Raymond Island Season 1 Finale - Veepstakes

Raymond Island Season 1, Episode 9

Carol: Gretchen, you’ve been staring blankly at me for five minutes.
Gretchen: I… I don’t know what to say.
Carol: What do you mean, Gretchen?
Gretchen: I’m on the shortlist to become the next Vice President of the United States?
Carol: No, don’t get ahead of yourself. We’re Democrats, we’re gonna blow this one. It’s a good opportunity, though.
Gretchen: You really think Koobach is going to lose?
Carol: Well, Sheryl has a 30 percent approval rating. So I’d say yeah. 
Gretchen: You know who else once had a 30 percent approval rating?
Carol: Well, yeah, you did. But usually, when an incumbent president is hated that much, their party doesn’t win the next election. The polls are close, though. Just my intuition.
Gretchen: I doubt I’d even get the nomination, I’m probably just on there for diversity purposes, to get a woman on the list.
Carol: The list is all women.
Gretchen: Oh, so there’s really no advantage to picking me.
Susana: Don’t be down on yourself. You’d be a good pick!
Gretchen: Susana… come on.
Susana: What? I think you'd be a great Vice President!
Gretchen: You just say that because you work for me. Carol, who else is on the list?
Carol: Representative Alicia Spanheim
Gretchen: A freshman Representative? And from Virginia? Good lord, Koobach’s running scared.
Carol: Governor Birkman
Gretchen: Eileen? Yes, get that swing state of Louisiana. Might as well pick Marietta, at least she’s got experience in losing Louisana. I don’t think Eileen could emotionally handle that.
Carol: Governor Candida Rivera
Gretchen: I will move out of this country if that woman is Vice President.
Carol: Governor Gina Whilder
Gretchen: Oh, good for Gina! You go, Gina!
Carol: and Senator Marjorie Hausen.
Gretchen: She’s so… white. And boring. And moderate. Who does she motivate that isn’t already voting for Tammy? It’s like Koobach cloned herself.
Susana: You see, you’re not a bad pick!
Gretchen: I guess I’m really not. At least I’m not that bad compared to the rest of them. Sure, Spanheim was in the CIA which is kinda cool but she’s not experienced. Gina’s a good pick. The rest of them would be disasters.
Carol: I agree! That’s why you should be preparing for them to contact you for vetting. You could be the pick.
Gretchen: Okay, okay. I will. I promise.
One week later…
Lucinda: Gretchen, you getting a call from someone claiming to be Tammy Koobach’s campaign manager.
Gretchen: Well, can I have the phone?
Lucinda: Gretchen! Don’t be silly, it was a prank. I hung up on them. Why would they be calling you?
Gretchen: Mom, I told you I was on the shortlist.
Lucinda: You weren’t kidding?
Gretchen: No!
Lucinda: Oh my god, why would she pick someone that had a 25 percent approval rating last month?
Gretchen: Mom, are you allergic to seeing me happy?
Lucinda: No, I love you kiddo.
Gretchen: Wow, I’m impressed you said that without bursting into flame.
Lucinda: I just -
Gretchen: Oh, here we go.
Lucinda: I’m just worried about our party. That’s all. If a very recently unpopular governor is a top Vice Presidential pick, then we are so screwed.
Gretchen: I know, I felt the same way. I want to just talk with them though. And I promise this isn’t a Carrie moment. No one’s dumping pig’s blood on my head. Tammy’s a friend. At the very worst, I fly out to Minnesota for the weekend, talk with her and have hotdish with her family and nothing comes of it. No biggie.
Lucinda: Okay, call them then.
Gretchen: Thanks for the permission, mom!
Gretchen picks up the phone and calls the Koobach campaign back.
Ron (campaign manager): Is this Governor Raymond?
Gretchen: It is indeed!
Ron: This is Ron Harlen, Tammy Koobach’s campaign manager. Some woman yelled at me when I called the first time and said she’s “not falling for it” so I wasn’t sure if this was your number or not.
Gretchen: Yes, that would be my mother. She’s the only geriatric in the world who doesn’t fall for any phone or internet scheme that tries to prey on her.
Ron: It’s a scary world out there, I have to give her props. Now, about why I was calling. I’m sure  you’re aware that you’re on Senator Koobach’s shortlist for vice president.
Gretchen: I may have heard.
Ron: Okay, good. I’d expect you to since the list leaked but Candida Rivera didn’t.
Gretchen: Oh, Candida. She has like four little ones and is the governor of the highest state on earth, she’s really got her hands full. No time for looking on the internet or watching cable news.
