College Season 3 Episode 16: Gender Studies

  

                                                                    Season 3 Episode 16

Written by

William Fry & Michael Ledesma


INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Andrew and Edison sit on the couch watching TV. Megan bursts into the apartment.

MEGAN

Guys, did you hear the news!

EDISON

That Brie Larson is gay?

MEGAN

What? No, unfortunately, that was just a rumor. I’m talking about Starquest.

ANDREW

What about it?

MEGAN

It’s shutting down.

Edison stands up.

EDISON

What! Why?

MEGAN

Apparently, the movie adaption bombed so badly it bankrupted the company behind the game.

EDISON

So, what are we supposed to do now to pass the time?

ANDREW

We could always read a book.

EDISON

Read a book? Andrew, it’s 2021. The closest thing to a book that people read is a Twitter thread.

ANDREW

Okay, you could always do homework.

EDISON

Andrew, if you don’t have any serious suggestions, then don’t contribute to this life-changing conversation.

ANDREW

Whatever.

MEGAN

I have a solution. Gentlemen, introducing the newest and probably the best online space game… “Proxima Centauri”.

EDISON

Never heard of it.

MEGAN

It came out a few weeks ago. Now that Starquest is gone, the game’s popularity has increased. I picked up a copy for each of us.

Megan tosses two copies of “Proxima Centauri” to Andrew and Edison.

MEGAN

I hope you two don’t have any plans, because we have to train.

ANDREW

Train for what?

MEGAN

Because of its growing popularity, the creators behind Proxima Centauri are holding a nationwide tournament. There are already some teams of four that have formed on campus and I was thinking we could enter as a team.

ANDREW

I have a test tomorrow morning.

EDISON

Andrew, for once in your life, forget about school and play a potentially awesome space game with me and your lesbian roommate.

MEGAN

Yeah, what he said.

ANDREW

Fine. Wait, who’s gonna be our fourth?

EDISON

Mario of course.

MEGAN

Seriously?

EDISON

Yeah. He plays video games.

MEGAN

Well, I was kind of thinking Jessica could be on our team.

ANDREW

The hairdresser?

MEGAN

Yeah.

EDISON

Very funny Megan. A girl on our team. Can you imagine? The whole point is for us to win.

MEGAN

Edison, that is such a sexist thing to say.

EDISON

I’M a sexist? Megan, do you know how many women I’ve slept with?

ANDREW

Edison, I don’t think you know what a “sexist” is.

EDISON

Since when did you become an expert on social issues?

ANDREW

I took gender studies my freshman year. I thought it would help me ask out Sarah.

EDISON

Whatever. Jessica is not joining our team.

MEGAN

Cause she’s a girl?

EDISON

Yes. I’m sorry Megan but girls aren’t that good at video games.

MEGAN

I’M a girl.

EDISON

Yeah. but you’re a lesbian which basically makes you a guy.

MEGAN

I see. Care to make a wager?

EDISON

What do you mean?

MEGAN

I’ll form my own team of all women to play against you at the tournament. If I win, you guys have to wait on me and my team hand and foot.

EDISON

And if I win?

MEGAN

I’ll give you the number to one of my straight friends.

EDISON

Is she hot?

MEGAN

What do you think?

EDISON

Okay, deal.

Edison and Megan shake hands.

ANDREW

Wait, what do I get?

EDISON

Nothing, we already made the deal.

ANDREW

So. either way, I lose.

EDISON

Yes.

MEGAN

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got three girls to train.

Megan leaves the apartment.

EDISON

Okay, I’m gonna call Mario and we can begin, we have lots of training to do.

ANDREW

We still need a fourth person.

EDISON

I have an idea for that.

INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT - DAY

Sarah and Brittaney sit on the couch as Megan paces around the living room.

MEGAN

Okay, ladies, this is our chance to prove that women are just as good at video games as men.

SARAH

But Brittaney and I don’t know how to play videogames.

BRITTANEY

Does Webkinz count?

MEGAN

No. No, it does not.

BRITTANEY

What about Club Penguin?

MEGAN

We’re not talking about some game we all played in elementary school. We are talking about a game involving spaceships, reaction time, and strategy.

BRITTANEY

But we don’t know anything about video games? Except that there's a good way to distract your boyfriend while you watch “The Bachelor”.

MEGAN

I’ll teach you.

SARAH

I’m in. Anything to tear Edison a new one. What do you say, Britt?

BRITTANEY

Sure, why not. Sound fun. Maybe after I learn, I can play with Mario.

MEGAN

Uh-huh sure. Okay, now we just need a fourth.

SARAH

What about Jessica?

MEGAN

I already asked her. She’s going to some hair convention tomorrow.

