Bar Exam Season 2 Episodes 2, 3, and 4: A Compilation

Bar Exam is posted on Saturdays on the TVRGO website: www.tvrgo.blogspot.com. Here are the three most recent scripts. Let us know what you think by leaving a reaction or comment!



OPEN: REAGAN, SAM, LINCOLN, CHASE, MADISON, and ADAM are all at the bar at Lorenzo’s Kitchen. LORENZO walks behind the bar.

LORENZO
What’s up everyone?

REAGAN
I’m thirsty.

LINCOLN
I’m the thirsty equivalent of hungry.

ADAM
You mean, you’re hungry?

LORENZO
Alright, there’s enough of everything for everyone. Who wants to hear today’s specials?

MADISON
Are we actually going to be able to order anything today or are you just gonna make what you want regardless?

LORENZO
I haven’t decided. So the special dessert for the day is hot dog ice cream. I’ve been making some for the Indianapolis Primitives. Not sure if it’s enough though.

LORENZO hears a voice in the background.

VOICE
Oh, it’s enough.

The man approaches with another man. They are introduced as ACE and DEVIN, two relief pitchers for the Indianapolis Primitives.

LORENZO
That’s where I used to sit!

ACE
We know. We hear a lot about you.

DEVIN
This place any good?

CHASE
It’s not bad.

LORENZO
Ace, Devin, you two want any more hot dog ice cream?

ACE
Not a fan of it myself.

DEVIN
Same. You do have other stuff, right?

LORENZO
Cotton candy, grilled cheese, burgers...

ACE
I’ll have a grilled cheese.

DEVIN
Same, hold the bread on mine though.

LORENZO
The grilled cheese doesn’t come with bread.

LORENZO goes to the kitchen to cook the grilled cheeses.

REAGAN
So are any of your other baseball friends coming?

ACE
Our bullpen coach was thinking about it, but only if our pitching coach would get drunk. Pitching coach said he wouldn’t.

DEVIN
Speaking of which, where is Jason.

JASON (at the end of the bar)
I’ve been right here the whole time.

DEVIN
Didn’t see you there!

ADAM
That guy’s your pitching coach?

JASON
Yes everyone, I’m the new pitching coach. I don’t know why they keep promoting me either.

LORENZO returns with the grilled cheeses.

ACE
Thanks Lorenzo. What kind of cheese is this?

LORENZO
American, probably. Might be cheddar.

DEVIN
You really don’t know?

LORENZO
I’ve been having trouble with food suppliers. I’m so grateful Lorenzo’s Kitchen is even allowed to be open right now.

SAM
We know, you’ve said that many times.

LORENZO
Doesn’t make me any less grateful...Jason! You’re here!

JASON
Yes! I’ve been here!

LORENZO
Oh. Should I have known that?

JASON
Probably.

LORENZO
Are you gonna punish me?

JASON
I don’t think I have that type of power.

LORENZO
What’s your title now?

JASON
Pitching coach.

LORENZO
Not health inspector?

JASON
No. But if you’re afraid of the health inspector then you should probably clean up your kitchen a little bit.

LORENZO
I’m just a little paranoid. The last thing I need right now is to have to shut down Lorenzo’s Kitchen.

REAGAN
Jason, if you want to sue Lorenzo over anything here, we can help you with that.

LORENZO
Reagan! Don’t tell him that!

ADAM
It is true, we’re lawyers now.

JASON
Are any of you good?

MADISON
I’d say we’re better lawyers than Lorenzo was a pitcher.

LORENZO
Fair, but are you better lawyers than I was a baseball stadium entertainer?

MADISON
Um...no?

LORENZO
Didn’t think so. That was my main job you know, to entertain the crowds.

JASON
Your main job was to sit on a bench.

ACE
Speaking of which, Devin and I are two of the new benchwarmers.

LORENZO
Oh congratulations! You’ll love it there, nobody pitches and nobody wants to pitch either. Actually, I wanted to pitch for a little while but I forget why.

