Ace’s Letter Club: A Bullpen Special


ACE
I’m here!

BILL
Go Ace!

BEN
You’re a superstar now!

DON
Here we are talking about letters, and you’re this famous baseball player now!

ACE
This isn’t my first year. And also, I don’t really play. 

DON
Still. You’re almost as impressive as the letter D.

ACE
You only say that because that’s why your name starts with. I still say A, C, and E are pretty great letters.

BILL
What about L? Without it, I’d just be Bi. 

BEN
I’d be En without B!

DON
Ace, do the guys think it’s weird that you’re in a letter club?

ACE
I’m not sure. I don’t think so, though. At least I’m not obsessed with Cat Police.

BEN
Don’t get me started with that show.

DON
You don’t like it?

BEN
There’s no B, E, or N in it. Not to mention...X. Why can’t X be in more words, it’s my favorite letter!

ACE
There’s an E in Cat Police.

BEN
No there’s not. 

ACE
Spell it out.

BEN
C A T P O L I C.

ACE
There’s an E at the end.

BEN
There is? Guess I like the show a little better now. 

BILL
Do you really?

BEN
No! Of course not! That show’s for kids, I’m a grown man who happens to find an enjoyment of the alphabet. 

DON
Right? I don’t get why everyone gets so confused when they hear about it. 

BILL
I’m surprised none of them ever want to come.

DON
I’m not. 

ACE
Guys, let’s focus. What letter are we discussing today?

BEN
G.

ACE
G as in garbage?

BEN
Yup. 

ACE
Not my favorite letter but I can deal with it. 

BILL
Good. Wouldn’t want you walking out like you did last time. 

ACE
As I said, I had a game to go to! I would never walk up on Letter Club if I could help it. 

DON
Let’s move on. Garbage isn’t my favorite G-word. I do like the word garage, though.

ACE
Oftentimes, garbage is placed in a garage.

DON
And sometimes there’s grease in the garbage!

BEN
Can grease be green?

BILL
I don’t think so, but grapes can be green. And grapes can be great! And the color green is great!

DON
Bill! This is Letter Club, not Color Club. Focus. 

BILL
Fine. Forget I said the last part.

DON
As you were saying, grapes are great, and so are green apples.

ACE
Grapefruit is gross. 

BEN
Two Gs. Ace, you’re a genius! That’s another G! Wow, we might hit a ginormous number of Gs today.

BILL
There’s another one! Ben, you’re on a roll!

ACE
Ace is a great guy. He greets everyone with feet on the ground, even the growling dogs. And the growing kids, of course, and I am grateful for him. 

BEN
Talking to yourself again?

ACE
No, just reading some fan mail. I’ve been getting a lot of it lately. 

DON
You always have to remind us of your stardom. Thanks for ruining this, Ace!

ACE
Sorry.

BILL
Look on the bright side. There were a lot of Gs in there. 

Everyone stops talking for a few seconds.

BEN
Guys?

BILL
Yeah?

BEN
Is this weird? This whole Letter Club thing. 

ACE
If you want to stop, just say so. 

BEN
I don’t want to stop! I want to be weird!

BILL
Yeah, same. 

DON
I don’t see anything wrong with this. I’m done here today though. G isn’t really my letter. 

BILL
See you all later.

ACE
What letter are we discussing next?

BEN
S?

ACE
Nice. Get some rest guys, it’s a letter that starts a lot of words!

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