Marietta and Tammy are sitting in her office drinking coffee together.
Tammy: You look upset. Do you want some sugar?
Marietta: Do I want some sugar? No, I want a new president-elect.
Tammy: I know, I know. Delphy’s gonna be a terrible president. Just think, though. He might not be as bad as we think.
Marietta: You’re right. He’ll be worse.
Tammy: Don’t have that attitude! That’s the attitude that makes us feel entirely hopeless about politics.
Marietta: Look, the outgoing Democratic president is a corrupt ignoramus. The incoming Republican president already said he wants to abolish term limits so he can serve longer. Don’t blame me for being hopeless here.
Tammy: I know, I know. But look on the bright side. We gained a seat in the Senate!
Marietta: One seat? America is saved then!
Tammy: It’s a hell of a lot better than the unified Republican control we thought we were getting earlier in this year. Delphy is entering with no congressional mandate. He’s an accidental president who only got in because we ran someone from Minnesota when everyone knows that there’s a curse that keeps all Minnesotans from ever becoming president.
Marietta: Right.
Tammy: It’s true! Just like the myth that Democrats can never win the state that they held their national convention in.
Marietta: We did lose Louisiana this year. Mostly because it remains Louisiana.
Tammy: No, it’s because of the curse!
Marietta: Sure.
Amy: Am I interrupting anything?
Tammy: Just a lot of pouting.
Marietta: And some conspiracy theories.
Amy: Oh, so nothing out of the ordinary.
Tammy: Pretty much.
Marietta: What’s going on, Amy? City councilors being a thorn in my side again?
Tammy: No, Kate called. Usually I wouldn’t tell you that since it’s not my job, but I was in the office when she called and you guys are clearly going through something so I thought I’d be nice.
Marietta: You don’t seem upset that we lost. Why is that? We had to go to Iowa and Lehigh County, Pennsylvania. No one goes there for fun.
Amy: We put in our best effort, but we couldn’t get it done. It’s a shame, but it happens. We did the work to make it happen and that’s what matters. We left it all on the field. It would sting a lot more if we didn’t do anything and then the “what if”s would hover over us for years. We tried, we lost, and hopefully Delphy won’t suck as much as we think he will.
Tammy: That was so wise.
Marietta: It’s basically what you said.
Tammy: Yes, and I’m wise.
Amy: Great minds think alike.
Marietta: Eh.
Amy: I’ll ignore that so I can tell you this: Kate wanted you to call her about a get-together she’s having in Washington that you’d like to be at. Something about food.4
Marietta: Wow, she already knows I’d want to be there. She’s a mind reader!
Tammy: Am I invited, Amy?
Amy: Yes, you’re also invited.
Tammy: You should’ve led with that!
Amy: My apologies.
Tammy: Apology accepted.
Amy: She said the will be on Monday, so you’d better call her soon.
Marietta: I will, Amy. Goodness gracious, you act like my mother sometimes.
Amy: I take that as a compliment. Your mother is lovely.
Marietta: I’m sorry you see it that way.
Amy: You’re just being difficult now. I’m getting back to work.
Marietta: What do you do again?
Amy gives Marietta the middle finger and walks away.
Marietta: Oh my!
Tammy: You deserved that.
Marietta: Did I?
Tammy: Absolutely. Now would you call Kate? I’d love to go to a fancy dinner at Kate’s.
Marietta: I will call her. Then we’re getting to work. We have to do something to get our minds off of the massive failure of the Democratic Party.
Tammy: I feel like we need to do that every day.
Marietta: It’s a far-too-regular occurrence.
Marietta calls Kate and Kate answers.
Kate: Marietta, you called back! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so quickly.
Marietta: It’s a minor miracle, I know. Tammy made me do it.
Tammy: I sure did!
Marietta: I was calling about the party you were inviting me to.
Kate: Party? Oh, no. Not a party.
Marietta: So you just got too much pork roast at the grocery store and it’s expiring and you’re inviting your old pal Marietta up to help you finish it. I see.
Kate: What? No. We’re having a celebration of life.
Marietta: What? Who died? Other than Tammy Koobach’s political career.
Kate: It’s the one-year anniversary of Betty Benoit’s death and we’re having a brunch to commemorate her life and honor her. John Spitzer and I are inviting some people that knew and cared about Betty to be here for the Betty Benoit Memorial Brunch.
Marietta: So you invited me? Me?
Kate: Yeah, you. I know you had your disagreements -
Marietta: I’d say so.
Kate: You did get closer with her near the end, though. I know you were upset when she died.
Marietta: Sure, I didn’t want her to die, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be there. Don’t you want to just include people she was friends with?