DEVIN
There’s this one guy who wants to pitch, but he used to be a starter so I get it.

ACE
Really though, I’m just glad baseball started up again.

LORENZO
And I’m glad Lorenzo’s Kitchen got to open—

REAGAN
We know.

CHASE
I just hope we get to have the wedding soon.

ADAM
What wedding?

CHASE
My wedding to Sam. Obviously.

LINCOLN
Huh?

SAM
We’re getting married!

LINCOLN
Since when?!

SAM
Why, are you mad?

LINCOLN
No! Just surprised. I figured we’d all know right away, that’s all.

CHASE
I told you all last week that Sam and I had to leave for an engagement.

ACE
I can see how that would be misleading.

LORENZO
Yeah, saying engagement in that sense implies you just had somewhere to go.

CHASE
We did have somewhere to go. To get engaged.

LORENZO
Well congratulations! Look at me, I’m a matchmaker!

SAM
No you’re not.

LORENZO
Reagan, Adam, Madison, and Lincoln: I have to pair you up now.

CHASE
Lorenzo, thanks for giving us a meeting place but you did not put us together.

LORENZO
True. Adam should’ve been with Sam.

ADAM
Uh...what?!

LORENZO
Just like the beer! Sam Adam!

SAM
Ignore him, Adam.

REAGAN
Anyways, we should probably get going. We have a big client on our hands.

LORENZO
Ooooh. Can I find out who?

REAGAN
It’s probably best you don’t know.

LINCOLN
Yeah, someone’s suing someone else for something that happened here.

LORENZO
And you’re protecting them?!?!

LINCOLN
No! We’re doing everything we can to have justice turn out for Lorenzo’s Kitchen.

LORENZO
Okay. Good luck then.

The lawyers, JASON, ACE, and DEVIN all leave.


LORENZO is standing behind the bar, sweeping the floor. HARRY, a waiter and snack vendor for the Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen, arrives.

LORENZO
Hey Harry, I’m just about to open up.

HARRY
I thought you opened hours ago.

LORENZO
I changed my mind. Say, do you know how to sweep?

HARRY
No.

LORENZO
Me neither.

HARRY
It looks like you’re sweeping.

LORENZO
I’m just pretending.

HARRY
How can you pretend to—never mind. Think it’s gonna be a busy day?

LORENZO
Here?

HARRY
Yeah.

LORENZO
Probably. There’s a game going on after all. That’s when I get most of my business.

HARRY
What about those lawyer kids?

LORENZO
They come around every now and then. They’ll probably come today.

HARRY
No, I mean why are they already here?

LORENZO
They’re not.

HARRY points to REAGAN, SAM, LINCOLN, ADAM, CHASE, and MADISON all sitting together at a table in the back corner of the restaurant.

LORENZO
Oh! I knew they were here!

HARRY
Did you really?

LORENZO
No. Do you want to take their order?

HARRY
Seeing I’m the only one working right now, that was my plan.

HARRY walks over to their table.

HARRY
Hey guys, what can I—

REAGAN
We’re busy right now.

HARRY
Okay, I’ll come back then.

LINCOLN
There’s no need for that.

HARRY
I think you’re misunderstanding, I’m a waiter here. The only one right now, as a matter of fact.

CHASE
We’re not here to order food. We go to the bar for that.

HARRY
Well I make a living off tips.

MADISON
That’s nice.

LINCOLN takes out a five dollar bill.

LINCOLN
Here, take a Lincoln.

CHASE
Puns are my thing.

HARRY takes the five dollar bill and walks away.

LORENZO
Did you take their order?

HARRY
No, they didn’t want to order. Between you and me, I think they might be having trouble figuring out which cotton candy flavor to have.

LORENZO
Yellow is 5% off today.

HARRY
Should I tell them?

LORENZO
No way! We never want someone to buy a discounted item.

LORENZO (after a pause)
On second thought...it might be purple that’s on sale. I forget.