Ron: Yeah, that’s about what she said when she turned down the VP slot.
Gretchen: Oh really? She turned it down?
Ron: Yeah, the only one who did from who we’ve contacted so far. That is, as long as you’re interested in flying out to meet with Senator Koobach.
Gretchen: I can’t commit to certainly accepting since I haven’t talked it over with my family yet, but I know this is just the first step of many, so I’d be interested in a meeting.
Ron: That’s great! Would next week work for you?
Gretchen: Sure.
Ron: How about Tuesday? Senator Koobach has a guest house on her property, you can fly in Monday and stay until Wednesday if you’d like.
Gretchen: Alright, sounds good. I guess I’ll book my tickets to Minneapolis!
Ron: I will see you on Tuesday! Let me know if anything changes.
Gretchen hangs up the phone as Anthony and the kids walk into the house.
Gretchen: Guys! Perfect timing!
Christina: Did grandma make clam chowder again?
Gretchen: No, grandma didn’t do anything positive.
Lucinda: Guess I really am chopped liver to you!
Gretchen: Didn’t mean it like that, you just almost blew something for me.
Lucinda: Yeah, I almost did.
Gretchen: Guys, I’m flying out to Minnesota on Monday.
Anthony: Is it for what I think it is?
Gretchen: I’m being vetted by the Koobach campaign!
Anthony: Congratulations, you deserve it! Years of steady, strong leadership is finally being repaid.
Gretchen: We’ll see. I still have some competition from four other candidates.
Christina: Mom, are you really thinking of taking this job? Why would you want to leave Rhode Island?
Gretchen: We’re gonna have a family meeting about it tomorrow. Let’s not worry about it tonight.
Christina: Okay, fine.
The next day…
Mary: Gretchen, why did you call Eddie and me down for a family meeting? Are you dying?
Lucinda: Why does everyone in this family jump to that right away?
Mary: She doesn’t usually call us.
Eddie: Yeah, I can’t tell you the last time Gretchen found time to call me. I thought I’d see her more since I finally moved home but she never even calls.
Gretchen: I have been busy. I’m the governor, after all.
Eddie: Excuses, excuses. Mary finds time.
Mary: That’s right, I do.
Gretchen: When Mary’s governor, let me know.
Mary: I could be governor if I want. I’d be the more popular one, too. I was way more popular in high school.
Gretchen: That’s because you put out.
Lucinda: Gretchen, no.
Mary: That was mean.
Gretchen: I’m just kidding! I also had braces and wore denim all the time, that’s definitely it.
Mary: Why are we here, though?
Gretchen: I wanted to get my family together to ask them their advice on something.
Mary: Are you coming out? I know it’s hard to do in the public eye, especially with a family, but you live your truth, girl! How are you going to tell Anthony though?
Gretchen: Mary I’m not a lesbian.
Anthony: And if she was, I’m right here so that’s how she would’ve told me.
Mary: I just figured that with all the plaid and the blazers… you look like a lumberjack businesswoman.
Gretchen: That’s just my style.
Mary: Style? Okay…
Gretchen: Mary, you know I’ve always valued your input. It’s why we’re so close.
Mary: Aww.
Gretchen: Remember when we sang that Rosemary Clooney song at the middle school talent show?
Mary (singing): Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters.
Lucinda: Good god Mary, don’t sing!
Gretchen: Yeah, we didn’t win the talent show but it was a sweet moment.
Lucinda: Not sweet for the ears!
Gretchen: What I’m trying to say is that we have a connection and I appreciate your opinion. That’s why you were invited.
Eddie: And what about me?
Gretchen: I love you, Eddie.
Eddie: I’m not hearing anything about valuing my opinion.
Gretchen: I really love ya.
Eddie: So that’s how it is.
Christina: Mom, can you just tell them? This is taking forever.
Gretchen: Okay, so I got a call last night from Tammy Koobach’s presidential campaign. They want to vet me for consideration as Vice President. I want to know everyone’s thoughts on it.
Anthony: I think it’s a great idea.
Lucinda: We know.
Mary: I see nothing wrong with it if that’s what you want. We Raymonds could use a win, what with my divorce from Patrick and having to share custody of the kids and Eddie not funding any luck with employment. If you want it, go for it! It’s not like we get to see you much anyway so it wont change how much we see you.
Gretchen: Thanks, Mary.
Eddie: I don’t care one way or another, you do what’s best for you. Koobach would gain a vote if she picked you, though.
Gretchen: You’d really vote Democrat for me?
Eddie: Of course, you’re me sister. We may not have sung Rosemary Clooney together but I love you.
