The group walks onto the set of Bake Your Heart Out.
Charlotte: Big show today, guys! The semi-finals!
Diane: I’m still sad about you guys eliminating Carter last week.
Sam: That’s just because you were attracted to him.
Diane: What? I’m old enough to be his mother!
Leslie: His grandmother, even.
Diane: Let’s not go there.
Leslie: Apologies, I got ahead of myself.
Diane: I’m nervous for this episode, I want them to all make it to the finale.
Sam: Well, we can’t always get what we want. Just be glad that your favorite couple got engaged on the finale of Bachelor in Paradise.
Diane: Joe and Serena’s love can not heal the pain caused by having to say goodbye to one of my four new friends!
Frances: Sam, is Diane all right?
Sam: She never has been.
Diane: I just get attached so quickly.
Frances: We can tell!
Leslie: Can you get a bit more attached to your hair and makeup people? We have a show to do, you know.
Frances: You mean she can’t go on TV with bedhead?
Diane: I do not have bedhead!
Sam: Check the mirror when you get to your dressing room.
Diane pulls out a pocket mirror from her purse.
Diane: You let me leave the room like this?
Sam: I didn’t know if it was a new look you were trying out!
Diane: Why would this be an intentional look?
Sam: It’s 2021, fashion is weird now.
Frances: Is it any weirder than when people wore parachute pants or had hair that made them look like poodles?
Garry: I looked great in parachute pants!
Sam: I can assure you that you did not.
Leslie: Work, everybody. We’re at work! Can we do some work?
Sam: Let Diane listen to a bit of Olivia Rodrigo and she’ll be ready to go!
Diane: I can listen to music while I get my hair done, thank you very much.
Leslie: I don’t care what you do while you get your hair done. I just care that you get it done.
Frances: She’s cranky today.
Sam: Maybe she’s hungry.
Charlotte: You want a snack, Leslie?
Leslie: You people…
Six hours later…
Paul: You guys got through filming pretty quickly today, it’s only three o’clock. You usually mess around for far longer than that.
Sam: Well Paul, there’s only four bakers left. There used to be twelve. You do the math.
Paul: There’s no need to mock.
Diane: He’s right, Sam.
Sam: Diane, don’t you start.
Diane: He is right! He was only making small talk, no need to mock him for it..
Sam: Yes, there is a reason. He’s Paul. Remember all he’s done to us.
Frances: He’s done a lot for us lately, too.
Sam: Are you kidding me? Frances, you hate him just as much as I do.
Frances: He’s kinda nice now!
Paul: Thank you!! I appreciate it!
Leslie: Can we -
Charlotte: Go and eat? Don’t worry, we will.
Leslie: I actually wasn’t going to say that.
Charlotte: What? Something is surely wrong.
Leslie: I was going to ask if we can all just calm ourselves down. I have a headache, and you’re all so -
Charlotte: Loud?
Garry: Annoying?
Frances: Obnoxious?
Leslie: Yeah.
Charlotte: Let’s get back to the hotel.
Leslie: Let me take an Advil first, then we can go.
Sam: How long does it take for you to take an Advil?
Leslie: I need to grab it from my purse, which is in my office.
Sam: That’s not a great place for it, is it?
Leslie: You are being particularly annoying today.
Sam: Thank you.
Thirty minutes later, at the Riviera Inn…
Melanie: Leslie, you look sick. Are you okay?
Leslie: Just a headache, it’s getting better, though.
Melanie: I’m glad you’re feeling better. I hate headaches, I used to get them all the time as a kid.
Leslie: I haven’t had one in a while. Pretty surprising, considering who I work with.
Frances: Hey, we’re not that bad!
Charlotte: We’re difficult, Frances.
Frances: I know.
Leslie: Melanie, what’s this?
Melanie: What’s what?
Sam: This is gonna be a problem, I just know it.
Leslie: On the television.
Garry: Are you watching old repeats of our show?
Melanie: I keep The Baking Channel on when I’m working. I usually turn it off before you guys get here though since the girl who does the night shift prefers Investigation Discovery.
Garry: Since when does The Baking Channel air Bake Your Heart Out?
Leslie: It doesn’t. What is this show?
Melanie: It’s called Halloween Bakes Challenge, it premiered last night. I have had to endure so many promos for it, even saying the name makes me nauseous.
Leslie: It looks so similar to our show. Same setup, three judges, two zany hosts…
Diane: It’s Halloween-themed. Our show isn’t Halloween-themed.
