Betty: One day left, everybody! One single day until we go to México!
Teri: You can just call it “Mexico.” You’re very white.
Betty: Are you all not so excited to go?
Danielle: I wish I could be excited. Sadly, my mom had to go and make me waste all of my vacation days and I can’t go now.
Cindy: Look on the bright side. Zeke gets to go with us now!
Danielle: I don’t really see the bright side in that for me.
Cindy: Look at the bright side for us, then.
Velma: Yeah. We have someone to watch the house now!
Karl: You can watch my plants! Betty can tell Amelia not to worry about it! I trust you so much more!
Teri: Do you only have four vacation days?
Danielle: No, I don’t. I don’t like using them, though. I want to have them if I need them. You never knew when you’ll need them.
Teri: You’re skipping a vacation to Mexico so you can have vacation days if you ever happen need them?
Danielle: Yes. Is that a problem?
Teri: No, I’m only trying to make you realize how much you might regret this so that you’ll change your mind before it’s too late.
Cindy: My son is already packed and ready to fly to Mexico tomorrow with us. It’s too late.
Danielle: It is too late. I’m not going, that’s fine. I’ll have some alone time here. That’s always good, too!
Teri: Not as good as the beaches of Cancun!
Danielle: You’re right. It’s even better!
Velma: You take that back.
Betty: I think we’re getting off track. I’m reminding everyone today about this trip so we can all ensure that we’re ready to go straight away tomorrow.
Mitchell: Do you think anyone here forgot that we’re going on vacation tomorrow? Velma wouldn’t allow that.
Velma: I’ve been so pumped for this trip. The beach is my happy place. I taped a picture of Cancun above my work computer to get me through these past few weeks at work.
Ralph: Not all of us are excited for the beach.
Teri: You don’t have to go.
Betty: Yes you do!
Ralph: I’m glad to be going. I just won’t be going to the beach. I love the Mexican culture, it’s fascinating. The food is pretty great, too.
Mitch: The food is the main reason I’m going, I can’t lie.
Teri: We know.
The next morning…
Karl: Is all of the luggage in the cars at this time?
Teri: No! My toiletry bag isn’t out there yet.
Karl: Just don’t forget it, okay? And leave it by your feet. I’m closing up the roof carrier and closing the hatch. I don’t want to have to open them again.
Teri: Okay, okay. I’ll take it out to the car as soon as I put on my makeup.
Betty: What book should I take?
Jerry: How about “Sanity for Dummies?”
Betty: You ass.
Jerry: No, there aren’t any books about my ass.
Teri: I brought a few books, don’t worry about it.
Betty: Are any of them not by Howard Stern?
Teri: No…
Betty: Steven, go grab a book from the bookshelf for grandma Betty, please. One that isn’t for children. Not the Bible, either. The hotel will have that already.
Steven: Okay, sounds good.
Betty: None of your father’s Republican books, either. I’ll chuck that out the window on the car ride to the airport.
Frank: You will not!
Danielle: Get her the book “Jaws.” A lovely beach read!
Steven: Okay!
Tammi: Steven, don’t do that.
Steven: Why?
Tammi: Your grandmother will never go in the ocean again.
Teri: I see no problem with that.
Betty: What are you all saying.
Teri: Nothing…
Tammi: Teri and Danielle want to scare you so you don’t go swimming in Mexico. They want Steven to give you the Jaws book
Betty: I have no comment.
Teri: So Danielle, moving on from all of that, do you have all of our instructions written down?
Danielle: Yes. I live here, too, you know. I kinda got the hang of everything already.
Karl: What about my plants?
Danielle: Water them on Wednesday. Pick the dead leaves off of all of the plants as I see them and throw them away. Don’t leave them in the pots.
Karl: Very good!
Danielle: I’m going to be okay here! You can all rest easy knowing I’m here to take care of the house. Most of the time. I have to go to work, of course.
Karl: I think we’re done here, then. Is everyone ready to hit the road?
Teri: I still have to put my makeup on!
Cindy: Why are you out here talking? Put on your makeup. We have to get to there airport!
Teri: You sound like mom.
Betty: Get your makeup on!
Teri: There we go.
Betty: Now! I want to get to Mexico!
