Our House Season 2 Episode 10 - Our Xanax

Our House Season 2, Episode 10
Our Xanax
Tammi: Hey Frank! I just got an email. I’m going in for a job interview on Friday!
Frank: That’s great! We could really use the money right now, what with the -
Tammi: Don’t say it! It might not happen!
Frank: It’s probably happening.
Tammi: Don’t be so pessimistic. You might not get fired.
Frank: I’m one of two IT workers at the school, and they’re cutting the budget. Jim’s been there longer. I’m getting fired.
Tammi: Think positively. They might fire some teachers instead. What school needs three art teachers?
Frank: What school needs one?
Tammi: Seriously. Art isn’t important. They should replace it with Bible study. I could even teach that one!
Teri: That’s not allowed!
Tammi: Aunt Teri! I didn’t know you were here! What are you doing by our bedroom? You live upstairs.
Teri: The laundry room is right next to your bedroom.
Frank: It is?
Teri: If you ever did something around here you’d know that.
Frank: Did I do something to you guys to make you hate me or what? It’s been a decade that I’ve been in your family and I still don’t get answers for what I did.
Teri: Of course you wouldn’t get it.
Frank: Get what?
Teri: Nothing. You two keep on talking. I have wash to do.
Teri walks away.
Frank: Am I the only one that’s extremely confused?
Tammi: No, I am too. My aunt likes to make jokes a lot I guess. They don’t always land.
Frank: Anyway, about your job interview… Where is it? You didn’t mention it.
Tammi: It’s at a law firm downtown. I applied to be their new secretary. I saw it promoted in the newspaper.
Teri: They still make those?
Tammi: Aunt Teri! I thought you were gone.
Teri: Just passing through to take my wash up to my room.
Tammi: If you insist.
Teri: Trust me, I have no interest in any conversation with Frank in it.
Frank: I didn’t do anything to you!
Teri: Sure.
Two days later…
Tammi: I am so nervous about my interview. I haven’t gone on an interview since before Steven was born.
Karl: You worked since then though. How did you get a job without an interview?
Tammi: I worked as an assistant for my pastor from church, she didn’t make me do an interview.
Karl: Why did you leave that job?
Tammi: She moved to Colorado.
Ralph: Did she want some of the Mary Jane?
Mitchell: She didn’t need to go to Colorado for that, I could’ve given her some!
Tammi: She didn’t move to Colorado for marijuana! She was born there, she just wanted to return home to take over the family church.
Ralph: Sure she did.
Danielle: Do they own the Church of Rocky Mountain High?
Teri: I heard she became a High Priestess.
Karl: I believe you Tammi.
Tammi: Thank you. At least someone does. It’s not my fault that everyone else that could vouch for me is actually employed, while the rest of you are not.
Teri: I’m employed! I just took the day off. It’s a holiday!
Tammi: What holiday?
Teri: It’s Danny DeVito’s birthday.
Tammi: First off, no it’s not. Second, that isn’t even a holiday.
Teri: It’s my holiday! And are you telling me I don’t know when my main man Danny DeVito was born?
Tammi: Yes.
Teri: How do you know when he was born?
Tammi: I looked it up on Google while you were talking.
Teri: Google is fake news!
Betty: Tammi, are you really that nervous about your interview today?
Tammi: Yeah. I really need the job. I could barely sleep last night. I was shaking while I was getting ready.
Betty: Okay, I have something for you.
Tammi: Is it marijuana? Apparently we've got that in the house now.
Betty: No, it’s not. Though I am looking into getting some of that of the medical variety and writing the findings of it in the Betty Gazettey.
Tammi: What do you have then?
Betty: As you know, I am a depressed, anxiety-riddled mess.
Tammi: Yes, we all are. It runs in the family.
Teri: Sure does! I cry myself to sleep about it every night.
Ralph: We get it Teri, you’re emotionally damaged. We all are!
Tammi: Nana, what do you have for me?
Betty: As I was saying…
Tammi: Depressed, anxiety-riddled mess, got it…
Betty: I have some Xanax to help you cope with your anxieties. Just take the whole bottle, we’re out of plastic baggies.
Tammi: How many do I take?
Betty: One. Not two, don’t go with three and definitely not four or five. Just the one. If it works, you can keep the whole bottle for whenever you feel anxious in the future. I can get a refill. I’d tell you to get your own prescription but you know how doctors are?
Tammi: Well, thank you. This should really help.
