Season 3 Episode 15
“Spring Break Treasure Hunt!”
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew and Edison are sitting mopily on the couch watching TV. Megan enters the apartment.
MEGAN
Finished my last class before Spring Break. Do you two have any plans?
ANDREW
Well, Sarah and I were hoping to do something but things have been awkward between us.
EDISON
I’ll probably just stay here and binge watch some anime. I’m into anime now. I don’t even use the subtitles.
ANDREW
How do you know what’s going on?
EDISON
I don’t, but the fight scenes are cool!
MEGAN
Wow. You know when I moved in, I didn’t realize how sad your lives would be.
EDISON
Alright Ms. Perfect, what’re you doing for Spring Break?
MEGAN
I’m going to my parent’s beach house.
ANDREW
You have a beach house?
MEGAN
Yeah.
EDISON
Can we come?
Megan thinks about it.
MEGAN
(Sigh)
Fine. But you have to leave your sadness here.
Andrew and Edison nod.
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan load up the van.
EDISON
Nice minivan, I thought you might make a good soccer mom one day.
MEGAN
Listen if you want to make fun of my van you can stay behind. Plus I’m the only one who has a car big enough to fit all of us.
EDISON
What do you mean? There’s only four of us…
SARAH
Hey guys!
Sarah, Brittaney, and Mario are walking towards them.
EDISON
What the hell? Did you invite them?
MEGAN
I told Sarah about my plan and she was interested. She invited Brittaney and Mario.
EDISON
And you allowed it?
MEGAN
Hey, I’m not happy about Brittaney and Mario either. I’m on your side. Andrew, back me up.
ANDREW
I’m with Edison on this one.
EDISON
Thank you, Andrew.
Sarah, Brittany, and Mario reach the car.
SARAH
Hey.
ANDREW
Hey.
MARIO
Edison.
EDISON
Mario.
Edison and Brittaney avoid each other’s gaze.
MEGAN
Okay then, let’s get this break started.
EXT. BEACH HOUSE/ROCKPORT - DAY
The group’s car pulls into the parking lot. They get out.
INT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY
The group enters the beach house.
ANDREW
This is nice.
MEGAN
Thanks, I’ve always loved coming here growing up.
SARAH
So, what should we do?
MEGAN
Well, I was thinking we could go shopping for snacks and other groceries for dinner tonight.
ANDREW
Edison and I can do that.
EDISON
We can?
ANDREW
Yes... we can.
EDISON
Fine.
MARIO
I can help. I make great spaghetti.
BRITTANEY
It’s true.
EDISON
And I can make a perfectly microwaved hot pocket. Still doesn't make me a chef.
ANDREW
Spaghetti sounds great. We’ll go get the ingredients.
INT. GENERAL STORE - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Mario checkout their groceries at a small grocery store. Sitting on a bench near the front is an old bearded man.
CASHIER
Y’all here for spring break?
ANDREW
Yeah, us and some other friends.
EDISON
Did you just call your girlfriend your friend?
Andrew ignores Edison.
CASHIER
Y’all going to the beach?
ANDREW
Most likely.
OLD BEARDED MAN
Maybe you’ll find the treasure.
EDISON
Excuse me?
OLD BEARDED MAN
The treasure of the pirate Bloody Jack.
ANDREW
What?
CASHIER
Apparently, some pirate named Bloody Jack buried his treasure somewhere on the beach.
EDISON
What kind of treasure?
OLD BEARDED MAN
Gold. Jewels. Riches beyond your wildest imagination.
Andrew pays for the groceries.
CASHIER
Have a nice day.
INT. CAR - DAY
Andrew is driving. Edison is looking out the window. Mario is in the back.
EDISON
Do you think that guy was telling the truth?
ANDREW
You mean about some pirate’s treasure. Sure. That sounds very believable.
EDISON
I'm serious.
ANDREW
Edison, that guy was obviously crazy and pranking us because we’re not from around here.
MARIO
I agree with Andrew.
