Raymond Island Season 2 Episode 6 - Rockin’ Around the Holiday Tree

Raymond Island Season 2, Episode 6
Rockin' Around the Holiday Tree

Anthony: Gretchen, are you ready to go to the big tree lighting in the State House?

Gretchen: I really don’t feel like going to the lighting.

Anthony: What? Why not? You decorated the tree yourself!

Gretchen: I participated enough in this year’s holiday display. I don’t need to go and be filmed plugging it in. It’s a silly tradition, that’s all.

Anthony: You haven’t made a public appearance in a month. I’ll be good for you.

Christina: Yeah, mom. People online are starting to speculate that you’re sick.

Gretchen: Me? Sick? That’s ridiculous!

Lucinda: You’re not really doing much to push back on it, Gretchen.

Gretchen: I’m just not in the mood right now. I’m still depressed about the election.

Christina: We’re all upset, mom. You get to be more upset than anyone, but don’t let it ruin your life.

Gretchen: I’m not. I don’t feel like being seen right now, though. People will be watching, they’ll judge me. I’ve been judged enough. You all go and have fun. Let Samantha light the tree, she was supposed to anyway.

Lucinda: Gretchen, you think we’re not upset? I thought I’d finally get the hell out of this state. That’s not happening. I’m not in isolation over it. Put on a nice holiday sweater, dry your eyes because they might freeze in this cold New England weather if they’re filled with tears, and let’s go.

Gretchen: Will it get you guys off my back if I go?

Anthony: Yes. We’ll stop pressuring you to make an appearance in public.

Gretchen: Then let’s go deck the halls and light that tree!

Anthony: Technically the halls were already decked.

Gretchen: It’s an expression, Anthony.

Christina: I’m going to call Carol and let her know it’s on. She’ll be excited!

Gretchen: I haven’t seen Carol in a while. We’ve just been talking on the phone. She better dress up for me.

Christina: I don’t think she’s going to come to a public event dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, if that’s what you mean.

Gretchen: Good. We all need to look nice, the press will be there.

Lucinda: That’s why you need to go change! We’re all ready to go, you look like a woman that just got dumped by her boyfriend of ten years.

At the state house…

Carol: Gretchen, you came!

Hank: Oh, joy!

Susana: Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Samantha: She has a nice voice! She should sing at the tree lighting tonight.

Carol: Her?

Gretchen: It’s nice to see you all. Been a while.

Samantha: How are you doing, Gretchen? Taking the loss okay?

Gretchen: It’s been a month, Samantha. I’m not thinking about it anymore.

Samantha: Really?

Gretchen: No, of course I am! I almost became Vice President of the United States, you don’t just forget. You may have been able to tell that I’m upset, based on me working from home and not appearing in public in a month.

Samantha: It was just small talk.

Hank: Come on, Sam. There’s still time to get eggnog before the lighting. Gretchen is obviously not in the mood for us.

Carol: But is she ever?

Samantha and Hank walk away.

Gretchen: Come here, give me a hug, you two.

Gretchen, Carol and Susana embrace.

Susana: I’ve missed you so much!

Gretchen: I missed you, too. Your mom’s been telling me what’s up in the office and we’ve done some zoom meetings. Audio-only, because I haven’t put on makeup since November 6.

Susana: The election was on November 3.

Gretchen: Oh, my god. It was? See, I’m forgetful and everything lately.

Carol: Luckily, all you have to do tonight is run through a short speech that I already wrote out, wishing everyone a happy holiday. That’s it. No need to worry about messing anything up.

Gretchen: Thank you for all your help.

Carol: No problem!

Susana: Now, about Samantha’s suggestion…

Gretchen: I have a suggestion. She should go hop in a creek.

Susana: She said I should sing a holiday song at the tree lighting.

Carol: This isn’t Rockefeller Plaza.

Gretchen: No, Carol, Susana has a great voice. Let her sing!

Carol: She does?

Gretchen: Yes. Susana, you can sing.

Susana: See, mom! I get to sing a carol!

Carol: I see what you did, and I do not appreciate it.

Susan: Lighten up.

Carol: Don’t embarrass us, okay? This is broadcast live across Rhode Island.

