Every person in the bullpen of the Indianapolis Primitives is sitting on the bench in the bullpen. The game is tied in the bottom of the ninth inning. The Primitives have the bases loaded with a full count and two outs.
FELIX
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really hope this guy strikes out.
MANNY
That’s a terrible thing to say! You want our team to risk losing to the Charleston Capitols?
FELIX
No, but I want it to go to extra innings so I might be able to pitch.
MANNY
You’re not pitching, both of us are in the bullpen as punishment.
HARRY
Don’t think of it as punishment. Think of it as a few snacks and a comfortable bench.
MANNY
You are right, the bench is pretty comfortable...
ROBERT
It lights up in different colors too, but we’re only allowed to do that after the game and usually we leave before it ends. I’m actually surprised we’re all still here.
ACE
This is a tight game so I doubt I’m going in. See you guys later?
ROBERT
Sure, bye.
MANNY
No Ace, you can’t leave.
ACE
Which one of you is the bullpen coach again?
MANNY
Me.
ACE
So I can’t leave?
MANNY
Nope.
DEVIN
Wow. That ball is hard hit right at us!
As the ball continues to fly further towards the bullpen, the outfielder leaps and catches it. The game is going into extra innings.
ROBERT
Hey Coach?
MANNY
What is it?
ROBERT
Are we still allowed to have fantasy teams and can root against our own team at times?
MANNY
You used to do that?!
ROBERT
Um...no? Guess that answers my question.
MANNY
Oh I’m just surprised. Sure, do whatever you want.
FELIX
Seriously?
MANNY
What’s gonna happen to me, are they gonna demote me? Already happened.
FELIX
Fair enough.
The phone in the bullpen rings.
MANNY
I say we ignore it.
FELIX runs to the phone and answers it. He tries not to laugh while listening to the call. When he hangs up, he turns to the rest of the bullpen.
FELIX
You guys aren’t going to believe this.
ROBERT
Hate to be a buzzkill, but I probably will believe it.
FELIX
Have any of you studied up on the new rules?
Everyone looks around at one another.
HARRY
Does it have to do with cooking food in the bullpen?
FELIX
No, that’s still technically against the rules but nobody seems to care. What’s going on is they said that in extra innings, the team gets to start off the inning by having a runner on second base.
ROBERT
Wait, what? That’s the weirdest rule I’ve ever heard!
MANNY
I’ve heard weirder.
ROBERT
Not all of us are as well informed on the rules of baseball as you are. Also, why are they calling us about this? Seems pretty irrelevant.
FELIX
Oh it’s very relevant to you, Robert. They want you to be the runner!
ROBERT
They actually trust me with that?!
FELIX
Not at all. They just figure that if the runner gets hurt, it won’t be a big blow to the team!
ROBERT
You know what? I can see the reasoning behind that.
ROBERT walks out to second base. He immediately starts running to third, attempting to steal a base. He is called out by the third base umpire.
ROBERT
Oh come on, I was clearly safe! I have my foot on the bag!
The third baseman for the Charleston Capitols, BEN, replies.
BEN
I’m not usually at third base and you’re not usually on the field at all, but I think we both know the rules are if you get tagged before you reach the base, you’re out.
ROBERT
Actually I forgot that rule. That’s embarrassing.
ROBERT walks back to the bullpen.
DEVIN
Look at it this way...there isn’t a huge crowd here to cheer at you being out.
ACE
The local sports station’s website already has it.
DEVIN
Already has what?
ACE
Robert’s attempt at being relevant on the field.
HARRY
I’m seeing this being covered all over! There’s a lot of those media people here, after all.
MANNY
There’s the same amount as always. Actually, maybe less.
HARRY (shrugging)
Huh. Guess you’re right.
FELIX
We probably could have taken the lead there. Now it’s the bottom of the tenth and we still have the starting pitcher in!
ACE
I didn’t know starting pitchers went ten innings.
ROBERT
They’ll go however many innings it takes to win the game.
MANNY
I’m sorry but this just isn’t right.
DEVIN
It’s okay, the guy’s pitching really good. Maybe he has his lucky underwear on.
MANNY
Lucky underwear?
DEVIN
Yeah, you haven’t heard of it?
MANNY
I think it’s just because he’s a good pitcher.
FELIX
Maybe they’re resting us for another game.
HARRY (laughing)
That’s definitely not it.
MANNY
Honestly, I’m starting to get a little bored. No way would I have felt that way if I was still the manager.
ACE
Is it too early on in my career here for me to say I got bored in the fourth inning?
ROBERT
No, I got bored in the second.
MANNY
I’m going out there.
FELIX
What do you mean?
MANNY
I’m taking the pitcher out. I’m bored and he’s loaded up the bases.
ROBERT
You can’t do that. It’s against the rules! Probably.
MANNY
I’m doing it anyways!
MANNY walks out onto the field and approaches the mound. As he almost gets to the mound, the ball is hit right at his feet, and he stumbles. He accidentally blocks the ball, leading to a run scored and a loss for the Indianapolis Primitives. The crowd, all media reporters, stare in silence, as do the players on both teams. He walks back to the bullpen in silence. He hears members of the Charleston Capitols’ bullpen yelling to him, laughing.
MANNY
Well guys, guess I failed us there.
A long silence follows.
ROBERT
Are you kidding me? That was awesome! I was waiting for us to get blamed for something!
HARRY
Alright guys, my time here is done for today. I have to work at Lorenzo’s Kitchen now, anyone want to come?
All members of the Primitives’ bullpen follow HARRY to Lorenzo’s Kitchen, which is within walking distance of the ballpark.
TO BE CONTINUED ON BAR EXAM, SEASON 2 EPISODE 1. Click here to read!