Patty Lynn: Thank you all for coming today, I really appreciate it.
Marietta: What did you make us come here for, though?
Patty Lynn: I needed my closest advisors.
Marietta: Mom, you act like you’re the President of the United States calling in her cabinet.
Kate: In fairness, she did call in three United States Senators to help her. That’s close enough.
Amy: How much free time do you guys get?
Ellie: So much.
Patty Lynn: This is the dream team, the people I rely on for all the help I need.
Marietta: This is just every woman that you know. And Milton.
Milton: Honored to make the cut.
Marcy Cantor: I wish I didn’t.
Tammy: Why did she?
Patty Lynn: I need all the help I can get!
Marietta: You still haven’t explained why you need help. It’s a little frustrating, actually.
Patty Lynn: Oh, that’s right. It’s my sixtieth wedding anniversary with Martin. I want your help throwing a surprise party for him.
Marietta: Oh, thank god. She finally got to the point.
Patty Lynn: Do you guys think you can help me with the party? It’s a lot to take on myself.
Tammy: Of course we can!
Marietta: Don’t agree to it too soon. She’s gonna put us through the ringer.
Tammy: It’s all for love, though! Don’t you want to celebrate your parents’ love?
Marietta: Ew.
Patty Lynn: Does anyone have any ideas how to celebrate the big day? I want a party to show Martin how much I love him.
Kate: When is your anniversary?
Patty Lynn: Saturday.
Kate: Oh boy.
Patty Lynn: I should’ve asked you all for help sooner.
Kate: I’d say so.
Patty Lynn: I was so preoccupied with Thanksgiving this past week, I completely forgot about my anniversary.
Kate: That’s okay. I’ve done Thanksgiving before, I know how stressful it can be.
Patty Lynn: Oh, I know. I made so much food and made such a huge turkey, it took me forever. I still smell like Thanksgiving. Martin and Kathleen have pretty much eaten all of the leftovers, though.
Kathleen: I have not!
Patty Lynn: Someone has! My husband surely doesn’t eat that much in a week.
Kathleen: You must not know him that we'll then!
Patty Lynn: I do! He doesn’t eat a full fridge of Thanksgiving food for lunch in a few days.
Kathleen: I may have helped.
Patty Lynn: The truth comes out. Or, comes out again.
Marietta: Mom! It isn’t Thanksgiving, can we talk about the anniversary party instead?
Patty Lynn: Oh! I rented out a place to hold the party last night. That’s good, right?
Milton: I’m very proud of you, mom! You didn’t leave all of it up to us!
Marietta: That’s actually far more than I expected. Usually she doesn’t help with anything at all and actually hinders us.
Patty Lynn: That is rude and uncalled for. I’m your mother.
Marietta: I can’t lie! I don’t know how to.
Tammy: You’re a politician, we all lie!
Ellie: True that, sister!
Marietta: I keep hearing people say that and I always have the same reaction.
Ellie: Joy?
Marietta: Murderous rage.
Ellie: I don’t wanna die in New Orleans. That would be such a long flight to get my body back to Massachusetts.
Patty Lynn: I’ll ask again. Does anyone have any ideas for the party?
Kate: How about a nice white heavenly theme. My Tim and I did something like that for our vow renewal in 2017.
Patty Lynn: Are you saying Martin and I are gonna die soon?
Marietta: Hey, if she is, at least she’s saying you’re going to heaven.
Patty Lynn: Of course I’m going to heaven. I’m an angel.
Kathleen: Ha!
Kate: That is not at all what I’m saying. You both have a long time to go.
Kathleen: That’s a stretch.
Kate: I think a white theme with maybe some gold accessories is very classy. It’s how an anniversary celebration should look. Elegant, classy, and inviting.
Patty Lynn: I’ll keep it in mind.
Milton: Kate, with all due respect, this is New Orleans. We’re loud, we’re boisterous, we’re a little obnoxious. It’s in our blood. White and gold is a little calm for us.
Patty Lynn: That’s kind of how I feel.
Eliza: I have an idea. Tell me if it’s good.
Ellie: Can’t be worse than Kate’s.
Kate: Hey!
Eliza: What if we have a jazz party. Get a live band, decorate the space with bold colors and everything you’d associate with this city. After all, this is the city you fell in love in.
Patty Lynn: I love it!
Ellie: So much better than Kate’s.
Kate: I’m right here!
Ellie: You’re a big girl, you can take it.
Milton: So, are we sold on a theme?
Marietta: Oh dear god, please. I want to get out of here so badly.
Patty Lynn: Yeah, we’re going with that. Good job, Eliza.
Marcy: Why did you call so many of us down here for you to just pick the first theme someone said?
