LORENZO is standing behind the bar, looking bored. REAGAN, SAM, LINCOLN, ADAM, CHASE, and MADISON are at a table in the corner. They call LORENZO over.
LORENZO
What is it guys?
REAGAN
You look bored.
LORENZO
I am bored. I’m getting barely any customers. Turns out, a lot of people are staying out of bars these days.
ADAM
You’re just realizing that?
LORENZO
Pretty much. But I really feel bad for the Indianapolis Primitives.
SAM
Why? They’re winning every game!
LORENZO
Without me, there’s no one in the crowd. It’s like they lost all their fans. So sad.
MADISON
Oh Lorenzo. You’re not at the ballpark anymore, and neither are fans, so you’ve concluded you’re the reason why there are no fans there?
LORENZO
It certainly isn’t because of Kurt, Bryan, or Eli leaving. Or at least, I don’t think it is. You know what, maybe Garry leaving had a delayed reaction. Fans expected him to be back, but he didn’t come back.
CHASE
Lorenzo, there are no fans there because there aren’t allowed to be there!
LORENZO
Really? Huh. Guess maybe that’s another reason why I’m not getting a whole lot of customers.
ADAM
I would say so.
LORENZO
So how’s that lawsuit coming along?
REAGAN
We’re all still fighting for you.
CHASE
That’s some poor word choice there.
REAGAN
That was a pun.
LORENZO
Let Chase do the puns. By the way, you know what today is: National Girlfriend Day! You and Sam should celebrate!
SAM
We’re fiancees.
LORENZO hears a voice.
UNKNOWN
Lorenzo, you are way too into these days, they’re gimmicks. Mind if we come in?
LORENZO turns around. It is ROBERT, his ex-teammate.
LORENZO
Robert! Come on in! I see you all have your masks.
HARRY
We might have to take them off to eat though.
LORENZO
Yeah, I’d think so. Happy birthday Harry!
ADAM
Hold up. Harry is a waiter here. Why is he just arriving now?
LORENZO
I’m bad at scheduling.
HARRY
I got to hear the stadium announcer wish me a happy birthday!
FELIX (bullpen member)
That stadium announcer cost us a run too.
MANNY (bullpen manager)
Harry told us it’s his birthday and that you’d have cake for him.
LORENZO
Yes! It was cotton candy flavored but I ate it. I made another one: Indianapolis Cream Pie Cake.
ACE (bullpen pitcher)
What’s that?
LORENZO
Basically my own little creation. Hope you like it!
LORENZO runs to get the cake from the kitchen. He comes back and sings Happy Birthday.
LINCOLN
That was terrible.
LORENZO
I’m not known for my singing. Grab your own plastic utensils and dig in!
DEVIN (bullpen member)
This is great!
LORENZO
The cake? Wow!
FELIX
You didn’t expect the cake to be good?
LORENZO
I never know what reaction I’ll get.
SAM
I have to give you credit for this one.
ROBERT
By the way Lorenzo, did you write ‘Lonzo Was Here’ on the bench?
LORENZO
Lonzo? I vaguely remember that.
ACE
Were you being lazy or did you forget how to spell your name?
LORENZO
Lazy. Actually, forgot. Actually I don’t remember.
REAGAN
Can we get back to the lawsuit?
MANNY
Lawsuit? I don’t go to places that have lawsuits.
REAGAN
No! I mean the lawsuit about...frogs.
CHASE
Frogs? Really?
REAGAN
Yeah. You all know which one I’m talking about.
ADAM (softly to REAGAN)
Nice cover-up.
HARRY
This was a great piece of cake, Lorenzo. I should leave now.
LORENZO
Your shift doesn’t end for another—oh who am I kidding, you can leave. No customers today.
ADAM
It’s probably for the best.
LORENZO
I can afford to keep the lights on for now. But who knows, the way things are going. And we’re in a place where bars are allowed to be open!
LINCOLN
We’ll get you through this. Now if you don’t mind, I’m getting bored and will leave now.
LORENZO
Who else says I close up shop for the day.
Everyone looks around silently.
LORENZO
Then it’s settled, Lorenzo’s Kitchen is officially closed for the rest of the day.
Everyone leaves.
LORENZO is behind the bar, sweeping the floor. He sees HARRY enter, and immediately walks away.
HARRY
I saw you sweeping.
LORENZO
No you didn’t.
HARRY
Now that I know you’re capable of sweeping, why do you have me do it?
LORENZO
I thought that’s what restaurant owners were supposed to do. Outsource the small work to the wait staff.
HARRY
Eh, maybe. Where are the lawyers?
LORENZO
They’re not here today.
REAGAN, ADAM, SAM, LINCOLN, MADISON, and CHASE all arrive.
HARRY
Looks like they just came in.
