Marietta, Tammy, Amy, Kate and Ellie are in the family room at Patty Lynn and Martin’s house.
Tammy: Marietta, you have to talk to your family about running for governor.
Marietta: Do I?
Ellie: Yes!
Kate: You know, deep down, that you have to talk about it. I know it’s scary and you anxiety is acting up, but it’s important to talk about these things.
Amy: You’re undecided on it. Talking with them should give you clarity.
Marietta: Have you met my family?
Amy: They’re really not nearly as crazy as you insinuate.
Marietta: They’re not?
Tammy: Yeah, I’m going to have to side with Marietta on that one. Amy just doesn’t know them like we know them.
Amy: That’s not helping, Tammy.
Tammy: I know.
Amy: So why’d you say it?
Tammy: Me and my big mouth…
Kate: What are you going to say to your family?
Patty Lynn: Marietta! Honey, dinner is just about ready, why don’t you girls come out here and take your seats at the table?
Marietta: We’re coming, mother!
Patty Lynn: All right, as long as you’re on your way.
Marietta: She knows something.
Kate: I really think that she does not.
Ellie: You act like you murdered someone. You’re just thinking about running for governor.
Marietta: My mother would much rather that I murder someone than that I take a job in a city eighty miles away.
Ellie: You used to work in DC! That’s more than eighty miles from here.
Marietta: She had Milton then! Now, he’s in DC. Nothing to distract her! I’m her everything.
Ellie: That sounded so conceited.
Tammy: It’s true, though. Patty Lynn is obsessed with her.
Marietta: Who isn’t, really?
Ellie: Now that was definitely conceited.
Kate: Come on, girls. We need to get out there for dinner.
Amy: Marietta, you need to just bite the bullet and tell them you’re thinking about running. There’s no harm in being honest.
Marietta: That is simply untrue.
Kate: Let me ask this, very quickly.
Ellie: You do nothing quickly!
Marietta: Fire away, Kate.
Kate: Do you not think that your family’s reaction can help you decide whether this is something you want to do or not?
Amy: I asked that already!
Marietta: And once again, I say: “have you met my family?”
Kate: I know they’re “crazy.” I’m saying, if they’re at least somewhat open to it, is that not a sign that you should run?
Marietta: Perhaps.
Tammy: Plus, Martin isn’t nearly as intense as Patty Lynn. He’ll probably give you some good advice.
Marietta: Okay, I'm ready to talk to them.
Ellie: Let’s go now, before she changes her mind!
The group walks back out to the others.
Sarah: Aunt Marietta, were you having bathroom problems? I know it’s very common for women your age.
Marietta: You are grounded.
Sarah: Dad, she can’t do that. Right?
Milton: You live with her. Yes, she can.
Sarah: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!
Marietta: Forgiven. You’re too cute to stay mad at.
Sarah: I am not cute!
Marietta: In that case…
Sarah: I’m cute, I’m cute!
Marietta: So, speaking of people that are adorable, I have some news.
Milton: Where does the “adorable” part come into it?
Marietta: Look at me, Milton. I’m quite cute.
Milton: What’s your news, honey?
Marietta: Mother, you need to promise not to freak out.
Patty Lynn: Would I ever freak out?
Kathleen: Yes. Constantly.
Patty Lynn: I can kick you out of my house whenever I want to. Martin won’t stop me.
Martin: Yes, I would. But please, Kathleen, don’t do anything to provoke her.
Patty Lynn: You talk about me as if I’m some sort of zoo animal.
Milton: Don’t be silly, mom. You are much scarier than a zoo animal.
Kate: We should let Marietta talk, I think something’s really been weighing on her mind.
Martin: I agree. Marietta, go ahead.
Marietta: So…
Milton: Don’t drag it out. Get to it.
Marietta: I am!
Milton: I’m just teasing.
Marietta: I’ve been given a really interesting job opportunity.
Patty Lynn: What could possibly be more interesting than being mayor of New Orleans? You get to oversee Mardi Gras!
Marietta: Yes, overseeing Mardi Gras is the dream job.
Sarah: Maybe they’re going to let her be President.
Ellie: That’s not quite how that works.
Sarah: It isn’t? Wow, I’ve been lied to.
Ellie: There’s no need to get sarcastic.
Marietta: The chair of the Democratic Governors Association called me up and said she wants me to run for Governor of Louisiana. I am considering it.
