Amy: Marietta, we’re testifying before the city council today.
Marietta: That’s today?
Amy: I know you’ve been overtaken by love these past few weeks, but you have to focus on your job, too! It’s a big day, they’re voting on the Clean & Green Act.
Marietta: That’s our proposal to dye the Mississippi River green for St. Patrick’s Day, right?
Amy: Are you joking right now?
Marietta: When do I ever joke?
Tammy: Ninety percent of the things you say are sarcastic.
Marietta: You fell for it!
Tammy: Fell for what?
Marietta: I was being sarcastic! Obviously I know that Clean & Green is our environmental safety bill.
Amy: Okay, good. I worry about you sometimes.
Marietta: I did forget it was happening today…
Amy: Thankfully, we didn’t. Right, Tammy?
Tammy: Huh? I’m trying to eat my sandwich.
Amy: The witnesses we want to testify in favor of Clean & Green have confirmed that they’re coming tonight. Right?
Tammy: Obviously. I’m just hungry.
Amy: Just hurry and finish up. We have twenty minutes until the meeting starts.
Marietta: Why are you two always talking about sandwiches?
Thirty minutes later, at the city council meeting…
Marietta: I must apologize for our tardiness, councilors. We were getting our files together for the meeting and lost track of time.
Council President John Jackson: That does sound like something we could expect from you. Let’s get to work.
Marietta: That you for your understanding.
John: This will be a two-hour meeting regarding the mayor’s new Clean & Green Act. Ms. Yarborough sent over copies of the bill for us to read last week. I expect that all of you have read the bill.
Marissa Breyer: President Jackson, I don’t even see why we need to have this meeting. If we all read the bill like we were supposed to, there’s no further clarification needed. It’s self-explanatory.
DeeDee Adams: I need some clarification. Nowhere in this plan does it explain how the mayor will pay for all of the changes proposed. Are the working families of New Orleans going to have to face rising taxes to fund the plans of an ambitious politician looking to put her name on the map by finally passing something of note? If that’s the case, how should anyone expect us to back this?
John: Whether we’re having a hearing is not up for debate today. Can we please direct any further questions and concerns to Mayor Landfield or any of our other guests? Who wants to start?
Reggie Barrack: Mayor Landfield, I feel that this plan is too restrictive and will cause too much damage to the quality of lives of New Orleanians and won’t result in any real benefits. What can you say to change your mind?
Marietta: First, I want to thank you for looking into this with an open mind. I hope every councilor will listen to me and my scientists as we present our reasoning for why the Clean & Green Act is needed in this city. In developing this plan, I spoke to many leading climate scientists in laying out what New Orleans can do to transform into a green city that relies on clean energy. Look, I’m not someone who believes in needless, non-stop government spending. I don’t think it does anyone any good. However, I don’t see the protection of our environment as some luxury expense. It’s not expendable. We have to act now, or the planet will see irreparable damage. Everything in this plan is necessary. I know members of this council are worried about overreach from the government, but sometimes, drastic action is needed. This is one of those times. I’ll turn things over to my experts here, Dr. Frank Larson and Dr. Emily Wallner.
Two hours later…
John: All right, everybody. We’re running over our time and I know everyone here is extremely busy. I think we all got a fair shot to ask questions of our guests here today. We’ll be back on Friday for the finale vote.
Marietta: Friday?
John: Friday. It’ll give all of the councilors some time to think about it. See you then, mayor!
The councilors begin to leave the room. Marissa and Moira walk over to Marietta.
Marissa: Wanna talk?
Marietta: Let’s go to my office.
Moira: Sounds good, as long as we’re done by five. Milton calling then.
Marissa: Milton? Our senator?
Marietta: You don’t know yet?
Marissa: Yeah, I’ve known they were together since I got sworn in.
Marietta: So the family really was the last to know.
Moira: Um… Amy and Tammy didn’t know.
Amy: We’re family!
Marietta: Please don’t. Today’s been rough enough.
In Marietta’s office…
Marietta: Okay, now that we’re in private… how are we feeling?
Marissa: I don’t know, mayor.
Marietta: What don’t you know?
Marissa: I don’t know if this is going to pass.
Amy: How’d everyone feeling?
Moira: It’s hard to gauge. I sit between DeeDee and Reggie.
Marietta: We all know Reggie’s a no.
