Marietta, Tammy and Amy are sitting in Marietta’s office when Marietta gets a call from Danny.
Danny: Marietta, I think we need to talk.
Marietta: What about, Milton? I’m supposed to fly to Iowa tomorrow.
Danny: Iowa? And this is Danny!
Marietta: Oh god, I’m sorry. I am so out of it. I’m going to Iowa to campaign for Koobach and my parents want me to come over for dinner tonight because I’ll miss our weekly family dinners. I’m also supposed to go see Kyle and Maria and I’m very busy working.
Amy: She’s supposed to be, at least!
Marietta: Not helpful, Amy.
Amy: Sorry.
Danny: I don’t have much to say, I’ll let you off right away.
Marietta: That rhymed!
Danny: I just wanted to let you know that our divorce is just about finalized, and I want to talk in person before that happens.
Marietta: When will it be finalized?
Danny: Next Monday. Not this coming Monday, the one after.
Marietta: Oh, I figured.
Danny: Can we meet sometime next week?
Marietta: I’m gonna be really busy, but we can meet for lunch, I suppose. I’ll be out of town until Wednesday night, so does Thursday work? It’s my only day in town until the election.
Danny: Works fine for me.
Marietta: Okay, it’s a date! Not really a date because we’re getting divorced, but you know what I mean. Bye!
Marietta hangs up.
Tammy: What was that about?
Marietta: Lunch.
Tammy: Lunch? Danny was calling for lunch? Like, did he want a lunch order from you or did he want a lunch date?
Marietta: We’re going for lunch on Thursday. It’s no big deal.
Amy: Oooooooooh….
Marietta: You two are so childish.
Tammy: We know.
Amy: We enjoy it.
Marietta: I can tell.
Tammy: Why does your soon-to-be ex-husband want to meet you for lunch?
Marietta: I think he just wants to talk one last time before we’re divorced.
Amy: Uh-huh.
Marietta: He does!
Tammy: You don’t think he wants to get back together with you?
Marietta: Of course not. He’s moved on, I’ve certainly moved on, we’re done. He knows that!
Amy: Does he?
Marietta: Yes! I feel like I’m being interrogated.
Tammy: We are simply worried about our friend. We don’t want him to suck you back into marital sluggishness.
Marietta: You’re both married!
Amy: We want to be married. We love our husbands.
Tammy: Eh, I have my days.
Amy: What’s that supposed to mean?
Tammy: Ralph is a special man.
Marietta: How would you know? You don’t even see him.
Tammy: We’ve only been apart for the past few years.
Marietta: So you're saying you’re separated, really.
Tammy: He’s moving here, no.
Amy: Really? Why didn’t you tell us?
Tammy: My marriage isn’t the topic of discussion today. At least, it shouldn’t be.
Marietta: I just want mine to not be. We can talk about whatever’s happening on The Amazing Race if you’d like to.
Tammy: I don’t watch The Amazing Race. I prefer The Masked Singer. That little guy guessed someone was me one time.
Marietta: Care to talk about it?
Amy: You’re deflecting!
Marietta: And you’re annoying. Don’t you have work to do?
Amy: Fine, Mary Shelley. I’ll get back to work.
Marietta: You better. We have a lot to do before we go to Iowa tomorrow.
That night, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Patty Lynn: I can’t believe we’re going to Iowa tomorrow!
Marietta: Excuse me? We?
Martin: Your mother has decided to make this a family trip.
Marietta: And why is that? Does she find visiting cornfields to be the ideal vacation?
Patty Lynn: I love being together!
Kathleen: She also wants to meet Teri Greenley’s dog, George Harrison.
Patty Lynn: George Harrison? The only George Harrison I know is the Beatle!
Marietta: I don’t care why she wants to come. You can if you want to, mom. I just need you to know it won’t be a vacation. We’re going to Iowa, Kansas, Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania during the trip. One state a day. Can you handle that pace?
Patty Lynn: Yes, of course! It’s why I want to go. Seeing the country together. It’ll be a great family bonding time!
Kathleen: I’m too old for this crap. I’m staying home.
