Raymond Island Season 1 Episode 8 - Changing of the Guards

Raymond Island Season 1, Episode 8
Changing of the Guards
Gretchen, Carol and Susana are in Washington DC for a meeting of the Democratic Governors Association.
Carol: Gretchen, it’s a big day! Your last day as chair of the Democratic Governors Association!
Gretchen: Thanks for rubbing it in!
Carol: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were ready to say goodbye to it.
Gretchen: Of course not, these are the only people that never hated me!
Susana: Well…
Gretchen: Only three or four of them.
Susana: Yeah, you’re right. That’s not too bad.
Gretchen: You sound like my mother.
Susana: I apologize, I would never want that. Ever.
Gretchen: I know. You have a heart. 
Carol: Gretchen, come on.
Gretchen: Come on what?
Carol: We have to go to the meeting. Every Democratic governor in the country is out there.
Gretchen: Even Rivera? And Lanford? And Herrera Paulsen?
Carol: Of course, they’re all running for vice chair. And also they’re Democratic governors and I just said they’re all there.
Gretchen: So, election year. We have a lot to talk about. I should just check CNN and make sure I’m up-to-date.
Carol: You’re stalling. Why?
Gretchen: I’m not ready for it to be over. This was a fun year! Not everyone gets to chair the DGA after only being a governor for a year. They saw a star in me when I was elected. Now I feel like I’m not one.
Susana: Of course you’re a star! You have a sixty percent approval rating because people care more about television than actual political beliefs and you’re going to be in office for a lot longer than this! This is just a step forward.
Gretchen: Wow, Susana. Very inspiring!
Carol: That’s my girl! I raised her to be like this.
Susana: Mom, she knows.
Carol: I know that! I just want to let it be known.
Susana: To who? No one else is in the room.
Carol: The Russians could be listening. You don’t know.
Gretchen: They’re not. This is not nearly important enough. They have Twitter to make into a nightmare. This is small potatoes.
Susana: Speaking of potatoes… get out there! Everyone’s waiting!
Gretchen: What an awful segue.
Gretchen walks to the room that the DGA meeting is being held in and greets her colleagues.
Gretchen: Hello Democratic governors of the United States! I know I don’t need to be talking like I’m Stevie Nicks taking the stage at Madison Square Garden, but I want to bring excitement to this room! Governor Morgan, can you come up here and assist me today. Big day for you!
Sarah Morgan: Thank you, Governor Raymond! Today is Governor Raymond’s final day as our chair and my first. We’ll be having an election for vice chair. But first, I think you’re forgetting something, Gretchen. Roll call!
Gretchen: Oh, my favorite tradition! I’m gonna name you all and because we don’t have time for lengthy monologues, just raise your hand. Helen Staubach - California! Candida Rivera - Colorado! Nathan Lanford - Connecticut! Jamie Carlyle - Delaware! Selina Ito - Hawaii! J.M. Kirkpatrick - Illinois! God this takes forever. Kimmy Francis - Iowa! Lisa Cathy - Kansas! Mick Bassar - Kentucky! Eileen Birkman - Louisana! Jeanne Fitzmiller - Maine! Gina Whilder - Michigan! Cathy Brewer - Minnesota! Keith Blitz - Montana! Samuel Stivers - Nevada! Kevin Chung - New Jersey! And we’re halfway there! Living on a prayer! Thank god I never have to do this again.
Gina: You’ve only done it three times now, Gretchen.
Gretchen: And it gets worse every time, peanut gallery. Destiny Herrera Paulsen  - New Mexico! Antonio O’Toolio - New York! Richard Coifer - North Carolina! Kate Flanders - Oregon! Kathleen Santana - Pennsylvania! Gretchen Raymond - Rhode Island! Hey, that’s me! Sarah Morgan - South Dakota! Bethany Vikers - Vermont! Nanette Franzello - Virginia! James Insurgent - Washington! And now we move on to ur territorial governors!
Al Singleton (Alaska Governor): Hey, what about me?
Gretchen: You’re an independent, Al. I don’t know why you're here
Al: You hurt me, Gretchen.