Kate: She didn’t have that many friends in the Senate. Why do you think I’m inviting you?
Marietta: Really? That’s sad.
Kate: Yeah. Even in death, she’s unpopular. Quite a few people declined already.
Marietta: I’ll have to think about it, okay? It’s not a “no” just yet.
Kate: That’s fine. It’s in a few days so there’s time to let me know. Just let me know soon enough because you can stay here with me for a few days if you do come. No need to worry about a hotel.
Marietta: Thanks, and I’ll talk to you soon. Congrats on holding the Senate!
Kate: Thank you, Marietta. The only bright spot for us yesterday. I can get a bright spot on Monday if you come to the brunch, though!
Marietta: Goodbye, Kate.
Marietta hangs up.
Tammy: What the hell was that?
Marietta: What?
Tammy: Turning down brunch with Kate! Why?
Marietta: I didn’t turn it down!
Tammy: Yet. You’re planning on it.
Marietta: I don’t know. Maybe not.
Tammy: I’m going whether you do or not.
Marietta: That’s nice.
Hours later, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Marietta: Mom! Dad! I brought a cake!
Patty Lynn: Cake? Why’d you bring a cake? Why are you even here? You never stop by for a surprise visit.
Marietta: You have your big interview today, I wanted to wish you luck.
Patty Lynn: Marietta, that’s next week.
Marietta: It is?
Kathleen: I haven’t heard her going on about it nonstop like she would if it was so soon, so yes, it’s next week.
Marietta: I’m sorry, mom. I’ve completely lost track of time these past few days.
Martin: That’s understandable. That presidential election was a real heartbreaker.
Marietta: At least we have cake now!
Patty Lynn: And I get to see my girl!
Marietta: Yeah, yeah.
Patty Lynn: I’m really happy to see you, you know!
Kathleen: She knows.
Marietta: While I’m here, I might as well tell you about something I need some help with.
Patty Lynn: Lay it on me!
Marietta: Kate called me and asked me to come to a brunch next week.
Patty Lynn: Yes, I’ll come with.
Marietta: Not what I’m asking.
Kathleen: Ha! I’m sorry, I just find that so funny.
Marietta: It’s a memorial brunch to celebrate Betty Benoit.
Patty Lynn: Betty Benoit? Well, yikes.
Marietta: That was pretty much my reaction as well.
Patty Lynn: What are you gonna do?
Marietta: I haven’t decided, that’s why I’m asking you.
Kathleen: Duh.
Patty Lynn: Okay, you better calm your ass down now.
Marietta: Tammy is going to the brunch, but I think that’s just because she wants a free meal. I feel awkward going.
Martin: Why do you feel awkward?
Marietta: Betty and I weren’t exactly close, you know? We became friendly near the end, but the main reason we knew each other was still her beating me in a Senate race. There was still animosity there and bitterness that wasn’t resolved entirely. I don’t know if I feel right being at an event to celebrate her life when I’m still not over my feelings from losing in 2018.
Martin: If you don’t feel right, don’t go. You don’t need to go if you don’t feel right about it. Simple as that. You don’t want to ruin it for others by being miserable while you’re there.
Marietta: Thank you, dad. I can always count on you for quality advice.
Patty Lynn: Are you saying I don’t give you good advice?
Kathleen: Yes.
Marietta: No, not at all. You just tend to give some less realistic approaches so I’m glad dad spoke up.
Patty Lynn: I give the best solutions! I’m helpful!
Marietta: Sure.
Patty Lynn: We should eat this cake!
Kathleen: Classic deflection.
That night, when Marietta is in bed, she hears a sound at her window.
Marietta: What the hell is that? Do I have rats? Damn you, Tammy. You should’ve fixed that even if I didn’t previously know it was a problem.
Betty: No, you idiot. It’s me!
Marietta: Oh, hi Amy.
Betty: Amy? I’m Betty! The woman who basically ended your political career.
Marietta: You’re dead. And my career is alive and well, I’ll have you know.
Betty: You’re arguing with a ghost.
Marietta: Why are you even here?
Betty: You’re not coming to my dinner! How dare you?
Marietta: First, I didn’t say I wouldn’t go. I said I didn’t want to and had to think about it. That’s different.
Betty: You better go to it. We were finally getting friendly, why act like this towards me now?
Marietta: I don’t feel comfortable. If you ever listened to me, you would've heard that.
Betty: You aren’t the only person I haunt, you know? I don’t have time to always be around you, eavesdropping on your conversations. Sheesh, you’re needy.
Marietta: How am I needy? You’re the one that came back to haunt me just because I’m not going to your memorial brunch!