Tammy: That’s a good choice. This won’t be fun.
Martin: See, Patty Lynn. Even Tammy says it won’t be fun. Surely you’d rather stay home and watch Halloween movies because it’s still Halloween in your eyes until mid-November.
Patty Lynn: No! This is happening. We’re going with. I want to help on the campaign and I want to do it with my daughter!
Martin: Okay, whatever you want. I don’t have the energy to argue it.
Patty Lynn: Our bags are also packed already so we’re certainly going.
Marietta: Sounds good. Now, with this out of the way, we can get to the thing I really want to talk about: Danny.
Tammy: I thought you didn’t want to talk about him!
Kathleen: Why would you? Thank god you finally ditched him!
Marietta: He called me today.
Kathleen: That’s disgusting.
Marietta: No, not disgusting. You don’t have to pretend to hate him just because we’re divorcing.
Kathleen: Good, because that was exhausting. He’s a nice guy!
Marietta: Anyway, he called me today to tell me about the divorce being finalized soon. He wanted to meet with me and have a talk and we’re going to on Thursday.
Tammy: He wants to get back together.
Marietta: Shush, Tammy. What do you guys think of this? Why does he want to meet?
Tammy: Because -
Marietta: Don’t.
Patty Lynn: Your divorce is being finalized soon. He probably just wants to talk about how you move forward and how the divorce will play out.
Marietta: That’s an unexpectedly reasonable take from you, mom.
Patty Lynn: Or he could be trying to get back together. Who knows?
Marietta: There we go.
The next day, in Iowa…
Marietta: Dubuque, I’m so humbled by your response today. You’ve been a great crowd, and I know you’re gonna turn out in record numbers to elect Tammy Koobcach and Gretchen Raymond on November 3rd! Now, I’m off to Cedar Rapids because they need some firing up, too! We need to keep Iowa blue!
Marietta exists the stage and gets into the car.
Marietta: Where is my mother? And where is my father?
Amy: They went canvassing during your speech. I also went, but we split up so I don’t know where they went. Apparently, they don’t really know what time it is. Or care.
Marietta: We’re on such a tight schedule, why are they messing around like this?
Amy: They’re trying to help.
Tammy: We were only gone for forty-five minutes. How far could they have gone?
Marietta: It’s my parents, so, not very far. It’s still wasting valuable time. This is why I was worried about them coming. Mom’s probably off taking pictures of the World’s Largest Ball of Twine or whatever the hell they have in Dubuque.
Tammy: The World’s Largest Ball of Twine is in Kansas.
Marietta: Tammy, I don’t care.
Patty Lynn and Martin rush up to the car.
Patty Lynn: We’re here! I flipped three voters from Delphy to Koobach. When Iowa stays blue this election, thank me.
Marietta: I don’t think three voters are gonna do it, but good job. It’s a start and I’m glad you weren’t just delaying our departure so you could take pictures.
Martin: She did that, too. `
Tammy: Give her a break, Marietta. The cornfields are beautiful this time of year.
90 minutes later…
Marietta: Ready to chill in Cedar Rapids? Actually, we’re not chilling, we have a lot of work to do.
Tammy: The turnout here looks great!
Marietta: Of course it is. Who wouldn’t want to see us?
Milton: Most people.
Marietta: Milton! What are you doing in Iowa?
Ellie: We released him into the wild!
Kate: Good lord, girls. It’s freezing here!
Ellie: You are from Winston-Salem, North Carolina and you at like you’re from the Bahamas. This isn’t that much colder than it is where you live.
Kate: You’re from Massachusetts, you wouldn’t get it.
Milton: I’m from New Orleans and I am freezing!
Marietta: My goodness, you’re all very loud today. I will again ask this. What are you in Iowa for?
Milton: Campaigning!
Kate: Iowa is key to holding our majority in the Senate. The presidential race has narrowed but we’re the underdogs yet. We need to gain a seat to maintain the Senate majority and this is the best opportunity.
Ellie: It wasn’t always our best flipping chance, but then, Senator Ervin began feuding with a dog and the people of Iowa realized that their senator is a lunatic so now we’re leading in the polls here by 0.4%.