Gretchen: Yes, a whole sixteen people will see it!

Thirty minutes later, the tree lighting begins.

Gretchen: Hello and welcome, Rhode Island, to the annual lighting of our holiday tree. I’ve personally decorated this tree, a blue spruce from a farm right here in Rhode Island. It’s a beautiful tree, and I can only credit that to our Rhode Island farmers. Each year, they provide us with a beautiful tree to decorate. This year, our tree is a message of unity. We have ornaments and decorations on our tree that celebrate our beautiful state, as well as ones that represent the Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa holidays, because here in Rhode Island, we’re here for you no matter what holiday you celebrate. So, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. Stay safe out there, and enjoy the pleasures of this wonderful season. Now, join me in welcoming my assistant, Susana Mockley, joined by the Roger Williams Middle School Choir, for a performance of the classic “Sleigh Ride.”

Gretchen exits the podium and joins her family.

Lucinda: You really embraced this “unity” message, didn’t you?

Gretchen: I do love equality. I want everyone to feel represented by our tree.

Lucinda: I can tell. You have a menorah tree topper on it.

Toby: I love it, mom!

Christina: Yes, it’s lovely. The ornament shaped like Block Island looks a little bit like a middle finger, but other than that it’s great.

Gretchen: Wow, it really does. Maybe I should put that in the back.

Christina: No, leave it there! Let the people of Rhode Island see the middle finger on their tree.

Anthony: Gretchen, I’m very proud of you for coming out today. You didn’t really want to come out but now that you did, you’re having fun! You’re making the best of a bad situation, just like you always do.

Gretchen: Thank you. I do try to always make lemonade out of lemons.

Lucinda: Remember that time you fell off the monkey bars and refused to go to school for a week?

Gretchen: What does that have to do with anything? That was forty-five years ago.

Lucinda: Just sharing my favorite Gretchen memory!

Gretchen: Your favorite?

Lucinda: Yes.

Gretchen: You must really hate me.

Samantha: Hey Gretch!

Gretchen: Jesus Christ…

Samantha: It is nearly his birthday!

Hank: What’s with the “holiday tree?” It’s a Christmas tree.

Gretchen: I want to include everyone! What’s the problem?

Hank: Do you know anyone that celebrates Kwanzaa?

Gretchen: No. That doesn’t matter, though.

Hank: Doesn’t it?

Gretchen: No!

Hank: This is supposed to represent Christmas, not the other holidays. Jewish people don’t put up Christmas trees!

Carol: Actually, Hank, some of them do. My brother-in-law is Jewish and he puts up a Christmas tree! He decorates it like Gretchen does.

Hank: Is that because his wife is Christian?

Carol: Yes.

Hank: See, that doesn’t count.

Carol: You’re such a grinch! Just let her decorate the tree how she wants.

Samantha: It does look pretty, though.

Hank: Pretty ridiculous.

Carol: Buzz off!

Hank: I’m already buzzed!

Carol: You can tell.

Gretchen: I guess we should go home.

Samantha: Don’t go because of Hank!

Gretchen: No, it really is time. I need to get home and… watch… Blue Bloods.

Lucinda: Blue Bloods isn’t on tonight!

Gretchen: Shut up!

Samantha: Well, if you must go, go. Hopefully we see you in the office before the new year.

Gretchen: You will.

Samantha: I better! Don’t let me down, Gretchen.

Gretchen: Carol, tell Susana she sounded lovely tonight.

Carol: She did?

Gretchen: Yes! Tell her I thought so and that I’ll see her soon.

Carol: Okay, I will. Have a good night, Gretchen. Talk to you on Monday.

The next morning…

Anthony: Gretchen, you’re awake!

Gretchen: Of course I’m awake, it’s nine o’clock.

Lucinda: As you can expect, people hate the holiday tree.

Gretchen: What? How can they hate joy?

Anthony: I thought we were letting her down easy, Lucinda.

Lucinda: Nah.

Anthony: There’s no way to put it nicely now that Lucinda let the cat out of the bag. Gretchen, the internet hates your holiday tree. The local TV personalities don’t love it either

Gretchen: Why, though? What are they saying?