CHASE walks over to the bar and gets LORENZO’s attention.

LORENZO
What is it, Chase?

CHASE
We want to see you over by our table.

LORENZO
I’m not the waiter.

CHASE
This is important.

LORENZO
Oh.

LORENZO walks with CHASE back to the group’s table.

REAGAN
So you know how someone is suing someone else for an incident that happened here?

LORENZO
You had to remind me, didn’t you?

REAGAN
Sorry!

MADISON
Remember, we’re trying to help you out.

LORENZO
How does this even concern me?

MADISON
One of them really dislikes Lorenzo’s Kitchen. If word gets out, that could be bad for business.

LORENZO hears a voice in the background. It turns out to be ROBERT, closer and unofficial bullpen captain for the Indianapolis Primitives.

LORENZO
Robert! Would you believe there’s a lawsuit over something that happened here?

ROBERT
Yes, Lorenzo. I can believe that.

LORENZO
I’m not on either side of the lawsuit.

ROBERT
You mean...there was a lawsuit filed on something that happened here, and it didn’t involve you messing up? Wow. Times have changed.

LORENZO
What do you mean?

ROBERT
You were always upping the antics in the bullpen.

LORENZO
True. But now I’m in charge of a restaurant so I have to be more professional.

ADAM
Hold up. This is you being professional?

LORENZO
Yep.

SAM
Do you know what professional is?

LORENZO
Apparently not.

ADAM
Professional means you act all normal and proper.

LORENZO
Oh. So I guess I’m not professional.

ROBERT
Yeah anyways, has anyone seen Harry?

HARRY (from a distance)
Over here!

ROBERT walks over to HARRY.

ROBERT
So you left us in the middle of the game for this? There’s barely any action in here!

HARRY
Not my fault, that’s just what Lorenzo wanted. Business is slow unless the Primitives are playing a home game and it’s before or after a game.

ROBERT
Understandable. Can I have something to eat or drink?

HARRY
We have hot dogs.

ROBERT
Manny makes terrible hot dogs. Gotta say, we really undervalued you in the bullpen so far. But give me something weird.

HARRY
Okay...hot dog flavored veggie burger?

ROBERT
I’ll give it a try.

LORENZO walks over.

LORENZO
What’s going on guys?

ROBERT
Harry’s gonna make me a hot dog flavored veggie burger.

HARRY
That was not going to happen. I’m just the waiter.

LORENZO
I’ll make it.

ROBERT
So what’s going on with you and the lawyers?

LORENZO
They’re saying there was a fight here. Someone sued the other one for broken glasses and a sore throat.

ROBERT
Sore throat?

LORENZO
Yeah, they’re claiming the other person made them yell so much that they had a sore through for hours.

ROBERT
Sounds like a ridiculous case if you ask me.

LORENZO
Oh, it is. And the best part about it is that it was about cotton candy! There was a mix-up on whose cotton candy was whose. Can’t blame them, they both ordered the orange-green-pink hybrid.

ROBERT, LORENZO, and HARRY walk over to the table where REAGAN, SAM, LINCOLN, ADAM, CHASE, and MADISON are sitting.

ADAM
You’re in good hands, Lorenzo. There won’t be any bad word going out against this place.

MADISON
That’s right, the six of us are on the case.

LORENZO
Whose side are you on?

REAGAN
So that’s the thing. Me, Lincoln, and Sam are representing one person. Adam, Chase, and Madison are representing the other side.

LORENZO
Sounds confusing. Well, you all figure it out!

CHASE
Right now?

ADAM
Yeah, I was about to go home.

LORENZO
Whenever.

LORENZO walks away.

ROBERT
So what about that veggie burger of mine?

LORENZO
Coming right up!

HARRY
You really want it?

ROBERT
Sure. Lorenzo’s Kitchen never fails to impress me.




