College S3 Ep 18: Hold My Beer... And My Gun!
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew and Megan are eating breakfast at the dining table. Edison walks in with a coy smile.
ANDREW
What's got you in such a good mood?
EDISON
Today’s a special day.
ANDREW
It is?
EDISON
Yes Andrew it is. Today is my birthday.
Andrew and Megan stare blankly at Edison.
EDISON
This is the part where you wish me a happy birthday.
ANDREW
Why haven’t you ever told me your birthday?
EDISON
Because I don’t want anyone to be able to steal my identity!
ANDREW
That’s not how that works, but okay.
MEGAN
Happy birthday Edison.
EDISON
Thank you.
MEGAN
Any plans?
EDISON
Oh yes, tonight, WE are getting drunk. Legally.
ANDREW
That’s right, you’re turning 21.
EDISON
Yep. While all you guys were able to freely drink publicly, I had to sneak around and drink. But not anymore. You, me, Megan, Sarah, and Britt are gonna have the time of our lives.
ANDREW
What about Mario?
EDISON
He’s visiting his family in Italy.
ANDREW
Hold on, this isn't some plan to get Britt back right?
EDISON
No. I’ve learned my lesson. Tonight is just about having fun. And also getting wasted.
MEGAN
So what’s it like being 21 finally?
EDISON
It feels great. I feel… more mature. Being able to buy alcohol is great. Plus, I can own this.
Edison pulls out a snub nose revolver and places it on the table.
ANDREW
Is that a gun?
EDISON
Oh yeah.
ANDREW
Why do you have a gun?
EDISON
Cause I can. Also, someone in this group needs a weapon to protect us.
MEGAN
I have a taser.
EDISON
Lead beats electricity.
ANDREW
Great. Alcohol and guns. That should mix well.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Andrew, Edison, Megan, Sarah, and Brittaney enter a crowded bar.
EDISON
Happy birthday to me!!!
Edison rushes over to the bar.
EDISON
Five beers, please.
BARTENDER
ID.
Edison pulls out his ID and shows it to the bartender who examines it. They hand it back to him.
BARTENDER
Happy birthday.
The others grab a booth.
BRITTANEY
He seems happy.
ANDREW
Yeah, he does.
Edison returns with the beer. He sets them down and raises his bottle.
EDISON
I’d like to make a toast. To myself, to my friends, and… to turning 21.
ANDREW
Cheers.
The group clink their glasses. Edison starts chugging his beer and finishes it.
EDISON
Another!
Edison walks away.
MEGAN
It’s gonna be a long night.
Throughout the night, the group continuously drinks.
Megan walks over to the bar.
MEGAN
Can I get a glass of water?
Megan looks over to her side. Paige is sitting on a stool next to her.
MEGAN
Paige?
PAIGE
Oh, hey. What’s up?
MEGAN
I’m celebrating Edison’s birthday.
PAIGE
Oh.
MEGAN
Yeah. Listen, I never got the chance to thank you for helping me kick his ass in video games.
PAIGE
No problem.
MEGAN
I thought you’d like payback.
PAIGE
Yeah. Of course, that wasn't the only reason.
MEGAN
Huh?
PAIGE
I… was hoping to spend some time with you.
MEGAN
Oh, well if you ever want to hang out, we can.
PAIGE
That’s not quite what I meant.
MEGAN
Oh?
PAIGE
I… ummmmmm… sorry, I don’t really know how to say this.
MEGAN
Paige, are you… are you a lesbian?
PAIGE
Well, I’m bi.
MEGAN
But you dated Edison.
PAIGE
I did. But after we broke up I started thinking I’ve always… felt differently about girls. Actually come to think of it, I’ve always had a crush on you.
MEGAN
Oh, well, thank you. I’m flattered.
PAIGE
I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward.
MEGAN
No-no-no. It’s just… I got out of a bad relationship.
PAIGE
I know. I’m sorry about what she did to you.
MEGAN
Thank you. You know, she actually broke up with me at this exact bar.
PAIGE
Oh my gosh.
MEGAN
Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with the details.
PAIGE
No. I’m here for you. You can talk to me.
Paige places her hand on Megan and the two lock eyes.
Meanwhile at the booth…
SARAH
Wanna dance?
ANDREW
Sure.
Andrew and Sarah leave. Edison and Brittaney drink their beers. Brittaney’s phone DINGS and she looks at it. She sighs.
EDISON
What?
BRITTANEY
Nothing. Just some issues with Mario.
EDISON
You two okay?
BRITTANEY
Yeah. sort of.
EDISON
What do you mean sort of?
BRITTANEY
I… I shouldn’t talk about it.
EDISON
No problem. Look, I know I’ve been a jerk lately but I want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. As a friend.
Edison and Brittaney smile at each other.
BRITTANEY
Lately, things between Mario and I are just… blah.
EDISON
Blah?
BRITTANEY
I don’t know. It’s like the spark that was once there is dimming.
EDISON
You just got to reignite it. When's the last time you two did it?
BRITTANEY
Edison!
EDISON
What?
BRITTANEY
That’s not the issue.
EDISON
Oh, I see, it's an emotional thing. Well, I’m not exactly the best in that department.
BRITTANEY
What are you talking about? You were great at it when we were… together.
EDISON
Look, I think you and Mario just need to talk. Lay everything out on the table and be honest.
BRITTANEY
Thanks. You really are a good guy.
Edison and Brittaney smile at each other.
EDISON
Another drink?
BRITTANEY
Yes, please.
The night continues. Andrew brings Edison a small cupcake with a candle in it.
ANDREW
Make a wish.
Edison thinks for a second and then blows out the candle.
The group continues drinking. Edison and Brittaney laugh and talk as do Megan and Paige at the bar. Andrew and Sarah continue dancing.
EXT. BAR - NIGHT
The group leaves the bar. Edison is drinking from a beer bottle. The group stumbles drunkenly down an alley. A mugger appears from the shadows with a knife.
MUGGER
Wallets, now!
EDISON
I don’t think so, buddy. Andrew, hold my beer.
Edison hands Andrew his beer bottle and pulls out his gun and points it at the mugger.
ANDREW & MEGAN
EDISON NO!!
He pulls the trigger and the gun clicks.
EDISON
Oh shit, I forgot to buy bullets.
MEGAN
You bought a gun and not bullets.
ANDREW
That’s the issue? Edison was about to kill a man?!
EDISON
It’s okay, I got this. Andrew, hold my gun.
Edison hands Andrew his gun. Edison raises his fists.
EDISON
Come at me.
MUGGER
What the hell is going on?
Edison punches the mugger who falls to the ground unconscious.
EDISON
Not on my birthday.
The group walks away. Cheering and laughing through the night.
The Next Morning…
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Edison lies in bed asleep. He stirs awake. He looks over and laying next to him is Brittaney. His eyes widened. Brittaney stirs awake and upon seeing Edison, her eyes widen. Both scream in shock.
In Megan’s room, Megan jolts awake. Next to her, Paige sits up.
PAIGE
What’s going on?
MEGAN
I have no idea.
END.