The Bullpen Season 3 Episode 2: Who’s Who



OPEN: The bullpen of the Indianapolis Primitives. All relief pitchers are in the area, alongside MANNY, the bullpen coach, and HARRY, the personal snack vendor.

MANNY
Listen up everyone, I have a special announcement to make.

FELIX
Please be related to me actually pitching.

MANNY
No. You get paid to hang out here, it’s basically free money. Can’t complain about that. The announcement is we’re getting a little visit.

ACE
From who?

MANNY
The pitching coach.

DEVIN
Wow! I don’t think I’ve met the pitching coach yet, what’s their name?

MANNY
Um...

FELIX
Don’t even tell me you don’t know the name of our pitching coach.

ROBERT
It’s Jason. The previous bullpen member turned bullpen coach.

FELIX (laughing)
Are you kidding?

MANNY
No Felix, he’s not kidding. I don’t like to think about how...that guy has a more important job than I do.

HARRY
Of course you have an important job! As my boss, you have the sole responsibility of making sure I make sure to count hot dog inventory.

ACE
By the way, we still have any hot dog ice cream left?

HARRY
You know it. Courtesy of Lorenzo’s Kitchen.

HARRY scoops ACE a cup of hot dog ice cream. They see JASON walk over to the bullpen.

JASON
Hey guys.

ROBERT
Hey Jason. What’s it like now that you have a job coaching people?

JASON
I already had a coaching position when I was bullpen coach.

ROBERT
Not really.

JASON
True. So anyways, I’m here to provide a little bit of direction to this bullpen.

MANNY
Oh don’t worry about it, I have things all under control. I’m objectively one of the best managers in the entire league.

JASON
Yeah about that, you might want to put your ego aside a little bit, our team is quite frankly doing just as well without you as manager. In fact, we only lost that game against the Capitols because—

MANNY
I know, because they scored more runs than us, now what’s the point?

JASON
Actually, I was going to say how you walked onto the field for no good reason.

FELIX
Yeah Manny, it is how we lost the game.

MANNY
Okay, whatever. Now what is it you wanted?

JASON
Right. Despite the lack of playing time, our bullpen usually has specific positions. So I’m here to help you all figure out who the closer is, who the setup man is, who comes in when we’re up by 20 runs, that kind of thing.

ACE
I find it very hard to believe you actually had position.

ROBERT
Oh it’s true, we did. And Jason, I’m pretty sure I’m closer. Remember?

JASON
You did call dibs on it and that’s a very legitimate way to get things around here. Fine, you’re closer.

MANNY
Do I have any say over any of this?

JASON
Sure. I’m just giving my recommendations. But remember, I’m pitching coach.

MANNY
Yeah whatever. I say Robert’s closer.

FELIX
And I’m long-term reliever.

JASON
I was thinking more along the lines of left-handed specialist.

FELIX
I’m not left handed.

JASON
You don’t have to be left handed, you just have to face left handed batters.

FELIX
Usually a left hander is made left handed specialist.

ACE
I’m ambidextrous.

FELIX
See? Ace can be left handed specialist.

JASON
I don’t know, his name says otherwise. I suggest he be the setup man.

MANNY
That doesn’t click with me. How about ace reliever?

ACE
Works for me. Just once again, do know that I am no ace pitcher.

FELIX
If you were an ace pitcher you’d be a starter, like me.

MANNY
Felix, let it go. You’re a benchwarmer. There’s nothing wrong with that.

JASON
Now it looks like just Devin’s left. We do still need someone to be the seventh-inning reliever.

DEVIN
Okay.

JASON
Cool. What do you think, Manny? It’s your bullpen after all.

MANNY
Sure, he can be seventh inning reliever.

ROBERT
Remember everyone, our positions are useless. So don’t be mad if you didn’t get the position you wanted, maybe we can switch every now and then.

MANNY
Who made you in charge of decisions?

ROBERT
I am the bullpen captain, after all.

MANNY, FELIX, ACE, DEVIN, and HARRY start laughing, while JASON does not.

HARRY
Jason, why didn’t you laugh at that? Don’t you think that’s funny? Bullpen captain?

JASON
Guess I’m immune to these antics by now. Anyways, see you all later. Probably not on the mound though.

JASON leaves

MANNY
What got into him?

ROBERT
Manny, do you even know him?

MANNY
Yeah, we met that one time when I spent a game in the bullpen. Little did I know, it would one day become my domain...

JASON returns

JASON
Hey Harry, got any snacks left?

HARRY
I got plenty of hot dog ice cream. Lorenzo made it himself. I don’t think he understands he’s the only one who would eat five cups of it a game.

JASON
He made that?

HARRY
Who else would?

JASON
Anyone up for a stop to Lorenzo’s Kitchen after the game? Could be a good way to meet your new pitching coach in a different setting.

MANNY
Will you be drunk?

JASON
No.

MANNY
Then I’m not going.

ACE
I’ll go.

DEVIN
Me too.

JASON
Alright, I’ll see you two at Lorenzo’s Kitchen.

JASON walks away again.

MANNY
So what do you all think about your new positions?

FELIX
I AM NOT GOING TO BE LEFT-HANDED SPECIALIST! I CAN’T DO THAT! I AM WAY MORE TALENTED THAN THAT! I WON’T BE KNOCKED DOWN BY NEW MANAGEMENT, I’VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH.

ROBERT
Felix! Settle down.

FELIX
I want to be traded.

ROBERT
I already made you a free agent.

FELIX
What?! You don’t have that authority.

ROBERT
Yes I do, I’m admin.

FELIX
Huh?

ROBERT
We’re talking about my fantasy baseball team, right?

FELIX
No Robert, we’re not talking about your fantasy baseball team, but I’m flattered to find out you dumped me.

DEVIN
Wait a second. Are we all on fantasy baseball?

ROBERT
Of course! We’re technically players.

ACE
Am I on anyone’s team?

ROBERT
Yeah, but I think they might be a bot. Last place in my league right now.

MANNY
It amazes me how you’re more interested in your fantasy team than your real team.

FELIX
Maybe I should loosen up a bit. It’ll be fun here! I hope.

HARRY
The media in the crowd is booing you guys.

FELIX laughs.

FELIX
As much as I disagree with me being here, I have to admit that’s pretty funny.

ROBERT
You’ll come to like it here. I don’t know when, but you will.

END.

Click here to read Bar Exam Season 2, Episode 2, where JASON, ACE, and DEVIN go to Lorenzo’s Kitchen.

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