OPEN: REAGAN, SAM, LINCOLN, ADAM, CHASE, and MADISON all walk into Lorenzo's Kitchen. They sit down at a table. HARRY, the waiter at Lorenzo's Kitchen and snack vendor for the Indianapolis Primitives, greets them.

HARRY
What can I get you guys to drink? Would you like to hear the specials?

CHASE
Sure. A drink or two never hurt me.

HARRY
We have a hydrogen-oxygen mix served at room temperature, and we also have that mix sprinkled with frozen blocks of the same mix.

ADAM
Sounds fancy. I'll take one of the room temperature ones.

REAGAN
Same, that sounds really good.

CHASE
I'll be daring and try the one with the frozen blocks.

SAM
Me too. Chase is paying for it.

CHASE
I am? I mean, I am.

LINCOLN
Surprise me.

MADISON
You do all know that the special is water with and without ice, right?

ADAM
It's a hydrogen-oxygen mix.

MADISON
Yeah. Water.

HARRY
I take it you won't have any?

MADISON
Nope. I'll take the hydrogen-oxygen-carbon mix.

SAM
Bubbly water?

REAGAN
I call it sparkling water.

HARRY
And would you all like the water from the sink or from the bottle?

ADAM
What do you think is best?

HARRY
Bottle it is. Now, time for the food order--

LINCOLN
You really seem to be rushing us today.

HARRY
Nah, I'm just speeding up the process.

MADISON
That's what rushing is.

HARRY
Sorry. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now with Lorenzo out.

LORENZO yells from a distance.

LORENZO
What are you talking about, I've been here almost since we opened!

ADAM
Harry, how did you open without Lorenzo here?

HARRY
We didn't. He seems to think we did though.

LORENZO walks over to the table.

LORENZO
So how are my three favorite lawyers doing?

LINCOLN
There's six of us.

LORENZO
Yeah, but I've taken sides on the case. I'm kind of going with the sore throat person. It happens, especially when the umpire doesn't call a strike when the ball was clearly close enough to almost being one.

SAM
Didn't you say you pitched with your eyes closed?

LORENZO
Whatever.

MADISON
So me, Adam, and Chase are defending the guy with the sore throat.

SAM
Yep. And me, Lincoln, and Reagan are defending the guy with the broken glasses.

LORENZO
Sam, can you switch with Madison?

MADISON
Hey!

LORENZO
Nothing against you. I want the three people with the same last name as presidents on one side. Also, shouldn't Sam and Chase be with each other since they're getting married?

CHASE
We picked names out of a hat. This is how it turned out.

LORENZO
Okay then. Let's hear a plan.

SAM
We were thinking of saying the glasses may have been faulty to begin with it, therefore being more susceptible to breaking.

MADISON
And we were going to say the sore throat could be from anywhere. Our guy did cough once before the altercation.

HARRY
Sounds like a ridiculous case.

MADISON
It is.

LORENZO
To be clear, I get to keep my restaurant no matter what, right?

REAGAN
First you gotta bring some more people in here.

LORENZO
We just re-opened and people are scared to go to bars after what's been going on in other states. Luckily we have it under control, hopefully it stays that way.

CHASE
What we mean is you need to make money.

SAM
As do we. Believe it or not, this is our first case.

LORENZO
I believe it. You're fresh out of law school!

LINCOLN
And the case isn't highly publicized yet. So that isn't driving people away from here.

LORENZO
But what if it actually would bring customers in?

HARRY
What do you mean?

LORENZO
Free publicity.

REAGAN
I don't think you'd want your free publicity to be that there was a fight and now a lawsuit here.

LORENZO
Maybe. But it could be worth a try.

CHASE
Maybe that can be something you try eventually. For now, I think we stick to handling this case.

LINCOLN
Who else says we all enjoy our waters and leave?

Everyone agrees, including LORENZO and HARRY.

HARRY
Actually Lorenzo, me and you should probably stay here.

LORENZO
Yeah, I guess so. It's a good thing I'm good at this!

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