Betty: So you admit it! You weren’t going to go to my brunch!
Marietta: No! That’s not what I meant!
Betty: Be honest, Marietta. Were you going to go?
Marietta: No, I wasn’t. There. I said it.
Betty: I’ll just leave you with this, because I have a husband and his young new girlfriend to go haunt: I think it will help bring you closure if you went. I considered you a friend, even after all we went through. Don’t throw that away.
Marietta: What does that even mean?
Betty: It means I’ll have to haunt your ass forever if you don’t go!
Marietta: Really?
Betty: No, but it’s still in your best interest to go, celebrate how awesome I was, and move on with your life. Now, I have to go. See ya!
Marietta wakes up.
Marietta: Oh my god, I’m Ebenezer Scrooge
Days later, in DC…
Tammy: I’m so glad you decided to come with! I didn’t want to have to fly here by myself. Why did you change your mind, though?
Marietta: Divine intervention.
Tammy: What?
Marietta: Someone reached out and changed my mind.
Tammy: You can just tell me that you don’t feel like sharing why you changed your mind. No need to make stuff up.
Kate: You’re here! I didn’t think you’d ever get here!
Tammy: Our flight was delayed a bit. Hope we didn’t mess up your plans or anything.
Kate: Nah, I wasn’t busy. It’s a Sunday, at worst I missed an interview on Meet the Press. No big loss for me. I’m glad to see you guys, though! It’s been what, a week?
Marietta: We’re seeing each other more now than when we worked together!
Kate: It sure seems that way. Thankfully the elections are over. now, so I won’t have to see you for a while.
Marietta: You love it and you know it!
Kate: I do…
Marietta: I’m glad I came now. Always nice to get the gang back together. Speaking of which, where’s Ellie? Aren’t you two connected at the hip?
Kate: Actually, no. She’s back in Massachusetts yet. She’ll be back in DC in a few hours. I won’t see her until the brunch tomorrow.
Marietta: You know what I just realized?
Tammy: No, but I’m sure you’ll tell us.
Marietta: We have to be the only people in the universe to have ever flown across the country and made a daylong trip out of a brunch. And you acted like I was the crazy one for not wanting to come at first.
Tammy: You are the crazy one, though. Maybe not for this, but you are crazy.
Marietta: Thank you. Now, let’s get to Kate’s house. I’m tired.
Kate: It’s four-thirty.
Marietta: Perfect time for a nap.
The next day…
Milton: Marietta! You’re here?
Marietta: Oh my god. I just realized I completely forgot to tell you.
Milton: Uh, yeah. When did you get here?
Marietta: Yesterday.
Milton: Just like me. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!
Marietta: Why didn’t Kate tell you? This is on her, too!
Kate: I was a little busy, you know, getting this together. Spitzer won’t talk to me since I beat him for control of the Senate, so I had to do it all by myself.
Ellie: I helped!
Kate: You did not help.
Ellie: I ordered the crab cakes.
Kate: Okay, fine. You reduced my workload by 0.36%. Thank you, couldn’t have done it without you.
Ellie: Wow, Kate. You’re in a mood today.
Kate: I’m sorry! I appreciate any help. I’ve just been so stressed lately.
Marietta: Do you need my help setting this us? I can help set the table.
Kate: That would be great, thank you.
Ten minutes later, Marietta gets a phone call from Patty Lynn.
Marietta: What is it, mom? I’m a little busy right now with this brunch.
Patty Lynn: My interview was today.
Marietta: And? Make it quick, mom.
Patty Lynn: It went terribly!
Marietta: Oh boy. What happened?
Kate: I’m just gonna finish setting the table, Marietta. People are going to be here any minute.
Marietta: No, I want to help.
Kate: Okay, if you insist.
Patty Lynn: So, we were talking about my time on Bake Your Heart Out, which is what the interview was about.
Marietta: Yes? Please speed this up a bit.
Patty Lynn: I ended up taking it to a political place and I said something rude about Brian Delphy and I think the interviewer was a Republican because he took offense to that and we started arguing about it and, long story short, they’re not running the interview.
Marietta: What did you say about Brian Delphy?
Patty Lynn: I called him a racist and a wannabe dictator.
Marietta accidentally drops the plates from her hand.
Marietta: Well, that’s not good.
Patty Lynn: No, I think it’s right.
Marietta: I dropped a bunch of plates because I was distracted. I gotta go.
Patty Lynn: Bye!
Marietta hangs up.
Marietta: Is this what you wanted, Betty? You made me come and now I ruined brunch!
Tammy: Huh?
Marietta: Long story.
What did you think of the new episode of Marietta? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season three playlist, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return next week for an all-new episode!