Tammy: He’s a pain in the ass.
Marietta: How’s DeeDee leaning?
Moira: DeeDee’s hard to read, as always. I think she’s a no, though.
Marissa: Pat and Reggie sent me some very aggressive notes during the hearing. They called me a communist, a tree hugger, said I want to bankrupt the city, and said this new proposal was going to make my “buddy” Marietta lose re-election.
Marietta: Well, we know where Pat stands.
Amy: I’m not gonna lie. I do feel a Republican when I’m with you guys. I’m way to the right of all of you.
Moira: We’re working on that, though!
Marietta: The primary was only two years ago. I certainly remember your “Republican Lite” strategy.
Amy: I ran as a proud Democrat who simply was tired of extremism. Though, really, I just wanted to be mayor and I had to draw some sort of contrast between us.
Marietta: Why are we going over this again?
Amy: I know how they feel.
Marietta: You’re against the proposal? The one you helped write?
Amy: No! I’m saying I get what it’s like to be the most moderate one in the group. Maybe I can talk to them.
Moira: I wouldn’t if I were you!
Marietta: What? Why?
Moira: They think you’re a sell-out.
Amy: A what?
Tammy: A SELLOUT!
Amy: My ears work!
Tammy: Do they?
Marietta: Is it even possible to get this to four votes? Or did I waste my time on this?
Moira: We have Helene.
Marietta: Of course we have Helene. This would be hopeless without Helene.
Marissa: you can go to John.
Marietta: So, are we sure DeeDee is a no?
Marissa: John is much more gettable than DeeDee. You know he’s always our tiebreaker.
Marietta: John and I have a complicated relationship.
Tammy: That’s a way to put it.
Marietta: We aren’t friends.
Marissa: He doesn’t want to impeach you, at least. He’s better than Reggie and Pat.
Tammy: Can you even impeach a mayor?
Marissa: No, but they’re trying to change that.
Marietta: They hate me that much?
Moira: Your face is on a dartboard in our lounge.
Marietta: Should I get protection?
Moira: You’ll be okay. I think.
Tammy: I’ll protect her. I’ve been told that I’m very intimidating.
Marietta: By who?
Amy: So, about John?
Marietta: Uh…
Amy: Can you two talk to him?
Marissa: Tomorrow, we will.
Marietta: Thank you both. I’ll try to do something to sway him. Maybe I’ll also go see him tomorrow. Really, though. What about DeeDee?
Moira: John.
Marietta: Ugh!
Later that day, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Marietta: I’m home, everyone!
Sarah: I’m ready to go!
Patty Lynn: Not so fast! How did the hearing go?
Marietta: You remembered?
Kathleen: She kept talking about it.
Sarah: All day.
Patty Lynn: You know how much I care about environmental issues. I want to know if my city is finally taking a leap forward towards doing its part.
Marietta: I’m trying.
Martin: That’s all you can do. Try, try try. That council can be a real hassle.
Marietta: Don’t I know it.
Patty Lynn: I worked on that council for a decade. If you need someone to help you with the inner workings of it, I’m your girl.
Marietta: Mom, that’s the only reason I put up with Amy. Unlike you, her service on the council wasn’t in the 1800s. I’ll keep relying on her.
Patty Lynn: Fine. I still hope you have a good night because I love you.
Marietta: I love you, too. See you guys tomorrow.
Fifteen minutes later, at Marietta’s…
Marietta: I’m going to make one quick phone call, and then I’m going to make us some dinner. Sound good?
Sarah: Grandma already fed me.
Marietta: What? It’s five o’clock and there were no signs of any food having been made in that house.
Sarah: It’s grandma, what can I say?
Marietta: Okay, then you get started on your homework and then we’ll watch some TV. The show with the masks and the music is on, right?
Sarah: The Masked Singer isn’t back yet.
Marietta: Dammit!
Marietta walks into her home office and calls Kate.
Kate: Howdy!
Marietta: Howdy? Since when do you say “howdy?”
Kate: I’m trying something new out!
Marietta: For your own sake, please stop.
Kate: Always a pleasure to talk to you, Marietta.
Marietta: I know.
Kate: What’s ailing you this time?
Marietta: Oh, the city council. They’re still a pain in my neck.
Kate: What are they obstructing this time?
Marietta: My new environmental plan.