BRITTANEY

So, who’s our fourth?

MEGAN

Oh, I have someone in mind.

The Next Day…

INT. CAMPUS CONVENTION HALL - DAY

The giant room is filled with students and adults each with their own computer. They are set up all over the place. Edison and Andrew are setting up their computers with Mario.

ANDREW

Edison, we still don’t have a fourth.

EDISON

Yes, we do.

Paul approaches the three.

PAUL

Hey guys. Ready to play some video games?

Andrew looks at Edison.

ANDREW

Our fourth guy is Paul?

EDISON

Yes.

ANDREW

Okay, I’m confused, are you two friends or enemies?

EDISON

Again, we’re frenemies.

MARIO

Nice to meet you, Paul.

PAUL

You must be Mario. Britt’s new boyfriend. You know I was her first, right?

MARIO

Excuse me?

PAUL

Anyway, let’s get to playing.

The doors of the convention hall swing open, and Megan, Sarah, and Brittaney walk in carrying their laptops.

ANDREW

Oh boy

The trio of girls reaches the boys.

EDISON

Nice team. You know the point is to win right?

MEGAN

Oh, we’ll win. We were up all night practicing.

EDISON

It still won’t be enough? Looks like you're short one player.

MEGAN

Oh no, I’ve got four.

The convention doors swing open again and Paige enters. She joins the girls.

EDISON

Paige?

PAIGE

That’s right.

EDISON

You said videogames were a waste of time.

PAIGE

Oh, they are but getting a chance to get back at you isn’t.

EDISON

You know what, who cares. We’ll still beat you all. Team “Guy Friends” is gonna own this tournament.

MEGAN

Well, see. Team “Same-Sex” has a few surprises.

Edison and Megan give each other competitive stares.

PAUL

Hi Brittaney.

Brittaney scratches her eyes with her middle finger.

Both teams go their separate ways.

ANDREW

Edison, I think we should call off the bet.

EDISON

Are you kidding? Megan is the only one on that team who knows how to play videogames. We’ve got this tournament in the bag. Now, let’s play.

The tournament begins. The players tap furiously at the keyboards as they fire on ships. On their screen, spaceships explode.

It is just Edison’s team and Megan’s team now. Both are in the ZONE.

ANDREW

What was that you said about us having this in the bag?

EDISON

I didn't think she’d teach them that well. How much health did you get?

ANDREW

Not much. She has that Ionic cannon.

EDISON

Not for long.

On the screen, Edison's ship fires a shot at Megan’s ship and destroys the Ionic cannon.

EDISON

Whoooooooooooooo!

MEGAN

Shit!

SARAH

What now?

MEGAN

Fire at will, fire at will!

The girls tap furiously at their keyboards.

MARIO

We got them now.

Mario’s ship explodes

MARIO

What the?

BRITTANEY

Ha! Take that!

MARIO

Babe!

BRITTANEY

Sorry.

SARAH

Don't apologize girl.

Sarah taps her keyboard and destroys Andrew’s ship.

ANDREW

Damn it.

EDISON

Okay Paul it’s just you and me.

Brittaney taps her keyboard furiously and destroys Paul’s ship. It explodes more violently than the others.

BRITTANEY

That’s for cheating on me, you dick.

Sarah and Brittaney high-five each other.

Edison’s ships fire two missiles and destroys Sarah and Brittaney’s ship. He fires another missile at Megan’s ship but Paige’s ship moves itself into the way and explodes.

MEGAN

Thanks.

PAIGE

Don’t mention it.

Megan and Edison lock eyes. They both crack their knuckles and start tapping at their keyboards firing upon each other’s ships, each doing damage to the other. Megan’s ship stops firing and goes stagnant.

EDISON

Well, well, well, any last words?

MEGAN

Yeah. You ready to be my bitch?

Edison’s eyes widened.

Megan’s ship deploys a sphere-like bomb towards Edison’s ship.

EDISON

No!

The bomb detonates and obliterates Edison’s ship.

The girls cheer and Megan is handed a makeshift trophy.

INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Megan, Sarah, Brittaney, and Paige sit on the couch.

MEGAN

Where’s our dinner!

Andrew, Edison, and Mario walk out of the kitchen wearing aprons and carrying a tray.

EDISON

This is humiliating.

MEGAN

Good.

The boys set the tray of food in front of the girls. Megan puts her bare feet on the table.

MEGAN

Foot rub, please.

Edison looks at Andrew.

ANDREW

Don’t look at me, you’re the one who made the bet.

Sarah and Brittaney put their feet on the table.

SARAH

Us too.

The three men get on their knees and start rubbing the women’s feet.

END.

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