Our House Season 3 Episode 16 - Our Aunt

Our House Season 3, Episode 16
Our Aunt

Betty: I have wonderful news, everyone!

Velma: Justin Bieber is quitting music?

Betty: No! My sister Jeanette and her husband Rick are coming to town!

Velma: Aunt Jeanette’s coming? Really? I can’t wait!

Teri: You’ve met her what? Once?

Velma: Three times, and she was so kind every time. We even talk on Facebook sometimes.

Teri: You even talk on Facebook! You’re basically best friends!

Velma: I never said that. Only that I was glad they were coming.

Betty: They’re staying in the guest house.

Teri: The guest house? You mean the shed?

Betty: No. It’s a guest house. We’re going to get everything out of it and make it nice for them.

Cindy: Mom, there’s nothing in there. It already is a guest house.

Betty: Huh? But Teri…?

Teri: I’m just messing with ya!

Betty: Of course you are. You always are.

Ralph: That’s why I’m the favorite.

Teri: Don’t even.

Betty: I have no favorite.

Danielle: We all know it’s -

Betty: I don’t have a favorite.

Karl: When are Jeanette and Rick coming?

Velma: I want to make them a nice meal!

Mitchell: Honey, no.

Velma: What? Why not?

Mitchell: Uh… how do I put this?

Velma: Put what?

Mitchell: You burned rice last week. Burned it. Why was it not in water?

Velma: Fine. I won’t cook them a meal. I’ll make them a nice cake.

Mitchell: See, that you’re capable of doing. Just don’t put any rice in it and it’ll be good.

Betty: They’ll be here on Sunday. They're leaving Saturday and staying overnight in Savannah. It’s a long drive for them.

Karl: Why don’t they just fly?

Betty: They’ve got Buster. They can’t leave him home.

Teri: Let’s not talk about flying after what we went through.

Ralph: What, you didn’t love mom screaming on the plane that she saw Representative Spanheim until she realized it was not her because she’s busy in Washington?

Teri: “Alicia! Alicia! I’m your biggest fan!”

Betty: I’m sorry I got a little excited. I know you never do.

Teri: Not quite like that.

Betty: Let’s turn this back to Jeanette?

Teri: We get it, they’re coming on Sunday. Can I go make dinner now?

Betty: Sure, go ahead. This is more important to me than eating, but I can talk to the others.

Teri: Okay, thanks.

On Sunday afternoon, a car pulls into the family’s driveway.

Betty: They’re here!

Tammi: Frank, get out here!

Frank: What? Why?

Tammi: You need to welcome my great aunt! You can’t be the only one missing.

Teri: I can assure you, they’d like it a lot more if he wasn’t here.

Frank: I’m rubber, you’re glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Teri: You’re an idiot.

Frank: See, you just called yourself an idiot.

Teri: Frank is an idiot.

Tammi: Okay, okay. Break it up.

Karl: Everyone, be on your best behaviors. It’s been five years since they’ve been home.

Ralph: Yes, and they’ve spent much of those five years in Florida. Pity them.

Steven: Why do so many old people live in Florida?

Tammi: Don’t call them old!

There is a knock at the door.

Steven: Oh no! God heard me insult Great Aunt Jeanette. He’s here to talk to me!

Ralph: Wow. You guys really screwed this kid up.

Teri: He’s Frank’s kid. This was his destiny.

Betty opens the door.

Jeanette: Betty! Finally reunited with my dear sister.

Betty: I’m surprised you could even find your way to Virginia! It’s been too long! Where’s Rick?

Jeanette: He’s getting the bags. He’ll be -

Rick: Hey, everybody! Long time no see!

Betty: Hello, Rick. I’m so happy to see you guys! You, too, Buster!

Jeanette: I gotta say, Betty. When you told me about your family’s living situation here, I didn’t expect a home so extravagant.

Betty: Teri picked it out, actually.

Teri: Sure did! It’s been my dream home since it was built about ten years ago.

Jeanette: I felt bad for you guys if I’m being honest. I thought you all fell on hard times or something and had to move in together to stay afloat. You’re thriving!

Betty: Not quite like you. You’ve got a beautiful place without having to live with everyone you’ve ever known.

Jeanette: You guys have such excitement in your lives, though. The most excitement I get back in Florida is when Rick takes me out on the sailboat and I nearly fall into the ocean. That happens about once every other month.