Ellie: You always were an environmentalist!
Marietta: Are you two always together?
Ellie: Yes. I don’t give her a moment alone.
Marietta: I’ve noticed.
Kate: I’m going ton just ignore Ellie for now. How is the council reacting to the plan? Have they indicated which way they’ll vote?
Marietta: I spoke with Moira and Marissa.
Kate: Who is Marissa?
Marietta: The councilor who I helped elect this January. Keep up, Kate!
Ellie: Yeah, keep up!
Marietta: They say that we have three votes for and against my proposal. That means I need to convince John Jackson, the president of the council, to vote for it. He does not like me.
Milton: He didn’t like me, either.
Marietta: Milton? You’re there, too? Weren’t you supposed to be talking to Moira?
Milton: She didn’t answer so I came to see what these two are up to!
Marietta: Wonderful.
Milton: She’s calling!
Marietta: Bye, Milton. See you Saturday! So, Kate. You have led a split 50-50 Senate before. How did you convince those Republicans to support the bills you wanted to pass?
Kate: Well, for the most part, I just relied on the Vice President.
Marietta: That does not make me feel better.
Kate: I did have to work hard to get some of my own caucus members to support it, though.
Marietta: Well, John is a Democrat. What did you use on them?
Kate: I usually just took them to dinner, talked it over with them. Promised them some extra funding for their state, promised to bring up their pet legislation, whatever it took.
Marietta: Is the dinner necessary?
Kate: Lunch works. I tend to find that most people are at least a little happier without an empty stomach.
Marietta: Then I have a date tomorrow.
Ellie: You and Danny are going on another date?
Marietta: Weren’t you listening to anything I said?
Ellie: No, I was playing Candy Crush.
Marietta: Goodbye, girls.
The next day, at John’s office…
Marietta: Councilor Jackson, lovely to see you here today!
John: Are you surprised? You are in my office.
Marietta: Just making small talk.
John: For what do I have the pleasure of seeing you today? The Clean & Green Act?
Marietta: No, not at all. I wanted to ask you to lunch.
John: Today?
Marietta: Yes, today.
John: It just so happens that I don’t have any plans. Want to head somewhere now?
Marietta: It’s ten in the morning, but sure. Might as well.
John: Ms. Yarborough isn’t coming, right?
Marietta: Tammy? No. Unless you want her to.
John: Oh, no. That woman scares me. I’m glad I don’t have to see her.
Marietta: She’s not that scary when you get to know her. Her bones are very fragile, actually.
At the Turpentine Lounge…
Marietta: You’re a smart man, John.
John: Thank you.
Marietta: I’m sure you realize I asked you to lunch for a reason.
John: I take it you aren’t in the market for a new best friend?
Marietta: Don’t say those words around me. Tammy will sense it and she will come here and she will kill you.
John: So, what are we here for? It’s what I suspected all along, isn’t it?
Marietta: Yes. In my defense, I didn’t think you’d come if it was to discuss the Clean & Green Act.
John: I would have.
Marietta: Okay, my mistake. So, where are ya at?
John: I spoke to Marissa about it earlier.
Marietta: She’s quick!
John: I’m still undecided. There’s parts I like and parts I don’t.
Marietta: I see. I understand why you’d feel that way, so I’m here to clear up any concerns.
John: Who is going to p-
Waiter: Would you like to get started today with some drinks?
Marietta: We’ll take two grasshoppers.
John: I don’t drink on the job.
Marietta: I’ll take a grasshopper and he’ll take a mint milkshake.
John: I don-
Marietta: It’s almost Saint Patrick’s Day. Go crazy!
John: Okay, fine.
Waiter: I’ll be right back with those, then.
Marietta: So, about that…
John: Who is going to pay for these changes from this bill?
Marietta: The taxpayers will, unfortunately. It won’t cause huge tax hikes, though. We can get a grant from the federal government for parts of it. The costs will be minimal. I know we talked about this yesterday, but we talked about a lot so it’s understandable.
John: Where do these grants come from?
Marietta: The Senate just passed a bill in December to provide additional funding to green cities. We based this act on the guidelines they laid out for green cities.
John: That’s good. I also worry, though, about the pressure this will place on small businesses. The fines for businesses not complying with the guidelines seems excessive.