Gretchen: That’s so sweet.
Lucinda: We talked about this already but I support you and think it would be good for you.
Toby: I would miss you so much, mom. I want you to do what’s best for you, though.
Gretchen: Toby, very little would change. I would still see you almost as much as I currently do, you don’t need to worry. Also, I want to remind everyone that I only have like a twenty percent chance of being picked, and Koobach isn’t even the favorite. This may just raise my national profile for a bit and that’s it. This is all hypothetical at the moment.
Christina: Even still, I’m worried, mom.
Gretchen: Christina, what are you worried about?
Christina: I have been putting off college for years now because I’m not ready to leave home.
Gretchen: And I support you!
Christina: I’m not ready to leave home because of you.
Gretchen: Is that a compliment?
Christina: Yes. I’m afraid to leave the nest and if you leave it instead, then I won’t have any excuse to not go to school and my life will change. I’m not ready to not see you every day and not have you to talk to whenever I need you.
Gretchen: Like I said to Toby, I will be around. You could come to Washington with me. I will turn it down if you’re not comfortable with it, though.
Christina: No. I don’t want you to turn it down because of me. This would be a great opportunity for you.
Gretchen: You mean it, dear?
Christina: Yes, mom. I’ll learn to deal with D.C.
Gretchen: Then I guess I’m going to Minnesota next week.
Eddie: You have to go to Minnesota for this?
Gretchen: Yes, that’s where Tammy Koobach lives.
Eddie: That’s inconvenient.
Later that night, Gretchen calls Michigan Governor Gina Whilder.
Gina: Gretchen! How are you? Been at least a week since I’ve seen ya.
Gretchen: I’m doing well. I was calling about Koobach.
Gina: Oh, you’re on the shortlist too!
Gretchen: Sure am. I wanted your thoughts.
Gina: You should be the pick. Not me.
Gretchen: You really mean it?
Gina: You’re a better governor than me, people just like more because I’m folksy.
Gretchen: And pretty.
Gina: Oh, you’re too kind. Now, you need to be the Democratic VP pick because I’ve seen the list, and it is bad.
Gretchen: Oh, I know! Alicia Spanheim?
Gina: I get that she’s, like, relatable being the Girls Scout troop mom who is also a spy or something, but she’s not even been in Congress for two years.
Gretchen: What about Marjorie Hausen? Another disaster!
Gina: I fell asleep when she talked to me in the Senate. And Eileen Birkman is only on the list to please her supporters. No way someone from Louisiana is getting the nod. So it’s down to us.
Gretchen: May the best woman win!
Gina: Yes, may you win.
Gretchen: You’re not getting an argument from me!
The next day, at Gretchen’s office.
Susana: Governor Raymond, you’re early. And you’re rushing!
Gretchen: I have a meeting.
Susana: Here? Today? It’s not on your schedule.
Gretchen: I made it last night after my conversation with my family.
Susana: Who is it with if I may ask?
Gretchen: Samantha and Hank.
Susana: Why would do that to yourself?
Gretchen: I have to before Tuesday. I can’t just take the VP job knowing they may take over without some conditions being set.
Susana: Well, good luck.
Gretchen: By the way… where is Carol?
Susana: Mom went for breakfast, she'll be back soon.
Gretchen: Okay, well hopefully this meeting doesn’t take so long and I can steal a hash brown or something.
Susana: I’ll save you one either way.
Gretchen: Thank you. You’re a doll!
Gretchen leaves her office and heads to Hank’s, where he and Samantha are waiting for her.
Samantha: Gretchen! Long time no see.
Hank: Before your call yesterday I was really thinking I’d never have to see you again. I was so devastated to be proven wrong.
Gretchen: Lovely to see you as well.
Samantha: Look, Raymond, you wouldn’t tell us why you wanted to see us but we know.
Hank: We’re politicians. We know what’s going on in politics.
Gretchen: Spill, then.
Samantha: You’re gonna resign as Governor because you got a taste of Hollywood when you were on Bake Your Heart Out. Kidding! We know you’re on the VP shortlist for the blizzard lady.
Gretchen: Yes, I am. As you know, you two would take over when I leave. Which terrifies me. But I think this can be mutually exclusive. I get to be Vice President and you both get promotions.
Hank: Is Lieutenant Governor really a promotion from any job?
Samantha: Hey! It’s bad but it’s better than nothing.
Gretchen: Can we get on the subject here? I want to make sure I’m comfortable leaving Rhode Island in your hands.
Samantha: We don’t agree on anything, how would that even be possible?