EDISON
Okay, Mario. Just imagine, If we really did find the treasure, we would be rich. We could make the Machine Washable Condom.
MARIO
The what?
ANDREW
First off, I’m not a part of that, and second, I am not spending my spring break looking for fake treasure. I’m going to spend it trying to repair my relationship with Sarah.
EDISON
Imagine how Sarah might see you once you're rich. She might forget about the whole parent thing.
ANDREW
Really? No. No, I’m not doing it.
INT. BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT
Andrew, Edison, and Mario are in the kitchen preparing dinner. Megan, Sarah, and Brittaney sit on the couch drinking wine. Sarah and Andrew glance at each other.
BRITTANEY
Have you two talked?
SARAH
Just here and there. Every time we do, we just fight and I’m just sick of it.
MEGAN
You know what will help, another glass of red.
Megan takes Sarah’s glass and leaves.
BRITTANEY
Hey, I’m sorry things between you and Andrew are weird.
SARAH
It’s like we don’t know how to be a couple anymore.
BRITTANEY
Don’t worry, you two will be fine. We’re on break at the beach where I’m hoping to fix one of my problems.
SARAH
You and Mario?
BRITTANEY
No.
SARAH
Edison?
BRITTANEY
No. Thank goodness. I’m talking about Megan.
SARAH
What?
BRITTANEY
She and I aren’t connecting as friends.
SARAH
Probably has to do with Edison. They’ve become really close friends.
BRITTANEY
I’m hoping to forge an actual friendship with her.
Megan returns with two glasses of wine.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen…
Andrew and Mario are chopping veggies. Edison is adding spices to the sauce.
MARIO
Hey, be careful not to add too much salt.
Edison dumps the entire jar of salt into the saucepot.
EDISON
So, have you thought any more about the treasure?
ANDREW
Actually, I did. I looked Bloody Jack up.
EDISON
And?
ANDREW
He’s real. But the idea of the treasure was created in order to attract tourism to the area.
MARIO
Italy does the same.
Mario leaves to go set up the table.
EDISON
C’mon Andrew, can we at least try? I’ll make it worth your while.
ANDREW
Don’t... don’t say that ever again to me. But how would you?
EDISON
I’ll do your homework for a month.
ANDREW
That’s not a win for me.
EDISON
Fine, I’ll… help you smooth things over with Sarah.
ANDREW
Ugh, alright fine. We’ll go tomorrow. Spend the day. Mario and I will go buy some shovels.
EDISON
Mario? I don’t want Mario there.
ANDREW
Edison, I’m spending an entire day of my Spring Break digging for a fabled treasure. I want as much help as possible.
EDISON
Ugh fine. I guess it would go faster. Also, there would be plenty of holes to put his body in if we decide to kill him.
ANDREW
What the fuck Edison.
EDISON
What?
In the living room, the girls are still talking.
SARAH
So, what’s going on tomorrow?
MEGAN
I’m going to a club.
BRITTANEY
Oh, that sounds fun.
MEGAN
Yeah, I was kinda thinking about going by myself.
Brittaney looks at Sarah.
SARAH
Can we come?
MEGAN
I’m not sure you two would enjoy it.
BRITTANEY
Oh, come on, please. The guys already have plans. Something about pirate treasure.
MEGAN
(Sigh)
Fine. The more the merrier.
Later.
The group sits at the dinner table about to eat. They each take a bite and gag.
BRITTANEY
That is really salty.
Andrew gives Edison a look. Edison takes another bite
EDISON
I think it tastes just fine.
The Next Day
EXT. BREACH - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Mario walk along the beach carrying shovels. They stop near a large boulder.
EDISON
Okay. According to that old guy at the store, the treasure is rumored to be somewhere near this boulder.
MARIO
So what now?
EDISON
Now, we start digging.
Edison starts digging. Andrew and Mario look at each other and then begin digging as well.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Megan, Sarah, and Brittaney enter the bar.
SARAH
Wow, this place is nice.