Gretchen: I know. Now, back to you territorial governors! Alice van da Hoya - American Samoa! Esther Josie Guerrero - Guam! Carmelita Lynesso - Puerto Rico! Frank Coxley - US Virgin Islands! And the mayor of our beloved capital who has welcomed us here today - DC’s Miriam Briggs!
Sarah: Thank you, Governor Raymond.
Gretchen: I hated that. That was so cheesy. I miss when there were twelve of us that one time when no one could fly in because of a blizzard and some of us had to drive in.
Gina: Yes, the time half of us nearly died. The good ole’ days!
Gretchen: The roll call is just an antiquated tradition that we could scrap. We have eyes. I think we can tell who is missing.
Sarah: Gretchen…
Gretchen: What, Sarah?
Sarah: Governor Cathy left the room before the roll call and hasn’t been back yet. Did you notice that?
Gretchen: Alright, fine. My final act as chair won’t be to scrap the roll call. Let’s move on.
Sarah: That sounds like a good plan.
Gretchen: Okay, so the first order of business will be our leadership election. Sarah Morgan is ascending to chair, so she has to be replaced as vice chair. Three candidates have declared. Once we figure that out, we’ll set policy goals and plans for the Democratic National Convention in two weeks. Will the candidates for vice chair please join me? Candida Rivera, Destiny Herrera Paulsen and Nathan Lanford. Everyone just give us a quick reason for why you should be vice chair. Quick. Seriously. Quick.
Candida: I’m a strong, proud, young Latina mother who is in touch with an entirely different base of Democratic voters. I won by double digits in Colorado even in a Republican year. That’s because I’m relatable. I’ll recruit those candidates to run and win. When voters see people that look like them and have lives similar to them, they want to support them. That’s true.
Destiny: Excuse me, I am also a Latina! Candida isn’t the only one.
Candida: I’m the only one with a future in politics. I’m young yet. You’ve already served a decade in the House, you’re in your second term as governor. I’m the future, you’re the past.
Destiny: And what is that supposed to mean?
Gretchen: Why am I going to miss this when I’m not the chair? This is weirdly fun! In the way that going to the dentist is fun for kids. They get out of school, I get out of Rhode Island.
Sarah: Monologue on the inside, Gretchen.
Eileen: You know, I ran for president and even those debates weren’t quite so vicious. And I single-handedly killed Mark Bloomley’s chances of ever being president just with a simple debate response.
Nathan: I just want to say that, while I am not a Latina, I do possess the qualifications for this job. I’m smart, I’m likable, I have a lot of money, and I’m from New England, the center of liberalism here in the United States.
Helen: You don’t see Massachusetts or New Hampshire sending anyone to these meetings, do you? California on the other hand…
Gretchen: We get it, Helen. California is woke. Cool. On to the vote.
Destiny: I didn’t get to make my speech yet!
Gretchen: Go ahead. Quickly.
Destiny: I’m a strong, proud Latina with a record of results and success. Pick someone that looks like the party they’re representing who also knows how to deliver.
Gretchen: Your speech is exactly the same as Rivera’s. Lovely. Are we ready to vote? Everyone write your pick down on a piece of paper and place it in the bowl. Not you, Al.
Five minutes later, after everyone has voted…
Gretchen: It gives me great pleasure to announce that our next vice chair, with seven votes, is… Kathleen Santana!
Candida: What?
Kathleen: Yeah, what?
Gretchen: Twenty-three of the thirty-one votes are write-ins.
Nathan: Well, which actual candidate got the most votes?
Gretchen: Not you, Nate. I don’t think you want to play this game. Kathleen, do you want the job?
Kathleen: Sure. I’m a strong, proud wife of a Latino who knows how to win big!
Gretchen: I appreciate your attempts to make this meeting funny. It’s sweet. Give our new vice chair-designate a round of applause, everyone! She’s from Scranton, Pennsylvania, she needs the encouragement. I heard someone call her Scrantana and that has to destroy her. 
Kathleen: Hey, I love Scranton.
Gretchen: Aww. No, you don’t. Moving on. Now that we’ve elected someone vice chair, it’s time to set policy goals. Our policies to suggest our candidates for governor to back and our official positions on the key issues.
