OPEN: MANNY, ROBERT, FELIX, ACE, and DEVIN are all sitting on the bullpen’s bench. HARRY is close by, behind a table with a grill and snacks. It is a home game.
HARRY
I made burgers, come and get them while you can.
HARRY hears a voice from the crowd.
PERSON IN CROWD
I’ll take one!
HARRY
Sorry, these are for players only.
PERSON IN CROWD (pointing at ROBERT, FELIX, ACE, and DEVIN)
Then why are they getting any?
HARRY
Technically they’re players.
PERSON IN CROWD
I’m from the Indianapolis Times Journal, I think I can get a burger if I want one. I would tell the Editor-In-Chief about this if that wasn’t me.
HARRY
Fine. Have a burger.
HARRY hands a burger to the editor-in-chief of the Indianapolis Times Journal. He looks at the bench, seeing angry looks on people’s faces.
HARRY
Don’t be mad at me!
ROBERT
Why not? You gave away one of our burgers!
HARRY
I can make another.
HARRY looks down.
HARRY
Actually, guess I didn’t bring a lot of burgers. Or buns. Or cheese. Or anything you might possibly want on a burger.
FELIX
Just want to point out to all of you that there’s a game going on and you’re all concerned about burgers.
ROBERT
Why wouldn’t we be?
FELIX
Just making sure you know.
ACE
Relax Felix, none of us are going in the game, if we want to complain about not getting burgers then that’s what we’ll do.
HARRY
You can’t hate me for too long, I’m leaving soon.
MANNY
What do you mean you’re leaving soon? We hired you for the whole game! And before that too. And after in the event any of us are still here.
HARRY
I have to do double duty today. I work at Lorenzo’s Kitchen too, remember?
MANNY
Not at all.
HARRY
I work there.
MANNY
Can’t you just go after the game? Will anyone really be there in the middle of the game?
HARRY
Lorenzo has an interesting strategy to scheduling his employees.
MANNY
How does he do it?
HARRY
Picks names out of a hat for workers and for when shifts will begin and end.
ROBERT
That sounds very on-brand for him.
HARRY
At least someone understands.
ACE
How are we going to get food later in the game then?
HARRY
Is it really that tough?
ROBERT
I really don’t think every man for himself is going to be a good strategy.
DEVIN
Why don’t we put someone in charge then?
MANNY
That’s a great idea! Do you want to do it, Devin?
FELIX
I thought you were itching to be in charge of something?
MANNY
I’m in charge of the bullpen. I’m the bullpen coach.
FELIX
Sounds like snack duty is a job for you then.
MANNY
So I went from manager to the person in charge of snacks in the bullpen? Wow.
FELIX
No. You went from manager to the person in charge of snacks in the bullpen when the person actually in charge has something better to do.
MANNY
That doesn’t comfort me much.
FELIX
Wasn’t supposed to.
HARRY
I have to leave now. Everyone remember your passports, we’re playing in Canada soon.
ACE
Canada?
HARRY
Yeah, there’s a team in Canada and it’s an away game. Why wouldn’t we be playing at their home stadium in Canada? Seems obvious enough to me.
ACE
Canada?
HARRY
Yeah, there’s a team in Canada and it’s an away game. Why wouldn’t we be playing at their home stadium in Canada? Seems obvious enough to me.
HARRY walks onto the field and runs in foul territory while the game is going on.
MANNY
So I guess I’m in charge of snacks now.
ACE
Guess so.
MANNY
Or am I in charge of food too?
DEVIN
Your call.
ROBERT
I’ll take a hot dog.
MANNY
Coming right up unless someone from the media steals it again.
MANNY burns a hot dog and gives it to ROBERT without a bun or any condiments.
ROBERT
This is not what I had in mind.
MANNY
I did the best I could.
ROBERT
Did you though?
MANNY
I didn’t get hired to be a cook. If anyone wants a bag of unsalted potato chips, I can make those perfectly.
ACE
You mean, open up the bag and give them to us?
MANNY
No! I mean give you the bag. You can open up the bag yourself.
DEVIN
Harry opens up the bags for us.
MANNY
Do I look like Harry?
DEVIN
Eh...I’d put you at like 72% similarity.
ACE
Really? 73% at least for me.
FELIX
No way! 99.99999999%. Most of our differences are caused by small differences in DNA sequence.
ROBERT
I’m going to go the opposite direction and say 2%. Maybe 2.4% at best.
MANNY
I wasn’t trying to get you all to compare our appearances, but I’d go with 46% personally.
ACE
Appearances? I thought we were going by personality.
DEVIN
I thought it was both.
ROBERT
Yeah, can I change my guess?
MANNY
Whatever. Not like it matters. So who wants unsalted pretzel chips?
FELIX
I thought they were unsalted potato chips.
MANNY
Yeah, I gave the bag a second look. Unsalted pretzel chips.
MANNY discretely takes the bag of unsalted potato chips and puts them under the table to save for himself.
MANNY
No one? Unsalted! They’re sodium-free!
ACE
They’re both unsalted and sodium-free?
ROBERT
All unsalted chips are, Ace.
DEVIN
It seems like we don’t have a whole lot of variety today.
MANNY
Harry’s probably saving all the weird stuff for Lorenzo’s Kitchen.
ROBERT
He’s going to make me go there after the game, isn’t he?
MANNY
Why after the game?
ACE
Yeah, you’re not going to pitch.
ROBERT
But what if I have to?
MANNY
We’ll find someone to cover for you. But trust me, that won’t be necessary.
ROBERT
Okay. Guess I’m leaving then.
MANNY
Okay.
ROBERT
You’re really going to let me leave, Manny?
MANNY
You’re bullpen captain.
ROBERT
And you’re bullpen coach. You’re a step ahead of me.
FELIX
And there’s no such thing as a bullpen captain.
ACE
There is here.
ROBERT
I’m out of here.
ROBERT leaves.
DEVIN
Since he’s bullpen captain, do we get to follow his lead?
MANNY
Sure. You can all go.
ACE
Unsalted pretzel chips for the road?
MANNY
Here you go.
ACE
Awesome! Being a bullpen pitcher here is great!
MANNY
I would use a different word than pitcher, but noted.
All leave. Shortly after, HARRY walks back to the bullpen. He shrugs, leaves, and returns to Lorenzo’s Kitchen.
__________________
Find out what Harry and Robert are up to at Lorenzo’s Kitchen in Bar Exam Season 2 Episode 3 by clicking here!
__________________
Find out what Harry and Robert are up to at Lorenzo’s Kitchen in Bar Exam Season 2 Episode 3 by clicking here!