Marietta Season 2 Episode 17 - Key Largo

Marietta Season 2, Episode 17
Key Largo

Marietta: Let’s go!
Tammy: I’m coming, I’m coming! Just give me a minute!
Marietta: Tammy, you have two suitcases and three carry-ons in the car already. What more could you possibly have to get from the house?
Tammy: I’m making sure I have my ID and my boarding pass.
Marietta: Why did you not do that yet?
Tammy: I don’t know, I forgot.
Danny: Give her a break, it’s not like we need to be three hours early.
Marietta: I know it’s been a while, but you have met my mother, right?
Danny: I know she can be a bit much but -
Marietta: Hun, she’s a lot more than a bit much. She’s the most.
Danny: I don’t know what that means.
Marietta: Neither do I but it’s what my mom is.
Tammy: I have my ID and my boarding pass, let’s rock and roll!
Marietta: Yay, ten days of seeing my mom nonstop!
Tammy: Like that’s any different than any normal ten-day period of time…
At the airport…
Patty Lynn: I think they’re here!
Kathleen: Thank god, I have to pee so badly.
Martin: No, that’s just a car that looks like theirs.
Patty Lynn: Aww.
Kathleen: A car that looks exactly like theirs with what appears to be three people in it and a “Kate 2016” bumper sticker? I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
Patty Lynn: Thank the lord they’re here. I don’t know how anyone can be so late.
Martin: It’s 7:08. The flight leaves at ten.
Patty Lynn: Everyone knows you need a full three hours at the airport ahead of your flight.
Kathleen: Is it just me or are we going on trips a lot lately. This is like the third vacation I’ve taken since I’ve been back in town.
Patty Lynn: The fourth, we went to that Celine Dion concert in Shreveport for that one weekend.
Kathleen: Oh, that’s right.
Martin: This is only my second trip in the past year. And I don’t think going with Milton to see him be sworn in counts. So I needed this.
Kathleen: We get it Marty, you’re sad we didn’t take you on our Thelma and Louise trip. Don’t worry, we’ll exclude you from the next one, too.
Martin: How heartwarming.
Marietta: Hey! Let’s go! Get out of the car!
Patty Lynn: It sure is them.
Thirty minutes later, after everyone’s bags are checked in…
Patty Lynn: This is why I wanted everyone here early. Tammy had about five bags too many and the line was so long. I’m not just a pretty face.
Marietta: And Aunt Kathleen needed a pretzel.
Kathleen: I can’t fly without one, you know that.
Marietta: You do realize they sell soft pretzels at places that aren’t the airport, right?
Kathleen: What’s the point? It’s only fun here.
Marietta: Alright.
Tammy: I just wanted to thank you guys for taking me with to Key Largo. I know you didn’t bring Amy or anyone else that isn’t family so it’s nice to be thought of, even if I drive Marietta crazy.
Marietta: I didn’t bring Amy with because she’s my employee. You’re basically already a Landfield. You’re one of the craziest people I’ve ever met, you’re a lot of fun, you have a heart of gold, and you spend all your time with us. You’re family.
Tammy: I know you’ve said similar things to me before but I still love to hear it every time. I love you guys.
Patty Lynn: We love you, too! Now, let’s get through security. If we miss our flight, poor Milton will be eating for us in Florida until tomorrow!
Four hours later…
Patty Lynn: Am I the only one on this flight that’s on fire? I feel like I’m melting!
Kathleen: It’s like seventy in hear. You’re from New Orleans! How is this hot to you?
Patty Lynn: I don’t know, maybe it’s the sweater I have on.
Kathleen: You don’t have a sweater on, that’s a blouse.
Patty Lynn: Underneath the blouse is a sweater.
Kathleen: Good lord! Why did you do that? We’re going to Florida, not Antarctica!
Patty Lynn: I didn’t think it through.
Kathleen: Just hit the button for some air. Maybe get some sleep too, you've been up since like three in the morning.
Patty Lynn: That’s four AM Florida time!
Kathleen: That’s still extremely early.
Martin: What are you two talking about?
Kathleen: Look what you did. If you would’ve just took a nap like I said, you wouldn’t have woken Martin up.
One hour later, after the plane lands…
Milton: There you guys are! I was starting to think you’d never get here!
Marietta: Are we really that late?
Milton: Nah. I’ve only been here for ten minutes, my flight was even more delated than your was.
Patty Lynn: What are we going about the car situation? We did get two cars, right?
Martin: No, we got a seven-passenger minivan with a small attachable trailer for our luggage.
Milton: We’re going to kill each other.
Marietta: Hopefully.
At the Landfields’ rental house, hours later…
Marietta: Mom, why is your suitcase in my bedroom?
Patty Lynn: I thought it was my bedroom. Clearly.
Marietta: I told you I wanted you and dad to have the master bedroom with the bathroom attached.
Patty Lynn: That’s very sweet of you, but we don’t need the big bedroom, it would be too much of a hassle to move our stuff out of here and into there.
Marietta: My stuff is already in here too. Either way we’re moving someone’s luggage into another room.