Betty: No problem! You’re my granddaughter, I have to do what I can to help.
Danielle: As a pharmacist -
Teri: You’re a pharmacy technician.
Danielle: Close enough. As a pharmacy technician, I have to recommend against this. It’s not legal to give drugs to someone they aren’t prescribed to. You don’t know what side effects Xanax could have on her.
Betty: Lighten up, Danielle! Tammi will be fine.
Tammi: Really, I will. It’s not a big deal.
Danielle: Alright, but no one at my work better find out about it.
Mitchell: Speaking of which, why are you home today?
Velma: Teri’s excuse was it not being Danny DeVito’s birthday, what’s yours?
Danielle: I’ve been working the late shift all week, from noon to eight. Haven’t you noticed?
Mitchell: No.
Danielle: Has anyone noticed? Teri?
Teri: Sorry, I was playing Candy Crush.
Danielle: Come on! I made a big deal about getting home on time to watch Mom yesterday because Mitchell asked me to pick him up a pack of Coke at the store?
Mitchell: That was yesterday?
Danielle: Yes!
Mitchell: Good lord!
Danielle: I swear, I don’t know what planet you guys are on some time.
Velma: I’m on Planet HGTV. Once I get into it, I can’t look away.
Danielle: Velma talks about home repair shows the way most addicts talk about heroin.
Mitchell: What’s with all the drug talk today?
Ralph: You started it!
Mitchell: No, you did! You were the first to suggest Tammi’s pastor was into pot.
Tammi: Okay, I have to go. My interview is soon but I want you to also know I’d be leaving if it wasn’t. Bye now!
Betty: Good luck at your interview! Don’t forget the Xanax!
In the parking lot at the law firm…
Tammi: Alright Tammi. You’re gonna crush this interview. You took three Xanax like nana told you to, you did some inhaling exercises like you’re supposed to, you’re gonna crush this. Let’s go!
Tammi heads into the law firm for her interview.
Sharon (secretary): You must be Tammi Howerton, here for the interview?
Tammi: Yeah. Is this awkward for you? Me being here to interview to replace you and all?
Sharon: No, I chose to retire. This isn’t awkward at all for me.
Tammi: Oh. That’s good.
Sharon: Please go sit over there. The partners are in a meeting that’s running overtime but they’ll be with you as soon as possible. There’s magazines there for you to read.
Tammi: Okay, thank you.
Forty minutes pass…
Sharon: Alright Tammi, you’re up!
Tammi: I am? My goodness, I can’t believe it!
Tammi yawns.
Tammi: It’s almost a half hour after I was supposed to be up, I thought it would never happen. My lord.
Sharon: You seem a bit upset. Just go through that door and your interview will begin.
Tammi: Alright, see you later girl.
Sharon: Excuse me?
Tammi stumbles through the door into the law firm’s meeting room.
Sharon: I really think she’s high or something, you guys.
Phil (law firm partner): Some people are just naturally… flighty.
Tammi: I feel as free as a bird and I’m gonna fly high!
Deacon (other law firm partner): Shall we kick off our interview then Mrs. -
Tammi: Delacroix. Sorry, Howerton. I always forget that part.
Phil: Okay…
Deacon: So, Mrs. Howerton, what made you want to begin employment here and Flores and Marshall?
Tammi: To be frank, I’m not quite sure. My husband told me I needed to get back to work because we’re poor and he’s scared of my family, so I just started hunting for jobs. I just liked your name I guess.
Deacon: Have you had any experience as a secretary?
Tammi: I was secretary of the Lakey High student council? I wrote the minutes for our meetings! My dad was also once in a meeting with the Secretary of Defense if that counts.
Deacon: Neither of those are terribly helpful here I’m afraid.
Phil: I don’t know, the student council thing seems like it could be of use.
Deacon: Phil! I don’t even think that’s real!
Tammi: I can assure you it’s real Actually now that I think of it I was just on student council. I ran for secretary but I lost.
Phil: Oh, sorry about that.
Tammi: Do anyone else’s eyelids feel a little heavy?
Deacon: Moving on… prior work experience?
Tammi: I was an assistant for my pastor who’s now the High Priestess of Colorado.
Deacon: Alright, sure.
Tammi: I also used to work at the grocery store. I used to wash the lettuce. They didn’t let me do much else.
Deacon: Anything else?
Tammi: Does being a mom count? Oh no, I have to go pick up my son from school!
