EVAN FIXEWORM arrives in Elkham, Michigan. It is his first day back in his home town after serving eight years as President of the United States. When he exits his car in his driveway, he sees a swarm of people cheering for him. EVAN smiles and waves, then goes inside to find his wife, SAMANTHA, and kids, PETER, 14, and TRENT, 10. He has only seen his family occasionally, as they stayed in Michigan throughout his presidency.
SAMANTHAOkay kids, say hi to Dad! Tell him you missed him.
PETER
I missed you, Dad.
EVAN
That’s not necessary. Wow, everything looks so different here.
SAMANTHA
I redecorated a little bit.
EVAN
A little bit? I barely recognize this place!
SAMANTHA
I’m so sorry.
EVAN
Don’t be, it looks great! I really should have stopped by more often.
SAMANTHA
I can’t blame you for hanging out there. You’re a celebrity now.
EVAN
I know they say I was popular, but let me tell you about those guys in Congress—
TRENT
Do you have to?
EVAN
I guess not. Long story short, a couple of them don’t like me.
SAMANTHA
You were pretty bipartisan.
PETER
What are you gonna do now, Dad?
EVAN
Probably get settled in, unpack my bags. It’s good to be home!
PETER
Aren’t you going to do something else, though?
EVAN
I haven’t really thought of that. Eh, maybe I’ll think of something in the morning.
SAMANTHA
Are you going to bed?
EVAN
Of course I am. Being President is tiring.
EVAN sleeps for ten hours, then wakes up to start a new day.
SAMANTHA
I figured you’d want to be out and about today.
EVAN
I just woke up.
SAMANTHA
That’s okay. We’re gonna have brunch, I made a reservation.
EVAN
Oh, okay. Sounds good.
EVAN, SAMANTHA, PETER, and TRENT get into the car and go to brunch. When they sit down at a table, everyone recognizes EVAN. Many point to him and take pictures.
SAMANTHA
You’re famous!
EVAN
I’m sure it’s the novelty of seeing an ex-President. I would’ve get used to this.
PETER
There’s already a story online that you went to brunch.
EVAN
That’s news these days?!
PETER
Seems that way.
TRENT
Do I have to eat real food or can I just have a grilled cheese?
EVAN
Have whatever you want.
SAMANTHA
Evan, I’m trying to get him to expand his horizons. Trent, you should try the French toast.
TRENT
Fine.
EVAN
What’s so bad about French toast?
TRENT
I’m not sure, actually. I’ve never had it. I’ve also never seen you all that much, for what it’s worth.
EVAN
You do remember me, right?
TRENT
Somewhat. Not a lot.
SAMANTHA
You left when he was two and he was almost always in bed when you did video chats with us.
EVAN
I didn’t have a lot of down time.
SAMANTHA
You made that very clear.
EVAN
Also, was the President Fixeworm on the menu before I left?
SAMANTHA
What do you think?
EVAN
I’m guessing no. Was this restaurant even here?
SAMANTHA
The restaurant wasn’t here, the park wasn’t here, the swing set down the street wasn’t here...your presidency really raised the stock of this town.
EVAN (chucking)
It also really raised the stock of big corporations, am I right?
SAMANTHA
That’s not as funny as you think.
EVAN
Washington humor.
SAMANTHA
I assumed.
TRENT
Are you gonna spend time with us?
EVAN
Yeah. I can get used to this.
EVAN turns his head.
EVAN
Hey, is that a basketball court?
SAMANTHA
It’s the Evan Fixeworm Court. Like it?
EVAN
Let’s check it out.