Tammy: Politics is weird.
Ellie: Tell me about it! I should be back home, in Massachusetts, getting my Christmas tree out right now but instead, I’m here standing in Cedar Rapids, Iowa freezing my ass off about to go tell two hundred people that were always planning to vote for Koobach and Greenley about how important it is to vote for them. Politics is a nightmare.
Tammy: Why don’t you retire like me?
Ellie: Eh, I love it anyway.
Tammy: Why are you complaining about it, then?
Ellie: What else would I be doing if I wasn’t complaining? Get with the program, Tammy.
Patty Lynn: You can join us for canvassing! Martin and I wanted to come along with Marietta to Iowa and she put us to work!
Marietta: You were the one that decided to go canvassing.
Patty Lynn: Yeah, I know.
Martin: And you were the one that insisted on coming here.
Patty Lynn: Yeah, I know.
Marietta: So, how long are you guys gonna be with us on our tour of America?
Kate: The Senate’s out of session until November 9th, so we can stay with you guys all week. Tammy told me you were also going to Kansas and Michigan, and there’s key Senate races there so we need to go there anyway.
Tammy: I didn’t tell you that.
Kate: Koobach.
Tammy: I thought we were clear on this. She’s to be referred to as either “Koobach” or “Tammy II” and I am “Tammy.”
Kate: Yes, we were clear on it. My apologies.
Patty Lynn: So, who’s going canvassing with us?
Ellie: I’ll go. I don’t think anyone in Iowa is clamoring to see me, anyway.
Milton: I can go, too. Fun family bonding time is always needed.
Patty Lynn: I could not agree more!
Marietta: They’re terrifyingly similar sometimes.
Tammy: Truly.
Marietta: Thank god I take after dad.
Martin: You do?
Kate: Oh my goodness, you guys! I just got a notification! A new poll shows Tammy up two in Iowa and Teri Greenley up six!
Tammy: Shows who up?
Kate: Tammy II.
Tammy: Better!
Marietta: There we go! Some nice motivation for us before we go knock on doors and fire up these poor, cold Democrats in scarves!
Ellie: I also just saw a new poll!
Kate: It’s the same one, right?
Ellie: I wish.
Milton: Well, what is it?
Kate: Yeah, don’t be so cryptic, Ellie.
Ellie: Delphy up eight, Ervin up three, and we’re trailing in two of the Democrat-held congressional districts.
Marietta: So a mixed bag and some deflated confidence will lead us into our rally and canvassing. Either way, let’s get out there and get wins for Democrats across the board.
The next day, in Kansas…
Patty Lynn: I’m scared to canvass here, you guys. They’re scary here.
Milton: Scary? The Wizard of Oz state scares you?
Patty Lynn: They’re, you know…
Milton: I don’t.
Marietta: She’s trying to say that they’re Republicans.
Patty Lynn:
Milton: Why the hell are you afraid of Republicans?
Patty Lynn: Not afraid of them, really. Afraid of knocking on their door and them being mean to me.
Marietta: Mom, if I was afraid to knock on doors of people I thought would be mean, I would never have been in the Senate.
Patty Lynn: You aren’t in the Senate.
Marietta: Don’t remind me!
Martin: What they’re saying is that we should try to sway the minds of some people we don’t agree with. It’s worth a shot because Bethany Bisson can win this race and needs our help.
Marietta: Wow, you’ve really been listening to me when I tell you about these candidates!
Martin: Of course. I was in politics for over fifty years of my life, I care about our candidates. You know Kansas holds a special place in my heart, as well.
Milton: Why is that again? We’ve never been here.
Martin: My mom, she used to go here for the summers because her mom was from here. I was only here once before but she told me stories of it all the time.
Marietta: I never knew any of that!
Martin: You learn something new every day!
Kata: New poll, guys! Koobach is up one point nationally!
Milton: You sound excited. Is that supposed to be exciting?
Kate: We don’t always see that, I’m taking what we can get.
Marietta: That doesn’t feel like a winning number for a Democrat.
Kate: It feels like better news than Delphy up two, doesn’t it?