Rick: I had to pull her up onto the boat once. She was dangling off the side and almost went in. I’m something of a hero.

Jeanette: Enough about us. What about you guys? How’s it going, living together and all?

Betty: Surely I’ve vented to you enough about all of them.

Ralph: You vent?

Cindy: About us? We’re perfect.

Jerry: I wouldn’t say perfect.

Betty: I agree with Jerry.

Jeanette: Don’t worry, guys. She’s never too vicious. She does love you all.

Frank: Even me?

Jeanette: You are?

Frank: That answers that.

Rick: You’re Frank. We argue on Facebook a lot.

Frank: That's me.

Jeanette: Oh, right. The guy who thinks medicare causes wildfires.

Frank: I never said that!

Jeanette: What you did say was pretty close.

Frank: In was only expressing my opinion. Is that illegal to you guys now?

Tammi: Come on, Frank. Let’s go somewhere else.

Teri: Finally, the party can start.

Jeanette: No, no. No one has to leave.

Teri: Dammit!

Jeanette: It’s so nice to be home! Well, not in my old home. This place is certainly nicer than that!

Betty: We have done pretty well for ourselves, haven’t we?

Jeanette: I’d say so!

Cindy: We should get you guys to your room. You want me to show you to it?

Jeanette: It’s the smaller building next the the garage, right? I hope it is, because that’s where Rick took everything.

Ralph: Well that’s actually our shed.

Betty: You be quiet.

Cindy: That’s the place! It’s nice and private now that we finally bought blinds for it.

Rick: You didn’t have them before?

Cindy: You’re the first ones to use it!

Zeke: I’ve used it.

Jerry: You don’t count, son. You only ever used it on nights you were too drunk to make it to the house.

Tammi: What a fun family conversation. Let’s go in the other room, Steven. We can get the table ready for dinner.

Ralph: It’s noon.

Tammi: I don’t care! I don’t need my son to hear about this.

Tammi and Steven walk away.

Ralph: Joke’s on her. Velma already made the table, because it isn’t noon.

Rick: I am getting pretty hungry. Guess Jeanette and I should go get our stuff inside so we can eat!

Karl: Here’s the key to the guest house.

Rick: Guest house? I thought it was just a room!

Karl: Everything you need to survive is in there, basically. You got a bedroom, a small living room space, a kitchenette, and a bathroom.

Jerry: There’s no fridge in there, though. Just a little mini fridge. Cindy told them it isn’t worth buying a big fridge.

Cindy: It’s too big for that tiny kitchen.

Betty: Kitchenette!

Jeanette: We don’t need a large refrigerator. I promise.

Cindy: Thank you!

Jeanette: We better go. It’s getting dark.

Rick: Yeah, don’t want to be out in the rough-crime area of your sister’s driveway at night!

Jeanette: Someone’s a comedian!

Betty: I know a few people like that.

Teri: A few?

One hour later, at dinner…

Jeanette: This is great! Who made it?

Velma: Not me. I wasn’t allowed.

Ralph: Cindy and I made it.

Teri: Cindy cut the bread.

Cindy: I did not!

Ralph: She also cut all of the vegetables for the stir fry. That’s a lot of the work.

Cindy: Told ya!

Jeanette: It’s very good.

Rick: Is that jasmine I taste? Perhaps a bit of citrus, too?

Ralph: Sure is! Thanks for noticing!

Betty: I don’t have what you’d call a refined palate. I don’t know the flavors. I just know they taste good.

Ralph: That’s okay. I already knew that. As long as you like it, I don’t care if you have any idea what’s in it.

Teri: Hear that? We can start slipping sleeping pills into mom’s food now and just tell her that’s how rosemary tastes.

Karl: Enough about us. How have you guys been since we say you last?

Jeanette: We’ve been all over the world. Since you came to see us in 2018, we’ve gone to Cambodia -

Rick: Jeanette pet an elephant!

Velma: I wish I could pet an elephant.

Mitchell: How do you pet an elephant?

Jeanette: I gave him a little rub, scratched his ear, you know. The big guy was so friendly.

Rick: He didn’t like me much.

Jeanette: He sprayed Rick.

Rick: Hard.

Jeanette: We also went to Bhutan, and to the Marshall Islands -

Danielle: Where’s that?

Jeanette: Oceania.

Danielle: Bless you.

Jeanette: We also went to Mexico.

Betty: We did, too!

Jeanette: Really? When?