Gretchen: Come on, we’re all Democrats. You’re both far more conservative than I am, especially on fiscal matters, but that doesn’t mean we can’t agree on anything.
Hank: What do you want from us? A pinky promise that we won’t upset you?
Gretchen: I want you to keep my legacy intact if I leave.
Samantha: Gretchen, I’m not gonna constantly screw up as governor just to make you feel better.
Gretchen: I am the sixth-most popular governor in America so maybe reconsider that statement.
Samantha: Fine, tell us what your legacy is and I’ll keep it.
Gretchen: Bake Your Heart Out’s tax credits remain in place. You don’t try overriding my tax increases, they’ve helped pay for road repairs. Workplace protections that I put in place have to remain. PP stays funded. Environmental protections don’t get scrapped.
Samantha: That’s all safe, Gretchen.
Hank: I wasn’t happy about some of it but what’s done is done. A peaceful transition of power will be good for Rhode Island.
Gretchen: I can’t even believe I’m considering overturning this state to the gruesome twosome.
Hank: I can’t believe you didn’t get recalled. 2020 has been wild.
Samantha: Congrats on that, by the way! You were a few thousand signatures short of a recall election but a win’s a win.
Gretchen: Thank you. I think. So, you agree to not overturning my decisions and undermining my tenure.
Hank: Yes, of course. How many times much we say it?
Gretchen: No more times. I believe you. Just to make sure you keep your words, though… Hank, remember what happened a few weeks ago?
Samantha: You hit his car like a loon?
Hank: No, not that.
Samantha: Hank, what happened?
Gretchen: He knows.
Samantha: I’m concerned.
Hank: Don’t be, it doesn’t concern you.
Samantha: If I’m gonna govern with you, we can’t have secrets. It’ll cause resentment between us!
Hank: Yes, because you and Gretchen have a perfect relationship.
Gretchen: Ha! Good one, Hank! But remember… don’t cross me.
Tuesday, at Tammy Koobach’s house in Minnesota…
Tammy: Gretchen! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.
Gretchen: It’s been a year and a half, right? Since I left the Senate.
Tammy: We’ve been doing great things in that time. You’re killing it as governor, I’m about to become the Democratic nominee for President. It’s been a crazy few years
Gretchen: I’m glad to hear you think I’m “killing it.” Rhode Island didn’t think so just a few months back.
Tammy: Yeah, but the important thing is you made a comeback. They love you now, because you’re gifted at politics. You knew what Rhode Island wanted to hear. That’s something I need in a running mate. My campaign’s been looking into your past to make sure the Republicans won’t find anything to ruin you with.
Gretchen: Did they talk with some of the Democrats in the Rhode Island General Assembly? They’d probably have any dirt that exists on me.
Tammy: They actually did. Your record is perfect.
Ron: Truly. Nothing objective at all. Except for some of those tax increases but that’s nothing in a national campaign, it bores the general population. You’ll do the job well. You won’t lose us votes.
Gretchen: Are you giving me the job or something?
Tammy: Two of the other finalists declined already, but no. I wanna talk a little, make sure we’re compatible. So, what do you add to the ticket?
Gretchen: Besides what Ron just said? Competency. Pragmatic leadership. I’m realistic but not negative, I’m open to trying anything and that’s what made me friends in Washington. Not in Rhode Island, but that’s because the assembly leaders don’t compromise. I’m also a great fundraiser with deep connections to some powerful Democrats from my time in Congress.
Tammy: You have a very impressive resume for sure. You’ve been in office a long time, from the state assembly to the US House to the US Senate and now the governorship. Do you think that a long record could be a liability as well?
Gretchen: You know, that’s been brought up to me from time to time when I’ve run for various offices. I’ve been accused of climbing the ladder, and always trying to move onto a higher-level job. I don’t agree with the assessment. I don’t see how it’s bad to elect someone that’s worked with all kinds of groups of people. I think that helps diversify my profile which is always a positive thing. Being in office for over twenty-five years, that’s a lot of experience to gain and a lot of people to gain knowledge from. I don’t think it’s a negative thing at all.
Tammy: I agree! Now, let’s talk about the campaign trail. I wanna see how your campaigning mind works. Where’s your first rally and how are you responding to Brian Delphy?
Gretchen: Well, I think Arizona is a good place to campaign, it’s ripe for flipping. And I’ll call out Delphy on his terrible record in West Virginia. The state’s unemployment rates are rising, the people are getting poorer and his call to bring back coal is crazy because he has no way to do that, as evidenced by the lack of progress on that front. He’s an ineffective governor who shouldn’t be within ten feet of the presidency. Attack his record, not his ideology. Even though that’s bat-crap crazy too.