Patty Lynn: You for governor? Huh.
Marietta: That’s not the reaction I was anticipating, I can’t lie.
Kathleen: I was anticipating screaming of some sort.
Martin: I think we all were.
Patty Lynn: Why would I scream?
Kathleen: Because you’re insane?
Marietta: Because you’re very… opinionated.
Patty Lynn: I’m your mother, it’s my job to have opinions about my children’s lives.
Marietta: I don’t really think that’s true.
Patty Lynn: Well, it is.
Marietta: So no one besides mom has any thoughts on me running for governor? No one at all?
Milton: I have thoughts.
Sarah: It’s probably rude, ignore him.
Marietta: Is it rude?
Milton: Not as rude as my daughter.
Sarah: I deserved that.
Milton: I think it’s a bad idea.
Marietta: Because…?
Milton: Because I know how if impacted you the last time you ran and lost. Let’s face it, you’re quite liberal and Louisiana is not.
Marietta: You’re liberal, you won.
Milton: I’m not a fire-breathing outspoken progressive abortion rights activist like you are.
Marietta: Aww, don’t flatter me.
Milton: Times have changed since you won statewide last time. They’ll call you a communist, they’ll say you’re bringing socialism to Louisiana.
Amy: He’s right. I did.
Marietta: We remember.
Milton: Sadly, people will believe them. I don’t want to see you go through that again.
Patty Lynn: I think she could win!
Milton: Surely mom is an unbiased arbiter here.
Patty Lynn: Would I tell my daughter to run if I thought she was going to lose?
Milton: No, but you don’t think she’s capable of losing.
Marietta: You thought I’d win in 2018.
Patty Lynn: And I was right!
Marietta: I lost in a landslide.
Patty Lynn: I don’t recall that.
Milton: Is she serious?
Marietta: Dad, is mom… okay?
Kathleen: Has she ever been?
Patty Lynn: Once again -
Kathleen: I know, I know. You can kick me out when you want. Got it.
Marietta: So mom thinks I should run. Milton thinks I’d lose because I’m a loser -
Milton: I did not say that!
Marietta: It was implied.
Milton: I don’t think it was.
Marietta: What does dad think? Again, feel free to speak your mind because I’m not decided one way or another.
Milton: Just tell her to run, she gets offended when you tell her not to.
Marietta: I do not! I want your honest opinions!
Martin: You’re sure you want that?
Marietta: Wow, how negative is your opinion?
Martin: I think you would be a terrific governor. But -
Sarah: Ouch!
Martin: I think it would be hard for you to be elected. Milton’s right, you are very liberal and this state isn’t. I love you but it wouldn’t be worth running if you ask me. I can’t imagine any Democrat holding the office this year, the state is just too red.
Patty Lynn: Are we forgetting that Eileen Birkman is just wrapping up eight years as governor? She’s always been vocal about liberal issues. I don’t see a problem for Marietta.
Martin: It’s hard for any party here to hold on to the governorship for three terms in a row. You know that very well.
Amy: I don’t mean to interrupt -
Tammy: But you will anyway.
Amy: A race being difficult is not a reason to not run it. She was the US Senator for Louisiana for twenty years. As a Democrat! This were not easy campaigns.
Martin: I understand where you’re coming from and if she wants to do it, she should. I just think it’s best to not go out there and run and lose badly when you have a bright future down the line. Don’t mess it up here unless you truly are certain this is a route you want to go down. Focus on re-election next year.
Marietta: Oh, god. I forgot about re-election.
Tammy: If you win, you won’t have to worry about running for mayor again. You’ll be governor.
Marietta: That’s a big if. I don’t want to run a campaign two years in a row. Not again.
Patty Lynn: This city loves you, re-election wouldn’t be difficult at all.
Martin: The establishment came out in full force against her last time and she had to go to a runoff.
Amy: Hello, establishment here!
Martin: What I’m saying is that a failed run for governor could be just what they need to say that Marietta is weak and should be replaced.
Marietta: You are right, they’re vultures. They hate me.
Amy: You’re right, they are vultures. I can test to that!
Kathleen: Can I say something?
Patty Lynn: When are you not saying something?
Kathleen: I think you shouldn’t run, I agree with Martin.
Patty Lynn: You’re telling me that you’re siding with Martin over me? Shocking.