Leslie: We do a Halloween episode.
Sam: You didn’t invent Halloween, Leslie.
Leslie: Did I say I did?
Sam: Sort of.
Leslie: I have a big ego, but not that big.
Frances: Melanie, when do you get off of your shift?
Melanie: Five o’clock, so, two hours.
Frances: Are any of you guys really busy?
Garry: I hav-
Frances: I didn’t mean you, you can leave if you want.
Garry: I see how it is.
Sam: You should’ve been able to see that long ago.
Frances: So you girls aren’t busy?
Charlotte: Why do you ask?
Frances: We can sit down here in the lobby and watch the show and see how similar it is. It’s probably pretty different and that can ease Leslie’s mind.
Charlotte: It’s not like I have anything better to do.
Diane: Let’s be honest, none of us do.
Sam: I have a wife upstairs, I need to get to her.
Diane: The way you said that made it sound like you locked her in an attic.
Garry: I thought the same thing!
Sam: Shut up, Garry!
Garry: Will do.
Leslie: I will watch it with you guys if you insist. But I know it’s a copycat and I know I want to do something about it.
Frances: If you still have that opinion after we watch it, I will support you.
Melanie: You know I love you guys, but -
Sam: She’s finally kicking us out. I knew it was coming.
Melanie: No, never. I just hope you don’t expect me to watch the show with you. I do have to work for a living.
Leslie: You don’t have to watch it. You just have to mindlessly agree with me when I say it stole my intellectual property.
Melanie: Okay, I can do that.
Leslie: Glad we have an understanding!
One hour later…
Frances: Well, we finished the episode…
Nicolle: It was entertaining!
Sam: Nicolle, zip.
Nicolle: Sorry, honey.
Diane: What did you think of it, Leslie?
Leslie: Well, I think our Halloween costumes are better than theirs.
Sam: Garry looks like a Universal Monster to begin with, so that’s not a fair comparison.
Melanie: You do not, Garry!
Sam: He’s not even in the room and you can’t even tell. My point exactly, he’s the Invisible Man!
Charlotte: Enough Garry bashing. Leslie, do you have any further thoughts on it? Do you still think they copied the show?
Leslie: They have three rounds just like our show, the same number of judges and hosts, a round where the bakers have to bake something chosen for them by the judges… it’s the same show.
Frances: I won’t lie, it’s more similar than I was anticipating it being.
Leslie: See!
Nicolle: I thought it was nice.
Leslie: Do you not watch our show? It’s much nicer.
Nicolle: I do! I love it! Maybe that’s why I liked this one.
Sam: Yes, that’s why. No further elaboration is needed. Maybe stay out of this conversation.
Leslie: So you all see it? They copied Bake Your Heart Out!
Melanie: Completely! Sue them!
Frances: Did you even pay attention to the show?
Leslie: I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Diane: I would say it is.
Melanie: I saw enough to know how similar it is to Bake Your Heart Out. Remember, I’ve been binging it lately.
Sam: Yeah, well we’ve been filming it lately.
Frances: Sam, the way you’re talking, it’s like you don’t think the shows are similar. You have to.
Right?
Sam: They’re very similar, but let’s be honest, guys. Leslie didn’t reinvent the wheel with this show.
Leslie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Sam: There’s been baking competition shows before, ours wasn’t the first.
Leslie: It is based on a completely original idea!
Sam: I didn’t say it’s not, geez.
Leslie: You’re accusing me of not being original! That’s an insult!
Sam: No, I’m saying that it’s hard for someone to copy you when you weren’t the first one to come up with it.
Leslie: Sure, there’s been other baking shows. But it’s copied down to the exact format.
Sam: It’s like music, it’s all built on the same foundation. It’s up to everyone to take that same foundation and give it a fresh coat of paint and make it their own.
Leslie: This show is like the Ice, Ice Baby to my Under Pressure. They didn’t just use the same foundation, it’s copied down to the wallpaper.
Frances: Why did this go from music references to home renovation references?
Diane: You know, speaking of music references, my girl Oliv-
Sam: Melanie, do you have a spray bottle?
Melanie: No, I don’t think so.
Sam: Okay, I’ll just hit her instead.
Diane: Please do not.
Leslie: So you really think I have no reason to be upset?
Diane: Can I add something?
Sam: Is this related to Olivia Rodrigo in any way? Or Olivia Newton-John? Or Olivia Colman? Or any Olivia at all?