Marietta: I support small businesses, of course. They’re the backbone of this city. However, I believe that businesses who can’t do their small part to help our environment at little cost to them don’t deserve to be in business in this city, and they certainly shouldn’t get off the hook for it.
John: I se-
Waiter: Here are your drinks. Are you ready to order your entrée?
Marietta: I’ll have a beef po' boy.
John: Same for me.
Marietta: Spicy coleslaw on the side, please.
Waiter: Sounds good.
Marietta: Look, John. If your district needs anything, I can get that done. Any additional funding, I will be attentive to your needs.
John: Is that a bride, madam mayor?
Marietta: No…
John: It feels like it.
Marietta; Do you have any proposals that you’d like to see me back?
John: Please stop bribing me.
Marietta: Well, I tried.
John: So you admit it?
Marietta: What do I need to do to make this better?
John: Stop bribing me!
Marietta: Okay, sounds good!
The next day, at the city council vote…
Amy: Since you screwed up so majorly yesterday, the future of the act is in doubt. I am very worried.
Tammy: At least we can introduce it again next year if it fails.
Amy: We don't have time to waste! Oh god, I sound like a lefty. Like Marietta!
Marietta: I always manage to convince people that I‘m right.
Amy: Except John…
John: Okay, everyone! It’s time to begin this vote. Ahead of the vote, every councilor will have five minutes to discuss the Clean & Green Act and get one last chance to convince the council to vote their way. We’ll start with Councilor Barrack.
Reggie: This act is a sham, and so is the whole process. Mayor Landfield has conspired with Councilors Breyer and Donnelly to pass this bill and enact socialism in New Orleans. She’s even met with President Jackson to try to woo him over with her far-left ideas. We shouldn’t even vote on this bill when the folks who proposed it aren’t playing fair.
Marissa: Reggie, that is ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with the mayor discussing one of her proposals with the president of the city council, nor is it against the rules for her to pursue a personal friendship with members of the council. We didn’t “conspire” to pass any bill, we simply discussed the merits of it. You’re just trying to make the mayor look bad because you oppose her plan. This is a bad look for you.
John: Time is up, Councilor Barrack!
Reggie: Councilor Breyer took most of my time up!
Marissa: I’ll tell you what. My time is also up. I pass on any additional chance to speak.
John: Okay, councilor Adams?
DeeDee: I have no interest in participating in this argument. I know how I’m voting.
John: All right, then. Councilor Tran?
Helene: Pass. I pass.
John: Wow, what’s in the water today?
Helene: I’m afraid of misspeaking and being killed by either Reggie or Marissa.
John: Fair enough! Councilor O’Sullivan?
Pat: I agree with Councilor Barrack.
Moira: Here we go.
Pat: No one opposing this bill has been going from councilor to councilor trying to sway our votes. Meanwhile, Mayor Landfield’s been whipping votes in favor of this bill and trying to cheat her way into passing it. This shouldn’t even be a debate. It needs to fail.
Moira: Remove your head from your own ass, Pat.
John: Councilor Donnelly!
Moira: Why do you and Councilor Barrack seem to think it’s wrong for the mayor to talk to members of the council ahead of a vote? There’s nothing unethical, and certainly not anything illegal, about it. Let’s just get on with this vote.
John: Sounds like a plan! Regarding the Clean & Green Act, how do you vote? Councilor Barrack?
Reggie: No!
Marietta (whispering to Amy and Tammy): Once more, with feeling!
John: Councilor Breyer?
Reggie: Yes.
John: Councilor O’Sullivan?
Pat: No.
John: Councilor Tran?
Helene: Yes.
John: Councilor Donnelly?
Moira: Yes.
John: Councilor Adams?
DeeDee: Yes.
John: I must admit my feelings on this act have changed after some recent events. I vote no. The act passes four to three, and the council is dismissed!
Marietta: Well that went…
Tammy: Great!
Marietta: Unexpectedly.
Moira: We did it!
Marietta: You made me go to lunch with John for no reason! DeeDee voted “yes” anyway!
Marissa: She's hard to read, sorry.
Marietta: I’m probably getting impeached now for a quid pro quo, but at least the act passed!
Marissa: Again, there’s no material impeachment yet.
Amy: Plus, Congress doesn’t think quid pro quos are impeachable.
Tammy: Wait, when did you do a quid pro quo?
Marietta: Long story. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