Patty Lynn: Okay, okay, fine. I’ll have your father move out suitcases into the other room.
Marietta: Don’t be silly, dad’s almost eighty. Danny and I can do it.
Danny: Do what?
Marietta: Oh, you’re finally back. I thought you and Milton got lost on the way to the store.
Milton: We didn’t get lost. We just couldn’t find mom’s cereal.
Marietta: You were gone for two hours because you couldn’t find cereal? Was kind of cereal is it?
Patty Lynn: Doughermann’s Finest, Blueberries and Cream.
Marietta: That isn’t even real.
Danny: That’s what I said.
Tammy: I found it though. When you need to get something done, you just ask a mom.
Kathleen: Meanwhile, Martin is already an hour into To Have and Have Not on Turner Classic Movies. The couch is made of leather and it feels like we’re inside Satan’s pants so he’s probably stuck to the couch at this point. He’s probably never getting up again.
Martin: I’m fine, it’s all good.
Marietta: Dad, you sound like a hippie. It’s all good, maaaaaan.
Milton: Are you about to go to a Grateful Dead concert and smoke a doobie?
Marietta: No one calls it a doobie anymore, Milton. I learned that on the campaign trail.
Milton: How did that possibly come up? You know what? I don’t wanna know.
Tammy: Can you guys help us bring these groceries in?
Marietta: Not you, mom. You’ll probably break a hip going up those stairs that many times. You can just put the groceries away once we haul them up. Don’t worry about the steps.
Patty Lynn: Sounds like a plan.
Marietta: Oh, Danny and Milton, you guys have to move mom and dad’s luggage.
Milton: I guess it’s a fair trade. You assist us with the groceries, we move mom and dad’s luggage all on our own.
Marietta: Glad we’re on the same page!
The next day…
Tammy: Marietta! Get in here!
Marietta: What is it? It’s so early.
Tammy: It’s eight thirty. Most of us have been up for at least an hour.
Marietta: I’m a late riser, you know that.
Tammy: I know. But Amy’s called me six times in the past half hour, asking me to have you call. You have to call her. And make it quick, your mom wants to go out boating today and you know how she s when she gets an idea.
Marietta: Okay, I’ll go call her. Not that I want to.
Marietta calls Amy.
Amy: Finally! What took you so long?
Marietta: It’s early in the morning and I’m on vacation.
Amy: I wish you weren’t.
Marietta: What happened?
Amy: There’s a protest at city hall. I’m at home right now but it’s all over the news.
Marietta: What’s it about?
Amy: The city council met on Saturday night -
Marietta: Without my knowledge?
Amy: Yes, they have very little respect for you.
Marietta: I know it’s shady, but why is a secret city council meeting held at night causing protests two days later?
Amy: It’s not that they met, it’s what they met about.
Marietta: And what was that?
Amy: They voted to fire the chief of police.
Marietta: They did what now?
Amy: They voted four to two to fire Chief Williamson. In the statement, they said you personally requested that it happen.
Marietta: That’s a lie.
Amy: I know it is. Of course it is. The people don’t, though.
Marietta: What are we going to do?
Kathleen: Marietta, your mother is almost done in the shower and then you’re the only one left. Hurry up!
Marietta: I’m in the middle of something Aunt Kathleen!
Kathleen: Alright, just hurry it up because we have to get out the the boat.
Marietta: I will.
Amy: So, I was about to say that there’s not much we can do at this point. You’re not even in the city, and even if you were it would make you look weak to go back on the firing that the public wholeheartedly believes you triggered.
Marietta: Who voted no?
Amy: Moira Donnelly
Marietta: Aww, Milton’s girlfriend.
Amy: Excuse me his what?
Marietta: Milton had such a crush on Moira she he was mayor.
Amy: How have you not told me that before?
Patty Lynn: Marietta, come on! You need to get in the shower!
Marietta: I will!
Amy: Helene Tran also voted no.
Marietta: I expected both of those. I’m a little surprised about DeeDee screwing me over though.
Amy: She’s always been anti-Landfield. She wanted to run for Mayor but knew she’d lose to you.
Marietta: I never knew that!
Amy: Anyway, there’s really nothing to do right now, I just thought you needed to know. There’s a lot of police protestors out here and right-wing media picked up the story.
Marietta: Of course they did!
Amy: Don’t log on Twitter.
Marietta: How bad is it?
Amy: Just don’t do it.
Marietta: That bad?
Patty Lynn: MARIETTA!!!
Amy: Not as bad as Patty Lynn’s wrath will be if you don’t get off immediately. Bye Marietta!
Amy hangs up.
Milton: Why is #ImpeachMarietta trending on Twitter?
Marietta: Ignore that. Let’s get boating!
Martin: You aren’t showered. We can tell.
Marietta: Do I look that bad?
Danny: I don’t think you look that bad.
Marietta: Oh god, I must look terrible then.
Danny: How do you figure.
Marietta: You turned away from me when you said it. That’s your tell.
Danny: I don’t think you look bad, though.
Marietta: Stop lying!
One hour later, at the marina…
Hank (Marina rental clerk) : My brother’s a cop.
