Bake Your Heart Out Season 2 Premiere - Rhode Island, Here We Come?

Bake Your Heart Out Season 2, Episode 1
Rhode Island, Here We Come?

Previously on Bake Your Heart Out:
Diane: Okay, I have a plan. So, Sam and I went in for a meeting with Paul today. He’s desperate for us to come back, but he’s still lowballing us. So we stormed out and told him about a new show we’re pitching.
Garry: Do you want me to be on that?
Diane: That was the plan, but Leslie and Frances shot that down quickly.
Garry: Why’s that?
Diane: Something about them having contracts or something. Let me finish before you interrupt again.
Garry: Alright. Oh, sorry!
Diane: So, we’re gonna still go meet with ABC and pitch the show. We want you to come along to try and make them even more interested. Then, Leslie will tell Paul that we went and pitched the show and are close to a series order. Follow so far?
Garry: Kinda. I just don’t know how this gets me my job back.
Diane: Just wait. Paul is going to be so paranoid that we’re gonna start a new show that could kill Bake Your Heart Out, he’ll get us back in for another meeting. That’s when he’ll throw a ton of cash at us and grant whatever request we have. One of them will be that he hires you back.
Garry: You really think that’ll work?
Diane: It’s worth a try. Hey, the worst-case scenario is that Paul still screws us over and we go get a show on ABC!