Diane: It is not.
Sam: Say it. Then I’ll answer Leslie.
Leslie: Yes, I’m interested to see what Diane has to say about this. She’s been unnaturally quiet.
Diane: I, uh, I hate to say this eve but I agree with Sam. You know, I think it’s unfortunate that there’s a show on that makes our less unique, but our show was sort of built on the backs of other shows to begin with. We took pieces from other baking shows and fine-tuned them and made it work. What’s special about our show isn’t even necessarily the format, it’s the chemistry between all of us. We saw that during that disastrous season where we all left.
Leslie: So you’re saying the only part I’m responsible for isn’t unique. Got it.
Diane: I am not saying that. You put us all together. In a format that works beautifully, I might add. The show only works so well because of all of the elements coming together. This show, it’s a gimmick. There’s nothing unique or special about it, it’s like the Dollar General knockoff of our show. People get sick of those sort of products after a few uses. We’re Prada, they’re nada.
Charlotte: That was quite clever, Diane.
Diane: Ironically, that was a phrase I stole from someone else.
Leslie: You all think I’m overreacting?
Garry: No, I understand where you’re coming from.
Leslie: Okay, then I’m gonna drop it here before I get too embarrassing.
Sam: Thanks for taking one for the team, Garry.
Garry: You people are so rude!
Leslie: Let’s get ready for dinner, then!
Diane: That’s the Leslie we know and love!
Fifteen minutes later, in Leslie and Frances’s room…
Leslie: Frances…
Frances: Oh god, what do you want?
Leslie: I don’t need to want something to speak to you! You’re my friend!
Frances: What do you want?
Leslie: Okay…
Frances: I am so wise.
Leslie: You used to work for The Baking Channel.
Frances: No…
Leslie: You did. It’s how you got the job without auditioning.
Frances: I don’t like where this is leading!
Leslie: Can you call the head of the network and ask him what’s going on with this Halloween Bakes Challenge Try and get them to pull it from the air. Threaten a lawsuit. Something.
Frances: Why would I do that?
Leslie: We’re friends!
Frances: We are friends, but I’m not going to embarrass myself for you. I don’t do that for anyone.
Leslie: We have a real case here! It won’t be embarrassing! You’re the only one that can do this for me!
Frances: Will this end the saga of the Halloween Bakes Championship?
Leslie: It's Halloween Bakes Challenge. And yes, it will. Unless I have to file a lawsuit. But I won’t bring that up around you guys.
Frances: Then I’ll do it. I will call Charlie Holmes and threaten to sue his short little ass.
Leslie: Thank you! It means so much!
Frances: I just hope I still have his number right. And that he’s still in charge.
Frances picks up the phone and calls Charlie.
Charlie: Frances Conner? Is this really you? I don’t believe it!
Frances: It is, indeed, me. Been a long time, I know.
Charlie: What are you calling about? I never expected to hear from you again.
Frances: This is awkward, I’m sorry. My producer -
Charlie: Leslie Clark? The one who stole you away from me?
Frances: That’s her. So, Leslie is very concerned about one of the shows that just premiered on your network, Halloween Bakes Challenge.
Charlie: What about it?
Frances: It’s a carbon copy of Bake Your Heart Out, and you know it. Same format, same challenges, even the same number of hosts and judges. Who needs two hosts for a simple baking show?
Charlie: Your show has two hosts.
Frances: That’s just because Sam and Diane come as a package deal. Your copycat doesn’t need that!
Charlie: Look, I’m very sorry that you feel it’s a copy, but it’s an original idea. The selling point here is that it’s Halloween-themed, not the format.
Frances: No, people watch because it’s about baking. It’s a format people like, you know that because Bake Your Heart Out is the number-one show on all of television. You exploited that and thought you could get away with it. You’re not going to.
Charlie: Frances, what are you going to do about it?
Frances: If you don’t pull this copycat from the air, our network is prepared to file a lawsuit against you for the profits of it. This all goes away if you pull this show from the air, never to be seen again. That’s all.
Charlie: I’m sorry, but you don’t have a leg to stand on here. This is an empty threat, because we’d win.
Frances: See you in court then, Chuck. Bye.
Charlie: It was nic-
Frances hangs up.
Leslie: So… how’d it go?
Frances: We’re going to court.
Leslie: That’s fun!
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll of the week and make sure to read the season finale next week