LINCOLN
What just came in?
LORENZO
You. Harry was asking.
REAGAN
How are things going at Lorenzo’s Kitchen?
LORENZO
We placed an ad at the Indianapolis Primitives game so hopefully we get more customers soon.
CHASE
An ad? How did you do that?
HARRY
Lorenzo made cutouts of me and him and the stadium announcer told everyone about it.
SAM
Is anyone even there beside the players and the bullpen?
HARRY
They’ve decided their nickname is The Bullpem now. Don’t ask.
ADAM
Looks like you have one new table so far.
LORENZO
It’s just you guys.
ADAM
Look behind you.
LORENZO turns around and sees two people sitting together at a table. HARRY runs over to them.
HARRY
Sorry to keep you both waiting, would you like to eat?
PERSON #1
Are you the guy who’s gonna take our order? Or is there someone else too?
HARRY
I could get someone else to take your order, but nobody else works here.
PERSON #1 (pointing to REAGAN, ADAM, SAM, LINCOLN, MADISON, and CHASE)
What about those people over there?
HARRY
They’re customers.
PERSON #2
Have them take our order.
HARRY
Sorry, I just can’t do tha—
PERSON #2
HAVE THEM TAKE OUR ORDER!!
HARRY (raising voice)
Hey! Calm down, please!
LINCOLN runs over.
LINCOLN
Harry, not a good idea to raise your voice.
PERSON #1
There we go, someone who understands us. We’ll both have hamburgers, young man.
LINCOLN
I don’t work here.
PERSON #2
I don’t care.
PERSON #1
I don’t like your attitude.
LINCOLN walks away.
PERSON #1
He better be putting in my order.
HARRY
He’s not doing that, he doesn’t work here.
PERSON #2
Well then get someone else to take our order. How about one of the other young people?
HARRY
As I’ve told you before, I am the waiter. I will take your order.
CHASE walks up to the table.
CHASE
Everything okay here?
PERSON #2
No. The right person hasn’t taken my order.
CHASE (reluctantly)
May I take your order?
PERSON #1
No, it’s not worth it now.
CHASE
What’s that supposed to mean?
PERSON #1
I just wanted a hot dog and you’re all making a whole production out of it!
HARRY
You said you wanted a hamburger.
PERSON #1
Oh, you wish!
HARRY
Don’t make me raise my voice again!
REAGAN, ADAM, SAM, and MADISON walk to the table at the same time.
MADISON
Harry, we don’t need another lawsuit on our hands.
PERSON #2
Another?!
ADAM
Uh...she’s not talking about anything here, we’re working on another case. It’s about...
REAGAN
Frogs!
MADISON
Yeah, that. The frogs lawsuit.
PERSON #1
Can one of you just take my order already?
ALL EXCEPT HARRY
We. Don’t. Work. Here.
PERSON #1 (to HARRY)
Well then I’d like to speak to your manager.
HARRY turns around but does not see LORENZO.
HARRY
He’s not here at the moment.
PERSON #1
Well I’d like to see him anyway.
HARRY
That doesn’t change anything.
PERSON #2
WE NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
LINCOLN (to REAGAN)
Should I film this?
REAGAN (to LINCOLN)
Already thought of it. Not worth it.
HARRY (to the two customers)
I really don’t know what to tell you at this point. My manager is not readily available and I am the worker. I have done nothing wrong, I am just trying to take your order.
After a long pause:
PERSON #1
Give me your manager or we leave and give this place a bad review.
HARRY
I can’t do anything about it!
PERSON #1
That’s it. I’m heading into the kitchen. I’m sure he’s in there. SOMEONE has to be making the food.
Both customers walk to the kitchen. They find LORENZO, who quickly pretends he was sweeping the floor. Everyone follows them in.
LORENZO
Hello. Thanks for visiting—
HARRY
Don’t tell them the name of this place.
LORENZO
Why can’t I tell them they’re at Lorenzo’s Kitchen?
PERSON #1
Lorenzo’s Kitchen. Got it. I’m leaving you a bad review.
LORENZO
For what?
PERSON #2
You sent the wrong person to our table to take our order.
LORENZO
I just made two hamburgers for myself, but if you want them, I can give them to you now, for free.
The two customers run to LORENZO and pick up the two hamburgers.
PERSON #1
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!
PERSON #2
Awesome burger!
Both customers leave. LORENZO shrugs.
HARRY
You just lost money there, but at least you got them out of here.
LORENZO
I’m sure things will pick up soon. Anyways, how’s that lawsuit coming along?
ADAM
To start—
LORENZO
Actually, who says we talk about it later.
ADAM
Sure.
LORENZO
Free cotton candy on the house?
HARRY
I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
ALL laugh. LORENZO makes them cotton candy, and they leave after they eat.