At Sam’s house, after Sam, Diane and Garry meet with ABC, the entire gang meets up.
Diane: The ABC interview went great! They loved the show and wanted to buy it immediately.
Leslie: You didn’t take it, right?
Sam: God no. Who wants to work for ABC? I don’t want to be on Disney+. I’m not in that realm of celebrity, I don’t need to be appearing in Disneyland doing meet-and-greets to promote the show.
Diane: I don’t think that’s an accurate depiction of working for ABC.
Leslie: So, how long until Paul calls up wanting another meeting?
Frances: It better be soon, I need to see DeAnna’s face when she gets fired!
Leslie: Frances, calm down.
Diane: I expect Paul to call first thing when he gets word of the ABC meeting. He’ll want to stop our show from happening there as quick as possible. He’s very desperate.
Leslie: That’s true, he is.
Garry: Not desperate enough to just give them a raise, apparently.
Frances: Look at you being a good male feminist!
Sam: Next thing you know he’ll be out in the streets marching for the ERA.
Frances: I’m not gonna lie, guys. I feel like this meeting could’ve just been a quick phone call. We didn’t learn much.
Diane: But we couldn’t watch Richard Jewell over the phone!
Sam: Diane, we’re not watching Richard Jewell!
Diane: What about Knives Out?
Sam: We’re not watching any movie!
Diane: Fine. I guess tonight will just be boring!
Just then, Sam receives a phone call. She answers.
Sam: What?
Paul: You sound like you’re in a great mood.
Sam: No, this is just how I answer the phone.
Paul: Well, is that annoying chipper one there too?
Sam: Diane?
Paul: Yeah. Her.
Sam: Yes, shall I get her for you.
Paul: Yes, but stay on with me too. This is for both of you. I think this will interest you both equally.
Sam: Ooh boy, so exciting! That’s probably what you want me to say. You’re not getting it from me. Diane, come here! Paul wants to talk!
Diane: Oh boy, that’s exciting!
Sam: And that’s why you’re not getting that reaction from me. Because you’re getting it from Diane.
Paul: Like I said, annoying and chipper.
Diane: What’s going on, Paul? You never call us. Especially since we don’t work for you anymore.
Paul: I heard about your meeting with ABC. I truly thought you were lying when you said you had a new show but I guess not. I want to talk. Tomorrow, in my office.
Sam: What about?
Paul: You’ll have to wait and see. I think you’ll both be content with it. At least I hope you will be. I’m really trying to be cooperative with you two.
Diane: I guess we’ll see you tomorrow. What time?
Paul: Eleven sound good?
Sam: Sounds fine.
Diane: I’ll have to get to bed a little earlier than usual tonight but I guess that works.
Paul: Okay, I’m glad we have a plan. See you tomorrow!
Sam hangs up.
Leslie: What did he say?
Diane: We’re on!
Garry: Did he say anything about me?
Diane: Well… no.
Sam: Don’t worry Garry, we’ll drag you across the finish line with us. We won’t let him turn you down. He’s really desperate, so desperate he’d even hire you back.
Garry: That’s so… sweet?
Sam: I know.
Diane: You know, Paul sounded weird. Like, almost respectful and nice.
Leslie: Oh my god. You guys are gonna get like a million dollars an episode if you want it. If he’s being nice, then he’s desperate to a level I’ve never seen him before. I think he’s afraid of getting fired.
Diane: A million dollars? Like the cast of Friends?
Frances: What about me?
Leslie: Oh, Frances. you shouldn’t have re-upped your contract when you did.
Frances: This wasn’t going on then!
Leslie: Well, you still shouldn’t have. You’re gonna get totally screwed.
Garry: What about me?
Leslie: Maybe you’ll get paid as much as Frances now. Who knows. Skies the limit, Garry!
Garry: Really?
Leslie: Well, not really the sky. Maybe, like, the roof of the Starbury Mall. Shoot that high.
The next day, in Paul’s office…
Paul: Ladies! It’s so nice to see you!
Diane: Now that it’s convenient for you, that is.
Paul: I have never been anything less than supportive of the two of you, you know that.
Sam: I don’t think we do.
Diane: If you supported us, you would've given us a raise when we wanted it!
Paul: About that… that’s why I called you in today.
Sam: It is? I’m shocked!
Paul: There’s no need for sarcasm, Sam.
Sam: Can you get on with it, Paul?
Paul: I know about your meeting with Karey Burke yesterday.
Diane: And?
Paul: I don’t know what she offered you for that new show, but I’m willing to give you more.
Sam: You’ll give us anything?
Paul: Yes, I’ve come to realize my mistake in letting you go. You’re both integral to the Bake Your Heart Out brand.
Diane: She offered us seven hundred thousand dollars an episode.
Paul: Seven hundred thousand? An episode? That’s even more than you wanted before!
Diane: Oh, no. That’s not what we want from you. You will pay us seven hundred twenty thousand an episode. We need something to make your offer somewhat better.
Paul: You know what? That was quite a bit more than I expected but we appreciate you enough to make that work.
Diane: You also have to hire Garry back. He wasn’t a creator on our ABC project so he was being paid less. Just pay him as much as Frances and you’re good. Also, Frances is getting a raise. Four hundred fifty thousand an episode.
Paul: Frances’s contract isn’t even up this season.
Diane: I don’t care. At all. You’ll give it to her as a sign of appreciation for sticking with this disaster even after all the mess that’s gone down this past season.
Paul: Fine. We’ll hire Garry back and give Frances a raise. Now can I call up my lawyers and tell them to draw up a contract?
Diane: Sam, what do you think?
Sam: I think this is going great! Yes, call up those lawyers!
Diane: Oh, one more thing. You have to let Frances in the room to watch when you fire DeAnna.
Paul: Fine by me. That woman is a monster.
Sam: So we’re really doing this? We’re going back to Bake Your Heart Out?
Diane: I think that’s our best bet right now. We’ll get to work with Leslie and Frances again, at least.
Paul: Okay, there’s one more thing.
Sam: That’s frightening.
Paul: I don’t want you to be worried. It’s not a big deal. It’s just that for the next season, we’re going to be filming the show in Rhode Island.
Sam: What?
Diane: That was not explained to us before we agreed.
Paul: You didn’t sign anything yet, this is still legal. With the huge raises for everyone, I have to cut costs somehow. California doesn’t give us a tax break. Rhode Island has offered to give us a huge tax break. I wasn’t sure about taking it before but now I have to. So, are you two good with that?
Sam: I don’t know, dude.
Diane: We’ll talk about it tonight and come back tomorrow to let you know what we decide. Draft a contract today, in the meantime.
Paul: You drive a hard bargain. I’ll see you tomorrow. and bring Garry with, too, if you really insist on me re-hiring him.
Sam and Diane exit Paul’s office and head out to Sam’s car.
Sam: I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I am so proud of you. What happened to you in there?
Diane: The man is a misogynist and I couldn’t help but stand up to him. My rage has been building up for months and it came to a head today.