Ellie: Not the first! Kate also had a really sucky one that was very insulting.
Kate: If you don’t stop…
Patty Lynn: I asked you all here for more than just brainstorming ideas. I also want you guys to help me get supplies for the party. This is going to be a lot of work, I need all the help I can get.
Marcy: I’m actually happy about that. At least I didn’t cancel all my plans just to come listen to you people bicker.
Patty Lynn: Plans? What plans?
Marietta: Speaking of plans… Kate, Ellie, aren’t you so glad you flew to New Orleans for this?
Ellie: I live in Massachusetts. You think I want to be there right now? Hell. No.
Tammy: You really love it that much?
Ellie: I love my home state. However, late fall and winter in Massachusetts is not pretty. DC is bad enough, Massachusetts is a whole other level of freezing your ass off.
Patty Lynn: So, are we all ready to get to work?
Marietta: It depends on what the meaning of the word “ready” is.
Saturday…
Patty Lynn: Hey Martin, it’s a lovely day outside. We should go for a drive.
Martin: What? A drive? To where.
Patty Lynn: Just around the neighborhood. Doesn't that sound nice, Kathleen?
Kathleen: What was that? Oh, yeah.
Patty Lynn: See! Kathleen agrees. Let’s go!
Martin: You’re both acting very strange. For starters, Kathleen, you agreed with Patty Lynn on something.
Patty Lynn: We just both agree that going to a nice drive would be good for us all. Say, Kathleen?
Kathleen: Uh-huh.
Martin: Well, I guess we can go for a drive. When do you want to go?
Patty Lynn: Now!
Martin: Fine. Whatever you want. Let’s get going, then.
Twenty minutes later, in the car…
Patty Lynn: Martin, can you pull over at that building? I want to run in and get something.
Martin: Why do you want to go into Boudreaux Hall? There’s a ton of cars here, it’s clearly being rented out.
Patty Lynn: Marcy Cantor had a party here a few days ago and I forgot a brooch here. It must have fallen off.
Martin: Why were you at Marcy Cantor’s party?
Kathleen: Great question!
Patty Lynn: You know, keeping up appearances.
Martin: Okay, I’ll pull over. Just be quick in there.
Patty Lynn: Can you come in with me? I might need some help finding it.
Martin: Kathleen, can you watch the car?
Kathleen: I just want to read my book, my goodness, you people don’t rest.
Patty Lynn: Kathleen!
Kathleen: I’ll watch the car.
Martin: Thank you.
Martin and Patty Lynn walk into Boudreaux Hall.
Patty Lynn with all party guests: Surprise!
Martin: Patty Lynn, did you do this for me?
Kathleen (out of breath): She had help.
Patty Lynn: The car is across the parking lot, how are you out of breath?
Kathleen: I had to run, I didn’t want to miss the surprise.
Patty Lynn: What do you think, Martin?
Martin: This is incredible. How did you pull this off?
Patty Lynn: Like Kathleen said, I had a lot of help. I wanted to make this anniversary special for you. Sixty years is no small feat.
Martin: Sixty years, huh? I didn’t know.
Milton: Uh-oh.
Tammy: Is she about to go off on a rant?
Marietta: Afraid so.
Martin: Just pulling your chain! I actually had dinner reservations planned.
Patty Lynn: Well, you better go cancel ‘em! I’ve got a delicious feast with the best food New Orleans coming in a few hours. All the best for my beloved husband.
Tammy: Aww, love. So -
Marietta: Gross.
Tammy: Sweet!
Two hours later…
Tammy: Patty Lynn, you should do your toast now!
Patty Lynn: Before dinner?
Marietta: What Tammy’s trying to say is that it’s insane to eat dinner at three PM. It isn’t Thanksgiving.
Patty Lynn: Okay, if you insist. Everyone to your seats.
Milton: Let me grab a shrimp cocktail quick!
Ellie: Ooh, me too!
Tammy: No shrimp, sit down you two! Sometimes I feel like I have toddlers again.
Mitch: You don’t have to parent them. They are grown adults.
Tammy: Where’s the fun in that?
Kyle: Everyone’s sitting down, grandma!
Patty Lynn: Thank you all for being here and making attempts to listen to me instead of just sucking up the free food! Martin, thank you for loving me for over sixty years. I met you when I was eighteen years old and I was smitten from the start. We only dated for a few months and then we got hitched. Everyone told us we were crazy. Most of all, your sister.
Kathleen: I’ll dispute none of it. All true.
Patty Lynn: She was just a little overprotective of her older brother. That’s okay. She’s a pain in my ass sometimes, but I love her.
Kathleen: Aww, you’re a pain in my ass, too.
