College Season 3 Episode 5: Electoral College

Written by

William Fry & Michael Ledesma

“There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader, and concerting measures in opposition to each other. This, in my humble apprehension, is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.”

-John Adams

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch playing Starquest.

ANDREW

Their fleet is too strong.

EDISON

Use your plasma blasters.

MEGAN

No, save those. Here, I’ll use my photonic cannon.

Sarah enters.

SARAH

Hey, why aren’t you all ready?

The three friends stop and stare at Sarah.

ANDREW

Ready for what? Wait, did we have a date today? I didn’t know. You can’t be mad if I didn’t know.

SARAH

No, we didn’t have a date. Today’s election day, we have to go vote.

EDISON

That’s today?

SARAH

Yes, it’s today.

MEGAN

That would explain the long lines on campus. And all the Trump and Biden posters.

SARAH

How did you all forget about election day? Especially this one? I mean, we finally have a chance to get Trump out of office.

EDISON

Do we really have to vote? We’re right in the middle of a battle.

SARAH

America is in the middle of a battle for its soul against a misogynistic racist orange man.

ANDREW

It is one of our rights as an American. It’d be kinda wrong to not exercise it.

EDISON

Ugh fine, let’s go and vote.

The three stand up.

EDISON

Time to make America great again.

The group stares at Edison in perplexing shock.

SARAH

Are you... are you voting for Trump?

EDISON

I mean that’s none of your business, but for your information, yes I am.

SARAH

But... why? I mean you’re...

EDISON

Sarah, did you just assume I was a Democrat because I’m Hispanic?

SARAH

What? No. It's just... Well, Trump is against immigrants.

EDISON

My parents came here legally. They filled out the paperwork and did the work to become U.S. citizens.

SARAH

I... I didn’t know that.

EDISON

Uh-huh. Ok, let’s go vote.

EXT. CAMPUS VOTING BUILDING - DAY

The group stands in line waiting to vote. They are surrounded by dozens of students each wearing shirts, hats, or buttons displaying their political affiliation.

EDISON

Holy shit this line is long.

SARAH

I know, isn’t it great. All these people are voting.

EDISON

Wanna bet that they had nothing else better to do.

Edison looks around. He sees a beautiful brunette woman running a JOE BIDEN stand.

EDISON

Wow. Dude look.

Andrew looks at the girl.

ANDREW

Go talk to her.

MEGAN

Yeah like she’s gonna talk to a Trump supporter.

EDISON

Oh please, I’ll just do what every politician does. Change the way I act to get people to like me. Now, if you’ll excuse me...

Edison walks away towards the table. He reaches the table. The girl notices him.

EDISON

Hey.

SUSAN

Hey. Are you here to vote?

EDISON

Yeah. Although, I’m having trouble deciding who to vote for. Maybe you can help?

Susan smiles at Edison.

The group watches as Edison and Susan continue to talk. Sarah looks distracted.

ANDREW

You ok?

SARAH

Yeah. It’s just, I thought he was a Democrat. Not because he’s... you know... Hispanic. Oh well, at least we still got women. We gotta support the guy with the woman VP.

MEGAN

Actually, I’m voting for Trump.

Sarah stares at Megan in shock.

SARAH

What?

MEGAN

I’m a Republican.

SARAH

Why?

MEGAN

Because I believe in their values.

SARAH

But you know how they feel about your people.

Awkward silence.

MEGAN

“Your people”?

SARAH

Let me rephrase that.

MEGAN

Sarah, did you assume that I was a Democrat because I’m a lesbian?

SARAH

No I- Well it’s just... okay fine. Yes, I thought you were a Democrat because you’re a lesbian.

MEGAN

Well, I’m not.

SARAH

Okay, but why are you voting for Trump? He’s crazy. You’ve heard what he’s said about women.

MEGAN

I know. But he’s gotten stuff done.

SARAH

Yeah like separating families.

MEGAN

Well maybe if they didn’t break the law-

SARAH

That’s such a white person thing to say.

MEGAN

You’re white.

Edison helps Susan pass out flyers.

EDISON

Oh yes, Joe Biden is “definitely” gonna win.

SUSAN

Wow, you’re really passionate about politics.

EDISON

Of course. Foundation of our country.

Susan passes out the last flyer.

SUSAN

I gotta go make more copies.

EDISON

Why don’t I tag along, I can help.

The voting line continues to move.

SARAH

Okay, why else are you voting Republican?

MEGAN

Well, I support the 2nd amendment and I’m pro-life.

SARAH

But what about the woman’s right to choose?

MEGAN

What about the innocent babies who are murdered?

SARAH

A woman should still be able to choose.

MEGAN

Why, because they forgot to use a condom?

SARAH

That is not the only reason why women get abortions.

Around them, the other students begin listening to the conversation. The Republican students gather behind Megan. The Democrat students gather behind Sarah.

REPUBLICAN STUDENT

Biden sucks!

DEMOCRAT STUDENT

Fuck Trump!

The students begin yelling at each other. Andrew steps onto a giant rock.

ANDREW

Hey! Hey!

The students stop yelling and look at Andrew.

ANDREW

What in the world is wrong with you people? You’re allowing politics to control who you like and dislike. Who cares if one of the candidates looks like they're wearing a spray tan mask. Who cares if one of the candidates seems senile. The only people who truly matter are us. United. Politicians don’t want that. They want us divided because as long as we are, only one side will ever win. Politicians don’t really care about us. They just want to be liked. Politicians from both sides. All they care about is being liked. That's why they’ll say anything or agree with anything just so you’ll like them, all so they can win a vote. Let’s not let politics define us. Let US define us.

There is a deafening silence. Sarah and Megan smile at each other apologetically.

A beer bottle flies through the air and hits Andrew in the head.

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Edison and Susan make more copies of the flyer.

SUSAN

It’s so nice to meet another Democrat. My roommates are Trump supporters.

EDISON

So why do you live with them?

SUSAN

They pay most of the rent.

EDISON

I see. Hey, wanna get coffee after this?

SUSAN

What?

EDISON

Coffee. It’s a caffeinated drink made from beans. It’s like a billion-dollar industry.

SUSAN

I know what coffee is. And yes, I would like to get some after.

Susan looks at the bulletin board and see’s a pro-police poster.

SUSAN

Ugh.

EDISON

What?

SUSAN

We really need to defund the police.

Edison sighs.

EDISON

Actually, I don't think we can get that coffee.

SUSAN

Why?

EDISON

My uncle is a cop. Sooooo yeah, later.

Edison walks away and turns around.

EDISON

Oh and one more thing. Trump 2020!

EXT. VOTING BUILDING - DAY

Sarah puts a band-aid on Andrew’s forehead.

SARAH

That was a really good speech.

MEGAN

Kinda cheesy, but well said.

SARAH

I was letting politics judge who I liked.

ANDREW

People just need to know that life isn’t just about politics. It’s about...

SARAH

It’s about what?

ANDREW

Huh?

MEGAN

I think that bottle hit him harder than we thought.

Edison walks over to the group.

MEGAN

How’d it go with the girl?

EDISON

Meh. Not my type.

Edison sees the band-aid on Andrew's forehead.

EDISON

What happened to you?

ANDREW

Politics.

END.

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