Sam: You did great. You got us at least a hundred thousand more than we otherwise would have gotten.
Diane: You can thank me later.
Sam: Eh… maybe.
Diane: That's the Sam I know and love!
Sam: Now, we better call up a group meeting. Tell them about Garry getting his job back and of course, you know.
Diane: Rhode Island?
Sam: Rhode Island…
One hour later, at Sam’s…
Charlotte: I just want to thank you for inviting me to the group meeting. It’s nice to finally feel included.
Diane: Of course! You are part of our little family, after all.
Charlotte: What about Pam and DeAnna?
Frances: Who’s DeAnna?
Leslie: Be nice Frances!
Frances: Sorry…
Diane: We have big news, everyone! We’re officially returning to Bake Your Heart Out!
Leslie: That’s incredible! I’m actually a little surprised your plan worked out! I was worried this was going to end with me unemployed and that would’ve not been good.
Garry: When you say “we…”
Sam: You too. You have to come with us and sign the contract tomorrow.
Diane: You’re also getting paid as much as Frances! And Frances…
Frances: What?
Diane: You’re getting a raise to five hundred thousand dollars an episode!
Frances: Oh my god! My contract isn’t even up?
Garry: Wait, am I getting five hundred thousand, or am I getting as much as Frances was most recently paid?
Diane: Five hundred thousand for you too.
Garry: Carly is going to appreciate that so much. The baby is a money pit, truly.
Charlotte: I’m so happy for you guys! You really deserve it!
Sam: We didn’t get anything for you, Jolly Old England.
Charlotte: That’s fine! I’m still happy for you four.
Garry: You are so sweet, Charlotte. I’m happy you took over for me last season.
Charlotte: It was my honor!
Sam: Get a room!
Garry: I am happily married!
Charlotte: And I’m not, but I’m no home-wrecker! I’m just nice.
Diane: Frances, we haven’t even gotten to the best part!
Frances: I can’t even imagine what’s better than that big ole’ raise but fire away.
Diane: I asked this just for you because I love you.
Frances: You’re really building this one up.
Diane: You get to be in the room when Paul fires DeAnna!
Frances: Oh my god! Where’s the champagne? This is the greatest day of my life! See, I can say that because I’m divorced and don’t have children. Unlike you suckers.
Leslie: I’m in the same boat as you, Frances. And I’m very happy about it.
Sam: Keep telling yourself that.
Diane: We also have some additional news to share?
Garry: How can this get any better?
Leslie: You two fixed everything for us. What else is there?
Sam: Bring your hopes down a bit.
Diane: Paul will be moving production for the next season to Rhode Island!
Charlotte: Rhode Island? That’s a real place?
Sam: Allegedly. No one can confirm, though.
Frances: I have to go to Rhode Island? How is this legal?
Leslie: Did you read your contract, Frances?
Frances: Who reads their contract?
Leslie: It said explicitly that you can be expected to travel anywhere along with production. Shooting in California isn’t a guarantee, it’s just how we always do it. I, for one, am ready for a New England vacation. I need a change in scenery.
Garry: I think it’ll be good for me too. Carly and I haven’t done anything fun in so long.
Frances: How do you suppose you’ll do that with a baby in Rhode Island? You gonna leave it in the hotel room?
Garry: I don’t know! We’ll figure it out.
Charlotte: I am still. a part of the cast, right?
Diane: Yes! Of course!
Charlotte: Okay. Then, put me down as being for this. It’ll be like a big group vacation with friends.
Diane: Thank you for the positive outlook!
Charlotte: Always count on me for that!
Sam: Other than when Paul’s canceling your sitcom, that is.
Charlotte: Yeah, other than then.
Frances: I guess it’s just another day of old Frances being the contrarian!
Sam: Don’t worry, we hated the idea too.
Diane: Eventually it grows on you. I think because of the money.
Sam: So, are we all in?
Leslie: Frances?
Frances: Fine. I guess I have to be.
Diane: We’re in business! Bake Your Heart Out is back on!
The next day, in Paul’s office…
Diane: We’re ba-ack!
Paul: I see! Take a seat ladies.
Garry: What about me?
Paul: Quite honestly I forgot you were coming. I have a folding chair in my closet, let me go grab it.
Garry: Thank you.
Sam: You don’t have to thank him. He’s gonna have you sit on a lawn chair.
Garry: I just appreciate being invited at all.
Diane: Oh Garry…
Paul returns with Garry’s chair.
Paul: So, now that that’s settled, what have you all decided?
Diane: It was a long conversation, but we ultimately decided that we could use a trip to Rhode Island. We’re signing the contracts.
Paul: This is a three-season contract. You will be locked in at your current per-episode salaries throughout the three years. Does that sound good?
Diane: I think that seems plenty fair. Sam?
Sam: Yeah, it’s great.
Garry: I’m also fine with it.
Paul: Oh my god, I forgot you were even here.
Garry: People often do.
Paul: Sam and Diane, I was also able to get you both executive producer credits. Frances will also get it as a thank you for never leaving the show.
Diane: That’s wonderful.
Paul: So, are you ready to sign? Here’s a pen!
Diane: We’ll read the contracts first, consult with our lawyers and get back to you very soon. How about we meet up again tomorrow?
Paul: That’s… great. Just… great.
Five months later, Sam and Diane are on the phone.
Diane: I’m so tired of packing. I’ve been packing since Thursday and I still am not done.
Sam: You do know we’re traveling on an airplane, right? What the hell are you packing that’s taking so long?
Diane: Everything I’ll need while we’re at the Upfronts for that week and then Rhode Island.
Sam: We’ll only be gone a few months!
Diane: That’s the longest I’ve ever been away from home. I have to prepare myself.
Sam: It’s mostly wine, isn’t it?
Diane: Don’t kid yourself. I can get that there. I just have three suitcases of clothing, a box full of  knick-knacks to decorate my hotel room that I’m shipping straight to Rhode Island, and a full suitcase of snacks that I might want while we’re there.
Sam: How are you skinny?
Diane: Oh, that reminds me! I need to bring my exercise tapes. And maybe some regular DVDs so I have something to watch.
Sam: This is going to cost so much money.
Diane: Why should I care? I’m rich!
Sam: Yeah, so am I, but I’m also cheap.
Diane: Do you know what the others are packing?
Sam: Not this much!
Diane: Now you have me feeling self-conscious about my packing.
Sam: Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s just money.
Diane: That’s funny coming from you.
Sam: I know it is. That’s why I said it. I’m a funny person.
Diane: Ugh…
Sam: What is it?
Diane: I’m gonna miss California. The warm temperatures, the scenery, the fact that it’s not the size of a city. What’s even in Rhode Island?
Sam: Lots of money for us!
Diane: Oh, that’s right!

What did you think of the second season premiere of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another all-new episode!

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