One hour later…
Karl: We’re finally here!
Jerry: This doesn’t look like Mexico to me.
Karl: Here at the airport.
Jerry: That’s not what you said.
Karl: You’re being purposely obtuse.
Teri: Don’t say that, dad. Jerry really is this stupid.
Jerry: Beat up on Frank. Everyone likes that.
Tammi: I don’t!
Frank: I’ve grown to appreciate it.
Karl: We should start unpacking these cars instead of all of us just standing around outside of them.
Betty: We barely have any time to get to the game. Let’s get moving!
Cindy: It’s six in the morning. The flight leaves at eight.
Betty: They say to get here two hours early.
Teri: Which we did.
Betty: We aren’t in the door yet. It takes a good fifteen minutes to get our luggages out of the cars.
Cindy: We’ll. be fine.
Betty: I’d just rather be safe than sorry. We’re flying United, they get very ruthless when you’re late.
Tammi: We’re flying American Airlines, grandma.
Betty: We are?
Tammi: Half the luggage could’ve been out already if we weren’t talking about it.
Betty: Okay, if it’s what you want, I’ll zip my lips. I won’t talk until we’re on the plane.
Tammi: I didn’t say that.
Betty: I think you did, and that’s okay with me. I’ll just take my suitcase -
Karl: Suitcases. Take your suitcases.
Betty: I’ll take my suitcases and I’ll go in silently.
Betty grabs her suitcase and walks into the airport.
Steven: Mom, why is grandma Betty upset?
Tammi: I don’t know, honey, but we better get to her soon before she gets lost in Richmond International.
Ralph: Don’t worry too much about her. She’s easy to find. She’s got a leopard print suitcase and she’s wearing a hot pink jacket and mittens. No one else looks quite like her.
Velma: You’d be surprised. Old ladies love going on beach trips. Whenever I go to the beach, it’s mostly old ladies wrapped in beach blankets with giant leopard print bags, baking in the sun but still cold somehow.
Teri: That was overly-descriptive, a little confusing, and mildly nauseating.
Velma: Thank you. I have a gift.
Karl: I’m going to look for her. She’ll get lost in there, she hasn’t been here in years. None of you better move or we can kiss Cancun goodbye.
Betty returns.
Betty: Was no one going to come look for me?
Karl: I was on my way, honey.
Tammi: Uncle Ralph told me not to go get you.
Ralph: I did not! I just said she’s easy to locate.
Betty: This is going to be a long flight for all of you.
Jerry: As if it wasn’t going to feel like an eternity to begin with.
Karl: We’re all together again, we all have our luggage. You all wait here.
Betty: You’re sounding like you’re going somewhere. Where are you going?
Karl: Jerry and I have to go park the cars.
Jerry: We do?
Karl: You drove the other car. We can’t leave it in the unloading dock So yes.
Teri: I can always park it for you!
Jerry: Okay, I’ll do it. See you guys soon!
Twenty minutes later…
Teri: Thank god you’re finally here. Mom was stressing so much, I thought we were gonna have to put her down.
Betty: I was fine!
Velma: I think you lost some of your hair.
Ralph: Haha!
Betty: I pulled that out.
Teri: Due to stress.
Betty: Fine. You know how I get when we travel. I feel like we’re late and it makes my stomach turn.
Karl: We should get in there, then. No reason not to!
The family walks into the airport.
Amelia: Bellwoods! Hi!
Betty: Oh no. Ohhhhh noooooo.
Karl: It’s lovely to see you here! Where ya headed?
Amelia: I’m heading off for a week in Chicago!
Teri: I thought mom asked you to stay at our house for the week and then called you to cancel?
Amelia: No, she never asked.
Karl: Betty… were you going to leave my plants to become dehydrated?
Betty: What? No! Now let’s go check in!
Teri: No, I have some questions.
Betty: You can ask while we wait at the gate!
Teri: No, I have to ask now.
Betty: Why do you do this to me?
Teri: Because it’s fun!
Thirty minutes later…
Amelia: Okay, I’ll see you guys later!
Cindy: Have a good time in Chicago!
The Bellwoods walk away.
Teri: Wow, Zeke’s girlfriend can talk!