Candida: We need to endorse Medicare for All.
Gretchen: Um…
Candida: What, Gretchen? Be open-minded!
Gretchen: I just think that’s something we need to discuss.
Candida: So discuss it!
Gretchen: Candida gets to argue in the affirmative. Who wants to argue against it?
Mick Bassar: I would like to.
Gretchen: Okay. Here we go.
Twenty minutes later…
Candida: You sound like a Republican, Mick.
Mick: And you sound like a socialist!
Candida: If socialism means giving people healthcare to stay alive, so be it.
Mick: I just don’t want to bankrupt the country. Medicare for All is expensive, and my state doesn’t support it. I won’t either.
Candida: That’s not an excuse to keep other states from having it. Everything’s always about you guys, you never think about the majority of the country.
Gretchen: You guys continue your debates, I’m gonna run to the bathroom. If anyone else wants to jump in, go ahead!
Eileen: I got something to say about it, and it goes something like this.
Gretchen: Calm down, Madonna.
Gretchen leaves the meeting room and goes to talk to Carol and Susana.
Carol: Gretchen! You’re supposed to be in a meeting.
Gretchen: It’s going so much worse than I remembered!
Carol: Oh, that’s too bad. What’s happening?
Susana: Yeah, I love to hear about a mess! We’re just back here playing Go Fish, it’s quite boring.
Gretchen: Okay, so we elected a new vice chair.
Susana: Who was it? Was it Lanford? He bothers me.
Carol: He bothers everyone.
Gretchen: God no. He didn’t even get a vote.
Susana: Who was it?
Gretchen: Kathleen Santana.
Carol: Did she start a last-minute campaign?
Gretchen: Nope. We just all hated the actual candidates so much that we jumped at the chance to pick anyone else.
Carol: Has that ever happened?
Gretchen: Not that I’m aware of.
Carol: What were Rivera and Paulsen and Lanford doing that was so bad?
Gretchen: Arguing about nonsense. Also being mildly racist. Well, Lanford was. Not with what he said but like, with the way that he looked. It’s hard to explain.
Carol: I don’t even want to know.
Gretchen: You’re better off. I came here dreading being done leading this group but this meeting’s been terrible so I can’t wait for it to be done.
Carol: Hey, that’s progress!
Gretchen: Sure is. Realizing that these people also hate me really made me feel better!
Three hours later…
Gretchen: Okay, my fellow Democratic governors of the United States, we’ve truly had a productive and thrilling meeting. Nowhere I’d rather be than here, honestly. Keeping you guys in line and picking up that Kentucky seat this past year was a true delight, but it’s time for me to hand over the reins to the newly-elected chair. Governor Morgan has been assisting me all day and now it’s time for her to officially be our new chair. Thank you all for the wonderful opportunity. We’ll meet again in three months, and I’ll be one of you then. Sarah, remember how wonderful I treated you when you’re presiding over that meeting.
Sarah: Sure will, Gretch.
Gretchen: With that being said, everyone’s dismissed! And remember, no accusing anyone else of being a Republican or a communist. Not helpful. Okay, now I’m really done.
On the drive back to the hotel…
Susana: How was it, Governor Raymond? You guys were in there forever!
Gretchen: You know, the second half really wasn’t that bad. Aside from Santana giving that speech about Scranton and how she saved their infrastructure and used that for her campaign for governor, it was pretty great. I was almost interested in being there. I’ll miss being the chair. I’m actually back to thinking they don’t hate me.
Carol: Oh no.
Gretchen: No, it’s a good thing!
Carol: Oh, yay!
Gretchen: Don’t sound so excited. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be depressed over the fact that I’m no longer chair. I’ve come to peace with it. I just don’t know what’s next.
Carol: What do you mean?
Gretchen: I don’t know. I guess I want more. Something else to do. I’m the governor of Rhode Island, this is barely a state.
Susana: 2024 is in four years, Gretchen.
Gretchen: Thank you, I didn’t know how math worked.
Susana: I mean you can run for president.