Patty Lynn: Moving away from my sister-in-law and back to my husband now. Life with you has been a dream. We’ve had rough patches here and there, but that’s not a shock. Every couple does. We sure outlasted everyone’s expectations. We’re still going strong, too. Each day of my life since December 2, 1960 has been made better by knowing that you were always right there, by my side. Even when we couldn’t be together physically, you were always there for me emotionally. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that we haven’t spoken. In sixty years! I don’t even talk to God that much! You have been the greatest husband anyone could ever ask for, and the greatest father to our children. Life without you wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, or nearly as happy. I have someone that’s there for me no matter what. Our love is such a special one. We’re not going to make it to sixty more on this earth, but I know I sure wouldn’t mind it. You’ll always be the love of my life, and I hope you know how very much you mean to me. Now, because I know you’re all thinking about it, it’s time to eat!
Martin: Wait! I’d like to say something, if I may.
Patty Lynn: Of course you may!
Marietta: Milton, you okay waiting for that shrimp cocktail?
Milton: You be quiet.
Marietta: That’s a no.
Martin: Patty Lynn, I met you by chance, when I walked out of a restaurant in the French Quarter and, after walking a few blocks towards home, had to go back to the restaurant because I forgot my wallet. I took a shortcut through Jackson Square and there I saw you, sitting on a bench, just staring at the beauty surrounding you. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. You still are. It took me a minute to work up the nerve to speak to you, and luckily I did because it changed my entire life. That conversation turned into a date, which became a series of dates, which spurred an engagement, a marriage, and a family. You supported me through everything. When I wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps as mayor, you backed me up. When I wanted to run for governor, you told me to go for it. When the House Democrats asked me to run for a seat in Congress, you pushed me to go outside of my comfort zone. When I was asked to serve in the cabinet, you encouraged me. When the president asked me to come out of retirement to serve as UN Ambassador, you told me retirement could wait and moved to New York with me. Everything I wanted in my career, you supported me. I didn’t expect you to always go along with it, but you were there for me no matter what. You wanted me to be happy, and to serve my country when I needed to. You made the dream of a lifetime come true, time and time again. You made my life whole. Thank you for loving me. You can all eat now!
Milton: Thank god.
Two hours later, after dinner…
Kathleen: Kids, your parents have been dancing for like thirty minutes straight.
Milton: I’ve never seen them this happy.
Kathleen: I can assure you, you’re not going to see them happy tomorrow. These are the two oldest human beings on earth, they’re going to be so sore and in pain tomorrow. You have to stop them.
Marietta: As much as Mariah Carey’s Always Be My Baby and Celine Dion’s Because You Loved Me and Natalie Cole’s This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) are now forever ruined for me because I had to see my parents attempt to dance to them, I’m not going to stop them. I’ll let them have their moment. As long as they don’t try to ruin the new Billie Eilish song for me, I’m good.
Tammy: How long are you going to pretend you‘re a fan of her?
Marietta: Until people think I’m cool!
Milton: So, forever.
Kathleen: Looks like I have to stop them. You aren’t the ones that will have to bring them heating pads and run to the story for IcyHot for them. That falls on old reliable Kathleen.
Milton: You go ruin their fun for them if you’d like. They won’t listen.
Kathleen: When has anyone ever ignored me?
Milton: No comment.
Kathleen walks over to Patty Lynn and Martin.
Kathleen: Hey, guys!
Martin: Do you want to dance?
Kathleen: No, I want you to stop! You’re old, this is far too much physical exertion for one day.
Martin: I’ll be fine! Come on and dance, it’s fun!
Patty Lynn: Even Kate is dancing!
Kate: How couldn’t I? When you’ve got a real live jazz band here after being used to listening to the Senate elevator music, it’s a no-brainer. It’s just infectious.
Kathleen: You guys have a good thirty years on Kate.
Martin: We do not! Even if we did, though, you can still have fun no matter your age. You should try it.
Patty Lynn: Oh, Martin, this is our song!
Martin: We’re going to get back to the fun. Don’t worry about us.
Milton: Kathleen, would you like to dance?
Kathleen: You know, I’d like that.
Marietta: Aww, look Tammy. It turned out that she didn’t care about how my parents felt tomorrow. She just wanted a friend to dance with. I wish I had one.
Tammy: You have me.
Marietta: You want to dance with me?
Tammy: Want to? Not really.
Marietta: You sure you won’t break? You’re very fragile.
Tammy: I’m sure. Okay, let’s go show these people who can really shake a tail feather.
Patty Lynn: Don’t think for a second that you can dance better than we can!
Marietta: Just don’t break a hip!
Patty Lynn: Is that any way to talk to your mother on her special day?
What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return next week for an all-new episode!