Kathleen: It’s not about you, I’m trying to give my best possible advice to my favorite niece.
Marietta: Aww.
Milton: You’re her only niece.
Kathleen: You forgot about Gerry.
Milton: In my defense, who doesn’t?
Sarah: I’m going to say something.
Kathleen: You’re only a child, but I’m sure your contribution will be more meaningful than Patty Lynn’s.
Patty Lynn: Good luck movin’ up, ‘cause you’re movin’ out.
Ellie: Sing it, Patty Joel!
Sarah: I don’t have a horse in this race, because while it would be cool to live in the governor’s mansion, the mayor’s mansion is also pretty nice.
Marietta: Very insightful.
Sarah: My only real comment is that I’m shocked grandma is okay with aunt Marietta running for an office that could take her over an hour away.
Kate: You know, that surprised me, too.
Patty Lynn: Oh, heavens. I didn’t even think of that!
Tammy: We’re about to see the greatest about-face in history, folks.
Patty Lynn: That certainly complicates things a bit.
Marietta: What are you saying, mother?
Patty Lynn: I think New Orleans could use you right here for now.
Kate: That sounds like the Patty Lynn I know!
Patty Lynn: It’s up to you, though. If you want to move away from your darling, doting mother, then go ahead and run.
Martin: Patty Lynn… lay off her.
Milton: You know, it’s funny. I suddenly want Marietta to run for mayor.
Marietta: Nope, no one else is allowed to change their minds.
Milton: Oh, fine.
Marietta: Does anyone else want to add their two cents before this dinner is done? We haven’t heard from you, Mitch. You have more government experience than any of us.
Tammy: You really expect him to care?
Mitch: I do, Tammy! I really care!
Tammy: Can’t wait to hear this pearl of wisdom.
Mitch: Don’t run, Mare.
Marietta: Mare?
Mitch: There’s a new show on HBO called Mare of Easttown, it inspired me to try a new nickname.
Marietta: Don’t like it.
Mitch: Anyway, I was governor of New York for twelve years. It was a terrible job, and that was when my party controlled the state legislature for over two thirds of my term. You’d barely get anything done with the Republicans in charge. It’ll just make you look incompetent.
Mitch: Look incompetent? She alr-
Patty Lynn: Don’t finish that thought.
Marietta: So no one wants me to run? Okay, let’s move on to desert!
Patty Lynn: Oh, honey. I didn’t make any desert.
Marietta: Well, it is what it is.
Two days later, at Marietta’s office…
Amy: So, Marietta. It’s been a few days. Have you made a decision on… you know?
Tammy: We’re dying to know.
Amy: I was so intrigued to find out, I could barely pay attention to last night’s Equalizer.
Marietta: I’m staying. Right here, in this office.
Amy: As long as the voters re-elect you, that is.
Marietta: Yes, exactly. I’m pretty sure that will happen, but if it doesn’t, we’ve still got a two-year lease on the place.
Tammy: Don’t even talk so stupid, you’re getting re-elected.
Marietta: You never know, Amy might run against me!
Amy: Oh, please. I’ve accepted that I am simply not going to be mayor. It’s okay, I’ve learned to stop resenting you for that.
Marietta: That’s… nice? I don’t know how to respond to that.
Tammy: What are you going to tell Sharon Morgan?
Marietta: Oh, lord. I completely forgot about having to call her.
Tammy: I can help you think of some excuses to tell her. You could tell her it would be bad for your mental health. You could tell her your main focus right now is Sarah. You could tell her you want to be able to travel more. You coul-
Marietta: Tammy!
Tammy: What?
Marietta: I was pulling your leg. I already talked to her and told her I’m not running. She said she’ll find some state senator to run.
Amy: If they’re willing. Remember that time the Mississippi Democrats nominated a trucker for governor who forgot he filed paperwork to run?
Marietta: Our state party isn’t quite that dead. Yet.
Tammy: I still can’t believe I live in a Republican state now. Who would’ve thought I’d end up here?
Amy: You’re old, Tammy. Tons of old people end up living in a red state. It’s called Florida.
Marietta: Don’t you even dare comparing this state to Florida!
Tammy: I’m so glad we have at least two more years of this. We work so well together.
Marietta: Speaking of work…
Amy: We’re getting back to work, don’t worry.
Marietta: I really did hire the best people, didn’t I?
What did you think of the season premiere of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
