Smoo Says This is How The New Shows Rank

The Ratings Junkie Friday, November 11, 2016
Do you like people telling you how to run your life? Guess what? TVRG will tell you which shows you will be watching because we know better than you do. We've ranked them from 1-20, with 20
being absolute brilliance and 20 being only for doody-heads
1. Notorious -- It is ABC's 5th highest rated drama and 3rd strongest drama for Thursdays. Even with Grey's and HTGAWM stealing its audience, Notorious earned a magical 9 episodes from ABC, showing you just how special it is. It created a Grand Canyon in ABC's once-heralded TGIT lineup, a blowhole you should invest one hour of your week in. Watch it now, as I say it is Gold.
2. Pitch -- It is the evening's 7th highest rated drama, only tied with mega sophomore hit Rosewood. It is so special Fox has dubbed it a limited series in hopes that less accessibility will show you what you should be watching, no what you actually like. Way to go Fox for delivering the 2nd highest rated newbie on my list.
3. Frequency and No Tomorrow (tie) -- These CW innovations are math genius, as they both have mastered fractions and the feng shui power of 3 to average a 0.3 rating. Forget superhero shows scoring 0.9-1.0. The shows you should both be watching are the newest which make Crazy Ex Girlfriend look like an ordinary girl just released from the nut farm.
5. Pure Genius -- The genius part is this CBS drama calculated its predecessor Elementary's ratings, divided by the constant of Blacklist and HTGAWM and did the bare minimal to score on Thursday's ratings roster. Extra credit for having the bragging right to state they rate higher than TGIT's freshman drama Notorious.
6. Conviction -- ABC's 6th Highest Rated Drama regularly gets viewers stolen by the AARP-skewing Dancing With The Stars, yet it is the evening's 6th highest rated drama. Considering there are 13 hours of network television on Mondays, having the 6th highest rated drama shows Conviction is a winner.
7. Exorcist -- The Seventh Sign led this Friday blockbuster to conjure Satan's powers to score a (0.)7 rating. Tune in, as this is Fox's sophisticated play at ratings on a Friday. It scores 4th in its timeslot of the 5 competitors. It's ratings will truly scare you and make you want to come back for more!
8. The Good Place -- 8 episodes in, and this show is already rating like a CBS sitcom! Extra props for NBC which actually has a sitcom to rate once again. Good Place graciously returned the viewers it stole from The Voice, returning nearly half of its viewers and showing Kristen Bell does indeed belong in heaven.
9. Son of Zorn -- This turkey of a Sunday show is as resourceful as a welfare mother who scavenges road kill to serve to her charge on Thanksgiving. Son of Zorn manages to scrape up the roadkill of football to attempt to blend in with the rest of it sitcoms on the air. Football's run over animals help Son of Zorn fatten up its ratings as people are too stupid to turn the channel, making it a winner in my list which you need to watch for crisp production standards.
10. Timeless -- Unlike the reviled This is Us, which steals its viewers from The Voice, Timeless is gracious enough to return its viewers in the similar fashion to Katherine Heigl's State of Affairs. Timeless appears to be altruistic and will return half of its viewers to Voice in the spring, thus why I marked it in the top 10.
11. Kevin Can Wait -- So can viewers. Earning a nod like Timeless and Good Place, Kevin Can wait returned half of it's Big Bang viewers it borrowed in September and October. Kevin Can Wait has also redefined CBS ratings standards, showing viewers a 1.3 is what they want to watch and should turn away from higher-rated sitcoms.
12. Man With a Plan -- Joey Can Wait. 12 seasons that is, coinciding with how this sophisticated, original piece earned this numbered spot. Joey Can Wait has shown considerable sensitivity toward women, and also men who do not guzzle beer or sling insults about being masculine. Joey Can Wait has proven to be what women want. Far over it's 8:00 neighbor, who showcases two strong women cutting their mark in the business world. They should take Joey's attitude and get back to tend to their households!
13. Designated Survivor -- This show helps with our immigration problem, as it makes frightened Americans run to Canada or Mexico so the bad guys won't show up in their living rooms. And it shows in the viewers, as the show already dropped a full point since it's not-so-long ago premiere. Kudos to Designated Survivor for scaring away stupid Americans watching TV.
14. MacGyver -- Inflating prune-demographic'd Hawaii 5-0's 7th Season earned MacGyver a demerit, as well as overshadowing the brilliant and should-be watched Exorcist. Had CBS not crafted a fun fantasy, viewers may be apt to watch the family-themed Exorcist on Fox. MacGyver also destroyed another website's comment toilet, as H50 is no longer the scapegoat to hate on. MacGyver upset the balance in the ecosystem and should have let a well-invested veteran die a slow, agonizing Friday death.
15. The Great Indoors -- Ugh, where to begin. While this show deserves some praise for stealing little of its lead-in's ratings, the show is still too high and is making our leading Notorious look like a bomb. We know better, as the ratings don't matter. Stick to stereotypical generational jokes, and this show's ratings will look much better and make the items in 1-10 look so much better.
16. Speechless -- The thieves sit on the bottom of this list, as Speechless led to a chain reaction of stealing. First, it stole Godberg's timeslot, who in turn stole the Middle's 7-year home. Then the Middle booted Fresh Off The Boat to 9pm, where it stole Marvel's Agents of Shield's home. They in turn stole ABC's frequent foreclosure sinkole at Tuesday 10pm. To add insult to injury. Speechless stole some of Modern Family's viewers at 8pm. How dare this show attempt to blend into the biggest comedy block on the air? Had they moved into a less desirable home, the 10pm Foreclosure Hour on ABC's Tuesday night would give us yet another helping of fractions.
17. Bull -- Thieves continue to run rampant. CBS stole Michael Weatherly, who in turn stole an hour of programming on Wednesdays, and viewers from Empire and Modern Family. CBS' only merit with this show is it fails to steal 1st place for the evening, or even second. They failed to steal second base and 2nd place during the world series.
18. Lethal Weapon -- Charity is at a low for this cop drama, as they did not follow Rosewood's example when they were housed in the network's plum timeslot. Lethal Weapon even has the nerve to take viewers from Empire. Had Lethal Weapon scored a 0.7 instead of a 1.7, Empire would still have a 3.9 rating and be a hated beast. Instead, it has disgraced Empire, as it now sits below Big Bang and is starting to look like a regular hour of television.
19. American Housewife -- This show's thievery is felonious, as it has aided and abetted ABC to steal 2nd and 3rd Place on odd nights from CBS and Fox. Even worse, it steals viewers from its lead-in, The Middle, and stole the timeslot and viewers for ABC's best sitcom, The Real O'Neal's. Katy Mixon has some nerve to give us the notion that anyone over a size six can be entertaining to watch. Cancel American Housewife immediately and return the stolen goods. Give O'Neal's its home, boot the Middle and return Fresh Off the Boat to its old home, opening up a fractional lesson at 9pm for AOS. And try out dozens of failed dramas in ABC's 10pm Foreclosure fare, which has been as haunted as the house in Poltergeist. Fearful the Middle will perish? Fret not. Have it boot Goldberg's back to 8:30 on Wednesdays, giving Speechless a sign it should not steal viewers on Wednesdays. And if they complain, they move to Saturdays or suffer cancellation in order to make notorious ABC's #1 freshman series, as I say it is a hit you will be watching.
20. This Is Us -- This drama is killing the Voice and now kills the Real O'Neal's. It has the nerve to give us a plus sized heroine we all root for, a multiracial cast and complex storytelling. Give back the viewers to The Voice and get off of our screens! We want frivolous, talentless reality TV. Not well written and acted scripted fares.

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