College Season 3 Episode 17: Ecology

 


                                                                    Season 3 Episode 17

Written by

William Fry & Michael Ledesma


INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch watching ZOMBEES III: QUEEN BEE. Sarah enters.

SARAH

Haven't you already seen this?

EDISON

This is the Director’s cut.

MEGAN

Fifteen more minutes of Beyoncé.

SARAH

Hey listen, what are your plans for this weekend?

EDISON

Drink, relax, and... actually, that’s it. Just those two things.

SARAH

Megan?

MEGAN

Well, Jessica and I were planning on hanging out but honestly, I’m kinda looking for a way out of that relationship.

SARAH

Great, the environmental science department is putting together this hike through the woods near campus.

ANDREW

Sounds fun.

EDISON

Really? If I wanted to spend time in nature, I could just go down to the environmental science building. The place is practically a jungle.

SARAH

Well, you don’t have anything better to do so I’ll sign us up.

ANDREW

Great.

Andrew smiles at Sarah and she returns a tense smile. Sarah leaves.

The Next Day

EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY

The student hikers walk along a trail. Andrew, Sarah, Edison, and Megan walk towards the back.

EDISON

This is so boring.

SARAH

No, it isn’t. It’s educational. I didn't know there were so many plant species around here.

EDISON

I did.

SARAH

Really?

EDISON

No. No sane person knows that.

The group continues walking.

EDISON

Ah shit.

ANDREW

What?

EDISON

I gotta pee.

MEGAN

I told you not to drink that Monster.

EDISON

We’re hiking. I needed the energy.

ANDREW

Dude, just go in the bushes.

MEGAN

Do we have to stay?

ANDREW

No, you two go ahead. We’ll catch up.

Sarah and Megan catch up to the hiking group. The group disappears and only their faint voices can be heard.

ANDREW

Are you gonna go pee?

EDISON

Yeah. And take a shit.

ANDREW

I didn’t need to know that.

EDISON

Whatever. Here, want a snack.

Edison pulls out a bag of berries from his pocket.

ANDREW

Yeah, thanks.

Andrew takes a small handful and eats it. Edison walks off the path and finds a place to conduct his business.

Andrew’s vision begins to blur and everything begins to look warped.

ANDREW

Um, Edison.

EDISON

Yeah?

ANDREW

Where’d you get these berries?

EDISON

I picked them off some bush.

ANDREW

You what?

EDISON

Shhhhh I'm trying to shit.

Meanwhile...

The girls continue walking with the hiking group.

MEGAN

Hey, are you and Andrew good?

SARAH

Yeah. Why?

MEGAN

It’s just that things have been tense between you two. We’ve all felt it.

SARAH

We’re fine.

MEGAN

So you’re fine with his parents not knowing about you?

SARAH

No. I’ve just given up on Andrew.

MEGAN

That sounds like something you would say about a healthy relationship.

Edison finishes taking his dump.

EDISON

Shoot, no toilet paper.

Edison looks around and sees some plants. He shrugs and grabs the poison ivy.

Andrew stands still and stares into nothingness. Beyoncé appears in front of him.

BEYONCÉ

Hello Andrew.

ANDREW

Beyonce? What are you doing here?

BEYONCÉ

I don't know. I’m YOUR hallucination.

ANDREW

My hallucin-

Andrew looks at the berries in his hands.

ANDREW

Ah shit.

BEYONCÉ

Andrew, I sense conflict in you.

ANDREW

How?

BEYONCÉ

I’m your hallucination, Andrew. I know a lot more about you than you know about yourself. Like how you don’t want your parents to know about your relationship with Sarah.

ANDREW

Because-

BEYONCÉ

They’ll ruin it.

ANDREW

Whoa.

BEYONCE

Yeah.

ANDREW

Look, I just… I don’t know what to do. Things between me and her are just… weird now. I just don’t know what to do.

Beyoncé slaps Andrew.

ANDREW

Ow! What the hell was that for?

BEYONCÉ

That’s a reality check. Listen, you need to man up and tell your parents about Sarah. Her parents know about you.

ANDREW

Her parents aren’t like my parents. Constantly fighting and fooling themselves and not seeing that they should just get a divorce.

BEYONCÉ

So? Sarah loves you for you. She’s not gonna let your parents ruin what you two have.

ANDREW

Yeah, your right.

BEYONCÉ

Of course, I’m right. I’m Beyoncé.

ANDREW

Thanks, Beyoncé.

Beyoncé smiles. Behind her, a giant zombie bee materializes.

ANDREW

Beyoncé, look out!

Andrew picks up a rock and throws it at the bee. The rock hits the bee and it vanishes along with Beyoncé and in its place, is a real beehive.

ANDREW

Oh shit.

Edison is about to pull up his pants. Andrew runs past him.

ANDREW

Run!

EDISON

From what?

Edison looks behind him. A swarm of bees is chasing after him.

Sarah and Megan stand near the car.

MEGAN

Looks like they got lost.

Andrew runs from the woods onto the parking lot.

SARAH

What the?

ANDREW

Get in the car! Drive!

Sarah and Megan get in the car and start it. Andrew jumps through the window and into the car.

MEGAN

Where’s Edison?

ANDREW

Leave him! Just drive!

The car begins to move. Edison runs out from the woods trying his best to hold up his pants. The bees close in on him.

EDISON

Wait! Wait!

Edison jumps onto the roof of the car as it drives away.

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch. Edison keeps shuffling on his bottom. Sarah is in the kitchen

EDISON

Ugggggggh, it won’t stop itching.

MEGAN

Maybe you shouldn’t have used poison ivy to wipe your ass.

Andrew gets up and walks to the kitchen where Sarah is making tea. She hands him a cup.

ANDREW

Can we talk?

SARAH

I don’t want to fight.

ANDREW

Neither do I. I called my parents and I told them about us.

SARAH

You did? What did they say?

ANDREW

Nothing. They want to have dinner with us.

Sarah smiles and places a hand on Andrew’s face.

SARAH

Thank you.

The couple smiles at one another.

END.

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