ELI, former bullpen pitcher for the Indianapolis Primitives, is now the general manager of another baseball team. He is in his office, consisting of a practically empty desk. He hears a knock on his door and answers it. The person knocking is CARLOS, his assistant general manager.
ELI
What’s going on, Carlos?
CARLOS
Oh, just the usual.
ELI
What exactly is the usual? We haven’t met in a few days—
CARLOS
Weeks.
ELI
And I don’t know exactly what’s going on with this team.
CARLOS
What are you doing in here, then?
ELI
A little of this, a little of that.
CARLOS
Seriously.
ELI
I have some nice snacks. That keeps me busy.
CARLOS
Don’t you have actual stuff to do?
ELI
Depends on if I want to do it or not. I have a few people to trade, but I’ll get to that eventually.
CARLOS
Wait a minute. You’re trading people?
ELI
Yeah, I figured I wouldn’t tell anyone.
CARLOS
We’ve already advised you not to trade anyone. We have a good team, let’s keep it that way.
ELI
If we didn’t trade anyone, what would my job even be?
CARLOS
Oversee the team! Wow, you’re acting like you’re still in that bullpen. This job involves more than just sitting around, you know.
ELI
Is that any way to talk to your boss?
CARLOS
Yes. Eli, if you want this team to do well, you’re gonna have to get serious about the job.
ELI
We finished fourth place in the division last season.
CARLOS
Exactly! You need to get your act together so we can do better!
ELI
Fourth place is better than last place.
CARLOS
I guess so, but it’s not nearly good enough to get a spot in the playoffs.
ELI
I don’t get it though. Why don’t you want me to trade anyone, and say we have a good team, and then complain we’re coming in fourth place.
CARLOS
Between you and me...Colleen told be to say that.
COLLEEN does a quick knock and then enters ELI’s office.
COLLEEN
I heard my name.
CARLSON
About that, can your ears be a little bit less receptive to your name?
COLLEEN
Nope. So I hear you told Eli about our team being awesome.
CARLOS
I did. But it’s not awesome.
ELI offers COLLEEN a bag of chips. She takes the bag, sits down, and starts eating them.
CARLOS
Seriously? Why sit around eating chips when we came in fourth place last season?
ELI
Are we doing good or not? Pick a side.
CARLOS
No. We’re not doing good. But we’d at least like to know who you’re trading.
COLLEEN
What?! You’re trading someone?! I told you not to do that.
ELI
I have the power to make the final decisions. And I’m trading three people.
COLLEEN
Do I want to know who?
ELI
I’m trading two guys for Carter from the Charleston Capitols. I’m also taking Felix, the ex-starter from the Indianapolis Primitives.
CARLOS
They’re both under contract.
ELI
I’ll just buy out their contracts.
COLLEEN
No you won’t. Those are stupid moves.
ELI
You didn’t let me finish.
CARLOS
You said you were trading three guys.
ELI
I’m also getting a new swing set.
COLLEEN
We don’t have a swing set, how could you get a new one?
ELI
It’s free for all employees in the lounge.
CARLOS (sarcastically)
Wow, great move Eli! I was skeptical about trading the players but you really got me on board with the swing set!
ELI
Come on. I’m a good general manager. Right, Colleen?
COLLEEN
Eh.
ELI
Fine. What could be better about my managerial skills? I’ll listen.
CARLOS
First, you don’t actually listen.
ELI
What’d you say?
CARLOS
That’s exactly my point.
COLLEN
You need to get a little bit better at this. This isn’t your bullpen.
ELI
Fine, I’ll get better. Just as soon as I—
ELI stands up and walks out of his office.
CARLOS
Think he’s coming back.
COLLEEN
Eventually.
CARLOS
Think one of us will be general manager one day?
COLLEEN
Easily.