OPENING SCENE: The bullpen of the Charleston Capitols, a major league baseball team. The bullpen coach, COACH DONOVAN, is giving a speech to the relief pitchers.
COACH DONOVAN
Now listen up everyone: the Capitols’ bullpen is the most important part of the team. Sure, our starting pitchers are solid, but we have a deep bench here. Everyone, pitch like you’ve done in practices and this team will be well on its way to the playoffs. Except you, Carter.
CARTER
Sorry Coach.
COACH DONOVAN
No need to be sorry, you can’t help that you’re young, inexperienced, and frankly very mediocre.
JAMES, the team’s closer, interjects.
JAMES
Coach with all due respect, if Carter isn’t going to pitch then why is he even in the dugout.
TYLER, the team’s set-up man, interjects.
TYLER
I know you mean well, but I don’t think you’re helping Carter by saying that.
COACH DONOVAN
He’s in the dugout for now. We have a promising crop of minor-leaguers looking to join the big leagues soon. That’s when Carter can go back to the minors, where he belongs.
MIKE, the team’s utility relief pitcher, interjects.
MIKE
Give him some time, I’m sure he’ll find his footing.
XAVIER, the team’s 7th-inning reliever, interjects.
XAVIER
What position even if Carter’s position?
COACH DONOVAN
He’s the heir-apparent closer. Just kidding, the utility reliever for when we’re getting crushed and have no chance of coming back.
JAMES
He can’t be that bad. I’ve watched him closely in practice. Sure, he’s not our best relief pitcher, but he’s also no Lorenzo.
COACH DONOVAN
Saying a pitcher is better than that guy Lorenzo is like saying chocolate chip cookies are better than the oatmeal raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies. It’s an obvious statement.
JAMES
Carter, you’re young and have a lot to prove. I think you can do it though.
CARTER
Thanks, I appreciate—
COACH DONOVAN
Enough chit chat Carter, it’s game time.
XAVIER (whispering to CARTER)
He’s not a huge fan of new guys talking on game day.
CARTER (whispering to XAVIER)
I see.
COACH DONOVAN
Xavier, I heard you, thanks for pointing that out. Carter, lips shut.
TYLER
What’s that pitcher doing?
MIKE
He seems to be taking his time to throw that pitch.
COACH DONOVAN
Why is the manager coming out of the dugout?
JAMES
I think the pitcher’s hurt.
COACH DONOVAN
That’s not even possible, he hasn’t thrown a pitch yet!
MIKE
Let’s see the replay...seems like he stubbed his toe walking up to the mound?
TYLER
That makes no sense.
MIKE
Yeah why would he not pitch for that?
JAMES
It’s actually a pretty inconvenient mini-injury.
COACH DONOVAN
Wow! He just fell!
TYLER
Is he OK?
COACH DONOVAN
He’s getting back up now but they’re walking him off the field.
XAVIER
OK so now we have no starter.
COACH DONOVAN
They’ll throw one of the other guys in and probably call someone up from the minors if the guy is still hurt a few days from now.
MIKE
I think the phone’s ringing.
COACH DONOVAN
I’ll get it. It’s half my job.
COACH DONOVAN takes the phone call, listening without saying a word. When it’s over, he hangs up.
COACH DONOVAN
They want me to pick someone to start the game.
TYLER
Who?
COACH DONOVAN
Well I’m not sure how many of you have the stamina, since most of you do an inning or two at a time.
MIKE
This sounds like the job for the utility pitcher. Too bad I don’t want to.
COACH DONOVAN
Yeah let’s talk about your attitude. Crap, who’s left?
CARTER
Put me in.