Gretchen: Governors don’t become president anymore. You know that. This is a niche job. Senator is unfortunately where it’s at today. People feel a connection to them. It’s awful.
Susana: You can still win. Don’t give up hope so soon.
Gretchen: Besides, Koobach could still win and if she doesn’t, Santana’s probably running and I can’t run against her. She’s almost a friend.
Susana: Come on. No one from Scranton will ever be elected President. You know that better than anyone.
Gretchen: Rhode Island is the Scranton of states. We’re not getting a president either.
Carol: Don’t you ever say that, not for a single second. Florida is the Scranton of states!
Susana: New Jersey has an argument, too.
Carol: Wyoming as well, no one even lives there.
Gretchen: Stop! We’ve talked far too much about Scranton today.
Later that night, at the hotel, Gretchen calls home.
Lucinda: Gretchen! What’s up? I thought you forgot about us, you said you’d call at six and it’s seven-thirty.
Gretchen: Sorry, mom. The meeting ran an hour longer than it was supposed to and then we hit major traffic.
Lucinda: You couldn’t call on the road?
Gretchen: You know, it never crossed my mind.
Lucinda: Of course it didn’t.
Gretchen: Would you m-
Lucinda: Yes, I’ll put Anthony on.
Gretchen: How did you know?
Lucinda: I’m so cruel to you, you obviously don’t want to call me.
Gretchen: Mom! You finally noticed!
Lucinda: I'm very in touch with my awfulness. I know it’s my defining quality. I just don’t admit it often. Now, here’s your husband. He’s been standing next to me with that dumb look on his face the whole time with his hand held out, waiting for the phone.
Gretchen: Thanks!
Anthony: Gretchen! How did the meeting go?
Gretchen: Well, actually. Just wondering what there is for me next. I feel like I’ve peaked, you know.
Anthony: I get the feeling. You have a very bright future, though. Don’t beat yourself up just because this one experience is over.
Gretchen: I know, I know. I guess this role just gave me some feeling of purpose during all those months where my approval rating was lower than the approval rating of ticks. No one ever talks about how much of a mental toll it takes on you to be so hated.
Anthony: People love you now, though! 
Gretchen: I know, I know. That’s just because I brought a TV show here. It won’t last.
Anthony: It could! Don’t think negatively. People are paying attention to how great you are now
Gretchen: I just hope you’re right. I really do. I’m in a funk all of the sudden. I hate this. I felt so alive today during that meeting and full of purpose and that got snatched away really quickly. I’m like a rollercoaster of emotion, actually. One minute I feel okay and the next I feel down in the dumps. I’ll get through it.
Anthony: I know how to fix the blues.
Gretchen: You got me tickets to see Fleetwood Mac?
Anthony: No, not quite that. How’d you like to say hi to the kids?
Gretchen: Of course I would!
Anthony: Say hi, kids!
Christina: Hi, mom.
Toby: We miss you!
Gretchen: I miss you too, I’ll be home tomorrow!
Christina: When are you coming home tomorrow?
Gretchen: Why, got a hot date?
Christina: No, I just wanted to go to my friend’s and I want to be home when you get there.
Gretchen: I’ll be home around two.
Christina: Alright. I miss you, mom, and I love you. Bye-bye. Here’s dad.
Gretchen: She does love me! Mom was nice-ish to me and Christina said she loved me. What did you do?
Anthony: What do you mean?
Gretchen: They’re laying it on thick. Did one of them break my sewing machine? Or scratch my records? Man, I sound elderly.
Anthony: No, they just love you.
Gretchen: Sure they do.
Anthony: They do! And so do I. We’ll get you out of this funk.
Gretchen: Right now is actually a pretty good moment. I think this talk helped. Just don’t put mom back on and it might stay that way.
Carol: Gretchen, get over here.
Gretchen: What is it?
Carol: An emergency. Hang up and look.
Gretchen: I have to go, Anthony. I love you, see you tomorrow.
Anthony: Love ya!
Gretchen hangs up.
Gretchen: What is it, Carol?
Carol: You’re on Tammy Koobach’s VP shortlist!
To be continued…

What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for the season finale next week!

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