LORENZO
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
ROBERT
Lorenzo it’s not Halloween yet.
FELIX
Yeah, although concession attendant would fit you better than baseball player. I have to hand it to you, nice costume.
LORENZO
I can’t believe they just left all these extra snacks and a uniform unattended.
ACE
Oh so it’s not a costume, you just stole stuff.
LORENZO
Uh…yeah, pretty much.
CHARLES
It’s nice to just hang out in here again. We deserve it after such a tough year.
DEVIN
I wouldn’t call this year particularly tough.
LORENZO
Back to the topic of stealing stuff: do you think they’d get mad if we somehow unattached these comfortable seats from the floor and moved them into the bullpen?
MANNY
Yeah, I’d say they’d be pretty mad about that. Is our high-tech bench not enough anymore?
LORENZO
Just asking a question.
ROBERT
You know, Garry would have us over for cookouts when we weren’t playing.
LORENZO
He still owes me a waffle bowl.
MANNY
Alright, maybe I’m not Mr. Cookout, but this is fun, right?
LORENZO
Whoa. Garry’s last name is Cookout??
FELIX
Lorenzo Lastname, can you try to not be an idiot today?
LORENZO
I told you, that was a MISTAKE! Plus, at least they got my first name right on the screen when I was slowly rounding the bases after that home run I got to win the Primates the Championship Series.
MANNY
So Harry, how would you feel about getting off your phone and joining our conversation?
HARRY
Oh I’ll join the conversation but it’s gonna be a much different topic.
ACE
Uh oh.
HARRY
How come none of you told me about all the moves happening in the bullpen?
MANNY
What moves?
ROBERT
Yeah, I don’t know of any moves and I’m the bullpen captain!
LORENZO
Co-captain.
ROBERT
Senior captain.
LORENZO
If you say so.
HARRY
Felix, you didn’t tell anyone?
FELIX
Tell anyone what?
HARRY
It’s all over the news. Well, in the sports news at least.
FELIX
Oh my God. Please tell me I got traded. Please. PLEASE!!!
HARRY
Not quite, but they are sending you down to the minors.
FELIX
I’ll take it!
FELIX puts his hand up, expecting to get high fives from everyone.
FELIX
Alright I’ll just see myself out now.
FELIX leaves. Everyone else hears him cheering from a distance.
LORENZO
I think he’s happy.
HARRY
Also Charles, you’re a goner.
CHARLES
I would assume so. It was nice getting to see the ballgame from a different perspective! Even if that perspective was…extremely odd. I hope my love of baseball rubbed off on everyone a bit?
LORENZO
I love baseball now as much as I ever have. It’s my fifth-favorite sport.
MANNY
Quick Lorenzo, list all the sports you know.
LORENZO
Basketball, football, car racing, horseback riding, baseball…yeah that’s all I can think of.
MANNY
Alright, so your least favorite sport.
ACE
Harry, any other news?
HARRY
Yup. Devin’s being send down to the minors with Felix.
DEVIN
Me?? What did I do??
HARRY
Well according to this article the owners cited poor entertainment value.
DEVIN
Well that stings. But hey, maybe Felix will be a new man in the minors. Hopefully they let him pitch.
HARRY
Oh they will, he’s being sent down as a prospect. See if he can work his way back up to the big leagues. You on the other hand…I think your best days are over.
DEVIN storms out of the room.
MANNY
Any new additions to the team?
HARRY
Uh…not that I can see, yet. Someone should probably tell Felix there’s a chance he returns to the bullpen.
ROBERT
Nah, let him be happy for once.
MANNY
Where are you reading this, anyways?
HARRY
Primitives Sports Network.
MANNY
I’m surprised they didn’t even try to tell us. Maybe I missed the call with all the spam I get. I’ve been getting calls from the same number three times a day for a week—oh. That was the owners, wasn’t it?
HARRY
Well it says here that the owners failed to come in contact with anyone from the bullpen directly so I’d say so.
ACE
Think there’s a chance Devin comes back after all?
HARRY
Hey, you can never be so sure. But I’m sure the Fisher Fishers will love him.
ACE
Why do you say that?
HARRY
I’m not sure.
MANNY
Well everyone who’s still here, thanks for another great and completely unproductive season. Until next time.
Everyone leaves.