The Bullpen Season 3 Episode 4: Ace-ing The National Anthem


MANNY, DEVIN, ACE, FELIX, ROBERT, and HARRY have all just stepped foot in the bullpen.


MANNY
Well, we made it.

HARRY
No fair. I wanted to go to Canada.

FELIX
It is too bad the game moved locations. But I heard the only way they’d let anyone play there is if every team paid them money for stadium renovations.

DEVIN
I think it was only one new wall. They wanted a big one in center field.

ACE
Thinking the game was in Canada is a new low for the bullpen, right Robert?

ROBERT
There was a time where we went to the wrong stadium. Maybe two times, actually.

DEVIN
How is that even possible?

ROBERT
Let’s just say Manny somehow isn’t the worst bullpen coach we’ve had.

MANNY
I’m not even trying to be good though.

ROBERT
Guess you’re a natural.

HARRY
Looks like they’re about to start the national anthem. Let’s all take our hats off now.

FELIX
What if I didn’t bring a hat?

HARRY
Take your imaginary hat off then.

MANNY
Is it me or did they get the Sexiest Gentleman Alive to do the national anthem?

ACE
Tough to say from here, I can’t even tell what he looks like!

ROBERT
I can. Grey hair, kind of short, thin, ordinary glasses. I’d say maybe in his 70s.

The man is introduced. He is indeed identified as the Sexiest Gentleman Alive from his appearance and recognizable Italian name. They hear a man in the crowd boo loudly.

FELIX
Why’s that guy booing?

ROBERT
He’s probably just jealous.

The Sexiest Gentleman Alive begins to sing.

MANNY
Oh wow. This guy’s amazing!

DEVIN
Yeah, I never knew he could sing!

HARRY
I know we’re not supposed to talk during this, but this guy’s got range! Do you hear the way he’s holding those notes?

When the National Anthem is done, the crowd, mostly media, starts erupting in cheers. The big screen in the stands behind the outfield shows live video of different people.

ACE looks down at his foot to see his shoe untied. He kneels down to tie it. Midway through, the screen zooms in on the bullpen. The cheers turn into boos.

ACE
They’re booing him now? That guy’s a great singer! And that’s scientifically speaking, that’s not just my opinion.

HARRY
They’re booing you. They thought you were kneeling during the National Anthem.

ACE
But I wasn’t! I didn’t start tying my shoe until after it ended!

HARRY
They don’t know that.

ROBERT
They’re chanting something now but I can’t make it out.

DEVIN
I think they’re saying Boys Stop The Whole Hen.

FELIX
They’re saying Boycott The Bullpen.

The “BOYCOTT THE BULLPEN” chants continue. ACE feels humiliated.

ACE
I’m getting fired, aren’t I?

ROBERT
It’s just a misunderstanding.

DEVIN
Hey, you know that guy who booed the Sexiest Gentleman Alive?

MANNY
What about him?

DEVIN
He’s on the screen again. They’re booing him now. They’ve moved on!

Everyone turns around to look at the screen. The man appears to be typing on his phone. He then puts his phone back in his pocket, gets up, and leaves with a half-eaten cheeseburger in his left hand.

HARRY
You guys are going to make me make you cheeseburgers now, aren’t you?

FELIX
Since you offered, I’ll take one!

ROBERT
Guys...I’m on social media and they have quite the take on us.

ACE
Uh oh.

ROBERT
You’re okay, Ace. It’s the rest of us that they want to boycott.

ACE
What’s the problem then?

ROBERT
They’re mad we didn’t kneel with you.

DEVIN
We better not be overtaking the performance the Sexiest Gentleman Alive gave.

ROBERT
We didn’t. But it amazes me how we end up getting so much attention, even when there aren’t any fans in the crowd. Also, they’re really mad at that guy with the cheeseburger too. Apparently he wrote Renew Cat Police in all caps.

DEVIN
Oh I like that show! They’re probably just jealous of him.

ROBERT
They don’t sound it.

MANNY
Shut off your phone now Robert, there’s a game going on.

FELIX
Sounds like a couple people are trying to get a Boycott The Bullpen chant going again.

MANNY
Actually then, we should all just leave. Felix and Harry, you stay back for a minute. No use not eating a burger that’s being cooked.

HARRY
Crap! I forgot about the burger. How well-done do you like them?

FELIX
Forget about it. Let’s go before the chant gets louder.

MANNY, DEVIN, ACE, FELIX, ROBERT, and HARRY all leave. ACE waves to the crowd.
_________________

Harry is a waiter at Lorenzo’s Kitchen on a new episode of Bar Exam. Click here to read now!

Share this

Related Posts

Previous
Next Post »