Zeke: She isn’t my girlfriend.
Teri: Whatever she is. She can really talk!
Betty: I know…
Ralph: Is mom okay?
Teri: It would be be a miracle if she was.
Ralph: I’m just amazed that she’s not in the fetal position.
Teri: Yet.
Mitchell: I’m hungry. I think I’m g-
Betty: No! No! No! No! Noooooooooooooooo!
Mitchell: Okay, I’ll wait.
Velma: We narrowly avoided making the Lakey Action News.
Jerry: “Homicide today at Richmond International Airport as deranged woman kills nephew after he orders a pretzel.”
Ralph: Forget the Action News. We would’ve made the Today show!
Betty: Very funny. Let’s get moving! Our flight leaves in an hour!
Velma: We really are cutting it close.
Betty: Let’s get moving, people!
One hour later…
Betty: I can’t believe Mitchell stopped for a pretzel after all we’ve gone through today! We have five minutes to get to the gate!
Mitchell: I can’t go on the plane without eating! Do you want to be near me when I’m starving?
Velma: You really don’t want to experience it.
Jerry: We don’t even want to experience him when he’s just eaten!
Betty: Focus on the running, please!
Velma: Look! The American Airlines to Charlotte!
Mitchell: We’re going to Cancun, not Charlotte!
Ralph: Does someone want to tell him?
Mitchell: Tell me what?
Tammi: We have a brief layover in Charlotte. There aren’t any direct flights from Richmond to Cancun.
Mitchell: Oh, that’s stupid.
Betty: It may be, but let’s get on that plane before we get stuck here!
Teri: Can’t wait to go through this again in just an hour and a half!
Many hours later, in Cancún…
Betty: ¡Viva México!
Cindy: How long have you been holding that one in?
Betty: Since we booked this trip.
Ralph: I can’t believe we’re finally in Mexico. I feel like Ted Cruz!
Karl: Is that the guy who sings Dynamite?
Ralph: No, that’s Taio Cruz.
Karl: Did we rent a car yet? I can’t remember.
Cindy: Dad’s slipping!
Karl: We just went through six hours of flying. My brain’s a little tired.
Betty: Of course we rented a car! How else will we get around?
Ralph: Uber?
Betty: Funny joke. Let’s go get the car so we can rest at the hotel!
One hour later…
Betty: Look at this place! The sandy beach! The ocean view! It’s paradise!
Cindy: It was almost worth all of the complaining we had to endure today.
Betty: Shall we go inside?
Karl: Can I park the car first?
Zeke: This isn’t much of a car? It’s more of a bus.
Frank: I’d call it more of a van.
Jerry: It looks like we’re about to rob a bank.
Teri: It does not! We look like the gang from Little Miss Sunshine.
Ralph: As if we could secure a vehicle as cool as the 1978 Volkswagen T2 bus.
Karl: Are you guys coming?
Teri: Coming where?
Karl: Inside. The car is parked.
Teri: It is?
Betty: Don’t mind them. They drank on the plane.
Teri: I did not!
At the front desk of the hotel…
Betty: Hola! Me llamo Betty Bellwood!
Luisa (receptionist): I’m going to stop you right there. I speak English. You can talk to me in English if you’re more comfortable.
Cindy: How could you tell?
Luisa: Most American tourists seem to think none of us here speak English. Most of us do, it just helps us do our job better.
Betty: Does this mean I bought a Rosetta Stone course for no reason?
Luisa: I’m not sure what that is, but knowing Spanish isn’t a necessity here at the hotel.
Betty: Oh well. I’m just glad to be here.
Luisa: Shall we get you to your rooms?
Betty: That would be great!
Luisa: Okay, I need some identification and a confirmation of your reservation.
Betty: Here you go. We’re the Bellwoods.
Cindy: And the Delacroixs!
Betty: We booked three rooms. We have a very large family.
Luisa: They’re ready for you. Here’s your map of the hotel, a map of the area around the hotel, your room key, and a book of amenities here on the site of the hotel and in the area. Call us if you need anything, we’re only here to help. Welcome to Cancún!
Betty: Look guys! We made it!
What did you think of the new episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to read a new episode next week!
