Season 3 Episode 17
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch watching ZOMBEES III: QUEEN BEE. Sarah enters.
SARAH
Haven't you already seen this?
EDISON
This is the Director’s cut.
MEGAN
Fifteen more minutes of Beyoncé.
SARAH
Hey listen, what are your plans for this weekend?
EDISON
Drink, relax, and... actually, that’s it. Just those two things.
SARAH
Megan?
MEGAN
Well, Jessica and I were planning on hanging out but honestly, I’m kinda looking for a way out of that relationship.
SARAH
Great, the environmental science department is putting together this hike through the woods near campus.
ANDREW
Sounds fun.
EDISON
Really? If I wanted to spend time in nature, I could just go down to the environmental science building. The place is practically a jungle.
SARAH
Well, you don’t have anything better to do so I’ll sign us up.
ANDREW
Great.
Andrew smiles at Sarah and she returns a tense smile. Sarah leaves.
The Next Day
EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY
The student hikers walk along a trail. Andrew, Sarah, Edison, and Megan walk towards the back.
EDISON
This is so boring.
SARAH
No, it isn’t. It’s educational. I didn't know there were so many plant species around here.
EDISON
I did.
SARAH
Really?
EDISON
No. No sane person knows that.
The group continues walking.
EDISON
Ah shit.
ANDREW
What?
EDISON
I gotta pee.
MEGAN
I told you not to drink that Monster.
EDISON
We’re hiking. I needed the energy.
ANDREW
Dude, just go in the bushes.
MEGAN
Do we have to stay?
ANDREW
No, you two go ahead. We’ll catch up.
Sarah and Megan catch up to the hiking group. The group disappears and only their faint voices can be heard.
ANDREW
Are you gonna go pee?
EDISON
Yeah. And take a shit.
ANDREW
I didn’t need to know that.
EDISON
Whatever. Here, want a snack.
Edison pulls out a bag of berries from his pocket.
ANDREW
Yeah, thanks.
Andrew takes a small handful and eats it. Edison walks off the path and finds a place to conduct his business.
Andrew’s vision begins to blur and everything begins to look warped.
ANDREW
Um, Edison.
EDISON
Yeah?
ANDREW
Where’d you get these berries?
EDISON
I picked them off some bush.
ANDREW
You what?
EDISON
Shhhhh I'm trying to shit.
Meanwhile...
The girls continue walking with the hiking group.
MEGAN
Hey, are you and Andrew good?
SARAH
Yeah. Why?
MEGAN
It’s just that things have been tense between you two. We’ve all felt it.
SARAH
We’re fine.
MEGAN
So you’re fine with his parents not knowing about you?
SARAH
No. I’ve just given up on Andrew.
MEGAN
That sounds like something you would say about a healthy relationship.
Edison finishes taking his dump.
EDISON
Shoot, no toilet paper.
Edison looks around and sees some plants. He shrugs and grabs the poison ivy.
Andrew stands still and stares into nothingness. Beyoncé appears in front of him.
BEYONCÉ
Hello Andrew.
ANDREW
Beyonce? What are you doing here?
BEYONCÉ
I don't know. I’m YOUR hallucination.
ANDREW
My hallucin-
Andrew looks at the berries in his hands.
ANDREW
Ah shit.
BEYONCÉ
Andrew, I sense conflict in you.
ANDREW
How?
BEYONCÉ
I’m your hallucination, Andrew. I know a lot more about you than you know about yourself. Like how you don’t want your parents to know about your relationship with Sarah.
ANDREW
Because-
BEYONCÉ
They’ll ruin it.
ANDREW
Whoa.
BEYONCE
Yeah.
ANDREW
Look, I just… I don’t know what to do. Things between me and her are just… weird now. I just don’t know what to do.
Beyoncé slaps Andrew.
ANDREW
Ow! What the hell was that for?
BEYONCÉ
That’s a reality check. Listen, you need to man up and tell your parents about Sarah. Her parents know about you.
ANDREW
Her parents aren’t like my parents. Constantly fighting and fooling themselves and not seeing that they should just get a divorce.
BEYONCÉ
So? Sarah loves you for you. She’s not gonna let your parents ruin what you two have.
ANDREW
Yeah, your right.
BEYONCÉ
Of course, I’m right. I’m Beyoncé.
ANDREW
Thanks, Beyoncé.
Beyoncé smiles. Behind her, a giant zombie bee materializes.
ANDREW
Beyoncé, look out!
Andrew picks up a rock and throws it at the bee. The rock hits the bee and it vanishes along with Beyoncé and in its place, is a real beehive.
ANDREW
Oh shit.
Edison is about to pull up his pants. Andrew runs past him.
ANDREW
Run!
EDISON
From what?
Edison looks behind him. A swarm of bees is chasing after him.
Sarah and Megan stand near the car.
MEGAN
Looks like they got lost.
Andrew runs from the woods onto the parking lot.
SARAH
What the?
ANDREW
Get in the car! Drive!
Sarah and Megan get in the car and start it. Andrew jumps through the window and into the car.
MEGAN
Where’s Edison?
ANDREW
Leave him! Just drive!
The car begins to move. Edison runs out from the woods trying his best to hold up his pants. The bees close in on him.
EDISON
Wait! Wait!
Edison jumps onto the roof of the car as it drives away.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch. Edison keeps shuffling on his bottom. Sarah is in the kitchen
EDISON
Ugggggggh, it won’t stop itching.
MEGAN
Maybe you shouldn’t have used poison ivy to wipe your ass.
Andrew gets up and walks to the kitchen where Sarah is making tea. She hands him a cup.
ANDREW
Can we talk?
SARAH
I don’t want to fight.
ANDREW
Neither do I. I called my parents and I told them about us.
SARAH
You did? What did they say?
ANDREW
Nothing. They want to have dinner with us.
Sarah smiles and places a hand on Andrew’s face.
SARAH
Thank you.
The couple smiles at one another.
END.