EVAN FIXEWORM is in his living room alongside his wife, SAMANTHA, and sons, PETER and TRENT.
EVAN
So I’m starting a blog I guess.
PETER
Good for you, Dad.
SAMANTHA
Yeah, after failing at everything else post-Presidency, maybe this is for you.
EVAN
What should I call it? I’m thinking Fixed On Worms.
TRENT
Huh?
EVAN
Get it? Fixeworm? Fixed On Worms?
SAMANTHA
Terrible.
EVAN
People will never know it’s me.
SAMANTHA
If you say so.
EVAN opens up his laptop and quickly starts a blog.
EVAN
I need to make a first post now...
TRENT
How about your time as President?
EVAN
No, the point is that I can write away without anyone noticing who I am.
PETER
I have an idea: you can write about basketball! You like that.
EVAN
Yeah...I guess that’s a good idea.
EVAN writes an article on basketball; what his favorite teams are, who his favorite players are, what his favorite plays on offense and defense are, and what his strategy is for fantasy basketball.
EVAN
Posted. I don’t expect too many people to read it, but it sure was fun to write! I could get used to this. Come on, give me more ideas.
PETER
Fire hydrants!
TRENT
Paint!
SAMANTHA
Street lights!
EVAN
No, I mean real ideas.
PETER
That was a real idea.
TRENT
I thought mine was a good one.
SAMANTHA
Same, there’s a lot of material with street lights.
EVAN
Or I could just write a follow-up on that basketball article. It already has a few views. How about this: I’ll write one on football.
EVAN writes an article on football similar to the one he wrote on basketball. He publishes it. In just five minutes, his blog has amassed 100 views despite no promotion.
EVAN
Alright, that’s enough for today. Good work, everyone. And by everyone, I mostly mean me.
SAMANTHA
Evan?
EVAN
What is it?
SAMANTHA
I’m reading a tabloid online. People are already speculating that you’re running that blog.
EVAN
How could they possibly—ugh, this is—I don’t even know what to say. It was so much fun!
SAMANTHA
Well maybe you can keep doing it.
EVAN
People are just going to find out it’s me.
SAMANTHA
And?
EVAN
The former President of the United States doesn’t need that kind of scrutiny. That’s what the past eight years were for. Time for me to do my own thing. Guess I can’t live a semi-secret retirement like I had hoped.
PETER
You can become a stay-at-home dad.
SAMANTHA
Peter! That’s mean.
EVAN
He has a point.
SAMANTHA
Sleep on it. I doubt you’ll actually want to do that.
EVAN
It might be my best option.