Marietta: Yes!
Patty Lynn: It doesn’t feel like we should be wasting time in Kansas, though. If she’s only up one, Kansas isn’t going to be close.
Ellie: We’re really just here for the Senate race.
Tammy: Speak for yourselves!
Marietta: No, Tammy. That’s also why we’re here.
Tammy: Oh.
Three days later, in Pennsylvania…
Marietta: I can’t believe we had to do three events in the Lehigh Valley alone today.
Amy: It is the most crucial region in the country. A big margin here for Tammy K would be a sign that she’s winning the ballgame.
Marietta: We’re really only here because Gretchen had to go and insult the most populous part of the region and we need to help clean up the mess.
Amy: That too.
Ellie: At least we’re moving on to Scranton now. I heard it’s lovely there.
Tammy: From who? Someone clueless?
Ellie: Okay, I watched the Office.
Tammy: I don’t know if they really took a pro-Scranton position on that show.
Five hours later…
Marietta: What a productive day! Now to get to the airport so we can finally go home. For one single day.
Kate: Ellie and I are heading straight out to Arizona. No sleep till Election Day!
Milton: Do you guys think we swayed any voters? Do most Pennsylvanians really know who we are?
Tammy: I was the First Lady of the United States.
Milton: Fair point. The rest of us, though?
Kate: I’m the Senate Majority Leader! Lots of people here hate me, I’m sure of it!
Marietta: Who could hate you, Kate?
Amy: The road, for one.
Marietta: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Amy: We just hit something and got a flat tire and we’re in the middle or nowhere so we are entirely screwed.
Marietta: We might not be! Keep up the positivity!
Amy: We’ve been traveling across Pennsylvania for ten hours and are going to miss our flight home. What is there to be positive about?
Marietta: I don’t know!
Martin: I can call AAA, they’ll get this fixed in time for us to fly home tomorrow.
Marietta: Tomorrow? I wanted to sleep in tomorrow and relax.
Ellie: Aren’t you a mayor?
Marietta: You know I’m a mayor, stop ruining my fun!
The next day, at the airport…
Martin: See, guys! We got here nice and early, we’re gonna get home at a reasonable time and it’ll all be okay.
Marietta: It’s noon.
Martin: I’m trying to stay positive like you told me.
Tammy: I wish I could be positive about anything. I’m too exhausted. AAA is really slow.
Martin: They got us, though!
Marietta: I can’t believe Amy rented a car without a spare tire.
Amy: Why would I ever assume we’d need that?
Marietta: Isn’t that why I pay you?
Amy: You don’t even pay me, the taxpayers do. And no! That isn’t my job!
Marietta: Oops. At least this trip was productive, even with all the hiccups.
Milton: Koobach started trending down in the polls in most of the states we visited.
Marietta: Ignore the polls. The only poll that matters is on Election Day.
Tammy: Oh look! The classic line used by people who are either losing their election or very scared that they will!
Marietta receives a phone call and answers.
Marietta: Oh my goodness, Danny! I’m so sorry! I didn’t get to leave Pennsylvania until today because we missed our flight and I forgot about our lunch!
Danny: You’re in Pennsylvania? I thought you were going to Iowa.
Marietta: God, no! Only one day there. Iowa isn’t nearly big enough to spend a week campaigning there.
Danny: Are you going to make it to our lunch?
Marietta: Obviously not as I’m still in Pennsylvania. Only bad things happen to us Landfields here in regards to flights.
Danny: I don’t know what that means.
Marietta: Long story.
Danny: When can we do our lunch? I need to talk.
Marietta: Lord. Not until after the election next week.
Danny: Next week?
Marietta: Yes, next week.
Danny: Oh. I guess I should tell you this now It’s urgent.
Marietta: Fire away! Just, do it quickly because mom is going to freak out if we get to the security check late.
Danny: I don’t want to go through with the divorce. I want to get back together and give this another shot.
Marietta: Ha! That’s a good one, Danny! What did you want to tell me?
Danny: Nevermind.
Danny hangs up.
Marietta: That was bizarre.
What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return next week for an all-new episode!