Tammi jumps out of her seat and prepares to run out.
Deacon: Mrs. Howerton, it’s only eleven thirty.
Tammi: It is?
Deacon: I’m afraid so.
Tammi: Why do I feel so tired then? I’m starting to hallucinate I think. I see a white light. Oh my gosh, am I dying?
Tammi falls asleep.
Phil: What should we do?
Deacon: She did give references on her application, maybe we should call one of them.
Phil: How do we know they aren’t her drug dealer or something?
Deacon: There’s really no way to know. I doubt a lady named Betty is a drug dealer though.
One hour later…
Jerry: Okay Tammi, let’s get home now. It’s been a long five hours since you woke up today. You gotta get up.
Tammi: What’s going on?
Jerry: You fell asleep during your interview. They called your grandmother and she told me to pick you up because she was busy watching CNN and writing her newsletter. They guy on the phone said they thought you were a drug addict.
Tammi: They did? Oh no. I’m stepping on Zeke’s toes now.
Jerry: Tammi! That’s extremely disrespectful.
Tammi: I think I might not be over the Xanax yet.
Jerry: You took Xanax? And it made you act like this? How many did you take?
Tammi: Three. Just like nana told me to.
Jerry: What the heck? Three is way too many! Why would she tell you to do that?
At the house…
Jerry: Betty, what did you do?
Betty: Where’s Tammi?
Jerry: She fell asleep in the car! Because of you!
Betty (singing): I never stray too far from the sidewalk!
Jerry: Huh?
Betty: Kelly Clarkson reference, you aren’t cultured so you wouldn’t get it.
Jerry: This is serious. Why did you give her Xanax and tell her to take three?
Betty: What? I never told her that! I said to just take one!
Jerry: She was not under that impression.
Betty: Well, does she think she’s getting the job at least?
Jerry: Come on.
Betty: I know, I was just trying to make a joke.
Jerry: The guys seemed really frustrated. They still think she’s a drug addict or something.
Betty: There’s other jobs for a young, smart girl like her at least.
Jerry: Thankfully. I saw one of the local restaurants with a help wanted sign out front. She can get a job there. They only sell food with pickles in it but it’s a start. It’s a pretty small town.
Cindy: I got here as quick as I could!
Karl: Cindy, why are you covered in grass?
Cindy: It was field day at school. The kids thought making the principal take part in tug-of-war would be fun. I messed up my spring blouse and white khakis. Anyway, what’s up with Cindy? Mom called me frantically.
Karl: Who did you not call about it?
Betty: Mitchell and Danielle.
Karl: That’s because Mitchell’s in bed sleeping and you didn’t want Danielle to say she told you so. Correct?
Betty: Yeah…
Jerry: Karl, can you help me bring Tammi in?
Cindy: No honey, don’t. I’ll get Mitchell up. Dad has a bad knee.
Tammi: What are you talking about?
Cindy: Tammi! You’re alive!
Mitchell: Did someone say my name?
Cindy: Yes but we don’t need you now.
Mitchell: Really? I get to go back to sleep?
Cindy: Yes.
Mitchell: Everything’s coming up Mitchell!
That night, after Frank gets home from work…
Steven: Dad, why is mom in bed?
Frank: She had a rough day. She’ll be okay tomorrow. Now, go do your homework. I have to go talk to her. Ask aunt Teri for help if you need it. She probably won’t help much but it’s worth a try.
Steven: Alright, I will!
Frank opens the bedroom door to talk to Tammi.
Tammi: Frank! You’re home!
Frank: I am indeed.
Tammi: You sound sad.
Frank: No, I’m fine.
Tammi: Did you get fired today?
Frank: No. I just heard about your interview.
Tammi: Oh no. I was hoping to keep that a secret.
Frank: That would be impossible and you know it. I admire that you tried though. It’s kinda cute.
Tammi: What are you gonna do Frank?
Frank: Your dad mentioned a lovely pickle restaurant that’s hiring.
Tammi: I guess I’ll look into it.
Frank: Tammi…
Tammi: What?
Frank: Cheer up. It’s going to be okay.
Tammi: You sound better now.
Frank: I got good news today while you were falling asleep at your interview. They’re keeping me and Jim. They’re cutting the budget somewhere else.
Tammi: That’s great! Now if you excuse me, I’m still exhausted so I’m going to take another nap.
Frank: See you in a few hours.

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