BRITTANEY
Not a lot of men though.
Sarah and Brittaney look around the bar. It is full of only women. Not a man is in sight.
SARAH
Ummmm Megan, did you bring us to a lesbian bar?
MEGAN
Yes.
SARAH
Oh.
Sarah and Brittaney look around. They are being ogled at by the other women in the bar.
EXT. BEACH - NIGHT
The beach is covered in holes. Each of the guys is in their hole. Andrew climbs out of a hole.
ANDREW
Edison, we’ve been at this for hours and all we’ve found is a bunch of trash and one shell.
EDISON
A cool looking shell. If you want, you can take a break.
ANDREW
Great.
Andrew walks away. Edison struggles to dig his hole. Mario appears above him.
MARIO
Need help?
EDISON
No, I’m more than capable of digging a hole.
MARIO
Okay, can we talk?
EDISON
About what?
MARIO
I think you know what.
Edison sighs and climbs out of the hole.
EDISON
What’s up?
MARIO
Us Edison. Us is what’s up. Ever since we’ve met you and I haven't exactly had the best friendship.
EDISON
Let me stop you right there. WE, are not friends. We’re not even frenemies. We’re mortal enemies.
MARIO
Look, I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between you and Brittaney. Really I am. Things have been nothing but awkward since Valentine’s day and I want us to move forward. How can we do that?
EDISON
Well for one, you could break up with Britt.
MARIO
That’s not happening.
EDISON
Well then, so much for moving forward.
MARIO
You know, You’re really selfish.
EDISON
You take that back.
MARIO
Vaffanculo!
EDISON
What’d you say to me!
Mario smiles. Edison charges at Mario and tackles him. The two roll roughly in the sand. Andrew walks over carrying a sandwich. He sighs.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Sarah and Brittaney sit at the bar. In front of them, are several empty drinks. The bartender sets a pair of drinks in front of them.
THE BARTENDER
Another round from the ladies over there.
The Bartender gestures over to a group of women across the bar who wave at Sarah and Brittaney. Megan appears next to Sarah and Brittaney.
MEGAN
I don’t know about you two, but I am getting loads of chick action going on.
SARAH
Well, that makes sense since you know, you're a lesbian.
MEGAN
You know it’s never too late to join us.
BRITTANEY
Where do I sign up?
Brittaney smiles at Megan. Megan stares blankly back.
SARAH
I’m… going to the bathroom.
Sarah leaves.
BRITTANEY
Hey, have I done something to offend you?
MEGAN
What makes you say that?
BRITTANEY
Well, it’s just… you and I haven't exactly been good girlfriends. And I’m not talking about anything lesbian.
MEGAN
Look Brittaney, you hurt one of my best friends. I think you’re cool. But I have to support my friend. And that means not being your friend.
BRITTANEY
I know that I hurt Edison. I’m glad that he has you.
The two women smile at each other. Sarah returns.
SARAH
Three women tried to make out with me.
EXT. BEACH - NIGHT
Edison and Mario continue to wrestle. Andrew finishes his sandwich and walks over to the pair. He pulls Edison off of Mario.
EDISON
What the hell dude? I was winning.
ANDREW
Okay, you two. You’ve had your little fight, now shake hands.
Edison and Mario stare at each other. They both begrudgingly extend their hands and shake them.
ANDREW
It’s clear that you both care about Brittaney but this rivalry that you have… It isn’t going to help her. It’s just going to make things worse. Now you don’t have to like each other but you have to get along. Not for yourselves but for Britt.
EDISON & MARIO
Fine.
ANDREW
Great, now let’s get back to the beach house.
EDISON
What about the treasure?
ANDREW
Edison, we dug all day. There is no treasure. Now lets salvage this break and go back to the beach house and binge-watch some WandaVision.
Andrew walks away and Edison and Mario follow.
Later, the tide comes in and pours into the hole that Edison was digging in. The water moves the sand and a hint of a wooden chest can be seen.
END.