINCOLN is looking at his phone, horrified. 


LINCOLN
This is not good, guys. 


MADISON

What’s not good? 


REAGAN
Yeah, what’s not to like about this? We all get to hang out and every now and then make the state a better place. 


CHASE
I don’t think upgrading our computers does that. 


LINCOLN

Can we concentrate? One of the local papers published approval ratings online. 


LORENZO

What does my cotton candy get? 95%? 100%?


LINCOLN

Approval ratings for state representatives. Like us. 


SAM

Well I for one am not worried about that. Let’s get to work. 


LINCOLN
Sam, of the people who’ve even heard of you, you have a 35% approval rating.


SAM
Huh.


LINCOLN
You heard me right. I’m at 33%. Chase is 31%. Reagan has 37%, Madison 20%, and Adam 19%. 


ADAM

Good thing we’re not up for re-election until next year!


REAGAN

Next year? I thought we were up for re-election at the end of this year! Nothing to worry about!


LINCOLN
Are you guys seriously not concerned? We need a bill that can change all of this.


REAGAN

You can if you want. 37% is close enough to 50% for now. 


MADISON

Yeah, and if I’m at 20% is there even really a point of trying to get to 50%?


ADAM

Try 19%. Lincoln, I get you’re concerned, but this is no big deal. 


LINCOLN

I’m making a bill. Whoever wants to co-sponsor it is welcome to do so. Now, what do people like?


SAM
Money. 


LINCOLN

We can give them money!


SAM

We have no money.


LINCOLN
Print some!


SAM

No way, it’d take forever just to try to get that passed.


LINCOLN

You know, Harry’s always complaining that he pays too many taxes. 


SAM

Yeah...you’re right, actually. 


LINCOLN

He likes to joke that in addition to regular taxes he’s also paying the Duck Tax, the Arm Tax, and the Short Tax. 


SAM

Those are real taxes, you know. 


LINCOLN
They...are?


SAM

Yeah. A lot of people pay them. 


LINCOLN
Let’s cut taxes! People will love us then!


SAM

They’ll probably just give credit to the Governor. 


LINCOLN

Not if we call it the Sam and Lincoln Cut Taxes Act.


SAM

I was thinking along the lines of Dumb Tax Act. It’ll still get our names in the press. 


LINCOLN

Fine by me. Are you sure it’s okay to try to cut all three?


SAM

Not just cut. Eliminate. We’re also getting rid of the Flower Tax, Flour Tax, and Plower Tax. How do you not know of these?


LINCOLN

Guess I don’t do my taxes correctly. 


SAM and LINCOLN write a short bill calling for the elimination of these taxes. The bill is up for debate. 


SAM

Fellow representatives, I’m going to be honest with you: we did not have eliminating these taxes on our minds when we first entered office. But our approval ratings are terrible and people like money, so...vote Yay? Please?


The representatives vote on the bill. It fails, 46-54. LINCOLN and SAM hold their heads down in disappointment. 


LINCOLN
Sam...I don’t think we’re in good position for re-election.


SAM
No kidding. We’ll find another way. 


SAM and LINCOLN meet MADISON, ADAM, CHASE, REAGAN, and LORENZO outside the Capitol. 


MADISON
Sorry your bill failed. 


LINCOLN
Well, we still have plenty of time. Plus, maybe we’ll run unopposed!


LORENZO
By the way, you never got to saying my approval rating. 


LINCOLN
Oh. I think it’s best for the group that stays silent. 


LORENZO

I can take it. You know, some would argue I’m one of the worst bullpen pitchers on the Indianapolis Primitives. 


CHASE
Many say you’re THE worst in all the league. 


LINCOLN

If you really have to know...you’re at 100%. 


LORENZO
I do have a way with the people, it seems. 


LORENZO walks away. 


SAM
That guy’s gonna be Speaker of the House one day, isn’t he?


ADAM

Don’t even say it. 

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