Christina: They called you a virtue signaler.

Lucinda: And said it was part of the “radical PC agenda,” whatever the hell that means.

Christina: It means she’s too political correct.

Lucinda: Huh?

Christina: Never mind, grandma.

Gretchen: Well, I like the tree.

Anthony: Good, that’s what matters!

Christina: You’re going to be made fun of a lot more in the coming weeks. The “holiday tree” phrase in particular was a target of criticism. People called it ridiculous and “wokeness for the sake of being woke.”

Lucinda: I didn’t like it much either. It’s a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree!

Gretchen: Hank said the same thing.

Lucinda: I agree with him.

Gretchen: You’re agreeing with Hank? That’s sick.

Lucinda: Don’t worry, it’s not like I do it that often, he’s terrible. He’s only right on this one thing.

Gretchen: He is not! Now, if you excuse me, I’m going in to work. I have to get out of this house some time, and today’s the day. I’m going to decorate my office for Christmas.

Christina: Mom, it’s Saturday.

Gretchen: It is?

Christina: Yes!

Toby: You said we’d make a gingerbread house today!

Gretchen: Then that’s what we’ll do today. It’ll keep me from thinking about how much my state hates the tree I so lovingly worked on.

Toby: Okay!

Toby walks off to the pantry to get the gingerbread kit.

Gretchen: He doesn’t care, clearly.

Anthony: He’s just excited to do something with you. You’d been in a funk for a while, you’re finally happy again and he’s happy about it.

Gretchen: That’s very sweet. To celebrate my new good mood that can’t be broken, would you all like to decorate the gingerbread house with us?

Lucinda: I’m exploring my offers. Angela Warner invited me to bingo this afternoon.

Gretchen: You hate bingo. And Angela Warner.

Lucinda: I know, I’m playing hard to get.

Anthony: Why exactly?

Lucinda: Because I like being a pain in the ass.

Monday, at Gretchen’s office…

Susana: Gretchen, you’re here! Mom, Gretchen’s here!

Samantha: Well, well, well… Governor Cinderella finally showed up to the ball.

Gretchen: Why are you in my office?

Carol: She stopped by to consult with me. I didn’t expect you to come in today, so I thought I’d brief her on what you and I were discussing on Friday.

Gretchen: Oh, the budget plan.

Samantha: This is a very important time for the government, as you know. Is that a box of Christmas decorations in your hands?

Gretchen: Yes. What about it?

Samantha: You’re worried about that while we’re supposed to be negotiating a budget?

Gretchen: It’s Christmas! I love Christmas! I want to decorate and spread the cheer here!

Susana: All we have in here is a miniature undecorated tree, so I welcome your decorating.

Samantha: Do you really love Christmas? You don’t seem to, Ms. “Holiday Tree.”

Gretchen: You were so much nicer on Friday.

Samantha: You were emotionally unstable. I didn’t want you to have a breakdown in front of me.

Gretchen: So thoughtful.

Samantha: Thank you. You should go look at your holiday tree today.

Gretchen: What did you do to it?

Samantha: I didn’t do anything!

Gretchen: You’re acting strange.

Carol: When isn’t she?

Gretchen: Good point.

Susana: Come on, Gretchen, let’s go to the lobby and check out the tree. We can get away fro her drama, too.

Gretchen: Sounds like a plan.

Carol: I’m coming, too! I need to get out of this office too, you know!

In the lobby of the state house…

Gretchen: Oh

Susana: My

Carol: God!

Gretchen: Someone took all of the Hanukkah and Kwanzaa stuff off the tree and put Christmas decorations up in their place. They ruined my vision!

Carol: It does look pretty.

Susana: Mom!

Carol: Not as pretty as your tree, Gretchen!

Gretchen: Thank you. I can tell that you’re lying, but I appreciate the lie. Flattery will get you everywhere.

Carol: It’s not a lie, your tree was unique. This is just a Christmas tree. Pretty, but not one you can find only in Rhode Island.

Susana: I don’t know, you probably won’t find a Del’s Lemonade ornament outside of Rhode Island.

Carol: You’d be surprised.