Marietta: Oh, that’s great. Our police forces are true unsung heroes.
Hank: Chief Williamson deserved better.
Marietta: I so agree.
Patty Lynn: What is anyone talking about?
Marietta: A misunderstanding.
Milton: Marietta, what did you do?
Hank: She had the chief of police in New Orleans fired. That’s why I’m not giving you that boat you want.
Patty Lynn: You’re what?
Martin: Patty Lynn, calm down.
Patty Lynn: Fix this, Marietta.
Tammy: This is still better than that time I went to Seattle with Senator Gerhardt and his family. His mother-in-law died in her sleep. They said she might have actually been poisoned. It hasn’t been solved.
Milton: That information feels out of place here, but that is horrifying.
Martin: Hank, I can assure you that this is all a terrible misunderstanding. My daughter would never unjustly fire someone who puts his life on the line for our city every day.
Hank: Why would Cougar News lie?
Marietta: Because I’m a socialist according to them, and they hate me. I was framed by the city council, they didn’t like him because he refused to offer them extra protection at Mardi Gras this year. They’re all horrendous people, I can assure you of that.
Patty Lynn: Now can we please have our boat?
Hank: Sure, whatever. I don’t have the authority to keep you from getting it anyway.
Martin: Thank you so much for your assistance. Now, Landfields -
Tammy: And Tammys!
Martin: Let’s get boating!
Thirty minutes later, on the sailboat…
Milton: Mom, did you bring the sunblock?
Patty Lynn: Yeah, let me look in my bag.
Kathleen: I need some too, I’m white as winter snow and this freaking sun is going to fry me.
Patty Lynn: I can’t find it!
Milton: You’ve only been looking for thirty seconds.
Patty Lynn: I dumped my entire bag looking for it. I don't have any.
Tammy: I do! It’s a small bottle, so don’t use too much.
Kathleen: You are a lifesaver. Unlike Patty Lynn…
Patty Lynn: I’m sorry! I just forgot it!
Kathleen: You remembered the veggie sticks though!
Martin: I just want to say that, as much as we may bicker, I’m so grateful that our family is together right now. We all came together just a few days ago to celebrate Kyle’s new marriage, and now we’re all vacationing together. It’s beautiful.
Marietta: Really, we saw that they were going on their own honeymoon to a tropical paradise, and we decided to do the same thing. We had to settle on Florida, but that’s okay. We’re together.
Milton: I’m just glad I was able to make it. Kate and Ellie almost canceled the Senate recess because we weren’t able to come to an agreement on the one healthcare vote. I had to fly all the way to DC on the night of the wedding just to fly down here two days later.
Patty Lynn: It wouldn’t be a family vacation without you. We would’ve canceled it!
Marietta: Like hell we would’ve. I used far too much time in the office to plan this trip. I could’ve actually read over some of the council’s proposals in that time.
Martin: I hope that’s a joke.
Marietta: Sure!
One week later, after the family retires for the evening following a night of games and a movie…
Marietta: Tammy! Are you up?
Tammy: Yeah, come on in.
Marietta: Thank god. I needed to talk to you.
Tammy: Are you also sad this trip is almost over.
Marietta: Kind of. I miss Amy.
Tammy: That’s a good one!
Marietta: I know, I’m so funny
Tammy: Seriously though, why do you look so bummed? You won three of the five games. You even picked out the movie.
Marietta: Something’s been on my mind all week.
Tammy: Did you also forget toothpaste?
Marietta: What? Eww, no.
Tammy: Then what is it?
Marietta: Seeing us both in our pajamas, it reminds me of those times we’d go on those Senate field trips and we’d stay in the same room together.
Tammy: That can’t be what you’re upset about.
Marietta: No, that just popped into my mind because I’m stalling.
Tammy: You’ll feel better when you say it.
Marietta: I’m very unhappy with my marriage.
Tammy: Oh, my.
Marietta: You should’ve taken this face seriously. You had to know it was bad.
Tammy: What’s going on? What makes you say this?
Marietta: Danny and I haven’t seen one another in over a year and even before that we weren’t exactly spending a ton of time together.
Tammy: That’s not new though.
Marietta: I know. I was just expecting things to change with him back for good now. I wanted there to be a spark. It’s not there anymore. We’re in Key Largo. I was hoping for some kind of Bogie and Bacall moment. Where he’d just grab my hand or hold me in his arms and all those old feelings would come back. Instead we’ve just bickered every night and haven’t really even seen each other much. I’ve seen more of my aunt than I have of my own husband this past week. He went to bed after the third game tonight. He’s just not fun anymore!
Tammy: I’m so sorry you feel that way. I wish there was something I could say. My marriage is still chugging along so strong, especially now that Ralph and I see each other once a month tops. We live a Disney fairytale.
Marietta: I don’t know if you’re joking or not.
Tammy: Well I’m not serious.
Marietta: So both of our love lives are disasters now. Wonderful!
Tammy: What are you going to do? Are you going to tell him.
Marietta: Not before the trip is over.
Tammy: How about after?
Marietta: I don’t know. I just don’t know.
To be continued…

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