Betty: Eh, last week? Hard to really remember when.

Teri: It was last week. I remember because, again, it was a single week ago.

Jeanette: We were in Cancun over Thanksgiving.

Velma: Oh my god! That’s where we went!

Mitchell: You say that like we’re the only ones to ever go to Cancun.

Velma: We aren’t?

Tammi: I think family is so important. I know we talk online, but it’s so nice to have you two here with us for the week. Living with the whole family made me miss those of you that are far away so much more.

Frank: Yeah, because you couldn’t possibly any of the nuts we live with. We can’t get away from them.

Teri: I see you think I’m crazy. Good.

Jeanette: I’m glad you’re glad to have us, but we’re gonna be here longer than a week.

Tammi: Oh, really?

Betty: I have the same question.

Jeanette: We’re staying for a month. I know I mentioned it when I spoke with you last week.

Betty: I’m going to be completely honest with you. I don’t remember you saying that, but I don’t doubt you did. My mind must have been in some other place.

Velma: So we have a month to make wonderful memories! 

Rick: It’s going to be fun!

Jeanette: If you’ll have us, that is.

Karl: Don’t be silly, of course we’ll have you. Just because Betty forgot you asked to stay the month doesn’t mean we don’t want you here that long!

Jeanette: Oh, thank you. It’s nice to get out of Florida for a while and reconnect.

Jerry: When are you in Florida?

Cindy: Jerry! That’s inappropriate.

Jeanette: It isn’t inappropriate at all! We are away from home a lot. Still, we didn’t go on a vacation at all in 2021 so it’s felt like a long time to be home. I can’t think of a better place to travel to for our first trip.

Rick: My favorite sister-in-law surely agrees!

Betty: Are you kidding? I’m thrilled you’re here so long! I tell them every day how much I miss you!

Cindy: She does. It’s a little annoying sometimes.

Rick: That sounds like Betty!

Four days later, after a long day of sightseeing, Betty and Karl are getting ready for bed.

Betty: Karl…

Karl: Oh my goodness, honey. You sound exhausted.

Betty: I am. I really am. How will I make it through this month?

Karl: Just rest, you’ll feel better in the morning.

Betty: Karl, I’m not going to. I’m old. I’m not as spry as I was the last time Jeanette was up here. It makes me want to cry. I feel terrible about it.

Karl: Aging is natural. You shouldn’t feel any shame about it.

Betty: My sister is a year older than me and she isn’t slowing down. She’s fine. She’s jetting off to Bora Bora and Cambodia and the Marshall Islands, whatever the heck that is. I’m just little old Betty Bellwood, who can’t even spend a day touring a winery without feeling exhausted. I can’t do what I used to and it makes me want to cry. Every day she’s here, I push myself to go wherever Jeanette wants to go. I’m so grateful that she’s here but I can’t do this for a whole month. I don’t now how she keeps finding so many places to go to in Virginia, but she needs to stop. I feel like an old burden when we’re going places. She’s so much faster than me and I only slow her down.

Karl: You are perfect just the way you are.

Betty: No, I’m not. I weigh everyone down.

Karl: You do so well for your age. You keep up with everyone just fine. No one has a problem with you being a little slower than them. Do you know why?

Betty: They pity me?

Karl: They love you. You’re the most special person in their lives, because you go out of your way to do things for them. Whether its your sister or our children or our grandchildren or your nephew or Danielle, you matter so much to everyone. If you need to rest, they'll let you. Tell Jeanette how you feel. She’s not going to be upset if we need to sit around for a few days.

Betty: See, this is what I mean. This is me inconveniencing everyone again.

Karl: Don’t think of it like that. You can have just as good of a time at home as you can at some fancy place. Talk to your sister tomorrow.

The next morning…

Jeanette: Betty, you’re still in your pajamas. You usually shower before you come down for breakfast.

Betty: I need to speak to you.

Jeanette: What about? Do you need advice on what to take to the caverns today?

Betty: About the caverns, I don’t think I can go today.

Jeanette: What’s wrong? You look sad.

Betty: Jeanette, I’m slowing down.

Jeanette: We all are.

Betty: Not like me. I’m doing terribly this week. I feel so exhausted when I get home from our little day trips.

Jeanette: We don’t have to go today.

Betty: I don’t want to hold you back.

Jeanette: You aren’t holding anyone back! I’m not here because of my love of caverns, or my love of the regional wines of central Virginia. I’m here because this is where my family is. If I’m with you, I’m good.