Susana gets a notification on her phone and checks it.

Susana: Oh… no.

Gretchen: What is it? Who died?

Susana: No one died.

Gretchen: Thank god. I was worried about Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth.

Carol: She’s immortal, Gretchen. You don’t have to worry about her.

Gretchen: What happened then?

Susana: Time has named their Person of the Year.

Gretchen: Ugh. Is it Delphy? I don’t want to see that face when I go to the supermarket.

Susana: It’s not Delphy.

Gretchen: Ha! First time the President-Elect hasn’t been Person of the Year since 1996! Who is it? Someone bad?

Susana: I think she’s just misunderstood.

Gretchen: Who!?!

Susana: It’s you, Gretchen.

Gretchen: Oh, that’s great! An early Christmas present, I’d say.

Susana: Eh…

Gretchen: “Eh” what?

Susana: They’re not too positive about. You’re not being named Person of the Year for any good reason.

Carol: Read what they said. Maybe it’s not bad.

Susana: “At this critical turning point in American history, perhaps no one will be seen as having a greater impact than Rhode Island Governor Gretchen Raymond. Raymond, the Democratic vice presidential candidate, is seen as the main reason that Minnesota Senator and Democratic  presidential candidate Tammy Koobach lost the election to Republican West Virginia Governor Brian Delphy. Raymond’s gaffes and screw-ups on the campaign trail had a profoundly negative impact on the race, turning off independents and moderates and likely swaying the election. The new president will have the power to reshape the judicial branch dramatically, as well as oversee the many diplomatic crises across the world. Raymond’s impact in the presidential race will have a profound effect on the future of our country.”

Carol: You can stop there.

Gretchen: So, who wants to decorate for Christmas?

Carol: That didn’t upset you at all?

Gretchen: Of course it did. I’m done moping about the election, though. Let’s get in a good mood.

Susana: You’re taking it better than I thought.

Gretchen: Nothing to be sad about! It’s just the words of one magazine’s editors. Everyone that knows me knows that I actually helped Tammy.

Two weeks later, on Christmas morning…

Toby: Mom! Open your present!

Gretchen: Me? Why do you want me to open my present first?

Christina: You need it, mom.

Gretchen: I want you kids to open yours first.

Toby: Just open it!

Anthony: They’re really proud of it. Just open it.

Lucinda: They haven’t shut up about it since they got it.

Gretchen: Okay, I’ll open it.

Gretchen unwraps her present.

Gretchen: Oh, a Santa hat?

Toby: We had them stitch the word “Governor” into it.

Gretchen: Oh, that’s very sweet.

Christina: That’s not the thing we’re excited to give you.

Toby: You just needed a Christmas hat like the rest of us!

Lucinda: You better not have gotten me one.

Anthony: No promises.

Toby hands Gretchen another present and she opens it.

Gretchen: This is beautiful.

Christina: It’s a photo album with pictures of all of our adventures across the country during the VP campaign.

Gretchen: Aww, “we love you, mom.”

Christina: We had to make sure you knew it wasn’t meant as a dig since it is a reminder of the VP campaign.

Gretchen: No, I love it, and I know why you gave it to me. It’s very kind. I keep thinking of the bad things that happened because of my vice presidential campaign, but this makes me think I should focus on the good. We got to see a lot of the country because of it, and all together8.

Christina: We got to see Pennsylvania. And Iowa. And Michigan. And Pennsylvania. And then some more of Pennsylvania.

Gretchen: That time I wouldn’t give up. I love you guys. How did you get these pictures, though? I know you didn’t take all of them.

Christina: Carol and Susana helped. They gave us a lot of these pictures.

Gretchen: Thank you again. Now, Toby, go open your presents. I worked hard wrapping them!

Toby: All right, mom! I love presents.

Lucinda: Kids, your gift to me better be just as thoughtful as that!

Anthony: In the eternal words of Aerosmith: dream on.

What did you think of the Raymond Island holiday special? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the midseason premiere of Our House in January and the return of Raymond Island in summer 2021!

Who was your favorite character in Raymond Island Season 2 Episode 6, "Rockin’ Around the Holiday Tree?"
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