Tammy: I completely agree. Much better than previous answers I’ve heard. Personally, I can remember when Delphy made fun of me for announcing in the snow. I plan on making folksy jokes about him. I’d love to see how his cowboy hats would fare in a blizzard!
Gretchen: We would be such a great pair. We’re both so good at cringe-inducing mom jokes!
Tammy: It’s my brand!
Gretchen: I also really enjoyed it when you looked at that mayor guy at the primary debate with pure fire in your eyes and tore him a new one.
Tammy: My poll numbers soared that night. Some said I was too vicious but that little guy was mocking me. I couldn’t throw a binder at him on stage so I hit him with words.
Gretchen: I can’t relate to your staff abuse because my girls are angels that I’d never hurt, but I can relate to wanting to viciously murder people in a primary debate. I’ve faced more primary challenges than I can even count.
Tammy: You always come out stronger than ever, though! I admire your tenacity. Now, you’re here until tomorrow anyway. Would you mind if we paused the interview for a while? It’s getting late, I should really make dinner. We’re having a summery hotdish, my daughter Annie loves it. 
Gretchen: That sounds fine, and the dinner sounds great, too. I need the recipe to make some for myself.
Tammy: You’re coming to dinner, too. You can try it there. And I’ll copy the recipe for you and drop it off at your room tonight.
Gretchen: That’s very sweet. I appreciate it.
Tammy: Gretchen, I think this is the start of a great friendship.
Gretchen: You didn’t consider us friends before?
Tammy: Well, uh, I -
Gretchen: Kidding! We weren’t nearly as close as we were with some there senator and that’s okay. We’ll start now!
Three days later, at Gretchen’s house…
Anthony: Gretchen, look at the TV!
Gretchen: This better not be you pointing out that Guy Fieri is at a restaurant we like again.
Anthony: No, it’s not. Look.
Gretchen stares at the TV.
Gretchen: “Raymond Tops Koobach VP List.”
Anthony: You did it!
Gretchen: Not yet.
Anthony: Come on, if even the media is saying it, you’re the pick.
Gretchen: She’s announcing it tomorrow. I was her second-last interview, maybe she hit it off with Spanheim even more than with me.
Toby: I believe in you, mom!  You’re gonna win!
Gretchen: I love your optimism, little guy.
Lucinda: Gretchen…
Gretchen: Don’t rain on my parade, mom.
Lucinda: Even if it’s not you, I’m very proud that you even made it here. I underestimated you and I shouldn’t have.
Gretchen: I appreciate that, mom. Thank you.
Lucinda: I didn’t say it for the thanks. I mean it. You really turned things around because you took a gamble.
Christina: Sorry I tried to get you to not take that gamble. That’s probably why I’m not in politics.
Gretchen: Water under the bridge.
Gretchen receives a call. She answers.
Gretchen: Hello there! You’ve got great timing, I was just talking with my family about this!
Ron: Governor Raymond, here’s Senator Koobach.
Gretchen: Wow, so serious.
Ron: It’s a very serious matter.
Gretchen: You’re scaring me, Ron.
Ron: I shouldn't be. Nothing to worry about.
Tammy: Ron, stop intimidating the governor.
Gretchen: Senator Koobach! How are you?
Tammy: Pretty well, and you?
Gretchen: I’ll be either a lot better or a lot worse in a few minutes.
Tammy: I’m going to keep this short. I broke the dreams of a few other ladies just before this call and I honestly felt pretty good while doing it.
Gretchen: Wow, savage.
Tammy: This is not one of those calls. You wanna be the next Vice President?
Gretchen: Oh my. Sounds like a plan to me!
Tammy: Don’t sound so excited!
Gretchen: I want it, I really do.
Tammy: I’m just pulling your leg! Welcome to the ticket.
Gretchen: I should tell my family.
Tammy: You do that. Talk to you tomorrow.
Gretchen hangs up.
Gretchen: Guys…
Anthony: I believe in you either way, this changes nothing.
Gretchen: I’m the Democratic nominee for Vice President!
Anthony: I am so proud of you!
Christina: You’ve really earned this, mom. I love you.
Lucinda begins to sob.
Gretchen: Mom? Are you okay?
Lucinda: I’ve never been more proud to be your mother.
Gretchen: Stop, you’re gonna make me cry now.
Christina: Let’s celebrate! Champagne toast!
Toby: Yeah! Shampoo!
Gretchen: None for you, little guy.

What did you think of the finale of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the special episode of Marietta next week! Raymond Island will return later this year for season two.

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