Betty: You mean it?

Jeanette: Of course I do! If you need a rest today, we can stay back and do something at home. In fact, take as many days as you need. If you don’t want to go out until next Wednesday, I’m fine. As long as we’re having fun together.

Betty: That’s so sweet of you.

Rick: This better not mean our dinner at Olive Garden on Friday is canceled!

Betty: I don’t have to walk to that. I’m okay with going there!

Velma: This is such a sweet moment!

Teri: You’re kind of budding in on it.

Velma: Sorry guys.

Betty: So, what do you guys want to do today?

Jeanette: Okay, before I suggest anything to do today, I have a question.

Betty: Fire away.

Jeanette: Does anyone in the family work? It’s almost eight o’clock and everyone but Cindy is still here. Should we tell them what time it is?

Teri: Yu forgot Danielle!

Frank: I’m off to work right now! See you guys tonight!

Teri: Thank god, he’s leaving.

Betty: A lot of us are retired. Teri works part time. Velma and Tammi work from home. We’ve got a lot of free time.

Jeanette: I think that’s a good thing, actually. It helps you get even closer.

Jerry: I don’t think it’s a good thing. Have ya met them?

Tammi: Dad! Be nice!

Jerry: What are you doing out here? You’ve usually locked yourself in your office by now to avoid speaking with any of us.

Tammi: My boss gave me the day off. He said there’s an issue with the system I work on, so I can’t do any work until it’s fixed. I don’t mind, though. He’s still paying me!

Jeanette: In that case, since mostly everyone is home, maybe we can do something together today. What if we played some of this board games you always mention playing? You never play with me, it might be fun.

Betty: I have the perfect one!

Jeanette: You always do!

Two days later, at dinner…

Jeanette: I can’t believe it’s been a week already!

Velma: Time flies when you’re having fun!

Jeanette: It’s definitely been a -

Waiter: Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to give your breadsticks while they’re still hot.

Mitchell: Thank you. That’s the best part of coming here.

Jeanette: It’s been a different sort of visit so far. That’s why it’s also my favorite trip home. We’ve been able to reconnect better than we ever have when we crammed in every tourist destination in the area.

Rick: I thought I’d hate having to sit around all day. Turns out I like it! Thank you all for teaching me to embrace my inner laziness!

Velma: Especially Mitchell!

Betty: I’m having such a nice time, too. Talking about our parents and our brothers and reminiscing as we look at our old pictures, you can’t do that when you’re touring a brewery.

Jeanette: In your case, it’s more “tripping and falling on the floor” or a brewery, but you have the right idea.

Jeanette gets a phone call.

Jeanette: I’ll be right back! I have to answer this. It’s John.

Betty: We’ll be here. Eating breadsticks. Many breadsticks.

Teri: What do you think that’s about?

Rick: Who knows. John’s watching the house for us, maybe there’s a spider there that spooked him.

Cindy: Surely he wouldn’t call for that, right?

Rick: Who knows?

Jeanette returns to the table.

Jeanette: Bad news.

Betty: Bad news?

Jeanette: We have to go home.

Betty: Dinner hasn’t been served yet.

Jeanette: Not your home. Rick and I have to go back to Florida tomorrow.

Betty: What’s wrong? I know something’s wrong.

Rick: Yeah, you’re starting to scare me. Your face looks like you just saw a stake that’s well-done.

Jeanette: Tracy was in a car accident today. She’s going to be okay, but she shattered her pelvis. John’s going to need help with the kids.

Rick: When did this happen?

Jeanette: Earlier today. He didn’t want anyone to tell us before he knew if she’d be okay.

Betty: I’m so sorry. We’re all here if you need to talk. If you want to go right now, go ahead. Whatever you need.

Jeanette: No, no. We’re finishing this meal, and then we’re going home tonight and having a nice final night. We’ll leave early tomorrow morning.

Betty: Then we will enjoy this last meal together.

Jeanette: We’ll be back, Betty. In a few months, we’ll be back.

Betty: I know you will be. I’ll be waiting for your call.

Jeanette: I want to be here for your Fourth of July bash. Sound good to you?

Betty: Sounds great. Now, let’s eat this salad! 

This episode is dedicated in loving memory of Jessica Walter, who inspired a character on this series
Jessica Walter

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Who was your favorite character in Our House Season 3 Episode 16 "Our Aunt?

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